Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own any of the characters therein. I own Naki, but I'm not sure if I should be proud of that fact..
A/N: One thing before I start rambling-for this story, go ahead and pretend that the Massacre was never necessary, and therefore never happened. These two are about 14/15 here. Thank you. ^^
Kay! So this is a (belated) birthday giftfic for devotedtodreams (whose stories you should definitely read..go on, ya know you want to..). Because she is entirely awesome. Enough said. XD Hope you enjoy!
My Best Friend's Girlfriend
…
"I think my girlfriend's going to break up with me."
The words came from out of nowhere. Itachi and Shisui had been walking towards home in comfortable silence, which was the way the former liked it. And then Shisui had said those words.
Itachi successfully managed to avoid grimacing. As best friend, he reminded himself, it was his duty to listen to whatever Shisui had to say. Even if what Shisui had to say involved discussing feelings, something Itachi absolutely hated discussing.
Why was his cousin telling him this, anyway? Chatting about relationships was what girls did. Shisui almost never said anything about his three-month relationship with Naki, partly because he knew doing so made Itachi uncomfortable.
But no matter, Itachi thought, biting back a sigh. He's your friend, so you have to listen. End of story.
"Why do you say that?" There. He had given his cousin permission to continue. Itachi braced himself. All I have to do is give the impression that I'm listening intently, and say as little as I possibly can.
"Well, she saw me walking around with you the other day.."
"Mm-hmm."
"..and apparently she got the wrong idea.."
"Uh-huh."
"..because the second you left, she was in my face.."
"Mm-hmm."
"…railing at me about the 'other woman'."
"Uh-huh."
"..You weren't listening to a word, were you."
"Mm-hmm. Wait-what?!" Something connected in Itachi's mind, and he turned to his cousin in horror.
"Shisui," he said, "please tell me your girlfriend does not think that we..that we are.." He fumbled for the right way to say it.
Shisui raised an eyebrow. "She doesn't think I'm gay, if that's what you're trying to get at."
"Oh. Good." Cue sigh of relief.
"She thinks you're a girl."
Itachi stopped walking.
"What?" was the only coherent response he could utter.
The look on Shisui's face was caught somewhere between apologetic and amused, with 'amused' being far more prominent. "You heard me," he said, a grin breaking out on his face. "Naki thinks I'm cheating on her with another girl. With you," he added, in case he had not made himself clear.
"Your girlfriend thinks you're going out with me." Itachi's tone was wooden.
"Yup." There was no more trace of apology in Shisui's expression or voice; he obviously found the whole thing very funny (never mind that his love life was dangerously on the bubble), and would no doubt start laughing any second.
"Even though we're cousins."
"She doesn't know that."
"Even though you're the least likely 'cheating boyfriend' contender on the face of the planet."
"Hey, I don't pretend to understand how girl's minds work."
"And she thinks that I am female."
Shisui paused, silently debating whether or not he really wanted to get into this. The next few seconds would probably decide whether he died an early death or lived to see another day. This was dangerous ground. He had to tread carefully.
"Well," he finally said, "no offence or anything, Itachi, but..y'know, you do look kinda girly."
Itachi stiffened.
Uh-oh, Shisui thought. Damage control time..
"Only sometimes!" he amended quickly.
His cousin's eyes narrowed. Crap, Shisui cursed mentally, trying not to panic. That just made it worse!
"And only from a distance!" he tried.
"..You," Itachi informed him dryly, "are a horrible liar. How Naki thinks you are capable of having a secret love affair is beyond me."
Shisui exhaled. His friend probably wasn't going to kill him. Yet.
There was a brief silence, during which Itachi contemplated cutting his hair and Shisui wondered if Itachi was going to come at him with a kunai.
The younger of the two broke the silence. "Shisui," he said calmly, "please excuse me. I just remembered, there is somewhere I must be."
Skeptical, but not about to push his cousin any further, Shisui nodded. "See you around, Itachi. And-try not to think about it too much, okay?"
Itachi nodded and left. No, he wasn't going to think about it. He was going to do something.
…
Itachi knew Naki's address, of course. He had seen Shisui enter her house many times.
He knocked firmly on her door and waited.
Naki answered. She gave Itachi a once-over, and her usually pleasant expression soured.
"You," was her growled greeting. "What are you doing here?"
Itachi fixed the girl with the patented Uchiha Death Glare. "I am here to make sure that you do not make a mistake. Breaking up with Shisui would hurt both of you."
She scowled. "This coming from the girl he's cheating on me to be with!"
Itachi couldn't believe his ears. Even after hearing my voice, she still thinks I'm a girl?! According to Shisui and Naki he looked like a girl, but surely he didn't sound like a girl as well?
"You listen to me," Itachi said in the deadliest voice he could muster. "And you listen well. Shisui is not cheating on you. He would never cheat on you, and especially not with me." He allowed himself a mental shudder, and then continued.
"Shisui is the kindest, most trustworthy, most gold-hearted person you will ever meet," he said heatedly. "You should consider yourself privileged to be with him. And if you don't trust him," he concluded, "then you don't deserve him."
He saw pure fury etch itself into the girl's face right before the door was slammed in his.
Itachi turned and left, the picture of calm once more. His work here was done.
…
When Itachi and Shisui met up again the next day, the first words out of the latter's mouth were, "She broke up with me."
Itachi willed his face not to fall. Was it something I said?
"Yeah, she called me up last night and told me we were through. She had quite an interesting send-off, too." A wicked grin appeared. "I believe her exact words were..let me see..oh, yeah: 'Have fun with your psychopath girlfriend.'"
Itachi swallowed hard. Uchihas do not blush. Uchihas do not blush.
"You wouldn't happen to have something to do with this, would you?" Shisui drawled.
"Shisui-I-I'm sorry," Itachi got out.
"Don't mention it," was the breezy reply. "Things between us were going downhill anyway. You just sped up the inevitable."
"But-"
"Seriously," Shisui cut him off. "Not a word of apology. I'm a free man now, and it's all thanks to you!" The grin widened.
Itachi sighed. "Fine."
There was a pause before Itachi spoke again. "I can't believe she thought I was a girl, even when I actually went and spoke to her!"
Shisui shrugged. "Naki's a little hard of hearing. Now that we're done, I'll have to break the habit of saying everything twice." He made a face.
Itachi sighed. "I suppose."
Shisui slung an arm across his friend's shoulders. "Tomorrow," he declared, "we are going to do something about that hair of yours."
Itachi smirked. "Sounds like a plan."
..Owari..
A/N: And that is that. I hope you liked it as much as I liked writing it! XD Man, I need to write more stories about these two..
Happy belated birthday, dd-san!! :D
-SS