"You're a douche Logan," Julian snarls at the blonde boy, yanking his arm out of his grip.
"Oh, what, you think I like this? You think I'm happy about this?" Logan snaps, grabbing Julian's arm back and pulling him close. "But what exactly do you want me to do Julian? Do you want me to beg? Ask you to stay? Because I'm not going to do that. You should know that."
"No! No, I don't it's just…" Julian looks like he's actually going to say something, instead of arguing, but he stops. "Let go of me Logan."
There is a moment when both boys just stand there, staring at each other, Julian's arm still locked in Logan's tight grip. Julian thinks for a second that Logan won't let him go, he actually thinks that Logan is going to tell him something.
He even opens his mouth. "Jules," he whispers softly.
"Bye Logan," the dark haired boy says firmly, prying Logan's fingers off his arm. He turns, picks up his bag, and leaves.
Logan stands there, looking at the room he shared with Julian.
"Dammit," he mutters, lashing out and kicking the wall. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
He had been so sure he was going to do it. Was sure he was going to tell Julian that he was pretty sure he was in love with him. He didn't though. Had wimped out of it, like he had all the other times he'd tried to tell Julian about his feelings.
And now it was too late. Julian was leaving Dalton to film some big blockbuster that was supposed to be his, 'Big break' and probably not coming back. Why would he bother with school, with his friends, with Logan, when he was nominated for an Oscar, a pretty big possibility after this movie.
Logan sinks onto his bed, his head falling into his hands.
"Why are you such an idiot," he mutters, not entirely sure if he's talking to himself or to the absent Julian.
"I don't know the answer to why you are, but yes," Derek says, stepping inside the room. "You are."
"Fuck off Derek."
"Oooh touchy," Derek remarks sarcastically.
"Shut up," Logan snarls, glaring up at the other boy.
"No, you shut up and listen. Julian is leaving. Julian. It's Julian. I know how you feel about him. Come one man, it's pretty obvious. But you know what's even more obvious? How he feels about you."
"What?" Logan asks, frowning in confusion.
"Julian loves you, you fucking idiot. He has since freshman year, only he's been too nervous to tell you."
"He's not gay though," Logan says, letting his head drop back into his hands. "And anyway, how do you know?" he adds into his palms.
"Look, Julian doesn't know what he is. All he knows is that he likes you. And I really can't believe I'm doing this. Just go out there and get him to tell you. Convince him to stay. He will if you ask. And I know," Derek adds, when Logan looks at him angrily. "That the mighty Logan doesn't beg or whatever. I'm not saying you have to. Just go figure things out between the two of you, and tell him you want him to stay. Got it?"
Normally Logan doesn't like people telling him what to do. He will go out of his way just to disobey them. But this one time he figures it would be good to do what he's told.
He stands up quickly, and is out the door before he realises the flaw in his plan and doubles back.
"Derek?" Logan asks. "What if Julian's already gone?"
"He's not. His cars late, he has to wait outside," Derek replies without looking up from the tv he's turned on.
Logan nods before turning on his heel and running out of the room.
He rushes down the hallway, almost knocking over a freshman. He's panicked that he will get outside and it will be too late, that Julian will be gone, but no, when he gets out the door Julian is sitting on the curb, his suitcase next to him.
"Jules," Logan says, slightly puffed.
Julian looks up, surprised. "Logan? What do you want?"
"I just- I wanted to talk," he says lamely, just as it starts to rain.
Julian frowns up at the sky menacingly. "What about?" he mutters, not looking at Logan.
"Can we go inside?" Logan asks, part procrastinating and part wanting to get out of the wet.
"No," Julian says, his jaw set stubbornly.
But Logan can be just as stubborn. "Fine then," he says, sitting down next to Julian, who slides away.
They sit in silence for a few seconds. Logan is trying to figure out how to say what he wants to. This seemed so much easier when he was just trying to find Julian, but now that he's here, he can't think of what to say.
In the end it's Julian that speaks first. "What do you want to say Logan?"
"I just- I wanted to say that…. That I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't realise, and I'm sorry that you couldn't tell me and I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you and… I'm sorry. I was…. I was an idiot, and I have no idea how hard it's been for you, because these past few months, with... with us, I've found it so hard thinking you didn't… didn't feel the same way as me and that… that you've had to go through that for like, three years or something, and," Logan realises he's not making much sense and stops, cursing himself silently for not being able to get the words out. This isn't like him.
"What- what are you talking about Logan?" Julian asks, but Logan thinks that he sounds a little bit hopeful.
"I'm talking- I'm talking about us, and how I- I like you Jules. I really, really like you, and not in a friend way if that's what you think, and Derek told me that you feel the same way, so don't try and deny it."
Julian's voice sounds oddly breathy when he talks. "I wasn't going to deny it."
"Oh. Well… good," Logan says, looking at Julian.
Julian looks back at him.
"I think my cars here," he whispers when the sound of tyres crunching on grave become apparent.
"Are you going to leave?" Logan asks, and his voice is even softer then Julian's.
"Do you- do you want me to?" Julian says, and the fear in his voice is obvious.
"No. God no."
"Oh," Julian says softly, and then Logan is kissing him.
All of Julian's breath slides out as Logan pulls him close, moving his lips gently against Julian's.
When Logan pulls back he smiles at Julian.
Julian smiles back, slightly cautiously.
The car horn beeps.
Julian stands up, opens the door to the car and tells the driver to get lost. He's not going anywhere.
And then Logan is grabbing Julian's hand, and there running down the hallways, both soaking wet, and they make it to Julian's room just in time, and thank God Derek's left, because as soon as they close the door Logan is pushing Julian onto the bed and lying on top of him, kissing him.
"Lo," Julian whimpers as the blonde boy presses their hips together. Logan's shirt is wet and Julian unbuttons it, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on the other boys' shirt.
"Baby," Logan groans as Julian kisses his neck.
Julian pulls back for a second. "Baby. That's what you're calling me?"
"What would you prefer?" Logan asks, smiling. "Gorgeous? Darling? Sweetie? Princess?"
Logan whispers the last word in Julian's ear, smirking when the brunette shivers.
Julian kisses Logan lightly, wrapping his arms around his…boyfriend? Is that what Logan is, is that what they are? Boyfriends. It seems so…serious. But Julian loves Logan, loves him so much it scares him. So. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend, sighing in contentment.
Logan opens his mouth, is about to say something, when someone knocks on the door.
"Logan? You in here?"
"Yeah," Logan responds. Then, "Don't come in!" when the doorknob starts to turn.
"It's Bailey."
"I know," Logan yells back, rolling his eyes at Julian who stifles a laugh.
"Oh right. Well, we have a Warblers rehearsal. Like, now," Bailey says.
"Now? I'm kind of busy now."
Julian shoves his fist in his mouth to stop from laughing.
"It's desperate," Bailey shouts. "I dunno why we have to be there now, but apparently something's happened. Harvey says whoever doesn't come is off the team."
"Okay. I'll be there. Probably," Logan says, listening until he hears Bailey's footsteps.
"Are you going to go?" Julian asks as Logan stands up, pulling on a pair of underpants and jeans.
"Maybe. I think I have to. I'm actually kind of enjoying being a Warbler at the moment- if I don't show, I'm off. They're all looking for an excuse to kick me off. I've ditched them too many times. It shouldn't be long though. You can stay here if you want?" Logan says the last bit hopefully, but Julian shakes his head.
"Nah, sorry. I have to phone my agent. I just ditched the car that was taking me to film a major movie, remember?"
"Oh right," Logan says, buttoning his shirt up. "You regret it?"
"Not a bit," Julian grins. "Anyway, they're not gonna cast anyone else. The only reason this movie is going to do well is because I'm in it."
"Modest," Logan laughs, nodding. "But probably true."
He leans over, kissing Julian.
"I love you," Julian whispers.
Logan freezes for a second. He doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to respond to this.
"I- I. Yeah," he stammers before fleeing the room and feeling like an idiot.
This isn't him. This isn't like him, the being unsure, and the doubting. It's not usual. But then again, Julian isn't usual, is not normal, is pretty much the opposite of usual in Logan's eyes. And maybe it's because, for the first time in his life, he believes the words. He's used them before, flung them around to get people to give him what he wants, but never in his life has he meant those three words as much as he does at the moment. Maybe that's why it's so hard to say, why he couldn't get the words out. He hopes that Julian realises that.
Logan is the last one to get to the Warblers rehearsal. When he walks in everyone glares at him, and he can tell that they're annoyed that he has actually showed up, he can tell that they all wish he wasn't there so that they can kick him out of the Warblers.
The only people that look mildly happy to see him are the twins and Bailey.
"Logan!" Ethan says, waving him over happily. Logan walks over cautiously, sitting next to Ethan and receiving scowls from all of the Windsor's, just as Greg Harvey and Sylvia Medel stand up.
"Okay guys," Greg says, rubbing his hands together. "We just received a call from the organisers of regional's. They have decided to move the competition date forward. Four weeks. Making it," he raises his voice so that he can be heard over the talking that has broken out, "next weekend."
There is a chorus of yells.
"That's so unfair!" David yells, standing up. Logan agrees with him.
"Boys, boys!" Sylvia yells out. "Now I know this is going to be hard. But we can do it. We called you all here today to practise. And that's what we're going to do. But first," she pauses and looks at Logan for a second. "We will be choosing soloists. Now, me and Greg have thought for a long time about who will solo, and we would both like it if Logan would sing."
There is silence for a second. Then someone laughs.
"You're kidding me, right? Is no one remembering what happened last year at regional's?"
Logan's not sure who said it; he's still too in shock. Why would they choose him? Like that person just said, he bailed on them last year, all because he didn't feel like it. Do Greg and Sylvia want a mutiny?
"Quiet!" Greg bellows. "Now obviously this all depends on whether Logan actually wants to solo, but we both think that he has grown a lot since last year, and that his voice is exactly what we need to win. Okay?"
There is some discontent mumbling, but no one speaks out again.
"So Logan," Sylvia says in her soft voice. "Do you want to sing solo?"
"I- sure," Logan says, nodding his head and resisting the urge to give Wes, who has began kicking his chair, the finger.