Forgiveness
Arthur Weasley
It had started as a terrific row between the two men. One moment they had been launching vitriolic invectives at one another, standing nearly nose to nose. Their faces had been a brilliant shade of red and spit had been flying from each other's mouths as they shouted denunciations and brought up painful memories for the express purpose of seeing who had the most courage to continue with the diatribes. Then, quite suddenly although not unexpectedly, it had turned physical.
Percy had just finished insulting Albus Dumbledore for the twelfth time when Arthur had finally snapped. He had grabbed his son by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall behind him, knocking a framed photograph of the family that had been hanging there to the floor. As the glass shattered around their ankles, Arthur entangled his fingers in the material of the front of his son's shirt and told him that if he left he may as well never come back home. That was when it had happened and it had been so completely unanticipated by both parties that when it was over they just stood in a stunned silence. Just as the last word had fallen from Arthur's lips, Percy had leant his head forward and pressed his lips up against his father's. Arthur had been the first to pull away but the kiss had lasted too long and both men knew that there was something odd about the length of time that they had kept their lips on one another's.
"Percy?"
It was the first time Arthur had actually spoken to his son since the horrific quarrel they had had that morning and he was intent on making things right between the two of them. He loved his son very much and although he had never felt particularly close to him, he still enjoyed his company and the conversations that they had whenever they were alone together. Arthur was standing on the threshold to Percy's bedroom, waiting to be permitted entrance but Percy was not responding. He was lying on his bed for a change (he was normally found sitting at his desk, surrounded by stacks of books and numerous rolls of parchment) with his back to the door. Arthur thought for a moment that he was asleep but decided to try one last time in case he was just pretending so that he would go away.
"Percy, I'm sorry for what I said this morning. Can't you forgive me?" Arthur asked as he slowly edged into the cramped space of Percy's bedroom and shut the door softly behind himself.
There was still not an utterance of a word from the bed and Arthur felt his heart seize painfully in his chest. He looked around the tidy bedroom, noticing new additions to Percy's book collection, and then finally his gaze came to a rest on Percy's still form. Arthur walked over cautiously and sat down at the foot of the small bed. Percy's feet were dangling over the end of it and the width barely fit both Percy's legs and Arthur, who sat awkwardly on the edge of the mattress. He turned his head to the right and noticed that his son's breathing was irregular, which meant that he was either having a nightmare or he was awake. Sighing, Arthur recalled his memory of the night Percy had been born and how tiny he had been in his bent arms. It was his most cherished moment concerning Percy and it was one that he had been thinking about all day, ever since Percy had kissed him in a most shocking sort of way.
"Son, I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you boys and if you're happy at the Ministry then… then I'm happy too." Arthur said as he tried to shake the feeling of self-disgust that was creeping through the pit of his stomach.
Suddenly, a sniffle from further up on the bed met Arthur's ears and he instantly felt a pang of guilt in his heart. He was the one who had caused Percy to become so upset by all that he had said. He would do anything to take it back and make things right between the two of them. Percy moved slightly on the bed but it was so dark in the shadowy room that Arthur could not see his face. The only light came in through the single window at the side of the room. The full moon and blanket of stars radiated down to earth only a little light to throw shadows over everything. Arthur edged over a little so that he was closer to his son. He was unsure if the immense sadness he was feeling was just his own feelings or if he was also picking up on his son's unhappiness as well.
"Father…"
The word had been spoken so softly and timidly that it caused Arthur's heart to ache. He moved a little closer to the head of the bed as Percy rolled over so that he was facing him, instead of the window. Arthur briefly considered lighting his wand or the lantern that was sitting next to the bed but he felt that the darkness would help them to be more open with one another. He used the trick of the light all of the time to get Ginny to talk to him when she was depressed or Molly when she locked herself up in the bathroom because she did not feel attractive. He only hoped that it would work with Percy as well.
"Did you hear what I said? I'm sorry, Percy, I am. If I could take it all back, I would." Arthur said gently. He noticed then, because the moonlight was now lightening the darkness at the side of his face, that Percy was not wearing his glasses.
"Do you mean it?" Percy asked miserably. Arthur knew that he was not looking at him, but instead down at his sheet. He knew that his son was feeling vulnerable not only because he was crying in front of another person, which he never did, but also because he was being apologised to and when that happened it was usually his brothers that were apologising to him. Needless to say, they were never very heartfelt requests for forgiveness.
"Yes. I mean it." Arthur said as he reached out and laid the palm of his right hand on Percy's left forearm, which was lying on the bed in between the two of them.
Arthur knew that as soon as his hand touched Percy's arm, Percy looked up at him. He could feel the intensity of his gaze and the sorrow they were both obviously feeling seemed only to weigh heavier in the air. Several minutes passed between them in absolute silence in the darkness as they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Arthur had no idea what was going on and it stunned him that for once in his adult life he was uncertain of the future. He normally knew what was going to happen or had some idea of what to do but now that he was alone in the darkness with his hand on his son's arm and staring into his eyes, he was completely unaware.
The palpable feelings in the air seemed to change drastically very suddenly when Percy moved to sit up. Arthur tightened his grip on his son's arm, telling himself that he was simply afraid that Percy would try t0 escape. After all, Percy was not a very confrontational person when it came to feelings. He was unsure if that was the real reason or not but he kept his grip on his son, only loosening it when Percy had sat up. They were suddenly very close together again and that realisation made Arthur's breath hitch in his throat. Percy was sitting with his legs crossed; his left knee behind Arthur and his right just barely touching Arthur's right leg. Arthur's head began to spin as he felt his son's right hand close on the back of his wrist. There was not enough oxygen in the room, he realised, they were just too close to breathe, but he did not move. The house was silent for once because of the late hour and Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny were down at the pond. That thought suddenly became very important to him just as the knowledge that Molly was running an errand for Dumbledore did as well.
"Father…" Percy whispered again as he removed Arthur's hand and placed it on his, Percy's, right knee.
"Yes, son?" Arthur said hesitantly. The word 'son' reverberated in his mind as he again remembered holding Percy in his arms just minutes after he had been born. This was his son, he could not forget that, he had to remember that infant child wrapping his delicate, parchment-thin fingers around his thumb. He had to remember the first time he looked into his son's eyes and felt that urgent need to protect him at all costs. He had to remember that he was Percy's father and no matter what his body was telling him, that would never change, nor could he betray his wife's trust or hurt his son.
"Hold me."
Those two simple words should have sounded so innocent to Arthur's ears but all he could think of now was their closeness and how he could smell Percy's breath and sweat from the summer heat. He could feel his heart beating in his ears to an unpleasant rhythm as he swallowed a rejection and removed his right hand from Percy's knee. He turned his body slightly on the bed so that he was facing his son more properly and opened his arms, sliding his right arm underneath Percy's left arm and around his back, pulling him even closer until Percy's head was resting on Arthur's right shoulder. He moved his left arm around to Percy's back as well and squeezed him tightly as he felt him relax against him.
As they sat together in the darkness, Arthur began to move his hands over Percy's back to comfort him, for small whimpering noises had begun to sound from the back of his throat. The moment seemed to last a lifetime as he tried to soothe his son's pain and figure out why he enjoyed having his son in such close proximity to his body. Arthur's breath quickened and his heart began pounding painfully in his chest when he felt Percy move for the first time in what felt like an hour. It was such a subtle shift in position that it should not have affected him so, but it did, and that concerned him. All Percy had done was snuggle up closer to Arthur, moving his face right into the crook of his neck.
The second surprise came when Arthur had begun to relax again and had returned to rubbing Percy's back comfortingly. He felt Percy's right arm slide out from behind his back and for a moment he thought that Percy was going to sit back up. In fact, he almost wished that he would because the sensations that were now travelling through his body were worrying him a great deal. To his horror, however, he felt the tips of Percy's fingers gently and hesitantly touch the other side of his neck. He held his breath out of fear that he would gasp as Percy began to move the tips of his fingers across the skin there, sweeping softly back and forth over his rapidly fluttering pulse. He was terrified because Percy was an intelligent man and if he figured out why his father's heart was beating so quickly he would be disgusted. There were just too many horrific consequences that could come of this. He began to move his arms with the intention of pushing Percy away but he was prevented from doing so by Percy's soft whisper of a voice, so different from the one he normally spoke in.
"Kiss me."
The command completely caught Arthur off guard. He had never expected those words to leave his son's mouth, spoken to him in the umbrage provided by night and the unusual silence of the house. Arthur suddenly realised that Percy was no longer resting his head on his shoulder, which caused him to look down. Percy's head was lingering over Arthur's shoulder and his eyes were definitely on his. Again, Arthur could feel the intensity of his son's gaze and he felt his body respond instantly. He closed his eyes and reluctantly pulled his arms out from behind Percy's back. It was so sudden, unforeseen, and depraved. Percy was his son. He had created this young man who was sitting before him, asking him to love him in a way that he simply could not. He had to remember that this was his son. He had to remember that night that he had been born, how that urgent need to protect his newborn son had surged up through his very being. If his past self knew what he was thinking now… If Molly or any of the other children knew… He was a horrible, vile monster; he realised with sudden clarity as he felt an overwhelming sadness welling up inside his chest. He could not stop them although he tried to obstruct their paths by closing his eyes. Tears began to flow freely down his cheeks as a soft sob escaped from the back of his throat.
In front of him on the bed he felt movement and he opened his eyes in time to watch his son reach up and remove his glasses. Then he felt him using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears falling from his eyes. He knew it was wrong and he repeated that over and over in his head as he leant forward and wrapped his arms around Percy. He wept into his shoulder and begged him for forgiveness. Silence and darkness surrounded him as Percy forced Arthur to look up into his eyes, a single curved finger tilting his chin up so that he could see into his face. Then there were no more feelings of misery as Percy's soft, warm lips pressed gently up against Arthur's, there was only the overwhelming love that now hung in the air around them and filled the two men with undeniable need.
Arthur placed his right hand on the back of Percy's neck as he pushed against his chest with his left hand so that he would lie down on the mattress and pillows underneath them. His lips roamed from Percy's mouth to his jaw to the side of his neck to his collarbone. He followed Percy's instructions and slowly unbuttoned the shirt that he had nearly torn when he had grabbed a fistful of the material earlier that morning in a fit of rage. Then he lowered his mouth to Percy's left nipple and grazed it with his teeth, listening to Percy's breathless moans that were released into the darkness from above him. He stared up into his son's dark eyes as he slowly unbuckled both their belts and removed the rest of their clothing. He asked him tentatively if he wished to continue and Percy's only response was a deep, passionate kiss that made his body ache. He explored Percy's body slowly and continued following instructions that were uttered quietly into the night. Percy came with surprising force into Arthur's mouth and Arthur groaned in pain as felt him dig his fingernails into the back of his neck from the intensity of the orgasm. Then, when it was all over and they lay beside one another, panting for breath in a room where oxygen did not seem to exist, Arthur stroked Percy tenderly; aware of how sensitive his body was from all that they had done together but not wanting to stop touching him.
When the first clatter of feet sounded on the staircase outside Percy's bedroom door, Arthur nearly burst into tears again. He was surprised that he even still had any left to cry for he had started to weep again when he had entered Percy and heard him cry out in pain. He looked over at Percy who was watching him with a terrified look in his eyes. Arthur removed his hand from in between Percy's legs and instead placed his fingers on the side of his neck as Percy had done a little more than an hour ago. He wanted to say something to comfort him but Percy shook his head, leant forward and kissed him softly on the lips. Arthur understood the unspoken message he had sent him and slowly he climbed off the bed to get dressed.
The next morning when he awoke to discover Molly in the kitchen, sobbing into her hands, he thought for a terrifying moment that she knew what he had done with Percy the previous night. However, as he moved closer toward the counter at which she stood, prepared to face the consequences of his actions, he noticed a letter. It had been written in Ron's untidy scrawl and it simply said 'Dad and Mum, I saw Percy leaving this morning with a trunkful of his things. He said he's leaving and he's never coming back.' Arthur dropped the letter back onto the surface of the counter and realised that he had gotten the message all wrong the previous night. Percy had not been saying goodnight; he had been saying goodbye.
Au Revoir