Could It Be Any Harder
You left me with goodbye and open armsA cut so deep I don't deserve
You were always invincible in my eyes
The only thing against us now is time
I stood alone at the front of the beautifully decorated chapel. Hundreds upon thousands of candles filled the room; it added a sense of peaceful glow to the chapel. A single wooden cross was nailed to the wall at the front of the room. Underneath, laid an open casket, a beautiful one, white with gold trim around the bottom and outside. I had picked that one for her; it was just like her, beautiful yet simple. As I stood beside it, I pulled back my suit jacket's sleeve and looked at my watch; it was almost time, people would be arriving soon. I'm surprised the pastor isn't here yet.
I saw a beam of light fall across the floor, someone had come in. I turned around, ready to greet the pastor. But the figure I saw in the sunlight was a familiar one.
He was tall, taller than I remember. But that hair was still the same, jet black and unruly. He stopped, seeing me; I looked up into those all too familiar emerald green eyes of his. I could see the pain in his now tear filled eyes, and in that moment I knew he was sorry for leaving us. I tried to smile as my own eyes filled with fresh tears.
"Ron," Harry spoke my name, his voice trembled as both our tears ran down our faces. "I'm-"
"It's ok," I whispered. I walked over to Harry and did something I haven't done in years, hugged him. We held onto each other for a moment, all those years of being apart suddenly didn't matter to neither one of us anymore. We were together again, and that was all that mattered at the moment. Harry and I separated, and for a minute we stood there looking at each other remembering the past.
Then Harry very quietly said, "Where is she?" I pointed to the front of the chapel. Slowly he walked away from me, up to the front. I turned around and sat down on one of the pews. Harry slowly came to a stop in front of the casket. "Hermione." He extended a hand and stroked her hair. "She's beautiful," Harry said. I stood, walked up to him and nodded.
"She was so young, she didn't deserve this," I said, a slight bitterness in my tone. I was mad, not at her, it wasn't her fault. I was mad at God; He was the one that took away my Hermione. More tears fell from my eyes.
"Ron, I don't want to upset you even more, but how did she die?" Harry asked, cautiously. I looked up at my best friend, his eyes were pleading. At what point I decided to tell him, I'm not sure.
"She was murdered Harry," I said, he was shocked to hear that.
He too was mad now. "By who?"
"Malfoy," My voice trembled now as I was forced to relive that horrifying night. "I remember everything. Hermione and I were working late at the Ministry and then the raid alarm sounded; we hurried from our offices and ran to the entrance hall. It was in complete chaos when we got there, ministry officials running everywhere, death eaters sending curses in every direction. We pulled our wands out and starting shouting counter curses. That's when Malfoy showed up. He immediately came after us; I was dueling with another death eater and hadn't noticed. Malfoy took this opportunity to attack me. What curse he sent at me I'm not sure, Hermione saw it and jumped in front of me. She was fatally injured by it. I kneeled down, picked her up and carried her to another room that was undamaged in the attack. She was still conscious when I set her back down, though just barely, her eyes were unfocussed and I could tell she was in a lot of pain." I paused here and let my tears fall. I reached out and laid my hand on Hermione's cold and pale one before continuing. "I told her that everything would be alright and that help was coming. She wasn't going to die, Harry. She was strong; I've never known anyone or anything to hurt her before. I tried to keep her awake by talking and holding her in my arms, but Hermione knew the end was near; as her breathing slowed, she told me her last requests. That she wanted a muggle funeral and to make sure that you would be there, then she said, "I love you Ron, goodbye."" This time I couldn't hold back my pain any longer I completely broke down. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest it hurt so damn badly. "WHY? Hermione, WHY?" I screamed. Through my sobs I managed to choke out, "I loved you, I loved you so much, and you left me here, alone. I don't deserve this."
Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day
"Ron, no one does, don't blame yourself for her death. It wasn't your fault," Harry said, in an effort to comfort me.
"It wasn't my fault?! Harry if it's anyone's fault it's mine. That curse was meant for me! Not her!"
"Ron, Hermione gave her life for you, that's the greatest love a person can show for someone," Harry said, "Hermione loved you so much Ron, so much that she wouldn't have been able to live without you."
"And what about me?!" I turned my face to Hermione's now. "Huh, Hermione, what about me?! You never thought about me at that time did you?!"
"She probably wasn't thinking straight at that time Ron," Harry told me, looking at Hermione too. Finally reality sank in and I realized that I would never see her, touch her, kiss her or comfort her again. Hermione was gone, and it was difficult to face. I had never really known a life without her or Harry in it and now that life was gone forever.
"If I only had one more day, Harry, one more, that's all I'm asking for," I cried, "I need to talk to her, hold her, kiss her and make love to her one more time. I miss her, God I miss you so much Hermione." Harry knelt down beside me and rubbed my back, it somehow felt comforting.
I lie down and blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And how I wish that I could turn back the hours
But I know I just don't have the power
The chapel doors opened again and this time a group of people came in. First was the pastor and the others were my family: mom, dad, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, and Ginny. Those who were married or engaged had brought their significant others along. All were dressed in black, the color of mourning. Not far behind, Hermione's parents came in the door. "Hello, Mr. Weasley," the pastor greeted, I shook his hand and said hello back. Then as Father Greening moved up to the front where he prepared to give the service, Harry and I greeted my family.
"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley almost shrieked, grabbing him in a big hug. "It's great to see you again after so long!" She stood there taking in my friend as I watched her face turn from joy to complete anguish as her eyes fell upon me. "Ron." Was all she managed to get out before pulling me to her. I let my tears fall as I held onto my mother. We separated and I went around greeting and hugging everyone else that had come. Since then others had come: old Hogwarts teachers like Professors McGonagall, Dumbledore, Flitwick, to my surprise Snape. Some more of Hermione's family had also arrived.
As the time grew nearer to eleven o'clock we took our seats near the front. Harry, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, and I took our seats in the very front as pallbearers. The others all sat behind us, except Mr. and Mrs. Granger, they sat in the front pew on the other side of the chapel. The sad music that was playing in the background slowly faded, and the pastor stood up to begin the service. "Well, I was asked to do this service today for Miss. Hermione Granger by her parents and her Fiancée Ronald Weasley. I did not know Hermione personally so today; I will ask that you bear with me as I try to do this right." A few people laughed, I did too despite myself. "I would like you all pray the Lord's Prayer with me." I bowed my head and closed my eyes and somehow as I was reciting the prayer I felt like Hermione was here with me, not in body but in spirit. I felt comforted for now at least. "I will now read a poem entitled 'There's A Reason' For every pain, That we must bear, For every burden, Every care, There's a reason. For every grief, That bows the head, For every teardrop That is shed, There's a reason. For every hurt, For every plight, For every lonely, Pain-racked night, There's a reason But if we trust God, As we should, It all will work out For our good, He knows the reason." I felt myself connecting with this poem because it was exactly how I felt and even though Hermione wasn't here to comfort me I knew that I would be okay. "I will now ask Mr. Harry Potter to come up and say a few words about Hermione."
Harry got up from his spot beside me on the pew and walked up to the front of the chapel. He unfolded his paper, cleared his throat, and began talking in a dull expressionless voice. "All of you here today knew Hermione in some way. Some of you," Harry paused indicating Hermione's parents and family. "Were lucky enough to have known her all her life, others of us met her later. Either way, when you met Hermione Granger, you met a smart, beautiful, and some what bossy person." I smiled, yes; Hermione was very bossy, especially to me. Every morning she would tell me what to wear. I laughed again as Harry continued. "Ron and I met her when we first went to school and became best friends fast. You never saw one without the other two. Throughout our seven years together, we grew not just physically but emotionally as well. I remember in our fourth year, Hermione had found a man that she liked; they went to a ball together I remember Ron being jealous of those two. That was when I knew for sure that he liked her. Ron's younger sister and I, who by the way were also dating at that time, tried everything possible to get them together. But in the end, they finally asked each other out and fell in love." I remembered, we both asked each other at the exact same time if we wanted to go out. We had been together ever since. "Then came the day when Ron pulled that diamond ring out of his pocket, got down on one knee and asked Hermione to marry him." That was it; I lost it right there. The tears that were already running down my face came out in buckets, and I sobbed. Someone beside me, Bill, I realized had started rubbing my back in effort to comfort me again. If Harry had continued I didn't notice.
"Hermione, please, don't leave me here alone," I whispered. Oh, how I wish that I could go back to that night that we had been attacked. I could have saved her, or I could've tried harder.
Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day
I'd jump at the chance,
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if it's your last,
I know it's your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone.
I needed more time with her; there was so much we could have done together, so much that she would miss now. All because of one man, one curse, one mistake. Malfoy, he took the life from her and now he will pay for that, I'll make sure of that, even if my life gets taken while doing it. At least we'll be together again. I came back when I heard Harry speaking again. "I remember one night; in fact it was the night before I left. We went to one of our favorite bars for a night of partying. Ron got drunk of course." A few people laughed. "Anyway, Hermione decided to dance with him, and man let me tell you was that a sight to see." Harry laughed for the first time since getting up there. "Another thing I noticed about them was the way they always listened to each other, which, might I say, was very different then it was in school." I smiled remembering our never ending arguments at Hogwarts over silly stuff. It was weird if we had the chance to do it all again I would've never started an argument with Hermione again. I remember listening to her every word that night. And even though I was drunk I remember it as if it was yesterday. Maybe cause somewhere deep down inside me, I knew that it be the last night the three of us would spend together again. Harry continued I wasn't really paying attention anymore; my mind was too clouded with memories of the times I had spent with Hermione, many of them happy.
Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day
One more day, those words lingered in my mind. What would we've done if we had gotten one more day to spend together? Probably the same as every other day; go to work, go out for lunch, come home, eat supper, watch TV, maybe go shopping. Would it really have made a difference? I ask myself. Yes, it would. It would give me one more chance to show Hermione how much I loved her. We could've made that day special. A nice dinner and a good movie, then I know we would've made love at least once more. "No matter how you knew Hermione Granger," Harry said, "I think we can all agree that she was a great woman who will be missed very much." He turned to the casket, laid his hand upon Hermione's and said, "We love you, Hermione, goodbye." With that he leaned down and kissed her forehead before returning to his seat beside me.
The pastor stood back up and said, "Thank you, Mr. Potter. I will now be reading Psalm 23." He opened his bible and began reading, "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. In verdant pastures he gives me repose; Beside restful waters he leads me; he refreshes my soul. He guides me in right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side with your rod and staff that give me courage. You spread the table before me in the sight of my foes; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and kindness follow me all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come. Please join me in a closing prayer, Eternal rest grant to her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May Hermione Granger rest in peace. Amen."
Like sand on my feet,
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick me forever
And I wish you didn't go, I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands,
It couldn't be any harder...harder...harder
"At this time, I would like you all to stand and the pallbearers to come forward," the pastor said. That was my queue; I stepped up to the front where the curtain was slowly closing. We waited for the curtain to completely close, before moving forward. The pastor came in from the side of the curtain, where he was closing it. "You can each take one more look before I close the casket for the last time." For the last time, those words stuck in my mind. This is it, I thought, the last time I would ever see Hermione again. I slowly moved forward. My eyes sticking to her peaceful face forever it seemed.
"Hermione," I spoke her name one last time as I knelt on my knees in front of the casket. My hand found its way to hers and I held on. I didn't want to let her go. "I love you," I whispered, getting up and kissing her one last time. Oh, how I wish she was still here, that she didn't go away. I don't know how to let her go. She took a part of me with her when she died and I will never get that back, for I know that it will stick with her forever, and with me. Tears fell from my eyes and I started to sob as I caressed her face once more. "Goodbye, love. May we meet again, in Heaven. But until then I swear I will never forget you." I slowly stepped back, my eyes never leaving her face. I watched as the others each took their turns saying goodbye too. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only minutes, the pastor went up to the casket and prepared to close it. I watched as the lid came down; it was the most heart retching moment I had ever experienced. Suddenly I sank to my knees, buried my head in my hands, and sobbed uncontrollably. Someone, Harry probably, got down and pulled me to my feet and hugged me. I could tell that he was crying to, but not as much as me. He never loved Hermione like I had, his pain was only a fraction of what mine was.
"Okay, everyone, you know your places," the pastor said. I somehow managed to get to my spot on the front of the casket beside Harry. "Ready? On three; one, two, three." I lifted my end and we slowly walked forward, the curtain was opening again. We walked out the front opening and down the very long aisle to the doors at the back of the church. There, two people opened them for us. I think it was dad and Mr. Granger, I wasn't really looking. We turned and walked to the grave that was dug for her in the church yard. Slowly we lowered the casket onto the ground. "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust," the pastor poured a cross of sand on the front of the casket. That was it; the service was over. I went and placed my hand one last time on that casket. It was the last time I would ever be this close to Hermione for a while.
I stood there for a long time, finally everyone said goodbye to me and started to leave. "Ron," Harry startled me. "I don't think I'll be going back to America." I smiled, I wasn't going to be alone after all, Harry would be here with me. "So, that's means I need a place to stay."
"Yes, Harry you can stay at my place," I replied. Silence stood in the air for a moment.
"Come on, Ron, let's get out of here." I was reactant to go. But I sill walked with him out of that church yard, and out of our old lives. We would start our lives anew, although we knew nothing would be the same without Hermione, we were willing to go on without her. We would never forget who she was and what she had done for us.
A/N: So, how'd you like it? I'd like to know so please review.