Super Café: Jurassic World Trailer
Well, the trailer just came out...
Let's be honest, I was looking forward to this since the rumors started in 2004... when I was a freshman in high school, and now I'm a senior in college!
Well, let's just say that something really bugged me.
Superman and Batman are in the Café with Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm.
Superman: So, the Jurassic World Trailer just came out, looks cool, right?
Batman: Yeah, looks cool.
Grant: Well I think it stinks!
Batman: What?! Why?
Malcolm: Well, because, it, uh, it takes everything I explained what was wrong in the first film, ignores it, and, ah, just... makes it work!
Superman: Yeah, but something goes wrong, right? Isn't that the thing with these movies, something goes wrong?
Grant: Yes, but not only were they arrogant enough to make a frickin Tylosaurus...
Batman: That was awesome.
Superman: It's obviously going to eat someone.
Grant:... But they decided to make a hybrid! Supposedly between a Trex and a raptor!
Superman trade "that's awesome!" looks.
Grant: I mean, do they even have the slightest idea what to expect?
Malcolm: The patented it, slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now, they're selling it! They're selling it!
Batman: Whoa, easy on the table dude.
Grant: And what's more, THEY TAMED THE RAPTORS!
Batman: What, I thought it was kind of cool.
Grant: Cool?! They took the most dangerous creature on the planet, and they just brought it down to dog level! You just don't do it! They listen to no one, they are the ultimate killing machine, and they turned them into attack dogs!
Superman: You know they're doing the same thing with the T-rex, right?
Batman: Yeah, I bet they're going to make them fight the hybrid... It's going to be epic!
Malcolm: Didn't I, um, say that you can't control nature? That life, ah, finds a way?
Superman: Yes, we know!
Grant: Then how is it that these creatures, which in three previous films were portrayed as uncontrollable beasts, capable of crossing all boundaries, are suddenly trainable?
Batman: Well, have you ever tried to train them?
Grant: Uh, no.
Superman: And if it weren't for that Nedry guy, the park might have actually worked out?
Malcolm: That's not the point! According to chaos theory, something would have gone wrong!
Batman: OK, what is with you and chaos? You're starting to sound like the Joker!
Superman: Besides, zoos around the world work out just fine, how come chaos doesn't apply to them?
Malcolm: Because other, other zoos don't keep, uh, giant dinosaurs that can rip an elephant in two!
Superman: You know what, I think I know what's really going on here... you two are just jelly because you're not in it!
Grant: I am not Jelly!
Malcolm: Um, Jelly?
Batman: Don't ask.
Superman: Face it, you got replaced by fresh talent who doesn't say "um" every other word.
Malcolm. Um, excuse me, I do not use the word, ah, "um" every other word!
Superman: Oh come on, you say either "ah" or "um" just as often as Batman says "because I'm Batman!"
Batman: I don't say it that often!
Superman: Who would win, you or a raptor?
Batman: Me!
Superman: And why is...
Batman: BECAUSE I"M BATMAN!
Malcolm: Wow, I , um, I see how that can be, ah, annoying... Dang it! You're right! It's like a nervous tick! (Looks to Grant) Did you know I did this?
Grant: Why do you think you never got the memo Jurassic Park 3?
YOU DON'T TAME THE RAPTORS GOSH DARN IT! You just don't! AAAHHHH! I knew there were rumors since day one, but I thought it was just a rumor! Rumors are never true! And the one time it is, it's for something bad!
It's just so stupid, stupid, stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid...
(This is just my opinion, and the movie might actually be good, and if a movie involving a talking raccoon turned out good (ironically, it also had Chris Pratt), then it might, might, work out. That, and I learned from Frozen that just because you don't like the trailer, doesn't mean the movie will suck. So, let's see...)