Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.

Here they go again.

I loved my family, don't get me wrong, but they could be a little – how could I put this delicately – crazy at times. The same thing always happened three or four times a year. If I kept track of it, I probably could pin point when it would occur next.

It just so happens that one of those times was now.

The conversation started out normal. We were gathered in the living room after our weekly dinner. My older brother Emmett was giving us an exuberant reenactment of an encounter from work. Apparently, after chasing down a suspect, Emmett was able to lead him back to his squad car, only to find his partner, Tyler Crowley, trying to restrain the suspect's girlfriend while she beat him over the head with an umbrella.

Everyone laughed and I was about to mention a similar story I had witnessed in the ER, when my twin sister Alice piped up, "How about you Edward? Are you seeing anyone now?"

So it begins…

Everyone turned to my direction. I just shook my head, knowing full well where this was going to lead.

Cue my mother.

Esme's face turned from smiling to a frown. "Oh, Edward! We just want you to find someone. You're going to turn twenty-five next week and I really do wish you could meet someone to make you happy."

She looked distraught as she reached down the couch to clutch my father's hand. Carlisle gave her a reassuring smile and gently patted her hand with his own. By their reaction, you would have thought someone died.

I should have known that this would be mentioned. Why does it seem with every birthday and holiday, it's more apparent to everyone else that you are single? Lucky me…

Then quicker than a flash of lightening, her face lit up with excitement. I braced myself.

Cue the beginning of my torment.

"I know the perfect person for you!"

There it was. I held back my groan. My family liked to consider themselves matchmakers, except for the undeniable fact that they were horrible at it. The individuals they would choose were undeniably "out there." I honestly didn't know where they found these people.

"She is such a lovely girl."

Oh and there was the small fact that they didn't know I was gay.

Don't get the wrong idea. My family would accept that about me in a heartbeat. It was just the fact they would be too accepting. The set-ups would increase two-fold. They would have every Tom, Dick and Harry showing up at my door.

If their current set-ups were any indication of what I could expect than I wouldn't missing out on anything.

I shook my head vehemently. "No, no, no, no….no!"

"Ok, come on man. Let's set you up. There's this chick I've seen at the gym that you would love to…." Emmett trailed off when Rosalie's head snapped in his direction. Her glare intensified and it seemed as if he was melting under her intense gaze.

"And by seen, I mean from afar. Don't even know what she really looks like. Hear the guys talking about her though."

Rosalie's eyebrow arched and Emmett continued hesitantly, "Don't really listen to them either. I'm too busy trying to stay in shape for my beautiful wife."

"Well Em, I don't know what to say. A…um, "chick" from the gym that you are unaware of what she looks like and haven't really heard anything about her…boy, does she sound perfect!"

"Really?" Emmett straightened up and looked pleased; apparently, not hearing the sarcasm in my voice. "That's great! I'll set it up—"

I caught him off before he could get any more ideas. "No…you won't."

"But—"

"No, Emmett," I growled out.

"Well, I know someone…"

"No, Rosalie. Not happening."

"Honey, we just want to help," Esme stated.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I know. I just… I don't need anyone's help. I'm fine."

My father raised an eyebrow at me.

"Really, I am. You guys don't really have the best track record with setups."

Besides the obvious fact that the dates were missing certain...parts that I was attracted to, I wouldn't have dated them even if I were straight.

Alice gawked at me. "What? Jessica was nice!"

"She stalked me for two years!"

"Yeah…but she was still nice, wasn't she? She left you all those nice gifts and letters."

"Yeah, copies of her wedding vows and her favorite baby names!"

"How nice, a girl who thinks about the future," Esme gushed and clenched Carlisle's hand.

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever happened to her?" Esme asked.

"Last I heard she was arrested for breaking into Mike Newton's home. He and his wife found her sleeping in their bed when they returned home from vacation," Rosalie said, chuckling. Rosalie had despised Jessica ever since high school.

"Oh, poor dear, I should send her a gift basket," Esme stated, thoughtfully.

Emmett huffed loudly. "Edward, just because shorty over there set you up with a crazy, doesn't mean that all the setups were bad."

"Emmett, you tried to set me up with twins…and neither of them even spoke English!" I ran my hand through my hair. "The only English words I could decipher were green card and husband."

"You did what?" Rosalie's voice rang out.

Emmett turned to me wide-eyed. "Ex-ay on the twins-ay."

"Emmett Cullen! Do you really think using Pig Latin will help you now?" Rosalie crossed her arms and scooted down the couch away from Emmett.

"Son, I know some of our choices were a little out there but, can you really say that about all of them?"

"Dad, the last person you set me up with was forty-seven years old."

"Ms. Cope is a respected colleague, a very charming woman and light on her feet, if I might add."

"Yes, Dad, I know but…she's forty-seven years old! That's older than Mom."

Carlisle shrugged his shoulder. "You'll learn when you older that some things are better with age…and I'm not talking about wine." He raised both eyebrows at me before turning to mom, who was…blushing?

What? Oh…come on.

This just went from bad to worse.

I stood up. "All right, I'm going to leave now."

Everyone started talking at once.

"Come on, I know a real hottie."

"Honey, I'm so worried about you."

"I still have Ms. Cope's number…"

I tugged on my hair, willing my crazy family to stop talking. Unsurprised when that did not work, I brought my fingers to my mouth and whistled.

All talking ceased, along with my sanity.

"No. I am finally putting my foot down." I made sure to look at all of them individually. "No. More. Set. Ups!"

Alice, looking confused, hopped off her chair and walked to the middle of the room. "Edward, call it my keen intuition but it seems to me that you don't want us to set you up anymore."

Everyone joined her in looking shocked at this information, as if it were new information.

I looked at her incredulously, mouth hanging open and all. "Umm, yeah."

She had that look she gets when she was planning something.

"Fine," she stated, simply.

I gawked at her. "Fine?" I looked around the room then back to her. "You're actually agreeing with me?"

Cue Hell freezing over.

"Well…" Alice drawled out. "Yes and no."

Figures…

"Let's make a deal. We all get one more chance to set you up and if that doesn't work than we won't do it ever again."

I looked at her questioningly. "What's the catch?"

She simply shrugged. "No catch."

I was searching her face for any hint of a lie, however she just looked innocent…maybe a little too innocent.

I looked around the room. Everyone seemed to nod their head in agreement.

Oh, well. If it will get them off my back…what will it hurt?

My first thought was to make this story a one-shot, but decided to see how this works instead. As of now, I don't picture it being more than 10 chapters...but who knows, things may change.