Johann Weyer's Journal

~26th of December, 1843~

"I now have grasped the reality of happiness that is Christmas. I had forgotten that happiness during that season. To be joyous, and give gifts to ones you are close to... It made me think on how my life had dramatically changed. My father, Theodorus Weyer, always did make things difficult for me. Just because of my 'studies'. Placing me upstairs, never getting any approval. Even at sixteen years old, I never got the chance to spend time with my brother, Arnold Weyer, or my mother, Agnes Weyer. Never during the night. I loved my mother more than I had my father. I suppose that is how my disgruntled attitude got started.

"I did get to meet Heinrich, my first and only love. He was one of the reasons why I tried staying as cheerful as I could. But Father's disapproval of me dating another man was unseemly to him. Heinrich gave him many accounts of convincing before we finally started dating. And... Eventually about to marry the next Christmas of 1844.

"When I was 20, I finally gotten out of that house, and moved in with Heinrich. Even though I loved my brother and my mother, my father never gotten the love I thought he never deserved from me. So I did not visit often. Of course, I started a shop of potions and spell books. With Alexander's help of founding it, of course. Father did not want to talk to me even further. At the time, it was even more apprehensive that I never wanted to even be with him in that slice of eternity. So, I stopped visiting my childhood house. I have lived with Heinrich for a few years alone for Christmas.

"That is... until I made more friends. And the founder of my shop, Alexander von Brennenburg had passed away just a few years ago. Rest his soul. Things were not looking too well. All I wanted was to be alone with the one I loved. Of course, my friends were Heinrich's, as well. So, He insists that we spend time with them on the holidays. Of course, I objected. He seemed to be fine with it. But, somehow... by this year, having a son of our own, he has had enough of my isolation from the world and taking a hatred for Christmas. I was afraid I was going to be left alone. As I apparently wanted. I never wanted Heinrich to leave me..

"Until Christmas Eve. Two nights ago, I had a peculiar dream. Three spirits visited me. The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come. They resembled others I knew. Past had my lover's face. Present had a friend's face that I was certainly close to, Malo. And Yet to Come... Let us just say, the founder of my shop's face was shown. But did not say a word as Past and Present had. I think I would know why they would come to me. But was their purpose really to see the spirit of Christmas? Or something more...? As if my world of friends and the ones I loved would eventually leave me, having to die old and alone. With no one to come to my funeral, or to honor my life as it were... It was heart wrenching to think about, or even see with my own two eyes. To witness the horribleness of my fate. I never, ever, want to deal with something like this... Of course, I now come to love my family, my friends and my only love. Even word has come out Justine was impressed with my attitude changes and assumed it to be a 'Christmas Miracle'. That is one woman I will stay away from..

"Heinrich has been nothing but kind to me. For the exception of our fights. Especially our most recent from Christmas Eve. But, from what I understand, giving to those who tried caring for you seemed to warm up the hearts of those you try caring for, back. Even if they seemed heartless. They actually were not. They had their ways of caring. As I had. But never knew or shown it. It was difficult to try and say 'I love you' to my father. Even though he was strict with me, I must say, he did have a heart. As I thought he never had before.

"My son, Dimitri, and I never had gotten along very well when we had first met. But he tried to accept me for who I was. Despite my grotesque attitude. If only I could make it up to those I hurt. I love my friends, and my family. I see it all clearly now.

"Even Daniel was nothing but kind. Another Christmas Miracle should arise, having his little sister, Hazel to be well. Not overly ill as she usually would on Christmas. Possibly upon the next year, I will give her a stuffed rabbit. I am sure she will like that. Having a childhood deprived of going outside is what I can relate to the poor maiden. She needs something to, at least, lift her spirits. But her words at Daniel's dinner... 'God bless us, everyone'...

"That got me to thinking how we must never take our loved ones for granted. Ever. No matter the circumstances. Well, I have now finally learned to appreciate who I am, and who I will be in the upcoming future. No longer will I be the heartless man everyone viewed me as. That image will not be determined in the hearts of the real heartless souls. Such as Justine. But I would rather not talk about her now. But even to those who still cared about me to this day, they knew I would come around, I would assume. One day.. I would be a 'grump' to most people. I do not think that attitude will go away. But, I know I will try and grant the wishes of those who ask for the things they wish upon. I will be that friend they will count on. As I will count on them.

"Agatha tried to show me that as she presented her feelings to me. But, as Past had told me in my dream, I had hurt her. Shattered her heart. Though, it was the truth I was in love with someone else. Though, I could not explain as to whom. I loved Heinrich, as explained a time before in this entry. But now she was with Hans. If I was not concentrated on my anger and resentment, I would have known, and attended their wedding. Maybe, I will visit them sometime in the near future.

"Heinrich volunteers with Basile at the orphanage. Where we adopted Dimitri from previous events. He teaches the boys Christmas carols in German. Heinrich's beautiful language. I could never stress how much I am in love with him in terms to his accent, language, and nationality as a German altogether. Though, Dimitri was still a blessing I should have counted. As well as many others. As one would call it, it was definitely a Christmas gift and Miracle that we had gotten Dimitri as our son. But most of all. I will now cherish Christmas with those I am close to. Especially with the one I love. My dear Heinrich. How I love him so. I will make it up to him with a horse carriage ride, perhaps. Or I shall attempt to bake more Gingerbread cookies. Heinrich tried to make some for me. But, being a klutz in the kitchen has made it a little difficult to obtain the kind gesture. But, he tried. And he was cute for being embarrassed~. But, we will see the outcomes of our day before the New Year should arise.

"Merry Christmas to all. For the first time in so long, my prolonged life, I was joyous at Christmas again. Never will I go astray and take my partner's love or my friend's kindness for granted. Nor my son's love and kindness. Packed into his own tiny heart. As well as Hazel's. Hoping she will be well. I will forever cherish Christmas until the day I shall die."

Yours Sincerely,

Johann Weyer