Chapter one
I can't wait to go back to school. I know what your thinking,"Ew, what a nerd" but for me, the summer holidays are boring! I don't have a social life. I spend most of my days sat on my bed watching episodes of Glee on my laptop. Oh yes, I do have friends. No, not imaginary ones, actual friends but Luke doesn't leave the house often either (though he's not as bad as me) and Ofelia is either at dance rehearsals or too lazy to walk to my house. Actually she's too lazy to get the bus to my house. We meet in town sometimes but it's too much effort for me to do my laundry and organise something nice to wear, just so I can wonder round Newark for a few hours. The only reason I'm looking forward to school is because I get to see Luke and Ofelia again and for the first time in weeks I won't be bored. As well as being a bit excited about school, I'm also a bit nervous. Year Ten. It sounds scary. Dad keeps going on about how I need to work hard this year because I do some of my GCSEs in the spring. Its nothing to worry about. I'm an okay student, I guess. My target grade for most of my subjects is a B apart from Chemistry. Mr Brown obviously hates me. But of course someone as amazing and eccentric as me is not going to get along with someone as boring as Mr. Brown. I mean, even his name is boring. Brown. Boring Brown. I've tried explaining that to him but he just said
"Your not amazing and eccentric your just disruptive, now get on with explaining chemical compounds" and gave me a detention for being rude. Adults never understand. He's just jealous because I still have my youth and he is stuck being old, miserable and brown. Brown suit, Brown name, Brown hair, Brown car. Everything he owns is brown! Even the pen he uses on the white board is brown!
On the morning of my first day of school I wake up to Charlie's wet nose sniffing at me from under the sheets. He always does this to wake me up. He rubs his nose all over me whilst sniffing loudly in my ear every school day at five to seven. Charlie's my dog of course, not my brother. Having my brother rub his nose all over me in the morning would just be weird and somewhat disturbing. I have my alarm clock set for seven but Charlie knows. He knows when it's about to go off, and he knows I need to get to school on time. I think it's true that dogs have a sort of sixth sense because he waits for me at the back door. Every time I get home at about 4o'clock, I look through the door window and he is there sitting at the door anticipating my arrival. I wonder how long he waits; half an hour, an hour maybe? Does he know when the final bell goes at school? I wouldn't surprise me if he did, because although he acts stupid most of the time, he recognizes times and days, and what we are doing on those times and days.
Sleepily I slip out of bed. Before I reach for my dressing gown I stretch then sit on the floor to greet Charlie. I scratch the part of his neck between his ears, and go round to his silky, floppy ears then slide over to his chin which still has custard on it from a few days ago. I rub his back hard, so that all his extra skin wobbles all round him. I know he likes this because every time I do it he sticks his nose in the air and pricks his ears up. I get up, put my fluffy pink dressing gown on and my slippers, which are damp from Charlie licking them all night, and trundle downstairs.
For someone who loves food so much, I hate breakfast. Its either toast or cereal, which is Cookie Crisp this week because my brother had first dibs on the cereal and chose something he knew I wouldn't eat. I pour myself a bowl of the awful Cookie Crisp. It doesn't taste too bad buts it's full of sugar and the milk doesn't make it soft. When I finish the cereal I wash it down with a glass of cranberry juice and go back upstairs to get ready for school. As I go toward the bathroom I see my mother half way into my brother's room trying to get him up, which is an impossible task which will end in upset. She walks out of his room rolling her eyes. "If you don't get up in five minutes, there'll be trouble!"
His blinds are open, light is on and she has ripped his covers away from him, so he is lying face down on the bed in just his underpants and he still refuses to get up. I decide to stay out of it. I wash my face, brush my teeth and walk back to my bedroom where I get dressed, do my hair and apply eyeliner and mascara. I look in the mirror and for one moment I look sort of pretty. The way my skirt is cut makes my waist look smaller and the three quarter length sleeves on my blouse make my arms look slimmer and more feminine. My new blouse and skirt make me look more attractive then my other uniform did. My old uniform made me look like a fat troll. This year I look like I fit in. I look the same age as all the other girls in my year. But then I put my blazer on, and my bag and I look the same as last year; a fat, ugly cow. I have given up trying to be popular but I still want to be pretty. I want to be slim too but every time I try to go on a diet it only lasts 3 days at the most before I pig out on Mars Bars and crisps and, I can't exercise because I can only run 150m before my chest hurts and I get dizzy. My face falls at the sight of the large rectangle of a girl standing in front of me. "Why can't I just be beautiful for once" I whisper to her as I stare helplessly into the mirror. This is the girl I am and I'm stuck with her. I hear my mum calling me from downstairs. I dive across the bed to grab my phone then go to my dresser and stuff my headphones and lunch money in my blazer pocket. I rush out my bedroom, down the stairs, through the kitchen, out the back door and in to the car before we drive off down the road towards school.
Mum drops me off in the car and then I walk to the office to get my timetable for this year. While I was waiting there was this strange man (I think he was Russian or Polish or something like that) talking the receptionist. Then his phone rang and he started talking to the person on the other end of the phone in his language. He sounded really angry but then he started laughing uncontrollably. He scared me. He was really loud and everyone in the office was staring at him but he seemed oblivious to the fact he was being watched. After the man goes I get my timetable then go to see my friend, Emily, waiting for me outside the office. Emily is slightly shorter than I am but is a normal size. She isn't petite which makes her look stout. She has a full head of wavy shoulder length brunette hair with a touch of a diminishing ginger colour toward the ends.
"Come on Emily" I say as I approach her, "Shall we go over to others then?" Emily smiled at me and hummed before following. We draw near to our meeting place, the big willow tree in the middle of school where our group of friends meet. Luke, a tall, thin boy with pale strawberry blonde hair and a face full of acne was waiting by the tree with our other friends: Jacob, a boy equally as tall as Luke but not as scarily thin as him with a mop of brown hair an blue-grey eyes, Huey, a slightly tubby boy with crazy over grown brown hair that constantly got in his eyes and a slim, moody girl with wait length dark hair named Megan.
Jacob let out a blood curdling scream of terror, "Help!" he yelled "a pair of repulsive beasts are here to suck out my organs!" he ran to hide behind Luke.
"Ha-ha, very funny big nose" I said sarcastically "No needs to be mean."
"Big nose?" He replied "I don't have a big nose, and anyway at least I don't have a fat arse like you!" I swore at him and kicked him violently. The only reason I put up with him is because of Huey. Me, Emily and Meg think he's a full out dumpty and Luke hardly hangs round with us much anyway. Huey's too nice and he needs to stop taking other peoples crap. If his attitude was the same as the rest of us maybe he would realise what an idiot Jacob is and we could get rid of him. Its not just me he constantly insults, its Emily too, and every now and then he will aim a fat joke towards Huey. He doesn't dare insult Meg because, pee her off and she can get exxtremely violent. It's not pretty.
Just as Jacob goes to push me the bell goes; P.E. next. I go off to P.E. with Megan and join the line next to the sports hall. Me and Megan are in the same class as the special kids, which is understandable for me but Megan is amazing at running, she's really fast and even got asked to do cross country. Today we went into the same changing room as the athletic popular girls. I hesitate for a moment before changing into my P.E. kit. Mother Nature had been kind to them inside and out: flat tummies, straight clean hair, and long elegant legs, the populars were perfect in every possible way. I wish I looked like them- but that will never happen, I'm too horrible and ugly to ever become beautiful.
After an hour of breathlessness, stitches, sweat, self consciousness and wedgies from exercise bikes, it's time for English. I love English because its one of the one thing I'm actually good at, unlike other things. After P.E. I went to my form room and just sat there bored. Our form tutor doesn't do anything. He just sits there reading his emails on his laptop, so I don't really see the point of going to my form room. So I was sat there minding my own business until Shanice and Kylie arrived smelling of cigarettes. As usual they were loud and gobbing off and talking, (well shouting) in Newark slang to each other. Thankfully they didn't notice me until the bell went.
"Oi, you been 'voiding us 'melia?" Kylie yelled at me as I tried to leave the room.
"Um, no I didn't really notice you two come in the room" I lied. I felt claustrophobic now. They were really close up to me. Ugh, they reeked of cigarettes so badly. I tried to shuffle off carefully.
"Dawdy, where you off to?" Shanice had noticed me.
"I'm off to break; where else would I be going?" I replied. I really didn't want to hang around them any longer.
"your in my Physics afterward aren't ya? Physics is shit! We just chored some fags from the postie this morning, you could skive off with us. Don't be a boff." Kylie shouted to me. Why is she shouting? I'm right next to her! She obviously doesn't care about keeping the cigarettes a secret either!
"Y'know, as fun as that sounds, I really need to be in my maths lesson; it IS a core subject, and I wouldn't want to intrude on your plans so, um, toodle-loo!" I said, and I rushed off down the corridor before they could shout another word at me.
Eventually after break and Physics, Lunchtime rolls around. After spending most of my free time in the mile long dinner lines with dumbfounded imbeciles shoving in front of me I finally grab some food and go outside towards my friends who are prating about and laughing. As I gaze at them I think about how much I adore them all, even Jacob. Although we argue a lot I still care about him. I just with we could still be how we were, like last summer when I thoroughly believed he loved me, and I loved him.
We didn't go out or anything, Jacob doesn't really get girlfriends, but we had a "thing". It was stupid of me to let him lead me on of course but boys don't usually like girls like me so it was the only chance of love I thought I was ever going to get. To me everything about him seemed perfect: his "Amazing" mop of hair, his sense of humour, the fact that he was articulate unlike most of the chavs in this town. It's the reason we became friends, my love for him, and then we just kept getting closer and closer. It was the best I have ever felt in a long time, sitting together on the lively green field during lunch with the ardent golden sun warming us, spending drama lessons sat on his lap or cuddling- or both. His soft tender kiss… But now it's all gone. He hates me for some unknown reason and it might not ever be the same. He says I have changed, turned into a bitch, that I'm not the bright, fun, bubbly girl-next-door that I was. Maybe I have changed, or maybe he has. I think he's lost his charm, his soft compassionate voice that complimented me changed to someone cheesed off and grumpy telling me to piss off. His gentle blue eyes that once gazed into mine are now heartless daggers that shoot at me every time I say something that winds him up, stabbing me in the heart and leaving me bleeding within. No matter how I try we will never be like that again and deep down inside, it breaks my heart. I miss him.
At home I sit up in my room with Charlie all evening; reading, listening to music and doing home work, only going downstairs to eat. I like being by myself because I dislike people. I get along much more with animals. They sit and listen to your problems, are always there for you no matter how awful you treat them and comfort you when you're sad. Dogs do not care what you look like, how you sound or what kind of person you are. They just love you. This is one of the many reasons why I adore Charlie so much: his unconditional love.
I put down my book and nestle in to him, stroking his smooth soft fur. "Charlie, some times I feel you're the only one who loves me. You don't care, you just want to love and be loved. I feel like this sometimes. Sometimes I don't care who loves me, I just want someone to care. You're my only real friend, the only one who gives a damn. I love you Charlie, don't ever leave me." I squeezed Charlie harder snuggling into him as much as I possibly could, hoping he will feel every ounce of love I have for him.
Later that night after dinner and a hot shower I lie in bed with Charlie who was already fast asleep and snoring his head off. I don't manage to fall asleep until about half past eleven and when I do I have a dream. I just feel depressed and sad in my dream. I appear at a lake surrounded with dark turquoise willow trees and cattails. A man approaches me wearing low sagging trousers and a straw hat on trying to get me to go with him; he keeps pulling on my arm and won't leave me alone. I refuse but he won't go until I shove him hard and he forcefully stumbles back and falls into the cattails. I completely forget about the man after that, not caring whether he is hurt or injured. The now crabby old man goes up to Jacob and he gets him to follow him to this place. No one ever hears from him again. I keep searching and searching for him, but he's gone. And I'm never going to get him back. I sit by the willow crying. Overwhelmed with grief I plunge my self into the dark depths of the lake hoping to drown. Struggling in the water Jacob reappears with a malicious smirk on his face, "I never loved you! I hate you! You are a fat, annoying, immature little girl. Who would want to be friends with someone like you? You're disgusting! I don't need you; no one does, because you are just an insignificant speck of dirt on this planet- and a heavy one at that! And as I stop breathing the last glimpse of the world I see is Jacob laughing at me slowly dying, followed by taunts of random people standing round the lake taunting "fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat….."
I wake up with my face and back covered in a sticky mixture of sweat and tears. Charlie must have moved in the middle of the night because he is curled up on my bean bag snoozing away. I look at my clock and see I have five minutes until my alarm goes off so I slip my slippers on and go down stairs and have me breakfast. My slippers are, again, wet from Charlie licking them. I undergo my usual morning routine: breakfast, wash, brush teeth, brush hair, get dressed, make up, car, school, gate, Emily, tree, bell, class- Another exciting day in the life of Amelia Evelynson.