Summary: On his sixteenth birthday, Princess—er, Prince Sasuke is kidnapped by a certain Snake Lord. After being swept off his feet and taken into a mysterious lair, Sasuke's cries for help are heard throughout the country, reaching the ears of his fellow noblemen. Who will rescue this damsel in distress? Who will win him over? Sasusaku AU Some medieval language; I warn thee now.
August
Chapter 1
He sauntered. He paced. He trudged. Sasuke could wait no longer. It didn't matter that today was July 23, day of his birth; His 16th birthday—his sweet sixteen. Well actually, it did. This reason fueled his impatience. It was his birthday, God Dammit! The single day of 365 he looked forward to!
Here he was, in his own castle, voted best for its extravagant (and expensive) décor out of everyone else's. His own castle. His and his alone. And he was kicked out, of most of it at least, limited to the confines of his bedroom. Not that it was a small room. It was bigger than the kitchen, which meant something.
That was where they were—his fellow princes and princesses, all of royal blood—downstairs cooking something. They did this every year. Every friggen' year. They crashed his precious castle on his most precious day with a plan far worse than last year's, in attempt to bring a smile to his face.
The reason to this was, the opal-eyed Prince looked like a girl when he smiled. A very cute girl.
Which was simply wrong.
This year, his so-called 'friends' entered his kitchen, the second largest room in the castle. Without so much as a "Happy Birthday," they rushed past him, his servants, his servant's servants, and the high-tech (for their time) security system.
Except for one.
A certain princess with ridiculously long blonde hair, styled the same way every year, dressed in…nothing actually! She was the first of her kind, what we'd call today a prostitute (or a slut—whatever tickles your fancy).
The prostitute stood there, humming a future-Paris Hilton song, her clothing—or whatever it was—drastically less than last year.
"How art thou, Prince Sasuke?" She asked. The prostitute speaks!
No reply.
The prostitute waited patiently.
Sasuke decided he'd leave when she left, if she ever left, and that was to be done without the power of words.
The prostitute inched closer until finally grabbing hold of the Prince's arm, nearly suffocating it, much like a large parasite would.
"Come September," she whispered in his ear. "We shall wed."
Sasuke grimaced at the fact that this…this…prostitute and he would get married in less than two months. He, the one with the best castle, looks, personality, and well, everything! They were not a good match. Not a good match at all.
"Yeah," he murmered a word which hadn't been invented yet.
"Princess Ino, come hither!" beckoned a fellow princess from Sasuke's kitchen.
"Coming!" exclaimed the prostitute, whom we now know had a name—a name that translates into boar in Japanese, and animal closely related to a pig.
-
Sasuke sauntered. Sasuke paced. Sasuke trudged. Then, he reversed the order to trudging, pacing, and sauntering. And then pacing, sauntering, and trudging. Or was that walking? Walking, pacing, sauntering, jumping, trudging…
The point is, the Prince is bored. And when the Prince is bored, very, very bad things happen.
Why, just last night, Sasuke attempted suicide in his bathroom (yes, the bathroom) using soap. All because of boredom. But to no avail, due to his loyal servant's—
Ah, there he was now! The rhythmic knocking on the doors had to be his. Everything his servant did was with rhythm. It's a long story.
"Come in," Sasuke called, indifferent as ever, as he is too cool for medieval language and is one of the few characters who doesn't use it in this fanfic.
A lean man, with striking features—large eyes and shiny, bowl-shaped hair—and striking clothing—green spandex from head to toe—entered the dim room, which was not included in the Prince's trophy of Best Castle Décor.
The man, who turns out isn't really a man but a simple guy a year older than Sasuke, which would make him legally one year less than an adult, squinted in the darkness.
It was his fault for shutting the door, thus ridding the room of any light.
"Are ye there, Prince?" he asked.
"No," Sasuke replied.
Lee (because we all know that he is the slave) burst out into laughter that reached hysteria (because he is Lee).
"Oh ye," he said, wiping a tear from his eye, shaking his head. His other hand groped for the light switch located beside the door.
"Would the Prince-eth allow-eth me to turn on the lights…eth?"
"No," the orphan-Prince repeated. Just as he did the lights turned on, scaring away the spiders that started laying their eggs there.
Lee didn't listen. Instead, he snorted and slapped his knee, speaking of "The Prince's magnificent sarcasm!" But when did Lee ever listen?
"Why are you here?" Sasuke interrupted, glaring evilly at his sevant—his slave.
"Tis' because," Lee started, as he started weaving a tale of Dungeons and Dragons. "And they all lived happily ever—"
"You came here to entertain me," Sasuke stated, his hand placed conveniently under his chin.
It was at times like these, he wished he were a ninja. That way he'd be able to kill people while still doing his job, like stupid people. More precisely, Lee.
"Yes," the spandex-covered slave uttered in, hanging his head guiltily in pure SHAME.
As the opal-eyed prince opened his mouth to say something indifferently indifferent and/or sarcastically sarcastic, a harsh scream came from somewhere. Somewhere downstairs.
"Hark?" Said Lee as he put his hand to his ear. "Is that a scream I hear?" He turned to face Sasuke. "Prince-Dearest…" Sasuke winced at that. "Should I go—"
"YES! Leave me so I can go and KILL my BROTHER!!" The birthday boy snapped.
Lee blinked his outrageously sized eyes.
He blinked and blinked, watching Sasuke pant and pant.
You see, the weird thing is Sasuke doesn't have a brother! His brother died with the rest of the family (or did he…?).
Something in the air must have caused that. Something…stupid. Sasuke would not speak of imaginary people of his own accord.
He sent a Get-the-hell-out glare at his servant. Stupid was contagious, after all.
More blinks; that proved his stupidity.
"Just…go," Sasuke commanded, with no emphasis or emotion whatsoever.
After another scream from the party below, Lee left the room faster then you can say …"Supercalafragilistexpialidocious."
Sasuke commenced with the sauntering, pacing, and trudging.
He was hungry.
Where was the food he was promised?
He thought of his non-existent brother and how cool it would've been if his brother slaughtered the entire Uchiha clan, sparing Sasuke's life while speaking of weakness and how you need hate to be strong.
And then Sasuke would live for revenge—there'd be a reason to live!
However, in the unaltered universe, that reason was yet to be found.
He thought of this, the real things, and life's pleasures…
"What is my purpose in life?" Sasuke asked aloud, sounding a lot like Prince Gaara.
Wait. Did he just talk aloud?
"To be mine!" answered a voice from the private bathroom that connected to the bedroom.
Silence.
A flush of the toilet.
"No…" said Sasuke.
Menacing laughter erupted from the room containing two toilets and three urinals. It was then the Prince realized he was not alone! It was not his voice but someone else's! The stupid Lee gave him already affected his brain! Oh no!
"Who's there?" Sasuke managed.
"Kukukukukukum," laughed the voice as audible footsteps came closer. "It is I…"
"Who?" Sasuke asked again, struggling to see. Where were the lights when you needed them?
"The Great Wizard," the voice said, snapping his fingers. A small flame appeared on Sasuke's pants. Because unlike all other princes who wore robes and dresses, Sasuke wore pants.
They were patted; the fire died.
More snaps, the attempts growing more futile with each.
Panicking, the raven haired Prince had no choice but to rid himself of his favorite cargos.
The next thing Sasuke knew, his shirt was on fire!
But that was taken care of, and the thing was off in less than a second.
"…The Snake Lord," the voice continued, as, you guessed it, Sasuke's face caught on fire.
"…OROCHIMARU!" Orochimaru finished, as thunder boomed and lightning flashed.
Upon seeing Sasuke—who was currently trying to put out his burning face—his yellow eyes lit up in amusement, and a curled smile came to his lips.
Let's not forget about that tongue.
The boy's body was simply divine—a worthy vessel.
"What is it you want?!" Sasuke yelled, dunking his precious face into a bucket of water. He stared at the unsightly aftermath—his burnt face. His face was ruined! His beauty, gone!
The Prince bit his tongue, in an effort not to cry. Not that he could cry. Real men don't cry.
But—
"M-my face," Sasuke whimpered.
"I can fix it," the longhaired wizard offered. "For a price," he added slyly.
With his mirror in hand, Sasuke continued to stare at his broken and shriveled complexion. Except, it didn't hurt. Not that it mattered; he wasn't about to question a wizard's magic.
He watched in horror as his reflection broke the mirror in half.
"I don't care! Fix it now!" the Prince exclaimed.
"Okay!" Orochimaru responded happily.
He snapped his fingers and, much to Sasuke's relief, the face was fixed.
"YAY!" Sasuke said. Nearly. He almost said it, the word was on the tip of his tongue but Sasuke would never ever…
Speaking of tongues, the Snake Lord's licked his lips.
With another snap of the fingers, the two disappeared in a puff of smoke…
…And reappeared in what seemed to be a cave. A cave with a large banner across the ceiling that read:
OROCHIMARU'S EVIL LAIR!!!"Welcome," said Orochimaru. He beckoned the confused Prince closer. But Sasuke didn't budge. For the sake of all that was right, he would not move.
"…To Lord Orochimaru's EVIL lair," finished a man with spectacles and gray hair (though he was not old).
Sasuke did not like the sound of that.
"Ku ku ku…"
"Kwah kwah kwah…"
"Ku ku ku ku…."
"Kw…Quack Quack Quack…"
"KU KU KU KU KU KU KU!" Orochimaru laughed.
"Kwanza! Kwanza!" Kabuto laughed right back, slapping the wizard's back, an arsenal of kw- words prepared just for the occasion.
Dear God.
Where was he? Who was that? Was that laughter? Had he, the great and almighty Uchiha Sasuke been (gasp) KIDNAPPED?!
-To Be Continued-
Note: August is pronounced with the accent on the second syllable, not the way it is pronounced as a month of the year. It's a synonym of majestic, dignified, and noble.
What will Orochimaru do to Sasuke? Will Sasuke be driven to insanity? Who will rescue Sasuke? And most importantly—where's Sakura? All that and more on the next chapter!
Thanks so much for reading! I worry so much for this story since it's an AU, and AU's don't do too well.
Please review! If you do, I'll love you forever.
-Taxi.