This is my first attempt at writing anything on this site. I never really would have done it if it hadn't been a sort of…gift for someone amazing. So melissaturkey if you check this out tell me, I'd like to know what you think. I hope since you can't write right now this can serve as an…inspiration, maybe I can be your muse for once.
redknight
(a/n this takes place sometime during blood and chocolate when Gabriel muses over humanity and the monsters within.)
Humanity. As a definition I often wondered what it meant exactly. Webster sees it as the human race as a whole, its qualities and characteristics. But if that was the definition then why is one of its synonyms kindness or compassion for others? Sure that was one small trait that made up some men and women, but as a whole? Did humans really see themselves as that good? I think the more correct context in which they mean when they compare humanity and kindness and compassion is that they see compassion as something lacking in the wild. They think that they are the only ones in the world that can express a kind act to another and have it not mean anything other than instinct.
Humans choose to act in kindness to hide the inner sin and monster within, that's what I always thought. At least thats what I'd thought since after…I got over my… love for one. It always made me feel confused that I still felt…something for that human. Why after all this time could it still hurt me to even think her name? Especially after I'd turned my attentions to another, why should I bring her into every comparison of human nature? After her I convinced myself that its something I couldn't help. That the predator I really was had unconsciously chosen someone so small and fragile and so easily confused with prey. But had that really been all it was? Was there not a small monster in her that called her to me as well?
I always wondered when I was young why humans, who we had been taught were weak, could be such a threat to us. I saw it that night. That the reason they were so dangerous was because they would not believe. They shielded themselves so fully from what was right in front of them that they believed anything not of them was unnatural. And they gained a fear of the unnatural. And what they feared they destroyed. Was it not a monster inside that taught them to destroy? And was it not a monster we became in the night under the moon? Didn't that make us one and the same? Was that Vivian's philosophy? That she and her human were more the same than they were different? Or had she not thought that much into it? I know I didn't, when I had been in her situation.
Of course my thoughts would turn to Vivian. She is of course what got me thinking of monsters and humanity to begin with. Her and her human, Adam or Aiden or whatever his name is. Esme hadn't been quite sure when she'd complained about him. Of course that's how everyone found out about Vivian's "meat-boy", Esme gossiping to Renata and all those other nosy females. Though my way of finding out was a little different.
"Oh Gabriel! I wish my Vivian would get interested in a big strong male like you! She's been so wrapped up in that puny little meat-boy lately!" Of course she'd been running her hand up my arm all the while. It was a bit ironic that she would wish Vivian to have someone like myself, considering I had my eye on her daughter all that time, not her. And now Vivian was my mate, my queen, or she'd inadvertently made herself mine at the Ordeal. Either way she was supposed to be mine, but of course with Vivian it would never be that simple-not if she had anything to say about it.
Vivian. Thinking of her tawny hair, gold eyes and long legs I wondered when I had come to notice her. Had it been when I was running on my own after killing… her and Ivan had found me in the woods of Virginia, me not even realizing the pads of my paws had somehow led me so close to home? I know I noticed her then, when I came back, as the great Ivan's daughter, the Ivan that convinced me to come back to the people who cared about me, to my mother and sisters who needed me. Yes, she was just Ivan's daughter then. Just Vivian. Had she been so beautiful then? How old would she have been then? Thirteen? Fourteen? No I doubt I had thought much of her then but…maybe I had. If I had she never really came into real full focus until we moved and the crowded suburbs made it hard for me not to notice her. So strong, independent, so lonely and fierce. She loved the pack as much as I did. It was a home to her too. Maybe that was another reason I was so intent she be mine. Or was it more than that? If it wasn't she wouldn't occupy my every thought like she seemed to be now would she?
I think the definition of humanity is wrong. Even a "monster" can feel care and compassion for others-if only they love.