The Sweetest Vice

By

The Queen of Mean

Author's Note: Hey! So, this is the new story… permanently. Of course, I used the late great Ledger's version of our dear Joker. 'Grizz' and 'Dotcom' got stolen from 30 Rock which is a great show I recommend watching. I hope everyone enjoys, and I would love some constructive feedback! Happy reading.

Ted Nellings was an accountant. At Gotham City Financing, he was one of their best, having come highly recommended by his father in law, who just happened to be golfing buddies with the CEO. Normally, Ted loved his job, but this Tuesday was turning out to be astonishingly boring. His twentieth floor office was eerily quiet. No phones were ringing off the hook, the fax machines weren't whirring away noisily. Ted leaned back in his leather chair, folding his arms behind his head with a sigh. He rather liked this serene atmosphere.

Ted's eyes had just settled onto a photo of his daughter when, twenty floors below him, several strategically placed bombs were detonated simultaneously. Screams could be heard breaking out through the office as the building began to rock noticeably and Ted Nellings barely had time to stand up from his mahogany desk before the entire building erupted into violent flames, completely engulfing all of its' inhabitants in one fiery mass.

In the deserted parking lot behind Ted Nellings' grave, loud, maniacal laughter carried a chilling undertone to the sound of crunching metal and explosions. The Joker howled with laughter, clutching his ribs, leaning against the side of a black Cadillac as he and his 'assistants' watched the sixty story building come tumbling to the ground.

"Now THAT'S entertainment!" he shouted, still giggling to himself as he climbed into the back of the Cadillac, just as the sound of sirens began to fill the air. "Step on it, Grizz." The large, black man in the driver's seat nodded silently before pulling away from the parking lot.

Gotham was surprisingly traffic-free that Tuesday afternoon and as Joker basked in the blasting air conditioner, he ran a hand through his messy, sweaty hair with a satisfied sigh. "Was that as good for you guys as it was for me?" he asked, grinning sarcastically at his cronies, Grizz and Dotcom in the front seat from the rear view mirror. When they failed to answer him, Joker leaned forward, slapping the backs of their heads hard. "Was it?!" he repeated himself loudly.

"Yeah, Boss. That was good times." Dotcom replied hastily, glancing at Grizz out of the corner of his eye as he rubbed the back of his head gingerly.

The car grew quiet, the only sound being The Joker as he hummed a tune to himself, twiddling his thumbs in his lap. The black Cadillac was bouncing along fifty-sixth street, between the tall buildings and Joker leaned to the side, into the window to gaze up at one of them. He found it utterly pathetic how skyscrapers take years to put up and yet seconds to take down.

Chuckling to himself on this observation, he stretched his long legs across the backseats to relax a minute before he had to get out of this comfortable car. But as he turned in the seat while the car was stopped at a red light, his eyes fell onto a Starbucks coffee shop and through the window, he met eyes with a young woman glaring directly, intently at him. Her eyes were half-lidded, glazed over wistfully, and something in her directionless, deep gaze tugged at the pit of his stomach, forcing him closer to the opposite car window. His eyes grew wider momentarily as the girl inside the coffee shop blinked, cocking her head to the side slightly as she sat in a purple armchair, gazing out the window.

Joker placed his hand on the glass, hoping she would copy him but instead, she continued to gaze blindly out the window at the stopped traffic, not seeing him for the heavily tinted windows. As the car pulled through the now green light, Joker turned fully in his seat, his face pressed against the glass leaving streaks of makeup as the girl in the window grew smaller and smaller until she disappeared.

"….Jayde…" Someone was calling her name. "Jayde?…" But she didn't really care. "Jayde!!" They sounded mad.

"Huh?" she asked, blinking as she tore herself from a particularly great day dream. Her manager was standing at the counter, staring at her with a highly expectant expression on her face.

"I've been calling your name for like an hour." That's a bit of an exaggeration. Jayde thought to herself as she stood up from the comfy chair, brushing off her green apron. "Breaks are ten minutes only, Jayde. You know that."

"Yeah, sorry. I was just-.."

"Dreaming like always. I swear, Jayde, I don't know where you are half the time and you're always right there in front of me."

Jayde rolled her eyes as she threaded her thick, black, curly ponytail through the hole in her hat. Sometimes this place was just too much. There were mornings when Jayde would wake up completely dreading work, for no reason beside having to go through the repetition of it all. A customer walked in and Jayde had to turn her back to allow herself a muttered curse word.

On the other hand, working at Starbucks in Gotham was definitely nice, with the job security since they were in the middle of the business district and everybody knows what a powerful influence coffee has over the business type. Their store was regularly busy and Jayde was exceedingly good at being a barista. But this Tuesday afternoon was proving to be treacherously slow. Fortunately, her shift was nearly over. Just two more hours…

The sun had already set when Jayde took off her apron. She was exhausted from head to toe but knew once she started walking home, her legs would decide to keep going on their own. Her manager had left a few hours prior and only the closers remained.

"Bye, Dean," she called over her shoulder as she opened the front doors. "Bye, Kaity."

The streets of Gotham outside Starbucks were empty. A couple newspapers blew past her on the side walk and Jayde was fleetingly reminded of an old, black and white, ghost town movie. The breeze was just strong enough to be chilling so she wasted no time in beginning her shortcut. The alley she needed to take was only a block away, so she took out her cell phone to call her friend Audrey who answered after maybe a half ring.

"Hello?!" she squealed as though she already knew what Jayde was going to say. Just then, a man in a hoodie sweatshirt walked past, glancing sideways at Jayde, who hesitated before answering Audrey until he had walked on.

"Hi, sugar!" Jayde replied, smiling widely into the phone as she heard her best friend giggle excitedly.

"I miss you!" came Audrey's high pitched voice through the speaker and Jayde sighed deeply.

"I know. I miss you too. It sucks here." Her eyes rolled as she thought about her non-existent social life in Gotham and what she would give to be back with her friends…Not that she had a lot of them back home. Jayde was a fairly antisocial person. She never enjoyed dance clubs or parties, simply because she was more comfortable around a small group of people that she was familiar with. Audrey was pretty much Jayde's only true best friend.

Jayde glanced up as Audrey told her all about her day and she noticed that the entrance to the alley she needed to shortcut was coming up. Glancing both ways, she slipped into it's entrance, staring around in the darkness for anyone lurking in the shadows. Jayde was not necessarily a big girl so she knew it was important to her safety that she not be snuck up on or overpowered…even though she did pack one hell of a punch.

However, this night, her path was clear so once to the end of the alley, she opened the gate, slipping up the path while Audrey finally paused to ask Jayde how her day was.

"It was fine, I guess. Life is just so extraordinarily boring here. Maybe I just haven't met anyone yet. Maybe I should start going out more. It's just that I don't have any friends here and I don't want to look like a loser going out by myself." She breathed all of this into her reply and once she stopped, Audrey paused before her perky voice rang out.

"I don't know what to tell you, Jay-." She said. "Maybe you shouldn't have moved away in the first place." Jayde rolled her eyes while she fished her keys out of her pocket.

"Don't give me that, Audrey. You know I had to…Look, I gotta go.." she had finally made it into her apartment and the mere sight of it made her want to just drop everything and sit down. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Ok, I love you. Bye."

"Bye."

As soon as she had hung up, Jayde tossed her phone onto the bed, immediately pulling her black polo off to get a shower.

The water always started out freezing so while she waited for it to warm up, Jayde stood in front of her mirror, staring at her reflection as though she had not seen herself in months. Her eyebrows were extra fuzzy, her black hair unkempt and tossed and briefly, Jayde wondered if she even gave a fuck about her appearance anymore. Deep down, she knew she did. She was a woman, a young one at that so there was no need for her to go this long without taking care of her appearance. Her eyes drifted down to her legs where she eyed the overly long hairs there with mingled surprise and disgust.

"Who am I trying to impress anyways?" she mumbled to herself as she grabbed a razor out of her medical cabinet to step into the shower. "…Nobody.." she answered herself moments later, shivering slightly as the hot water began to splatter off her back.

When she crawled into bed a half hour later, Jayde grinned to herself at the slick feeling of her now clean shaven legs against the sheets. She loved the feeling and vowed to never let it go that long again. As she flipped on the TV, the eleven o'clock news was on, playing a story about the demolition of Gotham City Financing that afternoon.

"Crime scene investigators are starting to put the pieces together, starting with the fifty charred drums of ammonium nitrate and diesel fuel they found at the base of the wreckage this afternoon. Sources told GCN this afternoon that they believe The Joker, the infamous killer of Commissioner Loeb, is involved…"

On the screen flashed a blurry security photo of a man in all purple, laughing wildly at the camera.

"Again, the police are telling everyone to stay in their homes at night and to not go anywhere by yourself. If you happen to spot The Joker, DO NOT APPROACH HIM. He is to be considered armed and extremely dangerous. Get away and call the police, immediately."

Jayde rolled her eyes as she shut the TV off, turning over onto her side. Seven o'clock would come all too early in the morning and she knew exactly how she was going to feel when she woke up.