This started off as a small idea, continuing on from my story "So Hard to Stay Behind". Then it grew quite a bit, and I realised that it didnt follow from the first story well. So it was upgraded. It is set sometime after The Seed on Atlantis, and well after Continuum on the SG-1 side.

Sorry for any OOC moments, clearly this ship is entirely made up :P

"All personnel ready for departure sir" Chuck turned to Woolsey, who nodded for him to dial Earth.

"Good luck with your interviews with the IOA" he said to the small crowd of team leaders, scientists and the CMO, giving Dr Rodney McKay a particularly hard look, "and safe journey."

"Thank you Mr Woolsey" Colonel John Sheppard saluted him casually, though his tone was respectful, before turning and leading the group off through the Stargate.

...

As she came through the gate Jennifer Keller's eyes sought out one face from the welcoming crowd gathered at the bottom of the ramp. She soon found the tall figure in green uniform, blond hair tied back, her head turning as she scanned the faces in front of her. Their eyes met and Jennifer felt a wave of relief pass through her at Sam Carter's instant bright smile. Feeling slightly giddy she made her way down, smiling and nodding politely at people she knew, moving towards the colonel now talking to Sheppard and McKay.

"Hey"

"Hey yourself" Sam turned to her with a broad grin before folding her into a hug. "So how was the journey? Traffic ok?"

Jennifer clung to her tightly and laughed a little, though more from shear happiness at finally being back with Sam than at her attempts to keep the mood light.

Once the first flush of greetings and chatter had passed, General Landry indicated that people were free to stay on the base until their designated interview slots during the next week, or that they could now leave and enjoy whatever they had planned for their brief visit back home. So long as they did it outside his gate room.

Sam looked at the smaller woman, one eyebrow raised. "Coffee?"

"That would be great." McKay broke in, perking up at the mention of coffee. "I'm sure that the suppliers send the worst stuff through to Atlantis. Don't they know how vital it is that I can work at maximum brain efficiency?"

"It's mildly worrying that you need coffee to do that." John said dryly.

"Hey!" Sam turned to her former second in command, feigning a hurt expression.

"Do you throw tantrums if the base runs out of coffee?" John asked with a pointed look at McKay.

"No, I'm not quite that bad. Now Daniel on the other hand..."

"Where is Dr Jackson?" Rodney asked as they entered the canteen.

"Offworld with SG-7. They found a large number of ruins, with lots of squiggles that Daniel got very excited about and their archaeologist is fairly new, so he went along as support. At least that was his excuse." She smiled. "Vala went with him, so he may not get as much translating done as he would like. Cam is visiting his parents as this is the first downtime SG-1 has had in... six weeks I think." She caught Jennifer rolling her eyes and nudged her. "You are in no position to complain Doctor. Carson told me what you did for him."

"That was different" Jennifer muttered.

"How?" Sam asked with a sweet smile

"Coffee!" Rodney said blissfully, walking zombie like to the insulated containers.

"If you want to grab some and go, I have some work I really need to finish before leaving" Sam murmured to Jennifer, who nodded in agreement.

She sat on a stool in Sam's lab, cradling the fragrant coffee and looking around. So used to seeing Sam in an office, even one as unusual as Atlantis's main office, it was fascinating to see an environment which had developed around her over many years. Here the slightly musty smell that permeated the underground base was replaced by one of coffee, old documents, engine oil and something that was uniquely Sam. Piles of papers had drifted together, small pieces of alien technology were scattered around the surfaces, a couple of larger, box like pieces on the floor. Files were stacked on a bench to one side, surrounded by machines that hummed softly in the background and a bank of lights on one wall glittered and flashed. Sam moved easily around it all, digging out a sheet of blueprints with one hand while turning a cube of strange, glittery metal in the other.

"Please" she said with a crooked smile "don't touch anything. I don't know what half these gizmos do yet, and I would rather not find out by you inadvertently setting something off. When that happens it tends to lead to chaos, panic and a lot of paperwork." Jennifer nodded in understanding.

"What's that?" She asked, indicating the cube.

"I'm not quite sure" Sam mused, "the energy readings it gives off are fascinating, but so far I haven't been able to make it do anything, or change the energy output in any way. I think it may be part of a bigger machine that somehow SG-14 missed when they found this."

"Or it could be broken?" Jennifer said with a sly smile, enjoying the chance to see Sam working at something she so obviously loved.

"Always a possibility" Sam returned with a happy grin.

"And that?" she pointed to a pottery statue that stood out among the futuristic technology like a sore thumb.

"That" Sam picked it up and turned it over in her hands, "is not mine. Daniel must have left it here. He came in excited about some culture that worships water. I think this was either the god of rain or the god of clouds." she frowned a little "or both... Anyway, he will remember it when he's on base again and come back for it." She placed the statue on a shelf that already contained items Jennifer assumed were Dr Jacksons, including a huge dusty book that contributed to the smell of the lab, and a series of oil lamps of various sizes.

"Righty, cube: take 9" Sam muttered, reaching for her computer.

Relaxing happily and sipping her drink, Jennifer revelled in Sam's comforting presence, watching as she tapped away at her laptop, stopping occasionally to scrutinise the cube in front of her. It was a warm feeling that she associated only with the blond colonel, reminding her of times spent on Atlantis and exploring off world. The doctor smiled a little at the memories of the walks – and sometimes hikes – they had taken on the mainland during their downtime after confiding in each other that, amazing though the city was, they both missed trees. Sam had laughed and told her about General O'Neill and how he reacted when most of the planets SG-1 visited were damp, chilly and covered in forests. "He asked Daniel if the Goa'uld had a thing about British Columbia" Sam had said with a fond grin. Jennifer had enjoyed the hikes more than she expected after the horror of her visit to the Athosian settlement with Teyla. As it was, Sam combined the experience and knowledge of the Athosian woman with earth culture and a better understanding of what Jennifer muttered about when under stress, making a pleasantly tolerant, often amusing and always interesting companion. She had explained some simple navigation techniques, the military advantages to certain landscapes and pointed out the tracks of larger animals, though she cheerily explained that Teal'c had barely begun to teach her what he knew about tracking so Ronan or Teyla were the best people to ask about that. Jennifer had blinked a bit at this – before now, to her forests had been, well, trees. Now she saw so much more, and Sam was saying that even she only saw a fraction of what could be read from it. Sam had also told her stories from her times with SG-1, and very occasionally about the military. Compared to this Jennifer felt shy about talking about her own, pretty routine - at least until the SGC and Atlantis – life, but Sam listened with interest and obvious enjoyment. She asked questions that brought more details out of the doctor's memory, or that cut straight to the heart of a problem, often allowing Jennifer to see it more clearly herself. The depth and breadth of her knowledge amazed the younger woman, and the way she never advertised it impressed her. After talking over a tricky case that had come up in the infirmary she had asked about how the colonel could have such a varied understanding of medicine, Sam had jokingly replied "Have you seen my medical file? You don't spend that much time in infirmaries without picking some stuff up." That was the walk on which she first mentioned Janet, a figure Jennifer was well acquainted with through the almost reverent tales told by SGC personnel, and felt like she knew well despite only working with her a couple of times at the military hospital near Cheyenne Mountain. They quickly found they had more in common than Jennifer had first thought – both having lost their mothers during their teens, and both being years ahead of their classes in school. That, combined with the similarities of their positions on Atlantis, both of them thrust into positions they would rather not hold in the places of leaders who were well loved and respected, contributed to easing Jennifer's early nerves around her new commander, which led to them becoming close friends and support for each other.

"Hey, earth to Keller." Jennifer blinked to find Sam looking at her with a soft grin "drift off to your happy place there?"

"Yep" she replied, catching the bright blue eyes and holding them with her own as she sipped the now cool coffee.

Sam's eyebrows quirked questioningly but all she said was "tired?"

"Not really. I think I have gate-lag. It's only around midday on Atlantis"

"True. So do you have anywhere to stay or do you want to come back with me?" Sam glanced at her military style watch "I have finished what I had to and really ought to get off base before people start chasing me off."

"People actually chase Colonel Samantha Carter off base?" Jennifer teased with a grin.

"Well, they try" Sam allowed, smiling, "I get no respect around here" she stood with a long suffering sigh, shot a teasing glance at the younger woman and shut down her laptop

"I'll come back, if you are sure that's ok?"

"Of course it is. And I am sure you will love my bike..." she laughed at the expression of fixed horror on Jennifer's face "but that will have to wait until tomorrow, I came in the car today."

"Not funny" Jennifer pointed a finger at her in mock anger, which Sam grabbed, eyes still twinkling mischievously and used to tug her towards the door.

...

While Sam headed to the kitchen, shuffling through cupboards in the search for food Jennifer wandered around the small house. Pictures of people she recognised from the photos that used to be in Sam's Atlantis office stood on most of the available surfaces, and books lined an entire wall of the living room. Crouching, she found a number written by Samantha Carter, PhD.

"You wrote books?" she called

"Yeah, but they're not exactly bedtime reading – except to McKay maybe" Sam shouted back, sounding as though she had her head in the fridge.

"Oh, I don't know. I've read one of your papers. Perfect as bedtime reading. I certainly slept well." She dodged the tea towel Sam threw at her from the kitchen door with a laugh.

"Cheeky" the taller woman threw back over her shoulder as she rescued the pasta from boiling over.

Jennifer insisted on cleaning up after dinner, and came back out to find Sam kneeling on the floor, scribbling notes down the margins of a report she had on the coffee table, a small furrow of concentration on her brow.

"So, you come home from work, to work?" she asked curling up on the comfortable sofa.

Sam chuckled without looking up. "Do you know me?" she asked in a mock serious tone.

"Mmhm, but I thought this was your first downtime for six weeks."

"It was sitting there, needing to be corrected. However..." Sam closed it and tossed it neatly onto a pile of similar paperwork at the other end of the table "... it is now correct." She ran her hands through her hair and stretched. "Tea? I don't have anything quite like Teyla's athosian collection, but there's a fair choice."

"Sure. You choose" Jennifer smiled at this indication that Teyla had successfully converted another coffee worshiper to tea, remembering Sam's polite hesitation about joining the tea sessions at the start of her tenure on Atlantis. She watched as Sam rose lithely from her position on the floor and padded off with a yawn. As a child when imagining love, she had never thought of this. She still didn't. So gentle, caring, and undemanding. A sense of comfort and wholeness when with Sam, whether they were having dinner, hiking off world or simply going over reports. But this was more real than anything she could have imagined, more real than anything she had felt with anyone else. She didn't need passionate displays of emotion or public announcements of unwavering loyalty. The small crooked smile on Sam's face when their eyes met, the tilt to her head showing that she was not just listening but understanding when Jennifer talked, being treated as an equal by one of the most brilliant people alive and the way Sam accepted both rebukes and praise from her in a way she didn't from anyone else other than her team mates. This all seemed so much more honest, and meant so much more. This had also made it hurt so much more when the IOA had literally ripped Sam from her command, leaving Atlantis without the leader who had worked so hard to fill and do justice to the position of the much loved Dr Weir without replacing or giving up on her, and leaving Jennifer without the greatest source of strength and joy she had known in her life.

Returning, and breaking Jennifer's rambling train of thought Sam presented her a cup tea with an elegant flourish, before plonking herself back on the floor next to the sofa and picking up a pen and pad.

"More work?" she asked a little sharply.

"Nope. Much harder. Shopping list time" Sam turned to her, eyes twinkling in recognition of the warning. "Unless you want to eat pasta for the next few days, or move out..." she let the sentence hang.

"Not unless you want me to." Jennifer put in quickly, and was touched by Sam's relieved smile.

"No." She turned back to the list. "Missed you" she said softly, which Jennifer knew was about as close as Samantha Carter got to declaring how deeply she felt. She sat staring into the steamy tea, listening to the scratch of Sam's pen and letting her mind wander again.

Finishing, Sam leant back on the sofa, tilting her head and gazing up at the woman sitting on it.

"You've gone very quiet." A simple statement, but somehow compelling an answer. Sam Carter had learnt from the best.

Jennifer looked up, trying to put her current thoughts into words. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to stay behind after you left? To carry on as if nothing had changed?"

Sam's expression was compassionate, eyes showing the hurt and distress she had felt after the abrupt end to her command on Atlantis. "I have some idea" she said softly, "and if there was anything I could have done..." she broke off and dropped her eyes to the pen she twiddled in one hand before sighing and meeting Jennifer's gaze again. "A sorry wouldn't help much now, huh?"

"It isn't you who needs to be sorry. Then or now" Jennifer spat out the sentence, as angry as Sam had ever seen her. Though, looking closer, angry wasn't quite the right word. Anger was there, yes, but mixed in amongst emotions to complex to decipher. Sam rubbed her forehead tiredly. Emotions were never something she was totally comfortable with, this was more Daniel's area of expertise. She wished she had some of her friend's tact and intuition now. Dropping the pen she grabbed her mug and perched on the arm of the sofa, legs tucked up comfortably, leaning one elbow on the back and facing the distressed woman sitting amongst the cushions piled on it.

"Talk" she prompted, brushing strands of hair back off Jennifer's face.

The doctor looked up at her "You should be in bed" she said, visibly pulling herself together and burying those briefly glimpsed emotions.

"No" Sam corrected gently "I should be here. Bed can wait."

"How long have you been up?" Jennifer asked sceptically.

"Stop deflecting." Sam answered calmly, taking a sip of her tea and settling down as if for a long wait.

Jennifer let out a long breath and stared into her cup, tendrils of steam curling around her face. "I missed you" she said simply, "and you weren't given a warning that it was going to happen, and you didn't get to say goodbye properly, and they didn't treat you well here, and..."She broke off, swirling the tea in the cup. Sam ran a hand through her long hair soothingly. "And you weren't there when I was sick" she whispered, leaning in to the touch, "I was sick, and a danger to people, and destroying Atlantis, and you weren't there! I needed you..." she finished brokenly, tears spilling freely down her face as she gazed at the concerned woman beside her. Swallowing a lump in her own throat and resisting the urge to curse the IOA in a loud and overly dramatic way at this admission, Sam took both cups and placed them carefully on the table before sliding down the arm of the sofa, pulling the brown haired doctor to her in a tight hug, murmuring comforting sounds and rubbing her back slowly. Jennifer tried not to think about the terrifying time she had spent in isolation, a wraith hive ship growing from her and using her mind, but the memories crowded back, shockingly clear just as they always were.

It was dark, and cold. So cold. Why couldn't she move? Why wouldn't people stop talking, she just wanted to sleep... Wait, that was Rodney's voice. What was Rodney doing here? Where was Sam? Who was that other voice, she just wanted them to be quiet and go away. She had worked so hard, surely they could let her sleep!

"Jennifer?" Rodney again. Maybe he knows what's going on. She was scared now, the voice wouldn't leave her alone, taunting and taunting...

"Rodney? What's happening to me?"

"We're not entirely sure yet... Looks like some kind of a cocoon. Does it hurt?"

"I can't feel anything, I can't move..." the voice still taunting, cruel and unceasing.

"Don't you worry, we are going to get you out" he said, face betraying his own fear. Why wasn't Sam here? Didn't she want to help her? And the voice still shouting and shouting and shouting...

Trembling with the reaction to the memories, Jennifer clung tightly to Sam, breathing in her familiar smell and focussing on her soft voice, a small sob catching in her throat. Realising that she was back and aware of the present again Sam carefully stretched out on the sofa, long legs bent, and pulled the younger woman down to lie half beside, half on top of her.

"And Daniel thought this sofa was too big" she murmured, still running her hand soothingly up and down Jennifer's back.

A small chuckle ending in another sob came from the other woman. "Relax, Jen" Sam whispered softly, kissing her forehead then closing her eyes, exhausted, "I'm not going anywhere for now. Think about what you want to do with your time back here. See your Dad? Shop? I am reliably informed that there is a zoo somewhere around here..." Deep, calmer breaths ruffling strands of her hair suggested that the slender doctor had worked through the traumas for this evening at least. "Sleep now" Sam murmured.