I flattened my ears, hearing him end the conversation, no doubt to visit the bloodsuckers again. Once I was sure he phased back into a human, I turned, walking swiftly over to a nearby tree, curling up and disregarding my post. My mind began to whirr.
There was an almost obvious double meaning behind my words, the slight hint at what I was suggesting. I snorted to myself. Who was I kidding? He wouldn't be able to see passed her until she was long dead. Or, rather, undead.
I hated that thickheaded idiot.
But… I couldn't help the feeling I got whenever near him, the strong pull to be near him.
I'd assumed that I'd finally imprinted, my fears of being a complete freak gone. So what if we both had a mutual dislike of each other? I wouldn't be a freak anymore.
But, shouldn't there have been a slight change in his attitude toward me, even a slight bit? Shouldn't he have at least felt something for me? I just shook my head at the time, pushing it into the back of my thoughts.
Until today, asking him if I could become a permanent placement in his pack.
After Seth had left and we finished eating the deer we'd caught and we'd gone our ways to run a watch, the bloodsuckers were brought up again. He'd started about his pain, so I delved deeper into mine.
It had hurt, talking about Sam, how I still loved him. At least, a tiny part of me still did. But, I wasn't as stuck on him anymore. I was mostly over him, though the thought of my cousin's betrayal still brought an ache to my heart.
And then suddenly, he was angry with me. Because I'd managed to understand the blond vampire's perspective.
I was twenty now. I was the only female werewolf. I was also a genetic dead-end. It was easy to sympathize with the blonde, mostly because we were both deprived of the ability to have children, one thing, though I couldn't imagine it, I'd actually love to do.
Or, at least, have the choice to do.
I'd gotten him to understand what I was talking about. It only made my heart heavier as we dragged on the dreary subject of imprinting. Though, it sort of made me… happy, to know that he didn't want to imprint on anyone, he didn't want to be forced into love.
I quickly pointed out that he was only thinking that way because of her.
He was still angry, asking me if I'd, as he put it, 'murder' someone, just to have a baby. I might've, if it was an option.
Besides, it's not murder if the other person wants it. Though, I never said that.
He'd accused me of being just like them. Perhaps I was. Just, wanting something you can't have, as I said, makes you desperate sometimes.
I can certainly sympathize with the bloodsucker.
He'd ended the conversation right there. He was going back to the bloodsuckers place, I could tell. I sighed, running full force, wanting to finish with my watch quickly.
--
He'd left, gone to blow off some steam.
Right then, I was fuming. Bella's bloodsucker had already told me what had happened with him. Why he left so quickly. Finding out wasn't necessarily a good thing.
The blondie let me through right away, me saying that I wanted to 'talk' to Bella.
I was about to do a hell of a lot more than just talk to her.
I exploded.
I threw curses at her, yelled about how she treated him so unfairly, how sick and twisted she had to be to continue playing with him like she was. It quickly derailed from me just defending my alpha. The surge of power in my voice told me it was about much more than that.
Her bloodsucker had me thrown out quickly, seeing that Bella had started to cry as I went on. I didn't feel the slightest touch of remorse; she deserved it, the way she still led him alone, knowing the pain it caused him. She needed to be shown what she was doing. I was helping her along.
And it felt damn good to do it.
Sure, he'd probably yell at me later, but I could take it. I just hoped he would try to figure out some of the reasons why I did it.
Satisfied, I headed for a more secluded part of the forest, away from the bloodsucker's place. Taking off my clothes, I phased.
Seth, I thought, racing towards where I thought he was. Let's do a quick run.
--
I hate him.
I guess it's not fair to say that. He doesn't realize the pain he's just caused me, the massive hole he just punctured in my heart, a reopened wound from my days with Sam.
It wasn't his fault either.
I guess it was supposed to happen this way, and I understand the reason why she wanted him around so much when she was still pregnant. I don't have to like it.
He seemed so… happy, coming back to tell Seth and I the 'good news'. I want him to be happy. Just like I want Sam to be happy.
It wasn't fair, all of this happening to me when Bella got everything she wanted and more. She even had him for a fraction of a second. Now she still has him in her family.
It hurt, bad. I hadn't felt so betrayed in a while. I'd nearly forgotten what unhappiness felt like.
It all came back like a speeding bullet.
I'd considered just leaving, no questions asked, no questions answered. Like anyone but Seth would miss me.
I'd decided against it; I still had to be here for him, like I'd been there for Sam when I was in his pack. I belonged with him, no matter how I was with him, no matter how many times he would break my heart.
Are you all right Leah? Seth's voice came in. He was doing a run; it wasn't needed anymore, but he'd grown used to it. I growled slightly, my tail flicking back and forth testily.
Fine Seth. Why don't you go back to the reservation for now? I told him. It wasn't a real question, more of an order. He didn't respond, so I just rolled my eyes, knowing he had just disregarded what I'd said. I went to the place where I usually left my clothes when I went wolf, and phased back. I didn't want either of them to butt in on my thoughts.
I settled down by a tree, the closest near the bloodsucker's house. I gritted my teeth; he'd chosen now to come out, Bella and her half-breed following behind. Oh joy, feeding time for the vamps.
I grimaced, barricading myself behind a wall of anger that refused to come out. I'd probably end of crying if I let it all out now. That would have been pathetic.
Instead, I took a gulp of air, swallowing my self-pity and the annoying angst I'd been going over with it. He'd imprinted on the child from hell already, and he was happy. It was enough for me. At least, that's what I told myself. He wasn't mine and he never would be mine.
Hell, he'd never even been mine in the first place.
I sighed, getting to my feet. I needed to get away from the bloodsucker's place for a while. Though, I didn't know where I could go. He was here, and Sam was there. The only way to leave them both behind would be to leave this godforsaken city, or even the state.
I couldn't do that. Not while there was still a slight threat of danger.
So, I chose to go back to La Push, at least for a visit. I missed Sue and Emily, somewhat.
Besides, I could handle seeing Sam and Emily together.
Seeing Jacob and Renesmee together, no matter what he thought her right now, would have just been salt in a fresh wound.
I'm... half and half on this. I don't like it but I don't hate it. Whoo, that's a first.
Meh, I've always liked Leah, and I think she deserved a better ending than Stephenie gave her. I've always liked Jacob/Leah too.
Anyway, Read and Review please. Flames are welcome.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.