Be me
Be a very religious Christian man
Be turning 18 soon
It's Sunday, church day
Uncle's taking me out for my birthday
We're going to Raising Cane's
Mother doesn't like me eating there every day, but she just doesn't understand
Uncle orders me some tendies
I tell him to get an extra order of Cane's Sauce
He slaps me
I wish for him to recieve eternal damnation in Hell
We sit down after getting the food
There's no Canes sauce in the box
I get angry and call him a no-neck whale
He turns red and pulls me into the bathroom
There's no one else here
His neck starts flapping red in excitement
I get ready for the thickest ass pounding of my life
No use running
He starts to slip out his throbbing fat cock
"Your ass is mine." he says with a grin
The fuckening goes on for hours
This is not what I thought when my mom said I was going to "Bonding Time" with uncle.
Suddenly, he slips his dick out of my bunghole and displays it in front of me
While he's distracted, I grip his foreskin and start biting it off
He moans in agony and pleasure
I tear off his foreskin, thereby circumcising him like a real Christian
He drops to the floor, dead.
I decide to have a little "bonding time" with uncle.
I pull out my Cane's sauce that I always have with me from my pocket
I begin to masturbate using the creamy, tangy condiment
Mom would've beaten me if she saw me sinning like this.
I instantly cum in ecstasy
My sperm, now combined with the sauce, covers my dead uncle's flabs
I taste it
A bit sour, but savory
But it's not over yet
I dip my cock, still twitching, into the mixture and shove it into my uncle's third chin
The sweat makes my dick smell
Mom calls my phone, probably time for mass
About to answer it until a cold, hard object touches me from behind
It's Larry the Cucumber, from the popular Christian show Veggietales
"I used to love you as a kid!" I explain to him in awe.
He rolls over to my phone and declines the call. "The let us love each other once more," he says, rolling over to my uncle.
I help lift uncle's flabs so that Larry can fit inside
In an instant, he inserts himself into my uncle's bunghole, disappearing deep inside his stomach.
I come in from the other side, still covered in sauce
I can feel everything in the universe
I thrust myself in and out of my uncle's dirty mouth, until I feel Larry from the other side.
He's biting on my tip
The pain and pleasure causes me to thrust faster, harder
That's probably what uncle felt like
My schlong is getting sucked deep into uncle's esophagus like a zacuum.
Inside his stomach, I can taste a few chicken tenders, a McDonald's burger, and an ocean of Cane's sauce from the tip of my penis
Despite my uncle and the bathroom's smell, there is a faint scent of cucumber in the room.
This fuckapalooza is too much too handle, I can feel myself climaxing
In an intense moment of orgasmic indulgence, Larry swallows my dick just as I ejaculate into him.
I can feel the splooge sliding down uncle's throat and into Larry's.
Gallons and gallons of sweet jizz pour out of my pee hole for what seems like an eternity.
I just could not stop cumming.
I finally pull out, and Larry shoots out of uncle's abdomen from the cum pressure
He almost drowns, but I give him CPR.
I try to apologize, yet he silences me. "It's not over yet, sonny." He looks over at uncle.
From within my uncle, an endless amount of vegetables were birthed.
My children look so tasty.
Uncle starts to inflate from the sheer number of vegetables pouring out of him.
Potatoes, corn, and asparagus litter the floor.
But it's not over yet.
Extravagantly, Bob the Tomato explodes out of uncle's stomach in a great splooter.
He uses uncle's chins to wipe off the blood on his face.
"Are you Jesus?"
He nods assuringly. "Yes, my son. I am the Holy Tomato of Veggieland. Come, my children, and enter the Gates of Heaven." He unfurls his tongue, an invitation inside his gaping mouth.
My veggie kids start to cluster inside him.
Minutes pass until Larry and I could go inside.
As we walk up Jesus's tongue, we share a fiery kiss. I confess my love passionately. He does the same.
I get on one knee without hesitation. "Larry, I want you to make me the happiest person in the world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Through life and death, through thick and thin, I will always love from the depths of my heart. No words can express the joy you make me feel. Larry the Cucumber, will you marry me?"
He says yes.
I cum myself from the excitement.
We are wed on the spot. My queen is so beautiful.
He slips an onion ring onto my finger, and I do the same to him.
In matrimony, we walk up Jesus's tongue and bid our farewell to this world.
Jesus swallows us.
When I open my eyes, I see an amazing wonderland of veggie heaven.
I know the first thing I want to do here.
I turn to Tomato Jesus.
"I want to devour some tendies. Daddy's hungry!"
He frowns.
"No, my son. There is no Raising Cane's here in heaven."
No Cane's?
NO FUCKING CANE'S???
Heaven is a fucking bitchtit.