Author's Note: PLEASE READ THIS! This story will be pretty sure, maybe 2 or 3 chapters total. This first chapter might seem a bit confusing but it starts with Tori thinking back on her life after high school and this will give you an idea of what happens that leads up to her decisions in the present. This is a BORI story although Beck's name is not mentioned in this first chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of the show's characters.
Tori stands by the door frame of her bedroom, staring at the mountain of clothes laying on top of her bed and then at the small suitcase opened on the floor. She knows there is no way she can fit the last five years of her life into the small container. That unnerves her as she realizes that she will either have to make a second trip or leave behind most of her possessions. She knows, however, that the former is out of the question. She will just have to rummage through her things and take the most important ones with her. She crosses the room and starts throwing things into her suitcase. She knows she doesn't have much time before he arrives so she doesn't bother folding her clothes or wrapping the fragile items.
Within a few minutes, the contents in her bag are threatening to spill over. She scans the room one last time, looking for anything she might have forgotten and just as she is about to close the bag, she spots the silver picture frame in the corner, next to his side of the bed. Tori slowly walks over to it and grabs it. It's been months since she's last looked at the picture, but she remembers the image clearly. She is standing in the middle with her parents to her right and Trina on her left, holding her hand and smiling. It was taken on the day of Tori's high school graduation. To this day, it is one of her favorite pictures. Not only because it's a picture of her family, but because in the background, just behind Trina, she can see him. He's wearing his cap and gown and his long hair is tied back. Only half his face is visible but she can tell that he had been looking at her when the picture was snapped. The small smile on his lips and the brightness of his eyes complete the picture for her. The four people she loves the most captured in an 8 by 10 frame.
Tori sits at the edge of the bed trying to remember that day. It was seven years ago and they had only been dating a few months. Even then, they knew how special their relationship was. There were no games being played, no lies being told. They were just two people that had been hurt in the past and just wanted something organic, something simple. It had started as a rebound fling. He had been newly single and she had been single far too long and wanted a little romance before going off to college. Their little dates and heavy make out sessions sustained them for a while and seemed insignificant, until one day they started to mean more.
Surprisingly, it was him that took the initiative to make their relationship official. He persisted against her initial hesitation and started doing "boyfriend-like" things such as paying for their dates and walking her to class. He would invite her into his house to meet his parents and share things he probably never told anyone (except maybe his ex-girlfriend). It took her a while to accept his affection, and was soon grateful for his tenacity in making her his.
It surprised her how fast she fell for him after they became exclusive. He provided the support and love she needed and in return, she offered him the stability and comfort he didn't have in his previous relationship.
After graduation, they spent the summer hopelessly in love, reveling in each other. She had given herself to him mentally, spiritually...physically. All the fears that held her back from fully letting go with her previous boyfriends were non-existent with him. Fear itself, actually, became a non-factor in her life. Even when his ex-girlfriend threatened to make her life a living hell, she didn't care. She was too far gone in her feelings for him to worry about anything.
She was finally happy. Their friends immediately approved of their relationship, quickly adding that it was "about time." Clearly they were in on something she had been oblivious to. Even her family, who were usually adamant about her romantic choices, were more than thrilled to have him around. They would invite him over for dinner or to play cards. He quickly established a bond with her parents and her loud mouthed sister and Tori couldn't be happier. Not only did she get to spend time with him, but also got to spend time with her family.
As they enjoyed their time together, they paid little attention to the dwindling summer days. When the third week of August came around, both were taken by surprise. Their time together was over. He would be heading to the other side of the country, to New York, and she would be staying in California.
"We'll make this work" he promised as he wiped tears from her cheeks. "We love each other, so we can do this."
He sounded so hopeful and optimistic that she didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. Long distance relationships didn't have a high success rate, especially for people their age. Still, she held back the tears and gave him her best smile.
"That's my girl" he said before holding her close to him. She allowed herself to take in his scent and the sound of his voice, knowing it would be a long time before they could be like this again. What she wouldn't give to have this moment last forever.
Two days later, she found herself standing outside his RV as he put his bags in the back of his truck.
"No crying" was her motto that day, and she didn't cry, not in front of him anyway.
"I'll call you when I get there okay? I love you Tor" he said.
She nodded her head. "I love you too."
He kissed her and smiled before getting in his truck and driving off. She waited around until she could no longer see his car before going home and crying for days on end. His daily calls were the highlight of her days. Hearing his voice made her feel better, even though it didn't substitute for the real thing.
A week later, it was her turn to get on the road to start a new chapter. Luckily she wasn't going too far from home and had Andre with her to help ease the anxiety and loneliness. She struggled to find a balance at first. Classes and homework took up most of her time. She didn't socialize much at first because she would wait around for his call. As the semester went on, things became easier. She settled in and met new people. Her workload became less overwhelming and she even found time to go to a few parties. Talking to him, though, was still the best part of her day. They would iChat at least once a day and it was like nothing changed. Except that his hair was longer and she now had a piercing. His clothes got bulkier with the changing seasons and her skin was tanner.
By October, their hour-long conversations had to be reduced to a couple of minutes as midterm exams and projects started. Eventually, they decided to talk every other day, then every two days until finally they agreed it wouldn't work out. For some reason, she wasn't as heartbroken as she thought she would be. It hurt, she couldn't deny that, but when Andre invited her to a party the following night, she said yes. At the party she danced, she drank...she didn't think about him at all.
A few weeks later, she was home for Thanksgiving. In her room, the pictures of them made her nostalgic and she decided to call him to see how he was doing. It was the first time since their breakup they communicated, and she was relieved when it wasn't awkward. They filled each other in on their semester thus far. He informed her he was in New York for the holidays and she filled him in about things at home. They laughed and shared inside jokes, just like old times. Before hanging up, he almost said "I love you." She almost wished he had but laughed instead and placed the phone on the receiver.
Home reminded her of him. It didn't help that her family and friends kept asking about him. For the first time in her life, she couldn't wait to go back to school. When she did, though, something was missing. She didn't enjoy it like she did before. Deep down, she knew she missed him, but couldn't bring herself to admit it. This went on for weeks until she decided right before the Christmas break to call him. She was happy to learn that he would be home for the holidays. She was even more relieved to hear he was still single. She became excited again and anticipation consumed her. So what if she barely passed her finals and her GPA was barely respectable? All she cared about was seeing him.
Reconnecting came naturally to them. They spent the days leading up to Christmas together. They reminisced about their days in Hollywood Arts and their friends. He cooked her dinner and she made him hot cocoa. They cuddled on his couch until she fell asleep and he would have to drive her home. He spent Christmas with her family and before heading back home, he gave her a note and kissed her cheek. She opened the note once he left and smiled at the simple message: "We'll make this work."
Early the next morning she bangs on his door. He opened the door, eyes groggy, hair a mess; perfect. She throws herself at him and kisses him with more force and ardor than ever. He gladly returns the gesture and, closing the door behind them, leads her to the unmade bed. As they make love for the first time in months, it is clear that they are back on.
They spend the next three weeks getting reacquainted and catching up on lost time; Stolen kisses, mid-afternoon love making, outings with friends. Everything was back to normal, only this time she is more conscious about time.
"I'm here now" he tells her once he catches her looking at her watch. She loves that he can tell, can reassure her, so easily. She rests her head on his shoulders and stops worrying.
Deja vu strikes again a few days later as he stands in front of her, ready to take off. This time there are no tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She prepared herself for this moment. He smirks as she readjusts her posture several times and purses her lips. After a few seconds, she notices a change in his mood. He's serious now, more solemn.
"What happens now?" he asks.
Tori shrugs her shoulders. "We go our separate ways again" she replies nonchalantly.
"Okay," he starts, "I'll be here if you want me."
"What does that mean?" she asks as she tilts her head to the side.
"Maybe we can try this again, if you want that is" he replies, nervously looking away from her.
"I...would love that" she says and laughs when he picks her up and twirls her around.
Watching him leave doesn't hurt as much this time around. It's probably because she is certain that this time would be different. They both love each other and can't see themselves with anyone else. He is the only person she sees herself with and she would go to hell and back to make sure they last.
The next few months are easier. She convinced her parents to let her go to New York a few times to see him. Their only all nighters were spent on the phone with each other. She would tell him about her classes and friends and he would fill her in on the auditions he was going on. Everything was great until he actually landed a role that forced him to stay in New York. He made promised her that things wouldn't change, that he would still be around whenever she needed him. He promised that their relationship was his priority and nothing would get in the way of it. However, as his schedule became more hectic and her first year was dwindling down, all those promises went unkept. She would go days without hearing from him and when she did, all he had were apologies.
"Shooting went until later than expected" he would say or "I didn't get your message."
This went on for three months, two weeks and six days.
As her last finals of the year were approaching, he informed her he wouldn't be going back home over the summer. In fact, he was dropping out of school and possibly moving to New York.
"Possibly?" she had asked, knowing deep down that he had already made his decision. She was filled with dread at the sudden realization that there was no way they would make it as long as she was here and he was there. The past three months were taking a toll on her and she needed to refocus all her energy on bringing her grades up.
"My job is here so it would make sense to be here. You could transfer and be here with me, it'll be great."
Of course the idea had crossed her mind as soon as he mentioned moving, but where would she go? What decent school would accept her with her flawed transcript. "I'm sorry admissions director, but I was too busy focusing in my relationship to care about school but I promise to do better at your school, even if the only reason I'm here is because of my boyfriend." Yeah, that would go over well.
"Tori, I don't know what you want me to do. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, I can't just not take it. I'm sorry" he said. More apologies.
"I wouldn't ask you to give it up, but it's not fair of you to expect me to either wait around for you or pick up and leave everything I have here to be with you."
"Am I not worth it?" he asked bitterly catching her completely off guard. That was by far the most selfish statement he had ever made and it helped her decision easier.
"You are, but I can't. I'm sorry." It was her time to apologize, her turn to be selfish.
A deafening silence hung around them after that for what seemed like an eternity and it wasn't until he bid his farewell that she relaxed. Just like that, the relationship she had worked so hard to maintain was over, and it was because of her. She could have easily jumped at the chance to be with him in New York, give up school and try going on a few auditions of her own out there. She would probably make it sooner or later. The problem was that she couldn't do that for him, she had to do that for herself. If she left school to be with him, she might resent him eventually and then what? The relationship would fail and she would be left with nothing. As she placed the phone on the receiver, she felt her heartbeat slowing down and she exhaled deeply.
"You made the right choice" she told herself repeatedly, hoping to convince herself.
It actually turned out being her mantra for the next three years, which was how long it took for her to see or talk to him again.
Next chapter will be up by next Tuesday.