Hey guys! So this is a fanfic I wrote with my friend Clara. All the characters are individuals that are actually in our French class and most of this is based on actual anecdotes. Sorry it's a little rambly in a few places. Enjoy and review, sil vous plait!
THE SCENE: MME ROSEMARIE'S FRENCH II CLASSROOM
THE TIME: AFTER MATH CLASS BUT BEFORE DEBATE
Addie: *Walks into room* Bonjour, Madame Rosemarie!
Clara: *sitting in chair* Addie, it's not-
Addie: *Cutting her off* WHOA. You're not Rosemarie...
Clara: Wow, no kidding. Last time I checked, Rosemarie didn't look conspicuously like Tony Vincent.
Addie: *crying* DON'T TALK ABOUT TONY VINCENT. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HE GOT KICKED OFF THE VOICE.
Substitute Teacher: Shut up. I don't like whiny kids.
Addie: Yessir.
Clara: So, what's your name? Aren't substitutes supposed to, like, have name tags or something?
Sub: Ask me in French.
Clara: Er... Quel est tu nombre? Mihi nomen est Clara.
Sub: Well I don't speak French but that sounded close enough.
Clara: Derp. So what's your name.
Sub: The name's Jimmy, and DON'T YOU FUCKING WEAR IT OUT.
Gwen: *walks into room* Whoa. Language. What's up with Rosemarie?
Addie and Clara: IT'S NOT ROSEMARIE!
Gwen *rounds corner* WHOA. That's definitely not Rosemarie. WHO ARE YOU SUBSTITOOTY PERSON
Jimmy/Sub: SAINT JIMMY AND DON'T YOU FUCKING WEAR IT OUT.
John: *enters room* So would you prefer to be called Jimmy or Monsieur Don't Fucking Wear It Out?
Girls: *snicker at John's derpyness*
Sub: Wow. You think you're funny. You may call me Saint or Jimmy or Llama or whatever the fuck else you want. Just one rule: DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL ME JAMES.
Kasahara: WHOAH. Who's the guy that looks like Tony Vincent?
Clara: That's Mr Saint Don't Call Me Jimmy James Don't Wear It Out Guy.
Kasahara: Okay then.
John: Esque nous regarde une filme?
Jimmy: Whudda hubba narwal?
Gwen: He doesn't speak French.
John: JARDIN BALONIE
Gwen: *cracks up*
All: *After cracking up hysterically for a really long time* *stare at each other*
Gwen: So, what are we doing today, Mr Saint Don't Call Me Jimmy James Don't Wear It Out Guy?
Sub: Today Rosemarie's schedule says we're watching a movie. Too bad. Today I'm teaching you how to-
Clara: *cutting him off* BUT I WANNA WATCH A MOVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Addie: *S'IL VOUS PLAIT?
Gwen: I WANNA WATCH A MOVIE TOOOOOOO! *bursts into tears*
Clara: *cries on Gwen's shoulder*
Addie: I LOST THE DURNED GAME!
Sub: OKAY OKAY FINE WE CAN WATCH A FREAKING MOVIE! JUST STOP SCARING ME!
Addie: YAAAAAAAAAY!
Clara: YAAAAAAAAAAY! SPOON!
Addie: SPOOOOOOON!
Gwen: YAAAAAAY, NOT SPOON!
John: NARWHALS!
Kasahara: Narwhals?
Sub: STOP USING CAPS LOCK!
Clara: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!
Sub: I CAN DO WHATEVER I FREAKING WANT, BECAUSE MAH NAME IS SAINT JIMMY!
Addie: Wait. You're St. Jimmy?
Sub: YES! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NIMRODS? I'M SAINT JIMMY!
Addie: OH MAH GODS ITS ST JIMMEH!
Sub: You'd better not wear it out.
Addie: I WORSHIP YOOOOOU! *worships him*
Gwen: Ouughughgghhhhhhhh...
Clara: That was a weird noise.
Gwen: It was the I am NOT obsessed with Green Day noise.
Theo: *pops out of Clara's French book* Hi St. Jimmy, man!
Clara: HOLY CRAP YOU REALLY DO POP OUT OF THINGS!
Addie: I told you...
Clara: OH MY GAWSH THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
Addie: Mmhmm! THEO!
Theo: ADDIE! You're that fangirl that keeps tweeting to me!
Addie: You betcha!
Theo: FRIENDHSIP HUG.
Addie: WHEEEEEEE! *hugs*
Jimmy: SO, breaking up this little lovefest, what movie do you little… um… munchkins… want to watch?
Class: MULAN!
Jimmy: NO.
Clara: WHY NOT?
Jimmy: Stop it with the caps lock!
Addie: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!
Jimmy: STOP USING CAPSLOCK!
Addie: FOURTH WALL.
Jimmy: Caps Lock. Stop it. Now.
Addie: Ugh. Fine.
Theo: I'm bored. Jimmy, SAY MORE WORDS.
Jimmy: CAPS. LOCK. STOPIT.
Theo: Hypocrite.
Jimmy: FOURTH WALL.
Class: UGH.
Theo: *pops into VCR*
Gwen: Whuh? Where'd Theo go?
Jimmy: Uh… away. Get used to it.
Class: Mmhmm. MULAN! MULAN! MULAN!
Jimmy: Absolutely not. *turns on TV*
Theo: *on TV screen* Hi kids!
Class: HI THEO!
Theo: So you're in French Class.
Kasahara: No kidding.
Theo: DON'T TALK BACK TO ME CHILD.
Clara: Whuh….uh?
Theo: So… let's learn French!
Addie: YOU SPEAK FRENCH?
Theo: Well…no. But I have this amazing thing called Google Translate!
Class: But Rosemarie tells us not to use that!
Jimmy: But… let me guess… you all do anyway.
Addie: Well…
Clara: Um…
John: Yeah.
Jimmy: Thought so. NOW LISTEN TO THE THEO PERSON.
Theo: Let's type stuff in. *pulls up Google Translate app on smartphone* Who wants to come up with the first sentence?
Addie: WHAT IS THE AIRSPEED VELOCITY OF AN UNLADEN SWALLOW?
Theo: AFRICAN OR EUROPEAN? I mean… NO. Better sentence anyone?
Clara: I LOST THE GAME.
Theo: AW DAMNIT CLARA I JUST LOST THE GAME. And not that.
John: I HAVE ONE.
Theo: Go for it.
John: *censored* *censored for your protection* me *censored* Megan Fox *censored*
Theo: Um….
Class: NO.
Theo: Too late. Already typed it in.
Google Translate: *censure* *censure pour votre protection* moi *censure* Megan Fox *censure*
Class: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! THAT"S SO DISGUSTING!
Theo: EHEHEHEEE.
Jimmy: STOP IT WITH THE CAPS LOCK!
Clara: STOP IT WITH THE POOR MUTILATED FOURTH WALL!
Addie: SPOONS!
Kasahara: JUST PUT IN MULAN ALREADY! Wait what?
Clara: I LOST THE GAME!
John: NARWHALS AND BUTTHOLES!
All: SHUT UP JOHN!
John: *giggles like a derp*
All the girls: JOHN!
Addie: AT least he's not talking about his weenuses like last time.
John: Oh, yes. I have some more education for you on that topic...
Addie: JOHN, I DO NOT WANT YOU TEACHING ME HOW TO OIL MY WEENUSES.
John: But proper weenus care is incredibly important!
Clara: Okay, moving on...
Jimmy: Weenus...
Gwen: It's the skin on your elbow.
Jimmy: Oh... *puts face in hands*
Theo: So, children, what are we going to do now?
Clara: Ooh, I know! Type "do a barrel roll" into Google Search!
Theo: Why...?
Clara: DO IT OR ELSE I SHALL EAT YOUR COOKIES.
Theo: *clutches invisible cookies* NUUUUUUUUU! *types "do a barrel roll" into Google Search*
All: OOOOOOH... AHHHHHHHHH...
Addie: CLARA MAKE IT DO IT AGAIN!
Clara: Fine then. *presses reload button*
All: OHMYGOSHTHAT'SAMAZING
Clara: Hehe A-MAIZE-ING
Addie: MAIZE
Clara: MAIZE
Gwen, Kasahara, Addie, and Clara: THAT'S A-MAIZE-ING.
Theo: What is this maize thing you speak of?
Gwen: *gasps* YOU'VE NEVER WATCHED GROWNUPS?
Jimmy: Nooooo...
Gwen: WHY NOT?
Jimmy: I'm busy projecting a dark and depressing image of America and shooting heroine to watch TV, thanks.
Addie: At least tell me you've seen Monty Python.
Jimmy: What''s that?
Addie: GASP! I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU WHATSOEVER! GO AWAY, TRAITOR!
Jimmy: NOOOOOOO! MY LOYAL FANGIRL!
Addie: Actually I'm a fan of Billie Joe Armstrong, but whatever. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. NEVERRRRRRRRR!
Jimmy: What if I give you a personal performance of Saint Jimmy?
Addie: OHMYGODYES.
Addie: YESYES. SING, PERSON.
Jimmy: Here we go...
Addie: OMGEEEH YESSSS
Jimmy: SAINT JIMMY'S COMING DOWN ACROSS THE ALLEYWAY...
Addie: *faints*
Theo: Look to the lady!
Gwen: Wait what the hell? Theo did you just reference Macbeth?
Theo: What? NO!
Kasahara: Mmhmm. So anyway. I think I know what we're doing in class today...
Addie: *magically revived* HEY I JUST SLAPPED YOLO IN THE FACE
Gwen: NERDY CULT CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL BOOYAH
Class: AMEN
John: My weenus is dry.
Addie: May I offer you some weenus lotion?
John: Why yes, I would love that.
Jimmy: STOP IT WITH THE WEENUSES YOU TINY ANNOYING PEOPLE.
John: Er, Jimmy... You're portrayed on Broadway by Billie Joe Armstrong who's like five foot seven. On concept, I'm taller than you.
Jimmy: FOURTH. WALL. STOPPIT
Clara: SPOON.
Kasahara: MAIZE.
Avery: MOOSEN.
Addie: Whoa. Since when are you in this class?
Avery: Oh, I'm not.
John: ON WIH IT...
Theo: *puts Monty Python tape in VCR*
Addie: Theo, aren't VCR's kind of outdated?
Theo: Meh. DVD players are too mainstream.
Jimmy: WHOA WHAT THE HELL THEO. YOU'RE AN UNDERCOVER HIPSTER?
Theo: JIMMY. Every hipster knows the number one rule of being a hipster is that you NEVER tell people you're a hipster!
Jimmy: Emmhmm. Theo. Start the DVD.
*opening sequence begins*
Jimmy: I DON'T READ FUCKING SCANDINAVIAN
Theo: Scandinavian isn't a language, you nimrod.
Addie: OKAY STOP IT WITH THE GREEN DAY ALBUM PUNS.
John: *giggling like a little girl* mehehehe...moose...toothbrush...
Class: J'AIME MONTY PYTHON!
TADA! Hope you enjoyed! Mucho gusto, (oh wait, wrong language), SaintAddie