Disclaimer: I don't own the Thunderbirds
It doesn't really matter but here are the ages and order in this story anyway: Scott-31, Virgil-28, John-26, Gordon-23, and Alan-21
"Debrief Gordon." Scott was standing in the doorway to his little brother's room. He was watching Gordon stare at the ocean from his balcony.
Gordon didn't even turn as he emotionlessly said "Not interested"
"Not a choice."
He did turn then "You already read me the riot act on the way home, as did Virgil, what more do you want."
"It's procedure Gordon, we need to figure out what went wrong and how we can fix it."
"Nothing went wrong Scott, we saved those people and they get to go home on their feet instead of in a box. If that's not a happy ending, I don't know what is."
Scott took a deep breath in order to control his rising temper. "Regardless of the outcome things went wrong today and we need to talk about it so either come to the lounge or I will drag you."
"Fine" Gordon made his way across the room pushing past Scott on his way out. Rolling his eyes at his brother's surliness he followed behind his angry sibling.
Virgil, Alan, and their father were already seated waiting for the rest of the Tracy men to arrive. Seeing his remaining earth-bound sons walk into the lounge he called John. Jeff watched as Scott sat next to Virgil while Gordon remained standing by the entrance. Jeff shook his head ruefully knowing it was going to be a hostile day on Tracy Island.
With a nod from Jeff Scott started recalling the rescue with his brother's chiming in when necessary. Gordon didn't speak unless he had to and his answers were short and to the point.
"Gordon went back for the last group, but I didn't think the structure was stable enough. I told him to wait until we could stabalize it, but he ignored me and went anyway." Scott looked pointedly at his copper-haired brother.
Gordon glared at Scott from his place against the wall. "The building wouldn't have lasted as long as it took to stabilize it; I barely got them out as it was."
Jeff looked at his hands folded on the desk. It was days like these when he questioned his choice to employ his sons. "It was not your call to make Gordon."
"They would've died if I hadn't gone!" Gordon was no longer leaning against the wall instead having moved closer to Scott. He was using his hands to emphasize his point and his eyes were glinting with anger.
Scott was on his feet "Maybe, but you put your own life in unnecessary danger-"
"Unnecessary!" The redhead's face was beginning to match his hair color. Jeff knew he needed to intervene before things got really ugly. Before he could Gordon was in Scott's face. "You're calling three lives unnecessary!"
Scott pushed Gordon away from him "No, I'm saying what you did was unsafe and if you'd have waited-"
"Those people would've died!"
"Shut up Gordon and let me finish!"
Virgil and Alan were in between their brothers now trying to convince them to back off. Jeff stood "Boys" boomed his authoritative voice. "That is enough." Scott and Gordon stopped glaring at each other long enough to look at their father.
"Gordon, while I am glad you were able to save those people you took a dangerous risk today. I know you boys risk your lives every day for strangers and I couldn't be more proud, but I need to know that you can determine when a risk is too great. The decision you made today Gordon was impulsive and reckless. I'm afraid I will have to suspend you from all rescues until I know for sure you can make safer choices." Jeff said looking at his fourth born sternly, the slight glimpse of sympathy only visible to those who were looking.
Gordon pushed Alan's restraining arms off of him before angrily stomping out of the room. Before reaching the exit he turned giving the others a glimpse at the turmoil on his face.
"You want to know why? Why I'm so reckless? Why I take what you call unnecessary risks?"
They were all just staring at him. Gordon didn't get angry very often, he was generally the most even tempered of the family. On the rare occasions when he did become angry his temper was fast and furious. He was quick to forgive and usually the best option was to stay out of the way until he calms down.
"Because someone somewhere decided that I was worthy enough for a second chance." Gordon paused and took a breath. In a quieter voice he continued, "I make these so called reckless decisions to save as many lives as I can because I believe that's the reason I'm still here. I of all people know how short life is and I plan on making the most of it." With that he left the lounge leaving the rest of the family in stunned shock.
For a few minutes the lounge was silent everyone lost in their thoughts.
"Dad?" John's quiet voice broke through the fog. Jeff turned to his middle son's portrait. "What do we do?"
"I'll talk to him." Scott said stalking towards the exit. Virgil turned to look at his older brother with a questioning look.
"Are you sure that's the best idea Scott?" Virgil asked. Scott glared at him. Virgil glared right back.
Jeff intervened before they all started having a go at each other "I think everyone needs a little time to cool off before anyone goes to talk to your brother. You know how Gordon is; give him a couple of hours and it will all blow over."
John and Alan both looked skeptic while Scott and Virgil were too busy having a silent argument with their eyes.
"I don't know dad, this time was different. It's not just some petty squabble. He rarely talks about his accident and when he does it's only because we brought it up. Even then all he does is change the subject or turn it into a joke."
"Then we will deal with it if it comes to that Alan. For now leave him alone." With that Jeff sat down dismissing his sons.
After a few tense seconds Scott stormed off with Virgil following shortly after. The remaining Tracy's fled to their respective corners, hoping a little time would do wonders, but knowing it probably wouldn't.
Scott waited a grand total of ten minutes before leaving the house to find his wayward little brother. Looking by the pool first and finding nothing he walked down to the beach towards Gordon's favorite cove. It only took a few minutes for Scott to find him sitting in front of the ocean with his knees pulled up to his chest. Copying his brother's position Scott sat down next to him while trying to find the right words to comfort him.
Gordon's toes were digging into the sand only a fraction of his usual frenetic energy. Scott could hardly ever get his little brother to sit still. Gordon's greatest passion was one of the few things that could calm him for more than a few minutes.
As if reading his mind Gordon spoke, his quiet voice breaking the silence "There's something so calming about watching the ocean move." Scott waited knowing better than to push. He was rewarded when Gordon continued "I love that no matter how many times the shore sends it away, the ocean will never stop coming back."
Scott was startled by the beauty of that statement. Gordon was many things, but eloquent was not one of them. In fact out of all his brothers only Virgil was artistically inclined. While Virgil preferred using his hands to make things he was actually very good at saying exactly what was needed. Maybe Scott should've let Virgil come out here. No, he thought, I need to make this right.
"I know my recklessness makes you guys scared and I am sorry for that." Gordon said looking at Scott for the first time since he sat next to him. "Just like the ocean I know that you'll never stop coming back even when I push you away."
Scott leaned over and nudged his shoulder whispering, "Always Gordy"
They sat for a while longer watching the sun slowly sink towards the ocean before Scott decided he needed to start the next part of the conversation. "Can you tell me where that second chance thing came from and why we haven't heard about it until now?"
Gordon sighed seeming to already regret his outburst before asking "Why did you choose to join IR?"
"Gordon-"
"Just answer the question Scott." Gordon interrupted turning his head to look at him again.
A little annoyed at being waylaid from his question Scott complied "You know why Gords. If something like IR had existed when mom died, maybe she would've lived. Not to mention all the other mass casualty disasters that could've been helped by the equipment we have now."
Gordon nodded, not surprised. He looked back out to the ocean before speaking. "For me that's part of it, but I was six when mom died. Honestly I don't remember that much about her."
Scott's heart broke just a little with those words. Lucille Tracy had been an amazing person and an even better mother. He could still remember how she would hug him even when he had turned thirteen and briefly thought hugging was over rated. What he wouldn't give for one of her hugs now.
While he would never stop wishing for more time with her he was fortunate to have so many good memories. He thought about how Gordon and Alan didn't have those, all they had were pictures and stories told by other people. Gordon had gotten his wicked sense of humor from her. For Gordon not to remember her made him miss her even more.
Scott was shaken out of his nostalgia by Gordon's soft voice "For me it's Danny"
Danny Abbott was Gordon's hydrofoil copilot. Danny had been stationed with Gordon during his year under the ocean and they had been fast friends. After their year was up they were briefly stationed together in Florida testing WASP equipment. It was only a few months, but Scott had been stationed near and had been able to meet Danny once.
Danny had shared Gordon's sense of humor. Scott had barely gotten a word in with the two of them bantering back and forth without pause. Scott had found it very entertaining to watch. Danny had been so full of life and had only been twenty-three when he died. Huh, thought Scott, that's the same age Gordon is now. Registering the significance Scott opened his mouth to say something to Gordon when he spoke.
"I see him in every person we fail to save, in every rescue that comes too late. I believe that everyone deserves the second chance I got, but it's not enough to believe it if it's not a reality. I don't want any more Danny's."
Scott could remember when they were in the accident both Danny and Gordon were pulled out of the water, but only Gordon was successfully revived. He had only seen small glimpses of Gordon's grief during his long recovery. His little brother had always been able to hide behind smiles and humor. It was as if Gordon felt he had to be strong for his family even when he been only twenty. Scott couldn't help but feel guilty for not knowing how much it was still bothering him. Then he felt stupid for even thinking that, of course Gordon still thought about it. Scott had been in combat areas in the Air Force and had dealt with his own case of survivor's guilt.
"We can't save everyone Gords." Scott said repeating what he told himself to sleep at night.
Gordon smiled humorlessly "Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I can't try."
They watched as the sun disappeared beneath the horizon before Gordon spoke again.
"Did you know Danny was married? His wife was pregnant when he died. I called her after I recovered, she wanted me to come see the baby"
"Did you?" Scott had known after Danny mentioned his wife during their brief meeting, not about the baby though. Scott didn't have time to worry about that when he saw the tears brimming in his copper-haired sibling's eyes.
Gordon shook his head working his jaw to dissuade the tears in his eyes from falling "Couldn't do it."
"Why?"
"I didn't want to see what his life would've been if he had lived. Didn't want to see the woman he wanted to grow old with, or the son he never got to hold." One tear finally managed to lose its tenuous hold and slipped down his cheek.
"Gords-"Scott started reaching out to place a hand on his brother's shoulder.
Twisting away and leaping to his feet Gordon almost yelled his next words "Why did he die? Why did he leave me behind? He was my best friend. The guy I could talk to about marine life and nautical advancements and he would be just as interested as me. The guy who spent a year with me at the bottom of the ocean while we were practically living in each other's back pockets." Tears were beginning to cascade down Gordon's cheeks as he continued questioning his existence in the world. "Why did I live when he had a family and a future? I don't understand."
Scott watched as his little brother fell to his knees and broke down into sobs. For a second he just sat there stunned by the sheer amount of desolation in Gordon's words. Shaking his head he snapped into big brother mode pulling Gordon into his arms and rocking him as he let out the grief he had been holding onto for three years. Stroking his brother's hair he wondered how they could've missed such blatant survivor's guilt. He, like the rest of his family, knew Gordon had seen a therapist after the accident and just assumed everything was alright. Gordon had never shown any signs of still being depressed over his accident. He never talked about the accident, but Scott hadn't seen that as a big deal, how wrong he was.
As the oldest of five Scott had often dealt with tantrums and breakdowns. He had wiped away many a tear and soothed many hurts, but for the first time since his mom died he felt out of his depth. He felt a tear slide down his face as he listened to his little brother's heart wrenching cries and wanted nothing more than to take away his pain. The sad truth was he didn't know how this time.
This wasn't Virgil who he had always been closest with and who he could soothe with a hug and a few meaningful words leaving him to paint or play the piano. This wasn't John who has always had problems expressing himself, but when he was upset just needed time with his stars and a good book in which he could escape reality. This wasn't Alan who only needed to go for a drive or hit something and yell at someone for his anger or sorrow to disappear. This was Gordon who hid behind pranks and laughter, who so easily let go of his pain. Usually all it took was a funny movie or a swim to make him break out of whatever mood he was in. Not this time Scott thought.
After a few minutes Gordon's sobs faded as did his energy. Scott was supporting most of his weight and knew he needed to get him inside before he fell asleep. Gordon's head was pressed into his shoulder, hands fisted in his shirt.
Scott shook him gently "We need to go inside Gordy."
"I'm sorry Scott" came a muffled voice.
"What for Gords, you have nothing to be sorry for."
Gordon sat up moving his hands to his lap and revealing his tear stained face. He didn't say anything, just stared at the ocean again.
Scott sighed "Bad things happen every day. We can't prevent them from happening. All we can do is pick up the pieces and hope for the best."
"Why?" Gordon pleaded turning his desperate gaze on Scott once more.
"You can drive yourself crazy trying to find the why and you never will. There is no why. These things just happen. Danny died and that was a terrible thing. But you can't spend the rest of your life searching for answers you're never going to find."
Gordon's face scrunched up and Scott pressed on.
"I can't tell you why he died and you lived. It happened and you can't waste your second chance by dying because you were too focused on saving other lives to worry about your own. Right now you're living for Danny, it's causing you to put your life in more danger than it needs to be and it has to stop."
Gordon looked up at him from where he had been staring at the ground. There was a glint in his eyes that made Scott sure he was on the right track.
"You need to live for you, even if that means IR isn't a part of it." Scott knew he along with the rest of the family would be devastated if that happened, but he also knew if Gordon was happy then so were they.
Thankfully it wouldn't be a problem as Gordon spoke for the first time since his breakdown. "I love IR Scott; I don't just do it for Danny. I do it for mom and for all the other people we've lost to honor their memories. I do it for all the people we've rescued alive and for those we will rescue in the future. I wouldn't trade it for anything." His serious expression turned sly "Besides what would you guys do without me?" he asked, a smirk gracing his face.
Scott smiled happy that Gordon sounded more like himself. He reached out and gently squeezed his little brother's arm.
"You know anytime you need to talk I'm here, not to mention everyone else on the island. You don't need to carry it alone."
Gordon nodded smiling a little "I know. I'll try harder to be safer on rescues; I know you're only trying to keep me safe."
"We love you Gordon. I can't imagine a life without you in it and I would never want to. You're stuck with us for a long time squirt."
"Stuck with you am I" Gordon said getting to his feet and stretching wincing at the pop his spine made.
Scott stood as well "Yes, forever and ever"
Gordon snorted "I can leave anytime I want to" he smiled turning his back on the ocean and heading towards the house. Scott bounded after him putting an arm around his shoulder.
"You wouldn't last a week before you came crawling back."
"Would to"
"Would not"
"To"
"Not"
"To"
"Not"
Scott threw back his head and laughed silently thanking whoever or whatever granted his brother a second chance at life.