Austin and Ally are cool; while the couple behind them were sharing sparkling apple juice and whispering sweet-nothing's to each other, Austin was trying to tell his wife that heartfelt twits on the social networking of tweeter are simply the most stupidest thing in the world.
"Nobody wants to read that! Nobody cares!" Austin exclaimed, but Ally argues that it's the thought and creativity that will always count. She claims that nobody skips over her twits, so Austin asks her to explain why nobody ever favorites or retwits her things. She replies with crossed arms and a huff.
Then when the teenage couple in front of them are sharing an ice cream cone with smiles on their faces, Austin and Ally are arguing over who gets the ice cream cone. One cone is $3.50, they only have $3.55 and there is no way that they are sharing a cone. It's looking like a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. They don't even mind the gossip behind them about how childish they could be as Austin wins that round. Ally begs for a rematch but Austin has already ordered fruity mint swirl, Ally smiles thinking he's sweet to give her the ice cream instead but Austin walks off with the ice cream, eating it quickly. Ally whines the entire way home.
And when the couple next to them who has been married for eighteen years are hugging beneath the fireworks, Austin and Ally are busy arguing over who rides shotgun all the way to their favourite camping spot. The argument goes on: "I'm the guy!" "Well, I know how to read a map!" "That means nothing! Dez is driving, he's my best friend!" "You'll get us lost again!" "Oh, Ally, go eat a pickle!"
There were many other moments between the two: pillow fights on the bed, Austin insulting Ally's favourite jacket, Ally making fun of Austin for getting a sunburn on his eyelids, acting like two year olds at the mall, laughing over the most immature things, and even Austin shoving Ally to the side so he can claim his chair and she's stuck sitting on the floor.
To everyone else, they were the weird, funny, energetic couple who loved each other endlessly but showed it in very different ways. Ally can count each time somebody has mentioned that her and Austin have the best life and Austin can memorize how many times people have told him that they've got it easy and perfect.
So they fake a smile at these comments because there life was not as picture perfect as it seemed. Nobody knew that the reason Austin and Ally had sat behind that couple in that restaurant, arguing about Tweeter was because they had tried for a baby the day before and Ally had symptoms. Nobody knew that Austin then took her for ice cream two weeks later because she had gotten pregnant and they were ohsohappy. Another thing people failed to know about was that they were only going on a camping trip because Ally miscarried and she needed sometime away from the house where they had just ruled out where to put the nursery.
This happens eight more times.
Austin and Ally are cool; they have fun, they don't care what anybody thinks, they are so different than the average couple. Austin and Ally are private; they've failed to even mention to their families that Ally just can't seem to keep a child in her stomach for longer than four weeks.
On the ninth time, Austin has to hold Ally while she's doubled over on the floor, washing the floor with her tears, her body shaking with each sob. He's setting small kisses along her head and whispering things to her, but it doesn't silence the cries because her best friend has four kids now and she can't even get one, let alone carry it long enough to consider herself going into motherhood.
A couple weeks later, Ally isn't so rattled and she doesn't grieve. She is so used to losing a child that the sting just doesn't feel so raw anymore. It's become something that she's familiar with and Austin too. But his eyes immediately land on Ally's facial expression when his mother makes a comment that she wants a grandchild and casually winks at Ally. Ally's face is white and he sees the piece of her heart that breaks off. He watches Ally look away, swallowing a lump in her throat before he finally steps in, forces a grin at his mother and tells her that there's no fun when there's a child involved. He wonders if anyone heard the desperation for a child in his voice.
It's months later when Austin finds Ally on the kitchen floor writing a song about how she feels. Her cheeks are red, eyes swollen, and make up smudged underneath her brown orbs. Austin feels his heart drop because that was tenth time now. The doctor has even confirmed that there is nothing wrong with Ally's reproduction system or Austin's. There's an unexplained reason why she can't carry a child. He's still reeling over the fact that she miscarried again when she's leaped up and her arms are around him.
"it's not fair," she blubbers because it's not. She only lasted four days this time. He rubs her back and imagines it's a swollen belly and that's where their child would've been. But when she pulls away and he sees her flat-stomached figure, he only sighs.
It's four months later at Christmas Dinner when Ally is scared because she thinks she needs to vomit. She excuses herself from the table and travels up the stairs into the bathroom that connects to her and Austin's room. Austin had followed her and he freezes in his footsteps when she's puking, crying, and rubbing her stomach all in one. Both completely crippled in fear, they don't want to break their own hearts again.
But everything's okay because it's another three months later and Ally's stomach is swelling. The fourth week was a nightmare to them because they were simply just waiting for the miscarriage, the one that never happened. What's a mole hill to one couple, is a mountain to Austin and Ally. They are struggling to climb over it, never knowing which moment of pregnancy could be her last.
Austin's mother is rejoicing, calling all of her friends to explain that she'll be a grandmother. Austin squeezes Ally's hand because he can feel her trembling beside him. What's worse than breaking her own heart? Breaking someone else's.
Austin and Ally were the cool couple; they had it so easy. Staying over at Trish's for the night, Trish is explaining to Ally that Ally has the best life: A perfect husband, a musical talent, great parents and in-laws, a beautiful home, and now a child on the way.
"Yeah, my life is fabulous." Ally would grin teasingly at her best friend, not bothering to mention that her life is a battleground of fighting to keep her child's life, always needing to make the right decision to keep this baby's heart beating. She didn't even mention that they have numerous scares of the baby being miscarried. Ally could never rule out whether or not she had legitimate pregnancy troubles or fear that she would have pregnancy troubles.
Ally is so afraid of losing her child that when Trish asks her if she wants to go for a long walk to get some fresh air, Ally immediately declines her offer. Ally preferred to rest. Her baby couldn't die from rest, right?
But when Ally gets home from Trish's, she's crying on the couch while Austin tries to console her. She sobs that she doesn't want to be afraid forever and she was tired of people thinking she had it so easy. Ally mentions that Trish had no trouble with any of her pregnancies, so why did she? Austin just claims that it wasn't meant to be.
Ally's heart begins to thump with ever growing fear when she feels the sharp pains zapping through her stomach like a shock wave. She tells Austin the physical discomfort she's feeling and she can read the fear on his face as if it was her favourite book but she knows that if this was a book, it would not be her favourite to read.
Austin gets her into the car, mentioning she needed to calm down or the situation would be worse. It's literally only five hours later when Austin is driving his wife back home and it's silent because she's not carrying anything in her stomach other than her emptiness this time. That baby was gone. But she had done everything, what had gone wrong? What had she done to this baby? Why didn't this baby fight to hold on?
Ally feels awful when Austin holds his cell phone to his ear and softly tells his Mom, "We lost the baby."
Ally's bottom lip curls out and tears slide down her cheeks. Why couldn't she do this right? Why couldn't she keep her baby safe like all the other Mom's? Why did she kill everything she touched?
Five months go by, Ally is angry at Austin. He suggested they adopt a baby, but Ally didn't want to. She wanted to carry her baby, she wanted her baby to have brown eyes and blonde hair, she wanted her baby to write songs, she wanted her baby to play guitar. She didn't want a child whom didn't have her bloodline, or the shape of Austin's face. She wanted her own baby. Not somebody else's.
"Maybe it's just meant to be this way," Austin had told her which only made her angrier. She was too stubborn to adopt a child but too afraid to create one. Though Austin didn't have hard feelings, he understood, because he was terrified for her to get pregnant again and he preferred his own child over an adopted one.
"I don't want to have this conversation," Ally spat before she stomped upstairs. She was getting miserable with her life. She was at least thankful people had stopped telling her how perfect her life was. Because it was not.
Nearly a year later, Ally and Austin are sitting on the bathroom floor, facing each other but not looking at each other. There's a pink plus sign on the bathroom counter and they'd both just stared at it like it was a foreign language. Were they ready for heart break again? Should they have tried again?
You better not screw this up, Ally told herself when lost in her thoughts. Austin reached out, touching her foot. She looked at him. He gave her a warm, pained smile and told her that they could do this because they were going to have the perfect life, once and for all.
He helps Ally up and this time they tell their families and friends that Ally is pregnant again but mention that they don't want to make a big deal out of it because of what had happened before. The families and friends are so ecstatic but Austin and Ally are terrified. How much pain could their hearts handle? It must've been a lot, because there is a reason why Austin and Ally never stopped trying.
As the months go on, the baby has moved and kicked, the baby has caused Ally discomfort and annoyance, caused her hormones to fly everywhere, her ankles to swell, and changed her walk into a waddle. The baby has shown its life by pushing her belly out until she couldn't see her feet no more. Austin was happier and his fear was dissipating but Ally never seemed to touch her stomach. He's seen it every once and again, but she doesn't leave a lingering touch so he does all the touching. When she's asleep beside him, he'll rub her stomach and give it small kisses. He wished she wasn't afraid anymore, but he couldn't ask too much of her. Ally had told him she was done with getting her heart broken, she was not going to get too attached.
Even when the baby was kicking hard until you could see the kicks and punches through her shirt, Ally still wouldn't touch her tummy. People would laugh and smile, rubbing her belly gently but Ally's fingers would tremble if she even placed her hand near her belly. It wasn't a good idea, Ally decided.
But Ally is very protective when she's in a tremendous amount of pain in her ninth month, Austin tries to rub her back but she pushes him away. He tries to convince her that she needs to go to the hospital, but Ally won't and tells him that the pain will pass. It doesn't. It gets stronger and stronger until the water has pooled by her feet.
Ally scrubs her fingers through her hair, feeling overwhelmed and stressed before she lets Austin lead her out of the house with a packed bag. He gets her into the car. Ally's fingernails have printed half-moons into her palms, they bleed slightly but she still won't touch her belly. She's biting on the inside of her cheek until she tastes blood. She handles it well, not allowing herself to scream, hit Austin, or cry. She holds it back. She doesn't want anything bad to happen to her baby.
Ally's breathing is uneven, lying in that hospital bed. She listens to the sound of happiness in Austin's vocal cords as he calls everyone and lets them know that the baby is coming. Finally, it's the moment they had been waiting for, though Ally can't help but feel terrified. She better not wreck this, they'd made it so far.
Austin is very concerned about Ally when the doctor has their child swaddled into a white blanket and placed her on Ally's chest. Ally will not touch that baby. The baby is starting to cry but Ally's fingers are only trembling. She doesn't want to hurt the baby. Austin quickly picks up the baby; he imagined Ally would want the first hold but it didn't seem that Ally wanted to hold the baby.
He brings the delicate human being towards his chest and kisses her forehead. He glances over at Ally who is looking at the small being in his arms but not even reaching out for her baby. He remembered Trish reaching for all of her children with tears in her eyes. Ally isn't even crying. Ally is staring blankly at the child. Austin wasn't afraid for his child anymore, he was afraid for Ally.
"Als," he whispered, hoping not to wake the infant that had fallen asleep, "Do you want to hold her?"
"No," Ally replied. Austin stared at her, the turmoil written on his face.
"Okay," he mumbled and looked at the perfect angel in his arms. He stroked her cheek. "What are we naming her?" Ally always avoided the topic while she was pregnant. He figured it was her not wanting to get her heart broken but now their baby was perfectly healthy with a beating heart.
"You name her," Ally whispered.
"We'll name her together," Austin replied. Ally didn't say anything. Austin didn't understand. Ally had gotten her heart broken so many times, this is what they wanted; a baby together, to have the perfect life. It was theirs now and Ally didn't seem to be responding to the baby the way she should. "How about Abby? Austin, Ally, and Abby," he grinned. But she didn't smile back. "Um, how about Emma? Or Emily? What about Alice? I bet she'll look like you; Ally and Alice," he said. Ally hadn't responded, just stared at the child. Austin swallowed hard. The baby started to fuss and Ally couldn't deny that the cries were like music.
Suddenly, she whispered, "Melody. Melody Moon."
Austin looked at her and smiled. He nodded before recalling that he wanted to name the baby after his mother, too, considering she was their hugest support. "Melody Mimi Moon."
Ally slowly turned her head away to stare out the window. She grew very tired and slowly fell asleep.
It's been three weeks. Austin has taken Melody home with him, but Ally was left behind. Austin felt his heart drop into his stomach when Ally asked to stay with a friend for a while. Austin had wept to his mother, "I can't do this alone." Mimi kissed her son's forehead and told him that they would figure something out.
Ally had stayed with Cassidy. Austin knew all about it, it was no secret where Ally was. Everyone was worried about Ally; for an odd reason, Ally would not touch her baby. She stared at her child for a long time, but whenever asked to touch her child, she would say no.
Cassidy was trying to help her friend, feeling a sense of empathy everytime Ally refused to go back home. "What are you so afraid of?" Cassidy had asked because she knew something made Ally like this. Ally loved kids and she was so desperate for a child. Why not touch her own?
"I'm going to hurt her," Ally replied in a whisper.
Cassidy smiles, "No, you won't. That baby needs a mother, Ally. Do you love Austin?" she asked. Ally had nodded frantically. How could anyone doubt that? Ally would do anything for her husband. "Do you love Melody?" she asked, her voice softer. Ally looked at Cassidy and slowly nodded, but she was afraid to answer. She didn't want to love her daughter, she didn't want to have an attachment to the child; her heart had been broken too many times to count, she was so afraid to love this child.
Ally doesn't know what had happened but she is suddenly standing outside her own house. She's breathing unevenly and fiddling with her fingers. She knocks twice. It takes a moment but finally the door opens and she sees her husband. His eyes are a little bigger when he sees Ally standing there. Ally's eyes slowly look to the newborn in his arms, asleep.
Very quietly and very softly, she whispers, "Can I hold her?"
Austin isn't even angry that she hasn't been around for three weeks, it's the fact that she actually came around that matters to him the most. His lips curl and he's suddenly smiling at her and nodding his head. Ally's hesitant to grab her daughter. "It's okay," Austin assures her. She looks at him nervously before she takes the child.
Ally cuddles the child towards her chest. The baby fits so perfectly in her arms and Ally crumbles. Tears fall from her cheeks and she uses her index finger to stroke her baby's nose. Ally suddenly isn't afraid anymore. Her heart opens and all of the heartbreaks and let down's have washed away, replaced with all the love in the world for her daughter.
Maybe Austin and Ally would never heal from those heart breaks that have left stains on their lives, but now they had a daughter who was perfectly healthy. A daughter they would watch grow up.
"Come inside," Austin had told Ally because today was a little bit windy and he knew Ally was here to stay now. He tells Ally that they should put Melody back in her crib but she refuses and instead walks around the living room, bouncing her legs lightly with Melody in her arms, unable to take her eyes away. She hums a soft tune and just like that, Ally was clicked into motherhood and only regretting that she'd missed three weeks of her baby's life and never once placed her hands on her own belly when Melody attempted to make herself known with kicks and punches.
"We should do this again," Ally murmurs to her husband, still not setting her child down because why would she do that? She's staring down at the best thing in the world. She realized that those lives that did not pull through were never her fault. "Have another baby."
Austin chuckles at his wife, "We should probably wait a year," he told her but they're so happy because everything they'd ever wanted was right there in Ally's arms.
"I'm sorry I didn't come around sooner," Ally told Austin sadly as she put her baby in the crib. "I thought it was me," she said. Austin had only looked at her with confusion. "I thought they were all dying because of me."
Austin shook his head, showering her with kisses as he tucked Ally into his side, "It wasn't."
"I know that now," she whispered, "I was afraid to touch her. I thought if I touched her she would die."
Austin kisses Ally. "That is untrue."
"I know," she whispered. Ally tells Austin how much she loves him and how much she's sorry. Austin doesn't doubt her for a moment and instead they discuss how their life is now perfect and everything they'd ever wanted.
Austin and Ally are the cool couple; two months later, they were back to themselves and Austin was insulting Ally's twits which he claimed were too heartfelt. He takes Ally and Melody to get ice cream and only buys ice cream for himself to taunt Ally.
Austin and Ally are the cool couple; when life tosses them a curve ball, they pull through. Everytime.