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Putting a child in the ground is hard. Having to bury a child that you never met never got to see smile or hear laugh or cry is debatably harder. Unfortunately that was the position Andy Swarek had found herself in. Currently she laid in the hospital bed where she had given birth to a still born child just hours previous. Her body was exhausted but her mind wouldn't let her sleep. She just lay there, crying silent tears refusing to see anyone. She wanted to be left alone. She wanted to grieve alone.

Well that wasn't completely true. She wanted to grieve with her husband but he was hours away trying to get a flight back to Toronto. The knowledge that their baby was going to a still born child had come as a surprise. They had done everything correctly. Andy had eaten right and never lifted anything to heavy. She didn't even complain too much about being on desk duty. Sam had been by her side through nearly the whole thing. There were no complications up to this point and all though he didn't want to leave his pregnant wife and be hours away from her, Frank had made it clear that he little choice in the matter. One of his old undercover cases was going back to court. The guy was up for parole and the department wasn't sure that he would be put back in jail without Sam's statement.

He had been in courthouse in Vancouver all day and had just finished. He was in a cab on the way back to his hotel when he turned his phone back on and saw numerous voicemails and missed calls from his friends. His heart dropped. None of them were from Andy, which could only mean one thing, she was in labor. Granted it was a little early but he quickly shoved that thought to the back of his mind and told the driver to head to the airport. Anything that was left in his hotel room wasn't as important as this. He clicked on the first message from Oliver and held it up to his ear. What he heard was not exactly what he expected. Not only did Oliver not say that Andy was in labor, he didn't give Sam any details about what was going on. Only that he needed to get back to Toronto as soon as humanly possible. He flipped through the other messages and they were pretty similar. The only one that stood out was one from Tommy. Not only did he sound like Hell, he stressed that Andy really needed him and that he better get his ass home.

The taxi was too slow. The airport took too long to change his flight and the flight itself seems like it dragged on forever,

When he finally landed in Toronto it was late, or very early depending on how you looked at it. He got in the first cab he saw and made his way to the hospital in an equally slow cab.

He didn't know what he expected when he got there but it certainly wasn't this. Not only were most of his friends sitting in the waiting room but none of them looked happy, like he expected them to look after their friend just had a baby. Oliver stood up as soon as he saw him. The words he said moved like ice as he tried to comprehend what he was telling him. This wasn't happening. He would wake up in his hotel room any minute and realize this was all a dream. But that didn't happen. Instead Oliver ushered him to a door and told him to go in, that he was the only person she wanted to see.

If he didn't think it was real before, he definitely did now. One look at the body on the bed and he knew this wasn't a dream. He thought she was sleeping but as his eye adjusted to the dim light and as he walked closer to her he realized she was crying. He inspected her closely. Besides the paleness of her skin and the redness of her eyes only one thing stood out. Her stomach no longer protruded with the promise of a new life.

He didn't say anything and neither did she, neither trusting themselves to keep it at least a little bit together. They just locked eyes and looked at each other sharing feelings with only looks. He moved to sit in the chair next to the bed and they sat like that for a while letting the silence communicate for them.

And then the apologies started. She said it over and over again, some barely audible whispers and others loud between sobs. Sam stood from the chair and say on the bed next to her pulling her into his arms. He knew that no amount of reassurance would make her feel any less guilty but he tried anyway. Truthfully he felt the same way. He must have done something. Hugged her a little too hard or wasn't gently enough during one of the many nights that the pregnancy hormones took over their bedroom.

But the truth was neither of them did anything specific that made this happen. Sometimes things turn out bad no matter how good they started out. Or at least that's what the doctor had tried to convince them when she came in what felt like an hour after he took her in his arms.

Once they were left alone again Andy moved her head from where her face was pressed into his neck and rested it on his chest. When he was sure she had finally fallen asleep he felt the tears fall out of his eyes.

Eventually he would have to go talk to their friends, if they were still there. Eventually they would have to make funeral arrangements but for now they were content with being closed off to the world in their own little bubble of sadness.

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