Mageless

by X-Keva-X

The life and love of Solona and Cullen from their first time to finding the life they only ever dreamed of having with each other.

1. Chapter 1

There will be a new chapter to Falling Star coming soon and yes I lost the bet. I hit the wall and have been struggling to get my muses back in order because clearly based on this long two shot they've decided to meander around and find a new source of entertainment. So hope you enjoy and maybe, I might later, down the road run a one or two shot of Alistair and Neria... maybe. Well hope you all enjoy. Much love for you all. Keva

xx

Solona Amell was a sixteen year old who understood what she was and hated the Maker for it. A mage was a threat, something to be feared, and never considered to be human. She grew up being told day in and day out that mages were weak pathetic creatures that no matter how strong of mind and spirit at any second they could become something ugly.

Sure she had crossed paths with the demons of the fade and how anyone could fall prey to them was beyond her. As far as she was concerned the demons of the fade realm were completely obvious in what they wanted no matter the lies they spun. Only weak minded fools would fall for such nonsense.

Yet that didn't change the fact that she was a mage and though she never gave into temptation some still considered her an abomination. So after being forced into the tower as a child she never used her magic and suppressed it which led her to be in the First Enchanter's office everyday being lectured.

"My child you mustn't continue on this way. Your magic is a gift not an ailment that must be cured." Irving sighed.

"First Enchanter," she sighed in return. "we have this conversation everyday and it will not change my mind." She shook her head. "So long as everyone continues to believe mages are creatures that need to be held tightly under lock and key, that we can't breathe without becoming a threat to the world I will not use my gift ever. Even if the King himself calls upon me because my magic is the only magic that can save his life well…" She crossed her arms over her chest. "He and the Maker will then have a lot to talk about when he's at his side."

"So you intend to spend the rest of your life pretending to not be what you are?"

She nodded at him. "Yes that's exactly what I plan on doing."

Irving sighed deeply. "Then do tell me child how do you intend on passing your Harrowing next week without the use of your abilities?"

She smirked up at him as her eyes sparkled with a knowledge he would never understand. "It's all mind over matter." She nodded. "Magic is only an extension of myself where my mind is a part of myself. My head will get me through it just as easy if not easier than this accursed magic ever will."

The elder mage stared down at the young teen and shook his head. "Child the fade is no place to test the boundaries of your intelligence. Demons lurk…"

"Waiting for the weak of mind to accept their ridiculous offers." She cut him off. "Demons attack the mind and with a weak mind you become corrupt." She pointed out like the elder mage was too stupid to grasp such a concept. "Any offer granted to me that I did not actively seek out on my own means a demon is trying to corrupt me. I know a perfect world is a lie because my whole life is one big nightmare therefore if the nightmare is over I am corrupt."

Irving pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again. This was a losing argument and he knew it. "Very well if you believe you can defeat the demons of the fade with your mind then so be it. If not," he stared seriously at her. "you know the consequences."

"I do." She nodded. "And sometimes I think that becoming corrupt just so I can be struck down would be a lot better than continuing on with this miserable existence." She smiled up at him. "Now if you don't mind Greagoir wishes to speak with me and give me the same lecture. You would think after all these years you two would have given up by now."

Irving shook his head. "You know I can't do that. As the First Enchanter all mages under me are my children and I want to see them flourish and grow. You dear child are a seed that I'm struggling to nurture properly."

"It's not your fault that I am what I am." She smiled and patted his arm. "Society made me believe as I do and so long as I'm believed to be a monster is as long as I will refuse the use of my abilities." She then smiled reassuringly at him. "Do not worry yourself about me I will survive my Harrowing and continue on as this monstrosity I'm considered and do so on the second floor with all the other monsters."

"You are not a monster."

"If that were true we wouldn't be forever locked away in this tower." She nodded curtly at him. "Now if you'll excuse me Greagoir awaits and the more grumpy he his the longer his lectures last." She gave him a small bow. "First Enchanter."

"Very well." He sighed and gave a small bow of his head in return then watched her turn and leave his office. "I truly hope you know what you're doing." He said to himself once she was out of sight.

xx

"And if you fail your Harrowing…"

"Yes, yes, yes." She rolled her eyes as she opened the door cutting him off. "You'll strike me down and take much pleasure in doing so."

"I am not amused!"

"Nor are you ever." She turned to face him. "I would think you have more important matters to deal with then lecturing me about NOT using my magic. Actually I would think you of all people would love mages that refuse to use their magic."

"You're a mage and I do not believe for one second you never use your abilities." He glared deadly at her.

"Well that's what you believe and I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise." She nodded. "Now if that's all?"

"No it's not all." He growled. "However I know anything I say to you has no affect so you're dismissed." He waved an irritated hand at the open door she was standing in front of.

"So if that's the case we won't be having this conversation again?" She smirked at him.

"Get out!"

"Knight Commander." She bowed and left the office closing the door behind her.

"Again?"

Solona smiled at the Templar standing in front of her. "Ah well I think he thinks if he yells loud enough at me he'll eventually get through." She then looked up at him hopefully. "Sooo… will you tonight?" She whispered.

He sighed deeply and gave a small curt nod. "You know if we're ever found out both of us will never see the light of day again."

"I know that's why we have to keep it a secret and just think how good for you this is." She smiled at him. "You're going to be leaving the tower to become Knight Commander in Lothering. You'll be the most skilled swordsman in the order and you're men will look up to you with adoring eyes." She smiled at him. "Knight Commander Bryant the greatest sword wielding Templar in all of Thedas. Women will swoon as you walk by and stories of your greatness will spread across the land quicker than a swarm of darkspawn on a mission for the archdemon."

He rolled his eyes at that. "Forget being a mage you should be a story teller."

She waved a dismissive hand through the air. "Oh also I got a new technique book." She nodded excitedly. "Bran snuck it in to me yesterday."

"Maker," he sighed deeply. "you're going to get every Templar in here thrown out of the tower."

"Not every one of them." She smiled. "Oh and can you help me with my staff I can't quite get the bottom half to work right."

"It's because you didn't attach it to the top half right." He rolled his eyes at her. "I told you what you have to do but of course what do I know."

"Alright alright." She huffed. "Know it all, I'll fix it this afternoon and you can check it tonight." She nodded. "I have to have it done before my Harrowing."

"Why? You know you can't take it into the fade with you." He pointed out.

She nodded again. "I know but it's for after my Harrowing. It'll be my congratulations on proving Irving and Greagoir wrong staff."

"Yes and I'm sure you can't wait to rub their noses in your success."

She beamed at him. "Oh you have no idea." Her eyes sparkled. "Well I'm going to go do some practicing and I'll see you tonight."

He nodded at her. "Tonight then."

With that she turned on her heel and headed for armory on the fourth floor to fix her issues with her new staff.

xx

"Solona?"

"Hi Cullen." She answered without looking at the Templar behind her.

He sighed deeply. "You know you're not supposed to be up here without supervision."

"I am being supervised," she shrugged. "you're here aren't you?"

"Now but not before." He walked up behind her and looked over her shoulder at what she was doing.

"Well no one knew I was here alone before so I think I'm okay." She nodded. "Anyway," she held her staff up for him to see. "what do you think?"

He just shrugged. "It looks like any other mage's staff only a little more deadly." He eyed the two blades curving off the top.

"Well of course it does." She nodded. "It's a mage's staff after all, though," she scowled at the center where the staff split off into two sections. "something needs to go right here." She pointed to the spot. "It needs something but I don't know what."

He eyed the staff carefully before he nodded. "I think I know; come on." He ordered.

She set her staff down on the table and followed him. "What do you have?"

"A stone." He led her to his room where she stopped just at the threshold.

She watched him rummage through his footlocker before he pulled out a leather pouch and walked back over to her. "Here."

She held out her hand to him and looked up at him when he tuned the pouch up side down and dumped the stone into her hand. "Where did you find a stone like this?" She moved her eyes from his face to the blood red stone in her hand.

"It used to adorn the hilt of my father's sword." He shrugged.

"Oh," she held her hand back out to him. "I can't take this."

"No you can have it." He nodded at her. "It was just going to sit in a pouch stuffed away, someone might as well get some use out of it."

"What is it? Was it something special to you or your father?" She looked up at him.

"Not that I'm aware of." He again shrugged. "When he got a new sword he gave me his old one and I took the stone off when I got my own sword. I intended to put it on my sword but never got around to it."

"Well now that you're thinking of it maybe you should put it on your sword now." She nodded up at him.

"No. You use it." He insisted, grabbed her hand, and curled her fingers around the stone.

She eyed him carefully for a moment before she nodded. "Alright but if you ever want it back just say so and it's yours."

"Agreed." He smiled at her. "And I'll watch over you in the armory while you finish it."

"Well that's not much of a deal but okay." She planted a quick kiss on his lips. "I'll repay you for this somehow."

"There's no need." He blushed and nodded towards the door to get her to get moving. "Just get your staff done."

"I can do that." She nodded then headed back to the armory with him right behind her.

xx

Solona stretched out on the grass staring up at that stars and sighed happily. The evening's training session with Bryant was exhausting but the feeling of her muscles being pushed to their limits always felt so good.

"Why are you always breaking the rules?"

She smiled up at the dark sky dotted with the twinkling of the stars. "Because just my existence is breaking the rules so I may as well break them all." She answered without looking at the Templar hovering over her. "You know," she looked over at him as she sat up. "you ask me that same thing every night and every night the answer is the same; so why bother?"

Cullen sighed and shook his head. "Why break with tradition?"

She smiled at that. "Well shall we stick with all traditions then?" She arched a brow at him.

"I…" He trailed off and shifted nervously as he looked around the darkened gardens.

"I'll take that as a yes." She grinned and grabbed him by the hand jerking him down kneel in front of her.

"We shouldn't be doing this." He whispered. "We're going to get caught."

She rolled her eyes at that. "You've been saying that for over the last year now." She nodded. "First if we were going to get caught we would have by now and secondly I think Greagoir and Irving already know."

"What?" He paled as he stared at her. "They know?" He whispered as he looked around them nervously waiting for the two men to suddenly appear.

"No." She smiled as she crawled into his lap. "Or actually I don't know." She wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. "I mean there's no way we could be doing this for this long without someone knowing we're doing it." She whispered in his ear and ground herself against him. "Though it really isn't anything that's that wrong." She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and ground back up against her. "It's not like we ever actually had sex or anything." She moaned against his neck at the building heat between her legs.

"But we're forbidden." He whispered huskily and held her tightly against him. "Templar and mage, the Chantry would have us both killed."

"Well in that case," she pulled back and smirked at him. "lets give them proper cause to execute us." She reached down between them, parted his robes, stuck her hand into his smalls, and wrapped her fingers around him.

"Solona!" He gasped and instinctively thrust up into her hand. "What in Maker's name do you think you are doing?!"

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. "We're going for it." She whispered against them and began gently stroking him up and down as she buried her tongue into his mouth. She pulled back and stared into his glazed over hazels. "Tomorrow is my Harrowing," she whispered as she used her free hand to pull her robe up around her waist. "and I'm not going in there and dying a virgin."

"What?" He whispered trying to get his foggy brain to process her words. Yet before anything could make sense a sensation like he had never felt before had him mute and frozen on the spot.

Solona buried her face into his neck and gritted her teeth against the ripping pain within. Oh she knew it was going to hurt but according to what she had heard the pain was only temporary. If you waited it out long enough it eventually just faded into a dull ache that coupled with the pleasure to come made it not so bad and for some made the sex act even better.

Well for her the pain wasn't THAT bad but it certainly didn't feel good either. "Don't move." She gasped and tightened her legs around him causing him to press deeper into her.

"Solona… I…" He held tightly to her not sure of what he was suppose to do now. Sure basic instinct and the stories he heard from the other Templars gave him an idea of what to do. Yet that didn't mean a thing especially with her telling him not to do what he wanted to do.

"Just a minute." She ordered feeling her inner ache slowly receding. "It's almost gone."

"I can't wait." He panted against the feeling of her inner muscles clenching the life right out of him. That twisting feeling within his gut that was always the beginning of his end when they would have their fully clothed fun time was building at rapid rate.

"You have to." She ordered not wanting to go through all this suffering and never finding the pleasure she was told that hid just beyond the pain. The pleasure she could almost feel as more of the pain subsided. "Think of something else."

"Thinking won't make the feeling go away." He whispered with a groan on his voice.

"Well just hold it." She growled. "I'm almost there."

"There? What are you talking about?" He bit his lip when she shifted in his lap.

She took a deep breath, pulled back, and stared at his flushed face. "The first time for girls is painful." She nodded. "I'm waiting for the pain to dull down a little."

"Oh… OH!" His eyes widened when she ground herself against him.

"Like now it doesn't hurt so bad and kind of feels good." She nodded and stopped moving. "Now," she glowered at him. "if you finish and I don't I'm going to hate you for forever."

"But," he groaned when she started moving again. "I don't think I can."

"Use that Templar training and control yourself." She ordered and went from grinding against him to moving up and down. "Wow." She panted at that strange sensation of him being inside and touching the deepest parts of her.

He buried his face into her neck and groaned part in pleasure and part in frustration of having to work so hard to contain himself. "I can't, I just can't." He panted heavily then thrust up into her and found his end.

"Oh… I… Uh…" She groaned feeling him swell inside her causing her to clamp down against the sensation. She stopped moving up and down and went back to grinding against him until she stiffened in the spine and found her own pleasure. "Wow, just wow." She held tight to him as her pleasure slowly fell away. "We should have done that a long time ago instead of all that pretend sex we were having."

He could do nothing but pant and groan into her neck. He was sure that this was the end of his life. Everyone was going to know what he did and when Greagoir found out… well he didn't want to think of what kind of pain and torture he was going to suffer.

She pulled his face from her neck when he didn't respond. "Cullen."

"We're dead." He nodded. "Everyone is going to know."

"How is everyone going to know?" She snorted. "Only you and I know what we did and unless you tell or I tell no one will ever know."

"I guess." He reluctantly agreed. "Um we better get out of here though." He nodded. "I'm due my shift change and I'm probably late by now." He lifted her off his lap helping her to her feet.

She fixed her robes and grinned evilly at him. "Probably, but who cares the fate of the world will never rest on anything that goes on in this tower."

He stood up, put himself back in his smalls, and straightened out his skirts. "I just don't want to have to face Chantry justice or see you sent to Aeonar because of this." He gently touched his gauntleted hand to her cheek. "It's not worth it."

"I don't know a shake up might be a nice change." She smirked at him and upon the frown she received she grabbed his hand held it in her own. "Don't worry we're going to be okay," she nodded determinedly. "I swear it."

"I hope you're right." He sighed and pulled his hand back. "You better get to bed and I better go relieve Alan before he comes looking for me."

"Alright." She lifted up and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Before we part ways I just want to tell you that I love you."

He blushed at that. "Really?"

"Of course." She nodded. "You know I think I've loved you from the first time I saw you. But now I know for a fact that I do love you and have so for awhile now."

He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I love you too." He whispered as he stared into her eyes causing them to brighten excitedly. "Now get to bed."

"You want to join me?" She leered.

He snorted at that as he rose back up to his full height. "Go to bed." He shook his head and gave a gentle push to her shoulder. "I'll see you in the morning after my shift is over."

"After your shift you can crawl into bed with me." Her eyes sparkled excitedly. "I won't mind."

"Just got to bed." He snorted.

She sighed disappointedly. "Fine good night then."

"Good night." He smiled then led her out of the gardens to the hall.

She smiled up at him then turned and walked down the hall heading for the apprentices quarters.

Cullen watched her go and smiled to himself. "She loves me." He whispered happily then turned and headed to relieve Alan not caring that he was late to his shift.

xx

"So what do I get for passing my Harrowing?"

"What?" Greagoir narrowed his eyes upon her. "You don't GET anything."

"Then what was the point?" She huffed and looked over at Irving. "You mean to tell me I went through all that trouble of going into the fade just to tell five demons which were completely obvious to sod off. And I get nothing for it?"

"No child your reward is no longer being an apprentice." Irving nodded at her. "You are now one among the senior enchanters. You will take on apprentices and train them in how to use their powers to eventually pass their Harrowing."

"You're kidding right?" She eyed him critically. "Me the mage that has only used her powers twice in her life to speak of is going to train mages how to use their powers." She looked at Greagoir. "Please tell me you of all people see the problem with this."

"I wanted to have you turned tranquil but Irving insisted we put you through your Harrowing instead." He sighed deeply. "We didn't expect you to pass and pass without using your magic."

"I hate you both." She glowered between the two men. "I'm a sodding enchanter that doesn't even know how to use her own magic. Can't wait to get my first apprentice." She bit out sarcastically then looked back at Irving. "Now seriously what am I suppose to do as a full fledged member of the Circle; chase the rats out?"

"We'll find a place for you." Irving placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"What; the dark corner on the third floor?" She huffed.

"As long as you're out of my hair that'll be fine." Greagoir snorted.

"Oh so you do have a sense of humor." She glared at him. "Just for that how about I become your personal assistant."

"Not on your life." He growled then stormed out of the Harrowing chamber.

She narrowed her eyes upon his retreating form and once out of sight moved her glare to Irving. "No really; what am I suppose to do?"

"Like I said child we'll figure it out." He nodded at her. "In the mean time take the rest of the day to yourself."

"Greeaat." She huffed. "Another day like any other." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Off to the gardens I go to watch the grass grow."

"If that pleases you." Irving nodded then followed Greagoir's path and left her fuming in the middle of the room.

"Congratulations."

She turned to the only other person left in the room with her. "Thank you." She sighed releasing her frustration on the exhale and smiled at him. "Though I don't know what the point of me passing was. I mean what am I suppose to do as a full fledged enchanter that can't even use her own powers?"

"Well," he shrugged. "you could try and start using them." He suggested knowing full well she would never.

"I don't want to use them." She scowled at him. "You of all people should know that."

"So what are you going to do?"

She shook her head. "I don't know," she suddenly smirked. "escape maybe?"

"You can't escape." He pointed out knowing she was more serious than her smirk was letting on. "Only two people have ever managed to escape this tower and they were caught within hours of being gone. What hope do you have?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Probably none but maybe I'll try it just to create some excitement in my life." She suddenly leered at him. "After I have my way with you of course and defile Greagoir's desk."

His eyes widened hugely. "Do not speak so loudly about that." He gasped.

"Oh like anyone is going to believe anything I say." She snorted. "Greagoir thinks I'm a habitual liar, Irving thinks I just like to make stories up, and the rest of the tower thinks… well…" She trailed off and waved a dismissive hand through the air. "According to tower rumors I've already deflowered nearly every Templar and mage in the building and Bryant and I are in the middle of some mad passionate love affair. That's why he's being sent to Lothering not because he was promoted but because we can't keep our hands off each other. Clearly I've been having sex with everyone since I came to the tower at a mature five years old."

"I've heard the rumors," he nodded at her. "and I've always known better."

She smiled at him. "You better especially since you've been my one and only since you came here two years ago. It was love as first sight." She dramatically swooned with her hands clasped against her chest. "My one true knight in shining armor."

He flushed at that and began walking towards the door. "You know I hate it when you do that."

She followed after him grinning wickedly to herself. "Oh come on you know you secretly love it when I say those things."

"I do not." He growled and stormed down the steps. "It makes me feel a fool."

"Alright alright I won't say it anymore." She followed close behind him. "As long as you promise to come see me."

"I'll think about it." He grumbled and all but ran down the hall from her. She was embarrassing him and he hated when she would do that it made him feel like a silly little child.

xx

X-Two Years Later-X

"You can have her." Greagoir jerked his head towards Solona.

"What?!" She glared at him.

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Irving nodded.

Solona shot a glare over at the First Enchanter. "No!"

"Irving I need a mage." Duncan nodded. "I'm led to believe that this girl may be a mage but she is incapable of using her powers."

"True." Irving nodded. "However this girl passed her Harrowing without using a single spark of magic." He pointed out. "A feat only granted by the Maker to be sure."

"Oh no you don't!" She glared at the three of them. "I'm not going with him no matter what you say."

The three completely ignored her and continued on like she hadn't said a word.

"Certainly?" Duncan questioned as he eyed the girl over. "That is a feat." He nodded. "Perhaps she could be of use in the coming blight even if she doesn't use magic."

"No!" She glared deadly at him. "I am not doing this. I do not want to be a Grey Warden and you can't make me!"

"Take her." Greagoir nodded with a smirk. "If she's out of this tower she won't be corrupting my Templars anymore."

"HEY!" She turned the full force of her glare upon the Knight Commander. "I don't corrupt your Templars!"

Greagoir snorted at that. "Do you think I don't have ears? I hear the rumors."

"Rumors being the key word there Greagoir." She bit out. "I have not corrupted a single one…"

"Cullen." He cut her off and narrowed his eyes even further. "Do not think I don't know about your little excursions in the gardens over the last three years."

She waved a dismissive hand through the air. "One Templar, so what."

"It's forbidden and you're lucky I didn't send you to Aeonar for your behavior."

She arched a brow at that. "And why didn't you then?"

He sighed irritably. "Because of your inability to use your magic. They would have tested you to see the full scope of your magic. Knowing you and your luck your magic wouldn't have surfaced and they would have let you go thinking me to be mad." He shook his head. "Sending them a mage that doesn't have any magic." He snorted.

"Well damn," she huffed. "had I known that I would have done whatever it took to get sent to Aeonar a long time ago."

"No I think the Grey Wardens is just the place for her." Irving nodded.

What she would give to be able to kill someone with a glare alone. Irving would be writhing on the floor right now and Greagoir would have met the Maker a long long time ago.

"That will be fine." Duncan nodded. "However that doesn't change my purpose for being…" He trailed off when three people suddenly came running up the stairs from the basement.

Solona was the first to recover from the interruption. "Oh you guys are in so much trouble right now." She pointed a finger at the trio staring in shock at everyone from the top of the basement stairs.

"I agree." Greagoir growled. "The repository is off limits to all." He narrowed his eyes deadly upon them.

"I suspected they were up to no good." Irving sighed disappointedly as he stared at Neria.

"Newly a mage and already flouncing the rules." Greagoir bit out.

"Well guess that's it for me." Solona smirked and started backing for the door.

"We'll be leaving on the morrow first thing." Duncan looked over at her. "Take the night to gather what you'll need."

She was tempted to say something vulgar to that but held her tongue. "Fine." She huffed and stormed through the door. On her way down the hall heading for her room on the second floor she grabbed Cullen from his post in the library and pulled him along behind her.

"Solona!" He tired to pull away from her only to find she had one hell of a grip on him. "I'm not suppose to leave my post."

"Yea well I don't care." She bit out. "I'm leaving the tower in the morning with that blasted Grey Warden and by damn I'm going to break every rule I can in the meantime."

"What?" He gasped and quit resisting her pull on him. "Leaving?"

"Yes." She hissed. "Irving and Greagoir gave me to that man as a new recruit to the Warden ranks."

"Leaving." He whispered unable to process it. Leaving meant gone, away from him, away from the tower, never to be seen again. "Leaving."

"Yes yes leaving." She huffed, pulled him into her room, over to her bed, and pushed him down onto it. "But I'm not leaving without leaving my mark on you and this Maker forsaken tower." She growled and climbed atop him. "I'm going to make one hell of a man out of you." With that she leaned down and covered his open in shock mouth with her own.

xx

"Where is my Templar?" Greagoir demanded as he glared at her.

"I don't know," Solona huffed. "I'm not the Knight Commander here. Besides isn't it your job to keep track of your own men?"

"The second you walk out of this tower will be the single most happiest day of my life." He glared at her.

"Yea I'll miss you too." She smirked at him and followed Duncan out the door. "Oh and you might want to check on Cullen he may not be walking for awhile," she laughed at the stricken look he was giving her. "he's probably still on my bed." With that the doors closed behind her giving her the best memory of Greagoir she was ever going to have.

Greagoir turned to go have Cullen pulled out of her bed only to find said Templar standing behind him looking just as mortified as he was feeling. "I pray to the Maker we never see her like again." He grumbled and gave a curt nod to his guards to get back to work. "Now maybe we can get this tower back under control."

Irving chuckled at that. "I believe Greagoir before too long you'll be complaining of boredom."

"I'll take that bet." He glowered at the mage. "I will take a thousand years of peace, quiet, and no more of my men being corrupted over ever having that girl back in this tower."

"You're on." Irving chuckled as he followed him back into the depths of the tower.

xx

"Isn't this exciting?" Neria questioned excitedly.

"Are you out of your mind?" Solona glared at her. "We're going to war not a stroll across the land. We are walking towards our deaths."

"Why are you so cynical all the time?" She huffed. "Your jaded outlook on the world is completely unnecessary."

"Is it?" She arched a brow at her. "You're a mage as much as I am. The day you were born your life was over. You and I are abominations, a threat against man, a shame to the Maker that created us. You're darn right I'm jaded and no more so than I deserve to be."

Neria snorted at that. "How can you call yourself a mage? You've never used your powers once as far as I can tell."

"If I wasn't a mage I wouldn't have been locked in that tower for the majority of my life." She sighed deeply. "Though I have to say it wasn't so bad." She winked at the elf.

"What do you mean?" She stared at the taller woman suspiciously.

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the back of Duncan's head leading their little party down the dusty road towards Ostegar. She could tell he was listening carefully to their conversation and by damn if he wanted to hear she was going to give him an ear full. "Deflowering a Templar was one of my high points of living in the tower." She looked over at her companion and smirked at her.

Neria narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "You didn't."

"I most certainly did." She grinned as her eyes glinted excitedly. "Cullen and I did it everywhere including on Greagoir's desk." She nearly laughed out when Duncan gave a small stumble in his step.

"You did not!" She challenged.

"I did." She nodded. "You heard Greagoir before we left. He's known about Cullen and I all this time."

Neria drew her brows deeply at that. "If he knew why didn't he do something about it? Mages and Templars are forbidden."

"True but he could never prove it." She nodded. "Cullen and I mastered the art of stealth." She grinned evilly at her. "They knew but could never truly prove anything. Everything was always hearsay and rumors."

Neria eyed the girl next to her not sure if she should believe her or not. Solona had a reputation of not exactly being trustworthy… well unless it was about something completely depraved then she was as honest as the Maker himself. If deflowering a Templar wasn't scandalous she didn't know what was. "So what about all the other rumors?"

She looked over at her with a brow raised. "What about them?"

"Are they true?"

Solona shrugged. "Depends on which ones you're asking about."

"Ser Bryant."

"No," she shook her head. "that one is completely exaggerated. We were just good friends more like big brother little sister." She sighed. "Now for the other rumors. No I never slept with anyone besides Cullen, he was my first and only. Yes I completed my Harrowing without using magic, yes I arm wrestled Greagoir for his bedroom, no I didn't win." She smiled. "Yes I had sex on Greagoir's desk, on Irving's desk, and anywhere else I felt that the tower needed to be defiled. Again only ever with Cullen. Yes I beat up Anders as you know," she smirked at her. "and no I didn't freeze Jowen to his bed naked for everyone to see. I'd have to use magic to do that and I honestly don't know if my magic is ice based or whatever."

"Wow!" She stared wide eyed at her. "I could never do any of those things."

She shrugged at that. "Yes, well I blame boredom and rebellion."

"So does that mean you aren't sad to leave the tower?"

She frowned at that and looked ahead towards the horizon. "No I'm not sad to leave the tower but I am heartbroken at having to leave Cullen."

"You loved him?" She questioned as she stared up at her.

"Loved him, love him, will forever love him." She answered sadly. "He's the only reason I never requested to be turned tranquil or killed." She looked over at her as a single tear escaped the corner of her eye. "He is my reason for living everything else in life is just a byproduct of existing."

"So without him…"

"I'd have nothing." She finished for her. "He is my greatest love." She smiled then looked back to the horizon. "My greatest love." She whispered and fell silent as memories of their time together began to pass her mind's eye.

xx

"If you don't mind me asking?"

Solona looked at the Warden commander standing next to her watching Neria cook their evening meal.

"If you don't use your magic why do you have a mage's staff?"

She pulled the staff off her back and eyed the blood red stone Cullen had given to her gently rubbing it with her thumb. "Why do you carry a sword and a dagger?" She questioned back. "Why does a fish have gills, or a bird wings?"

"I see." He nodded. "It's a status symbol of what you are." He looked over at her as his hand twitched to reach for his sword.

"I wouldn't say that." She turned to face him fully. "I'm titled a mage but that doesn't make me one."

He turned to face her as he gave into the urge and drew his sword from his back. "So what does that make you?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." She smirked and twisted her staff in her hand. "I'm not fighting your war."

"You have no choice." He got into a defensive stance when she took an aggressive one against him. "You agreed to join, there's no turning back now."

She arched a brow at that. "No I never officially agreed but either way it doesn't matter. My journey with you ends here one way or another."

"You would so willingly give up your life?" He questioned trying to get a read on when and where she was going to strike first.

"Leave one cage to be trapped in another?" She narrowed her eyes upon him. "What kind of life is that? I'll take my chance for freedom here and now. Freedom of life or freedom of you and that tower; either way I win."

xx

Neria spun around when she heard what sounded like metal hitting metal to find Duncan and Solona locked in battle. She had heard them talking but paid no mind to what they were saying. Her mind was too busy thinking about being free of the tower and beginning this new life. So she didn't know if they were just training or if this was a real fight.

She watched them attack and retreat like they were engaging in some sort of strange dance. It was almost beautiful the way they moved almost in unison but at the same time opposite of one another. Though watching them she now understood how Solona survived her Harrowing without ever using her magic.

The woman trained to be a warrior and now knowing this that explained a lot of the rumors about her, most of the Templars, and above all others ser Bryant. He was training her how to fight not having a nightly affair with her.

Yet that was neither her nor there the point was she didn't know what to do. Were they practicing or were they fighting for real? If so whose side should she pick? Did Duncan make a pass at the woman or was this Solona's attempt at escaping? Duncan didn't seem the sort to make unwanted advances towards anyone but then again she had only known him for two days.

Solona on the other hand didn't make it a secret that she didn't want to be a part of the Grey Wardens so it was possible this was her escape attempt. What was she suppose to do? More importantly how was she going to become any kind of fighter in a war when she was this indecisive? Maybe she should escape, run away now, and never look back.

Then again where would she go if she did? Perhaps she could go live with the Dalish in obscurity. It didn't sound so bad except for the fact that the Templars had her phylactery making it easy for them to find her. Yet they also had Solona's so how was she going to escape and never be found?

She suddenly flinched when Solona landed a hard hit with her staff to the back of Duncan's head causing him to fall to the ground in a heap.

"Wow," Solona gasped and smirked over at her. "he almost had me. If he didn't trip over that rock he would have." She winked at the elf. "Guess I better train some more."

"What are you doing?" She whispered wide eyed. "You killed the commander of the Grey Wardens."

"Oh I did not." She snorted and bent down over his prone body. "He's just unconscious." She grabbed his money pouch and took a few sovereigns out then hooked it back onto his belt.

"Solona that's theft! They're going to hang you!"

She stood up and walked over to the bag of supplies. "They'll have to catch me first." She sorted out a few items to help her survive for a few days and packed them into her pack.

"You're running?" She stood up, moved over to the woman, and grabbed her by the arm. "Don't do this; they'll kill you."

Solona patted the hand on her arm. "I'd take that over being a prisoner to the tower or the Grey Wardens." She nodded. "I'll be fine; trust me."

She gripped her arm tighter. "I can't let you do this for your own good." She nodded determinedly.

"You'll make one heck of a Grey Warden." She nodded at the glint of determination in her eye. "But I'm not staying."

They both looked to Duncan when a groan passed his lips.

"Damnation," Solona hissed. "he's coming around quicker than I thought."

"Good, you can apologize to him and everything will be okay." She nodded.

Solona shook her head. "No it won't. He will kill me the second he comes to and I can't let that happen." She smiled at her. "May your future be long and fruitful." She nodded then sent her fist flying into her stomach causing her to double over and fall to the ground. "Sorry Neria." She whispered then took off vanishing into the darkness of the forest surrounding them.

xx

Cullen prayed harder than he had ever prayed in his life. This nightmare was pushing on day three or was it four? He couldn't remember it was all blending into one continuous blur of misery.

The surprise attack by Uldred and his fellow blood mages came out of nowhere. The power those traitorous mages exhibited was astounding and no amount of smiting by he and his brethren could stop them. So many innocent mages, Templars, women, even the children were turned to evil or killed.

He had watched them fall around him fighting to save them as well as himself until he was caged. That's when the nightmares began the visions of hopes and dreams… her death in the war against the darkspawn.

When the mages returned from the war with news of the King's death, the loss against the darkspawn threat, and all the Wardens dead he too died. His one and only love gone lost to the dakspawn threat. Which made the visions so hard to ignore.

He wanted her to be alive, meeting her in the garden, making love to her under the stars like they had so many times before. To hear her tell him to quit worrying about being caught all the time. To feel her body against his own as he possessed her just as she would possess him.

She was his first, his only, his last. They discovered growing up together their first kiss just a week after his arrival at the tower. It was chaste but it was enough to keep his gaze focused on her and her alone.

They found their sexuality in each other. A touch here, a touch there, behind her knee, the base of his neck, that little spot just under her jaw. Lips and hands always exploring but never daring to take that next step into oblivion. She would sit in his lap and grind her clothed body against his own until they both reached their pleasurable peak.

The demons found these memories and used them for their own wicked purposes. They would turn them into something untrue something he truly wanted. They would be married, have kids, a happy life on a farm. She wouldn't be a mage he wouldn't be a Templar they would be just normal people living an unassuming life.

Yet these dreams would always inevitably turn to something ugly. He would hate her for being a mage, she would hate him for being a Templar. She would flounce around her new lover, he would wrap his fingers around her neck, she would claw his face, he would sneer in pleasure at seeing the life drain from her eyes.

He knew these things weren't real; how could they be? She died at Ostegar with all the other Grey Wardens. So he prayed and prayed even when his throat burned against constant use to beg the Maker for forgiveness. He sinned with her, still sinned by harboring love for her deep in his heart. This was his punishment for breaking his vows and he was going to repent until there was no breath left in him if that's what it took.

"Cullen; is that you?"

This was new, a voice he had never heard before, faces he knew vaguely, well save for one strange face. A new vision perhaps? Trying to find a new way to break him since their tactics were failing in using his beloved's face. "Be gone demon I will listen to nothing you say."

"We're not demons." The young elf nodded determinedly.

"Save your lies for someone who will believe them." He growled. "I know what you are."

"Wait I know him." Alistair stepped up to the cage. "We went through our training together. Cullen do you remember me?"

Cullen narrowed his eyes upon the man. "Yes I know you," he spat. "no face you can use will break me." He kneeled back down. "I will stay strong against your evil."

"He's exhausted." Wynn looked sadly at the kneeling Templar in the cage.

"And been denied food and water," Leliana frowned. "possibly for days." She pulled her water skin from her hip and stepped up to the cage. "Here I have…"

"Stay away from me!" He shot to his feet fighting off the wave of dizziness from lack of food and water.

"We're not here to hurt you." Neria insisted. "We're here to help."

He stared hard at the elf waiting for that moment when she would become that horrid demon spouting her poisonous words of promises that could never be. Yet the longer they stood there the more it remained the same. "You… you are real?" He tested not sure if he should trust his tired eyes or not.

"Yes," she nodded. "very real and we're here to help."

He again eyed her and her little group carefully before nodding. "Good, you have to stop this madness."

"Where is Uldred and the others?"

"The others?" He questioned confused. "What others?"

"The rest of the mages." Wynn pointed out.

He scowled deadly at the elder mage. "There are no others." He bit out. "They've all been turned into those… those monsters. Uldred took them up to the Harrowing Chamber and the noises… Oh Maker." He nearly fell to his knees and began praying again.

"We have to get up there and save them." Neria nodded.

"You can't save them!" He nearly bellowed. "You don't know what they have become."

"And you do?" Neria questioned with a hard glare at the Templar.

His eyes matched the stare she was giving him. "Yes," he spat back. "I've seen them. I know the evil they're capable of. They torture your mind trying to corrupt you, turn you, make you one of them. They must be killed every last one of them for what they have done."

"If there's just one innocent up there I have to try and save them." Neria growled right back. "I will not have the blood of the innocent on my hands."

"You would doom us all to save one." He sneered at her. "May the Maker turn his gaze upon you." He bit out vehemently before kneeling back down and praying for forgiveness once again.

xx

Cullen watched the little group that had cleansed the tower asking for help to save a possessed boy. Did they not know that those mages were corrupted? Did they not know what was going to happen the second they left the tower giving them freedom to rain down doom upon all in their path? How could Greagoir so easily take the word of a mage that had been trapped with blood mages and abominations?

Perhaps he in his advanced years was losing sight of who and what he was and the real threat mages posed. Perhaps it was time for him to retire and honorably take his leave to Val Royeaux. Perhaps it was time for a new Knight Commander that remembered his duty and why Templars were created in the first place.

"Cullen?"

He narrowed his eyes upon the elven mage before him the one that was going to be responsible for the doom to come. She just had to free them and stand behind their denials of being blood mages. "What?" He growled causing her to flinch against his coldness.

"I just wanted to," she shifted nervously under his hard gaze. "tell you about Solona."

His eyes narrowed even further. "If you intend to break me further by telling me of her death save your breath; I already know what happened."

"No." She shook her head and looked down at the floor as she shifted again. "Solona is alive, I think anyway." She sighed and looked back up at him. "She never made it to Ostegar."

At that he drew his brows deeply. "What are you talking about? She left with you and that Grey Warden."

She nodded at that. "Yes but on the second night she and Duncan fought, she knocked him unconscious, and left. I don't know where she went but when I saw ser Bryant in Lothering he said she passed through there not but a few days before I did." She gave him a sad smile. "That was only about two weeks or so ago. So I think she's alive but where she is now I don't know."

He snorted at that. "Well good for her another mage to run free bringing doom and destruction everywhere they go."

Neria frowned deeply at that. "You know she doesn't use magic."

"You expect me to believe that now that she's free she's not using her magic to corrupt all she crosses paths with?" He growled disgustedly. "Save your blood mage lies for someone who will believe you."

She shook her head at him knowing what he just went through and almost understanding his hatred. Yet to hate someone he loved who loved him so much just didn't make sense. "I'm sorry for your pain and what happened but not all mages are like that and you know it." She nodded. "Solona told me how much she loves you and swore she'd love no other but you for the rest of her life. I hope that you let go of your hate in case you cross paths with her again. Because it would be a shame to lose someone who loves you that much over something she had no hand in doing." She gave a small bow of her head. "Live long and be fruitful were the last words she said to me and now I say them to you. May the Maker heal your heart." She whispered the last part before turning and walking over to her companions waiting for her so they could leave.

Cullen glared at her as he watched her walk over to Alistair and grab him by the arm. He locked stares with his former Templar companion who gave him a small nod before leading the elf through the thick doors. Another mage free to corrupt the world and plunge them all into darkness. The Maker was never going to come back to them at this rate. They were all going to be doomed for eternity.

xx

"Is that so?" Greagoir stared at the Templar standing before him.

"Yes sir." Cullen nodded. "I have checked into the story and have received word that she has in fact turned apostate."

Greagoir pinched the bridge of his nose to fight off the oncoming headache. He didn't have time for this especially with a tower in the process of being cleaned and rebuilt. He didn't have enough men as it was and now Cullen was demanding to go hunt down Solona and bring her to justice. "Weren't you two," he narrowed his eyes deeply. "close?" He insinuated.

"Yes and it's a sin I beg the Maker to forgive daily." He admitted.

"And what do you intend to do with her once you capture her?" He arched silver brow at him.

He stared the Knight Commander dead in the eye as he answered "I will interrogate her and execute her as written by Chantry law." He nodded.

"Is that so?" He questioned. "And why would I believe you would fulfill your duties properly once you have her in custody?"

"I have to rectify my wrong." He nodded curtly. "My behavior with that mage," he said with a deadly sneer. "was wrong and now I have seen the error of my ways. I need to atone for my sins."

He never thought that shy, sweet, innocent, Cullen would ever grow up and become a man. Yet here he was proving that he had finally overcome the little boy in him and entered into manhood. "Alright suppose I give you permission to go and hunt her down though what makes you think she'll willingly surrender to you?"

"She will easily come to me thinking nothing has changed between us." He pointed out with a knowing nod. "She has confessed to loving me deeply to mage Surana that is her weakness."

"And what is yours?" His dark eyes narrowed slightly as he stared hard at him.

"I have none." He answered without pause. "Any weaknesses I had were destroyed by those that held me captive. I am a Templar first and foremost and my duty is to enforce Chantry law there is no room for boyhood dreams."

Greagoir nodded approvingly at him. "Good, however I have concerns with allowing you to hunt a mage all things considered." He crossed his arms over his chest. "If you capture her I need to be assured that you are not going to torture her to seek revenge for what others have done to you." He knew that Cullen definitely needed to get out of the tower for a time after all he had been through but to get out to hunt a mage; he wasn't so sure it was a good idea. "One mage is not all mages." He said knowingly.

"I am aware of that sir." He nodded curtly. "I just want to do right by the Maker, the Chantry, the Templars, you, and myself. I wish to fulfill the role and the vows I have taken."

"Alright," he sighed not sure if what he was about to do was a good idea or not. "I will allow you to hunt down mage turned apostate Solona Amell. However you will not be going alone you will take another Templar with you."

"Yes sir." He stood a little straighter and squared his shoulders. "I will not let you or the order down."

"See that you don't." He sighed deeply really hoping he was doing the right thing and that this was what Cullen needed. "I'll send elder Sean with you he'll keep you in line."

"Yes sir." He bowed with fist to chest.

"You can leave once you are ready but I don't know how you are going to find her." He shook his head. "Her phylactery hasn't activated once since she left."

Now that really got him being he was sure she was out there casting spells left and right now that she was free. "Are you certain?" He questioned incredulously.

"Yes, I kept her phylactery here to be sure she was in fact not using her powers." He waved to the blood filled jar on the shelf over on the far wall of his office. "It has never activated aside from the one time when we first made her phylactery to test that it worked."

"That's impossible." He glared at the jar. "She has to be using her magic."

"Well I can assure you she isn't but take it and maybe it will prove to be wrong."

Cullen walked over to the jar on the shelf and stared at it for a second before taking it. He could almost feel her aura like she was near by but knew that was only his imagination. He turned back to the Knight Commander and bowed. "I will find her sir I swear it on the vows I've taken."

"May the Maker watch over you." He gave a small bow in return. "And Cullen I will say this one more time. This better not be a way to seek revenge for what others have done to you."

"I swear to you sir it is not."

"We'll see." He nodded then waved a dismissive hand towards the door.

"Sir." He bowed again and exited his office.

xx

Cullen leaned against the wall of the tavern silently watching from the dark corner. It had taken months to find her trail and word was that she was in town and was working as a server. He found that to be at complete odds with what he was sure she was doing besides using her magic.

It was no secret that the tavern didn't just serve the customers ale it served ALL the needs of it customers. How easily she broke her promise to love and only ever be with him and him alone.

His breath hitched when he saw her walk in the door and nearly growled at himself. He was sure he had had any and all partial feelings for her sufficiently suppressed. Yet to see her now after so long all those feelings returned just as if he saw her yesterday. A small part of him was aching to go to her, wrap her in his arms, and never let go.

Well he squashed the part of him like an insignificant insect and narrowed his eyes upon her. He had to keep his heart hard and cold against her so he could keep true to the vows he promised to uphold.

"For the last time I'm not one of your ladies."

He drew his brows as he watched her interact with the bartender. Not one of his ladies? Was she really only working as a serving girl?

"I'm a server and nothing more and if you expect more," her eyes glinted. "well you're going to be a very disappointed boss."

"Well then you won't get paid." The bartender argued back.

"Oh you're going to pay me for the work I've done." She glared at him. "I mean it Teal pay me or you'll really pay!"

This was it he was sure she was going to use her magic or break Chantry law and kill the man. It's all he needed to truly be justified in killing her.

"What can you do to me?" Teal challenged.

"This." She bit out and stuck her hand into the bodice of her dress.

His hand went to his sword ready to protect the man from the mage only to stop short when she pulled out a tiny squirming puppy.

"Pay me or Mr. Cuddles becomes my new best friend."

Cullen fought to keep the corner of his lip from curling up at that. The big burly bartender weakened by a tiny little puppy it was just too unreal. More so was the fact that Solona figured that out and used it to get what she wanted that was so like her. Yet that's exactly why she needed to be put down, she was a threat to all she crossed paths with.

"Fine." Teal growled and threw three sovereigns on the counter. "Now give me my dog."

Solona set the dog on the counter and scooped up her money. "Good doing business with you." She nodded curtly then looked over at the dark corner and narrowed her eyes deeply. "I know you're there." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Cullen didn't know if she could actually see him or not but either way he stepped out of the shadows with a smile. "Solona." He had to act like everything was as it used to be so she would come to him without resistance. "I've missed you so much."

"Shut up!" She pointed a sharp finger at him. "I know what you are. Sean told me all about what happened at the tower and why you two are here." She glared.

His eyes widened at that. "Sean, he told you?" He questioned completely confused by that.

"Oh so you didn't know." She smirked condescendingly. "He's in the first stages of lyrium madness. Things slip out that shouldn't when he's left alone for too long." Her eyes hardened. "So you volunteered to hunt me down and kill me not just volunteered but practically begged Greagoir to allow you to come after me."

"You're an apostate." He pointed out coolly. "It is my job to hunt down your kind and make sure you never pose a threat to the innocent."

She clenched her jaw at that. "When have I ever been a threat to anyone?"

"How would I know?" He narrowed his eyes even further. "You're the apostate hiding from Chantry justice. So how many people have you hurt?"

"How many have you?" She came right back at him.

"I protect and I will do whatever necessary to do so." To prove his point he waved his hand through the air smiting her of all her magic.

She snorted feeling her magic being nullified within. "Really?" She arched a brow at that. "Smiting me; that's your big plan?"

"To ensure you are incapable of using your magic to hurt myself or others." He answered and wondered why she wasn't falling to the floor weak from the loss of all her mana. "Why do you still stand?" He growled. "Are you a blood mage?!" He demanded.

"Right." She snorted. "Blood mage. Are you daft? Of all the people in the world you are accusing me of blood magic. How insane are you?"

He raised his hand and smote her again and still nothing.

"Alright look," she huffed feeling his power try to cleanse her a second time. "what do you think I was doing with Bryant all those nights up in the Harrowing Chamber?" Upon his confused look she snorted. "He was training me to be a warrior so I wouldn't ever have to use my powers. The man smote me every chance he got. He'd walk past me in the hall and smite me, I'd walk into the dining room while he was eating he would smite me, while I was sleeping he would come to my bed and smite me." She sighed deeply. "For Maker's sake Cullen the man smote me right before I entered the fade to do my Harrowing. So smiting me isn't going to do you any good."

"You're immune." He said narrowing his eyes to deadly little slits.

"No." She sighed again. "Stealing my magic doesn't affect me at all because one I never use it and two I never depended on it to maintain my strength." She smirked deadly at him. "You want me you're going to have to take me by physical force and just so you know," her eyes narrowed but her smirk remained. "I can take you."

His ego and pride flared at the challenge. "Do not discount me mage." He bit out.

"Fine." She turned and walked for the door. "Outside so no one gets hurt."

He followed behind her grinning and knowing he was going to have her in custody in no time. There was no way she could take him he was a trained warrior and she beyond being a mage that supposedly didn't use her magic was just a simple woman. What fighting skills could she possibly possess that would be able to take him down even with Bryant training her all those nights.

xx

Cullen slid down the wall landing with a thud as his sword fell from his hand. Every ounce of strength he had in him was gone, heck he was lucky he was just able to stay sitting up.

Solona walked over to him, kneeled down before him, and smiled. "I told you."

"Where did you learn to fight like that? What did he teach you?" He had never seen anyone move like that and so easily counter every strike he made with his sword. For every one of her moves he was swinging his sword two or three times quickly exhausting himself. How was she able to do that?

She just smiled wider at him. "Well to put it simply its just combination of all kinds of fighting styles." She suddenly frowned. "Cullen do you truly no longer love me?"

He stared into her eyes and felt his heart clench painfully. He could see the fear of his answer and the pain that would come if he said he didn't. "I wish I could say no." He whispered. "But my duty…" He trailed off and broke eye contact with her.

"What did they do to you?" She whispered as her eyes filled with tears. "I wish I was there; maybe I could have stopped them. Saved you," she looked away when the tears spilled over. "saved our legacy."

He drew his brows at that. "What do you mean? What legacy?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, just forget it, that's my pain to bare not yours." She looked back at him. "I still love you always have always will." She leaned in and placed a light kiss on his lips then moved her lips to his ear. "My heart will only ever allow me to love you and you alone. I hope you let go of your hate and heal so you can find happiness once again. Happiness with someone you can love no matter what." She whispered then pulled back and locked stares with him. "Because clearly I'm not that person. Goodbye Cullen."

Before he could respond to any of that she was gone. The pain he felt at her words was the same pain he felt when that damned Grey Warden took her away from him. He did love her she was his one true love but he was a Templar. He vowed to uphold Chantry law and she was a mage a creature he was told was evil. She couldn't be trusted, she was an abomination just waiting to surface and kill without mercy.

They could never be even if once upon a time they were. He had a duty to uphold and he was going to do as he vowed. He was going to bring the apostate in to face justice even if that meant she would die. It was just the way things were, the way the Maker wanted them.

He felt his strength slowly returning causing him to grab his sword and slowly push back up the wall. He needed to get back to his room at the inn and rest up so he could once again go after her. He wasn't going to return until he either had her in chains or she was dead.

xx

Cullen stared at the little grave marker on shore of Lake Calenhad under the shadow of the tower. The body was never brought here only the few ashes that could be gathered and sprinkled in the water, or so he was told.

It was a little girl with reddish blond hair, miscarried at the age of six months, to a devastated mother named Solona Amell. The father was unknown but was rumored to be a Templar in the circle of magi unawares of life and death of his child. The messenger with the news never came, found murdered just outside Redcliffe, no one forwarded the message once the body was discovered.

He felt sick to his stomach as his heart clenched tightly on the brink of shattering into a million little pieces.

His first child, dead.

The love of his life, on the run.

The mother, carrying the burden of their loss alone.

The father, hunting the mother of his child to kill her.

Now he had to wonder who the abomination really was. How could he hunt her down and kill her now? Could he still hold true to his vows now knowing how far his sin went? He created a child with a mage the ultimate sin against the Maker and the Chantry. What was he suppose to do now?

"She was beautiful."

He should have known she would be there. It was the one year anniversary of their child's death; why wouldn't she be there?

"She looked like you." She moved closer to him. "I never gave her a name I wanted you to have the honor."

He pressed his lips together tightly as he stared at the grave marker. "Aurora." He whispered. "The light of our love."

"It's beautiful." She whispered back. "Aurora."

He could hear the tears in her voice and wanted to comfort her but how could he? Was this his moment to capture her or would it be in bad form? No it would definitely be in bad form to take her in on the anniversary of their child's death. He wasn't completely heartless. "You knew before you left." He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice and failed. "Why," he turned to face her. "why didn't you tell me then?"

She frowned and looked down at the ground. "To what end?" She sighed and looked back up at him. "Do you know what they do to the babies of mages? They take them away the second they are born. If they grow up and are discovered to be a mage they are sent to the farthest circle away from the mage parent. If not they are raised to become Templars or sisters of the Chantry." She closed her eyes squeezing out her mourning tears then looked back at him. "I would have been interrogated to say who the father was and if they found out it was you…" She trailed off not wanting to think about what they would have done to the two of them had she stayed in the tower.

"That's why you didn't fight to keep from leaving with that Grey Warden." He nodded knowing full well that if she didn't want to leave with him she wouldn't have.

"Yes." She whispered. "I did it for us and our child. After she was born I was going to send word to you so you could decide what to do but…" She choked back a sob as the anguish of their loss still felt so raw.

He couldn't stop himself no matter what the Templar side of himself said. He had to hold her to try and comfort her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against his chest. "I wish I was there or our lives were different." He closed his eyes and laid his cheek against the top of her head. "I wish she lived." He whispered.

"So do I." She choked out and gripped tightly to him. "I was so scared and," she sobbed into his neck. "and alone."

"What happened?" He whispered truly wondering how this all happened, where she was, and who was with her.

"I… I was heading back here to wait the remaining months until she was born." She whispered. "I wanted to be close so you could come the day she was born if you wanted but…" She choked again.

He picked her up, moved to sit under a tree, and cradled her in his lap. He removed his gauntlets and gently ran his fingers through her hair. "I wish I could go back and…" He trailed off not really sure at what point he would go back and fix. Before she left, after she left, before Uldred returned.

She sniffed deeply pulling back some of her tears. "I was just outside Redcliffe when the pain started. It was a dull ache in my lower back but by the time I made it just past the gates to town… the blood." She whispered. "There was so much blood I thought for sure I was going to die."

He felt sicker to his stomach the more he heard about her ordeal. Yes he knew the ending to what happened but the fear of not knowing what was happing and being alone. He couldn't imagine how she felt.

"A man ser Perth was his name found me collapsed by the gate and took me to the castle to the Arl's personal healer." She moved her hand from his neck down to lace her fingers with his. "He stayed with me the whole time doing his best to encourage and comfort me. I told him all about you and how I would walk to the Maker's side willingly if only my child would live to be with her father. He's the one that sent the message to you about what happened the message you never received."

Ser Perth; he would remember that name and if he ever crossed paths with the man he would thank him for all he had done.

"After it was over he allowed me to stay in his room at the castle to heal. He even stood with me during the funeral gripping my hand and swearing that if he could he would bring you to me right then and there." She whispered. "The Arl soon found out about me and upon hearing my story he gave me a room of my own. They took really good care of me until I was healed and said I was welcomed to return anytime I wanted." She frowned. "I can never go back; the memories I couldn't bare it." She pulled back a little to look up at him. "I left and came here to put her ashes in the lake so she could be close to you even if you never knew of her existence."

He did some simple calculating and figured she was three close to four months along when she left and lost the child about the same time Uldred took the tower. Perhaps that was his punishment for loving a mage; the loss of his child. "Even if I received the message I don't know that I would have been able to come to you." He whispered. "Uldred…" He trailed off feeling the memories of his torment come flooding back.

"I should have sent word to you sooner so you could have left." She pulled back and looked up at him. "If I had you wouldn't…" She pressed her lips together tightly trying to fight off her tears. "It's all my fault." She finally managed in a broken whisper.

He shook his head, wrapped his arms around her, and held her to his armor covered chest. "No it wasn't." He whispered back. "The fault lies with those who turned to blood magic."

"I hate magic." She bit out bitterly. "I hate that it has corrupted and hurt so many." She looked away. "I hate that I'm a mage."

He grabbed her by the chin and turned her head to look at him. "Yes but if you weren't a mage we would have never met." He smiled at her.

"I suppose." She agreed. "Even still I'm what you now hate," she started as silent tears spilled over. "I'm an animal that's being hunted for the crimes of others." She again looked away from him. "For something I'm incapable of using."

"You're not an animal and I do not hate you." He pulled her attention back to him. "I could never hate you. However I have to do my duty, my duty to the Chantry and the Maker."

"So you're going to arrest me now and have me executed?"

He shook his head. "No, not today." He pulled her back against his chest. "Today we mourn the loss of our daughter together."

"What about tomorrow?" She questioned again lacing her fingers with his.

"Only the Maker knows." He answered and gave a gentle squeeze to the fingers tangled with his.

xx

He could never return to the tower after all he had been through the memories were still just too raw and painful. So instead of returning to his post as a tower guard the Chantry allowed him to remain as a hunter for the tower.

He was now a leader of a group of men sent to capture apostates and turn them over to the tower to begin rebuilding the circle. He didn't mind this new duty it allowed him his freedom and opportunity to serve the Maker as he promised. This was why he became a Templar to protect the people from mages and the mages from people.

Yet there was one mage out there he still had yet to capture. It was only a month ago he held her in his arms, staring at the dark waters of Lake Calenhad, mourning the child they didn't know but loved and lost. A month of collecting new mages for the circle, a month of travels, a month of fighting darkspawn, bandits, apostates. A month without a word of where she was or what she was doing.

He stretched his aching body as he stared at the cool waters of the lake they were camping near. The days of dust and sweat from traveling covered his body like a second skin he couldn't wait to peel off. A bath was definitely in order.

He let his men know he was going to take a bath and that he would be back shortly. He wasn't too concerned with anyone else being in the area as he had been sure to secure it. Besides what fool would dare attack a band of Templars that were well trained and heavily armed? As far as he was concerned only those with a death wish would do something so foolhardy and stupid.

He sighed in relief once he was stripped down bare no longer feeling encumbered by the weight of his armor. He gathered up his washing cloth and the small bar of soap that would be good for maybe another couple of washes if he used it sparingly. He would get some more in the next village maybe some that was scented with jasmine instead of lilac. He never much liked the lilac scented soap, probably because she didn't much like it either. It was always so overly scented almost foul to the nose. Well it's all he had on hand at the moment and as dirty as he felt he would deal with it.

He began soaping up his cloth when suddenly there was a sharp point pressed in his back. He froze stiff squeezing the soap so tight in his hand his fingers left indents around the edges.

"You and your men need better training in how to secure an area."

He narrowed his eyes deeply. "How did you get past my watchmen?" He demanded in a cool whisper feeling her naked body press tightly against his back.

"I was already here when you arrived." She smirked, wrapped her free arm around him, and began trailing her fingers up and down his chest. "I was heading west to Redcliffe and decided to take a rest when you showed up coming from the other direction." She set her chin on his shoulder. "I was waiting for you to pass by and keep going but it seemed I wasn't to be so lucky."

"Why are you going to Redcliffe? I thought you said you couldn't go back there again." He dropped his soap, grabbed the hand trailing up and down his chest, and held it tight.

"Actually I can't return to the castle." She turned her head to lay her cheek on his shoulder when he turned to look at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm going to the village."

"For what purpose?" He narrowed his eyes a little further.

"I've been offered a marriage proposal." When his hand tightened around hers painfully she pressed the point into his back a little harder. "I'm not going there to accept." She lifted her head up and growled at him.

He loosened his grip on her hand but still held firm. "Then why go at all?" His voice was hard and deep down he wanted to go to Redcliffe and kill whoever this man was that would dare propose marriage to that which belonged to him. Even though he couldn't have her he still considered her his being she swore to love him and only him for the whole of her life just as he swore the same to her. He has honored that promise and by the Maker she had better as well.

"To tell him thank you but my heart belongs to another." She placed a kiss against his neck. "Always has always will." She pulled the object she had jabbed into his back out of the water and waved it in front of his face. "It's a good thing I love you or else I could have killed you several times over."

He glared at the pointed stick in her hand before grabbing her by the wrist and jerking her around in front of him. When he saw her naked body looking just as beautiful as ever his lips covered hers in a bruising kiss. His soul was dammed anyway and it had been so long since he felt her body against his own he couldn't help himself. A celibate life was not an easy one and with a temptation such as the love of his life naked before him…

Well he was only human after all.

Or so he tried to justify. He had needs and clearly so did she and it had been so so long since they were together last. He needed to feel her, every inch of her, inside and out and clearly she needed to feel him as well.

He buried his face into her neck when she wrapped her legs around his waist and with a wiggle of her hips had him buried deep within her. She was just as hot and tight as he remembered her to be. He could do nothing but stand there gasping into her neck just reveling in the feeling of her all around him.

"Oh Maker." She panted. "I've missed this." She breathed, pulled his head from her neck, and pressed her lips to his.

As his tongue fought the familiar war with hers easily coming out the victor he had to agree. He missed this, her voice, her skin, her fingers in his hair, scraping down his back, crying out his name. It felt like an eternity ago that he felt her burning skin under his fingers, tasted her, smelled her, remembered why he loved her.

When she began grinding against him he carried her to the shore, laid her down on the moss covered ground, and took control of her body. He wanted to make slow love to her but the need was too great. He pounded into her at a fast rate ripping his name from her lips over and over again until they both tensed and found heaven within each other.

"Maker damn me for loving you so much." She whispered against his temple when he collapsed down atop her.

"He has damned us both." He whispered back knowing full well that this was his second chance to capture her but he would let her go. "When you're gone I can think of nothing but capturing you and bringing you back."

"When I'm near you I can think of nothing but taking you and running somewhere far away." She snorted. "We're doomed to love but never be."

He lifted up and looked down at her. "We can be but never keep." He sighed. "Unless one of us relents."

She trailed her fingers up his arms. "If I relent I'm dead and you know it."

"I can't." He frowned at her. "After what happened I have to ensure that it can never happen again."

"I know." She looked away from him as her hands fell from his body. "I carry that burden with me daily."

"It's not your fault," he scowled. "nor is it your burden to carry."

She sighed deeply but still didn't look at him. "I pay the price daily in being unable to be with the man I love. He's haunted by the evil of mages that sold their souls for power. I'm a mage, I'm just as responsible as they are for being what the Maker created and condemned." She looked back at him. "You should take me in."

"Those who were responsible for my torture paid with their lives. Do not carry that burden as your own." He gently caressed her cheek with his knuckles. "I know you would never, could never do anything like what was done to me."

"Do you force yourself to believe that or do you really believe that?" She stared emotionless at him. "An excuse so you can justify letting me go."

He closed his eyes for a moment before staring down at her. "I truly believe that." He nodded. "I know you." He whispered then sat back onto his knees pulling her up with him. "You've never used your magic and if you can help it you never will."

"I swore I never would and I mean it." She nodded determinedly then looked down at her lap. "Even when life and death hang in the balance." She whispered as tears filled her eyes.

He drew his brows as he eyed her carefully. "Are you saying you could have saved her if you used your magic?"

She shook her head. "I don't know." She looked back up at him. "I honestly don't know but that doesn't stop me from wondering if I could, had I ever used my abilities." She pounded her fists to the ground next to her angrily. "I don't even know what magical abilities I'm capable of. For all I know I could be a death mage and not a healer."

And there was the undeniable proof she never used her magic. What woman wouldn't save the life of their child with magic if they could?

"I want her back." She whispered a her tears spilled over.

He gently brushed her tears away with a caress and smiled sadly at her. "As do I." He leaned in and placed a loving kiss on her lips then looked over when he heard someone call his name. "You better go." He looked back at her. "They don't know what you look like but I don't want to risk it."

She nodded at him, pressed her lips to his, before getting up and silently leaving the area.

"I love you too." He whispered back and stood up just as one of his men came into view.

xx

"Ser Cullen?"

Cullen stared at the inn keeper and drew his brows. "How do you know who I am?"

"Well a woman came through here recently, said you helped with her son." He nodded at him. "She said she wanted to return the favor and paid for rooms for you and your men."

It was a suspicious story being that woman he helped looked like she couldn't afford a loaf of bread let alone two rooms at an inn. "Are you certain about this?"

"Yes sir." He nodded. "Your men will have the three rooms up the stairs on the right and your room is the last room on the left."

How in Maker's name could she afford four rooms? It was beginning to feel like a set up. "I find that very hard to believe." He narrowed his eyes deeply. "That woman didn't have a silver to spare."

"Ah yes well she said if you don't believe me to tell you something about an aurora or auroral glow." He furrowed his brows. "I don't quite remember what she said but she paid me extra to say it."

He felt his heart skip a beat as a small knot formed in his throat. Would the death of his daughter still affect him like this for the rest of his life? It had only been a mere six months since he found out and yet his heart still broke thinking about her. "I see." He nodded. "That will do just fine then."

"Good." The inn keep nodded. "Oh and she also bought a round of drinks for your men if they were feeling parched." He nodded. "She also had a bath drawn for you as well they just filled the tub not but five minutes ago so it should still be hot."

He nearly smirked at that. "And I'm sure my men will appreciate the drinks it's been a long dusty road the last few days." He nodded then turned to his men who had found an empty table to sit at. "Take the night off and enjoy yourselves." He nodded at them. "And do try to keep the entertainment down to a minimum please. We are Templars and we should act accordingly." He was received with a cheer and a round of yes sir's at the rest he had just given them. "Also it would seem if someone we helped sent ahead and bought you all a round of drinks so enjoy." He smiled and nodded at their happy faces.

He turned back to the inn keep and nodded. "If they start to get out of hand please inform me at once."

"As you wish." He nodded back.

He turned and made for his room but was halted when his men began calling for him to join them. "You enjoy yourselves." He nodded with a smile. "I'm beat and want nothing more than a hot bath and a soft bed."

"I can think of something better than a bed to put my head on and just as soft." One of them called out to him suggestively.

Cullen shook his head and laughed at that. "Well you put your head wherever you want but I want mine on a pillow."

"Mine has two pillows." Another one jeered.

He chuckled at that then hiked the stairs heading for his room. Once at the door he took a deep breath and pushed it open only to stop with that breath caught in his throat.

"Cullen." She looked at him over her shoulder from the corner of her eye.

He slowly stepped into the room, closed the door, and locked it. As stunning as the vision was in front of him there was something definitely off about her. Sure she was naked beneath a sheer robe hanging low off her shoulders looking for all the world like a temptress sent by the Maker to test him. With a small smile on her lips as she stared seductively at him. He just couldn't shake that there was something wrong. As he moved his eyes from roving over her beautiful body to lock with the one eye staring at him he realized that that's where the problem was. "Look at me." He ordered wanting to be sure that what he thought he was seeing was in fact what he was seeing.

She tilted her head slightly before turning to face him fully. "Are you not happy to see me?"

He stared into her eyes and narrowed his slightly. "What is it?"

"What?" She questioned back as she drew her brows deeply. "Cullen what's wrong?"

"That's what I want to know about you." He moved towards her. "I can see it in your eyes; something's wrong."

She sighed deeply and shook her head. "No nothing's wrong I'm just…" She trailed off and turned back to the window she was previously staring through. "I'm just tired, tired of running, just surviving, never truly living."

He narrowed his eyes even further. "No."

"I didn't think you would." She turned back to him and smiled sadly.

"You didn't tell anyone else you were here did you?" He looked around the room like he was expecting a Templar to suddenly appear and take her into custody.

She gave a small shake of her head. "No, you're the only one I would ever allow to take me in so that I would be sure I was treated respectably and fairly."

He pulled his gauntlets off then went to work on the rest of his armor. "What do you intend then?"

She shook her head and sighed. "Nothing. Either you take me in or I continue on as the secret lover to the Templar that's suppose to be hunting me down. Unless…" She trailed off and stared at him.

He peeled the last layer of his clothing off baring him as naked as the day he was born and stepped up to her. "You know I can't do that." He reached up and palmed her cheek causing her to press against his hand and close her eyes.

"I know." She whispered sadly. "I can dream and hope and wish that one day love and duty will no longer be equals." She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "You better get in the bath before the water gets cold."

He still had the sense that there was something wrong but right now her defenses were up so he knew he wasn't going to get anything out of her. He'd buy his time and when she was unawares he would get it out of her. That's how a hunter worked they waited for their prey to open themselves up giving them the opportune moment to attack. He was a hunter, she was his prey, and he knew how she worked inside and out.

"As long as you wash my back." A small smile quirked his lips causing her to smile a little broader at him.

"And a few other areas as well?"

He watched the light return to her eyes filling in the emptiness that was so recently there and couldn't help but lean in and kiss her. She had to know he loved her loved her so deeply that he did consider daily leaving the order to be with her. Yet when he would find an apostate or help a family with a child that could wield magic; he knew he was doing the right thing. That was his purpose in life to serve the Chantry and the Maker even if he was allowing one to skirt the law. Yet she was a special case and the one that taught him that things weren't always as black and white as the Chantry made them out to be.

xx

Cullen pressed deep inside her causing her to wrap her legs around his waist tightly and try to pull him in even deeper. "Oh Maker." He groaned when her inner muscles clenched tightly around him. He pulled back fighting against the force of her legs trying to keep him buried within then allowed her to use her legs to pull him back.

"I love you." She slipped her arms around his neck. "Maker continue to damn me but I do."

He stared down at her getting the feel of finality out of her like she had come to a decision that didn't include him at the way she said that. "You're not leaving me Solona," he growled possessively. "your heart belongs to me."

"Yours forever." She lifted up and pressed her lips to his.

He pulled away from her, stopped all movements, and stared into her eyes. "You're not leaving me." He growled again. "Say it."

"I'm not leaving you." She nodded at him. "There's no man in my life but you."

"I don't mean that." He narrowed his eyes deeply. "You're not dying on me."

She drew her brows. "Dying? Cullen what in Maker's name are you on about?"

"You ending your life." He nodded down at her. "I know you're thinking about it. I can see it in your eyes."

"Of course I think about it." She nodded sadly at him. "I live a lonely existence always looking over my shoulder, never sticking around long enough to have people in my life. Only seeing you a few times a month when our paths cross. Cullen I'm unhappy and only allowed the briefest moments of happiness when I'm with you. When I feel your arms around me I'm happy. When you whisper my name in my ear I'm happy. When you make love to me I'm happy." She frowned. "But it's only fleeting for before too long those things are gone and I'm alone again."

"I…"

"No." She pressed a finger to his lips. "I can't bare to hear it now, not when we're like this. I want you to make love to me so I can pretend for now that we're in a different time, a different place. There's no such thing as mages or Templars there's just us together loving each other the way we want to not the way we have to."

He stared at her for a long moment before he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to hers. She was right, now was the time to put the real world behind them and just live in the now. Now they could pretend everything was okay that there were no titles separating them. He was Cullen, she was Solona, and they were just two people deeply in love with each other.

For the rest of the night he made slow hot love to her worshiping her body with lips and hands. Swearing love and fealty to her and hearing her return in kind. Maker curse him for loving her so much it hurt.

xx

Cullen slowly opened his eyes when the smell of food cooking passed beneath his nose. His stomach grumbled reminding him that he hadn't eaten since the afternoon before and that now would be a good time to eat again. "You want breakfast?" He questioned with a yawn as he reached for the body on the other side of the bed.

When his hand came into contact with nothing but cool sheets he shrugged figuring she was up already and went to get breakfast. He decided to get cleaned up but not dressed, he intended on having another round of lovemaking before he had to head out again.

He walked over to the water basin, filled it, and used the washing cloth to wash the sleep from his eyes. He ran wet fingers through his hair in order to straighten it back up into some semblance of control when he spotted her staff from the corner of his eye. As he stared at the deadliest mage's staff he had ever been on the wrong end of he used the small towel to dry his face.

The staff as much as it looked to be a mage's staff was in fact a very deadly weapon. He had seen her use it swinging it around almost as if in a dance with it. The two blades at the top with the pointed end at the bottom it was deadly on its own but that wasn't enough for her. He knew that with a twist against the bottom half it would fall away and the two blades on the top became two single handed daggers which then could be connected handle to handle for an even deadlier weapon.

He had watched her slave for hours over creating her staff making sure each piece connected perfectly and would come apart easily in a second. Ser Bryant had taught her well in how to fight using each aspect of her staff as a whole and as pieces. He had seen the way she fought on more than one occasion and it eased him to know she could protect herself if the need arose.

His eyes fell to the red stone that he had given her so long ago to complete the aesthetic aspect of it and smiled. She always had a piece of him with her reminding her of him and their love even if there was a time when he tried to deny it. Well she at least always stayed true to her feelings no matter what he said about them.

Eventually his hatred cooled and he realized that she wasn't his enemy and never would be. She wasn't to blame for what happened to him anymore than he was to blame for what happened to her. They both carried the burden of pain and haunting memories that either they let destroy them or helped them grow into better people. Clearly they both chose the later and he was glad for it.

As he stared at her staff he noticed a sheet of paper wrapped around the staff held in place with a white ribbon and his name written on the outside. His brows drew and his hand trembled lightly as he reached for the staff to remove the note. He could feel it already she was gone and wasn't going to be coming back now or ever.

His heart clenched, his throat tightened, and his hands trembled more so as he opened the note.

My dearest love;

You were right that I was thinking about ending it all and I didn't lie when I said I wanted to end this suffering. My life was perfect until I was forced to leave your side, cast out into this world, forced to be on my own.

Since leaving you I've experienced, loss, hate, pain, torture, tragedy, and regret. I don't want to feel those things any longer. I only want to feel what I feel when I'm with you and those moments are so few it hurts worse when we have to part ways. My heart can't bare this life any longer, I can't share it between you and your duty. I never wanted to be selfish and force you to chose between your love and your duty.

So I've decided to take it from your hands and make the decision myself. Maybe this is the right decision and maybe it's the wrong one but either way this was inevitable. We couldn't keep playing this game of pretending there isn't a rift between us that will forever keep us apart.

I love you more than I could ever say in words or show in actions but the pain of not having you is ripping me apart. I'm tired of fighting to an end that I can't see… an end that doesn't exist for us.

He stumbled over to the bed and sat down heavily upon it as he read her words. He knew exactly what she was saying without reading the rest of her letter; she was ending it in every way. A thick knot formed in the back of his throat as his stomach churned miserably. How could she possibly do this to him? To herself? To them?

He took a deep breath trying to pull himself together enough to finish reading but it did no good. He knew and now that he knew there was no making it go away.

This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make and I know it's the cowards way out but I… I don't care. I've lost so much since leaving the tower that my own life seems so insignificant in comparison.

I know you don't understand my decision nor do I expect you to. I just wanted you to know how much I love you have always loved you. You were my first everything and you're the last. We discovered life and love together and no one can ever take that away.

Be strong my love and know that once it's all over I'll be waiting and watching for you on the other side with Aurora. Someday we will be united and when that time comes there will be no obstacles to ever keep us apart.

I don't have much to leave you besides our memories so I give you the one thing that's kept me able to return to you time and time again. Carry it with you so you'll always have a piece of me with you no matter where you go.

My heart and soul will be eternally yours no matter where I go,

Solona

He fisted the letter in his hand as his heart cracked and shattered. He fought as hard as he could against the burning sting of his tears but failed as they slipped free. How could she do this to him? Did she not know that she was killing him just as much as she was killing herself?

Then again maybe this was all his fault for choosing duty over her. He was sure he was doing the right thing for himself to heal his torment and he was sure she understood this. Yet… yet somehow now that she was gone it didn't feel as right as it did just moments before.

Maybe it was because he knew she would always be there just down the road waiting to meet up with him. Maybe his duty was easier to do because she reminded him that things weren't always as they seemed. She was always the exception to the rule forcing him to look at things from different perspectives.

She was… is his everything and without her what was left?

He looked up at her staff and realized that she couldn't have gotten far since he was last sure she was in bed with him. However the problem was where did she go? Or more importantly where was she going?

If she was going to end it where would she go to do that? He didn't think she would turn herself over to the Templars being she would fear he would somehow set her free. She wasn't the fling herself from a cliff sort or have herself arrested and hung.

Really the only way he could imagine her ending it all was by fighting to the death. It only made sense since she always said life was just one big battle until you were too tired to fight anymore. She was tried of fighting so the only way to go out was fighting to the death one last time.

Now the question was where would she go to do that?

He stared at her staff leaning against the wall eyeing the red stone he gave her and scowled. The only place he could think of where someone could go to fight to the death was deep into the deep roads of Orzammar. It actually made some sense since they were just three days away.

Then again so we're the Korcari wilds which was just as dangerous and deadly especially with all the chasind, wolves, and Maker only knew what living down there. "Maker guide me." He prayed and decided that sitting there thinking about where she was going wasn't going to get him any clues about where she went.

He quickly dressed, grabbed his sword, her staff, and secured both to his back then left the room to interrogate the inn keeper. Maybe he had a clue about where she went or at the very least in which direction she went. Or maybe that ser Perth she spoke so kindly about he was here in Redcliffe somewhere maybe she said goodbye to him on her way out.

He would start with the inn keep first and go from there. The less stories he heard the less likely he would get the wrong one.