A/N: Hey all. So I was recently going through Tumblr and I kept seeing angsty gifsets. So I was inspired a little. This is a oneshot for now, but I may continue it in the future. Thanks for reading! Enjoy!
Warnings: Contains anxiety related things, panic attack like reaction, as well as fairly graphic sex. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY DESCRIPTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS OR ANXIETY, DO NOT READ THIS.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
All mistakes are my own. Enjoy and please review.
"Do you love me?"
The brunette shrugged her shoulder and nodded. She sighed.
"Why can't you say it?"
"Oh come on, please don't do this," she begged, her eyes pleading.
"Why not? I need to hear it. It's been a year. Six months of which we've been living together."
The girl dropped her head to her hand in response, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips.
"Santana, please," the brunette requested. "Please look at me."
Santana raised her eyes to meet the other girls', unable to contain her tears.
"Why can't you say it?" the short brunette asked, leaning forward, her gaze intense.
"I just… I can't."
"It's just me."
"You don't understand," she said, turning away, wiping away her tears, straightening her posture.
"Then let me."
A small hand reached her shoulder and she brushed it off.
"San,-"
"No. You don't get to do this, Rachel," Santana said, her gaze hardening. "Not now. Not after everything."
"Just, please. I just need to hear you say it."
"I… I can't."
The tall girl walked out, tossing her coat over her shoulders as she went.
Rachel dropped to her knees, her hands covering her face.
0-0-0-0-0-0
The tall woman walked through the door, tiptoeing around to hang up her coat and keys. Her phone blinked on the table, signaling that she had missed calls.
"I thought you wouldn't come back."
The girl jolted, pressing a hand to her chest.
"Fucking Jesus, Rachel. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"I thought you'd left me."
"Rachel, you know I would never—"
"Would you?"
The girl could only stare blankly in response.
"I can't believe you right now," Santana mumbled, tempted to storm out again.
"You took your coat and you left. You left me."
"I just needed some air."
"Why didn't you just say that?!"
"I…," Santana started, her eyes widening. "I don't know."
"You don't know?"
The taller girl shook her head, pulling at the edges of her phone case.
"Look, I know you're mad—"
"I'm not, actually."
"Then why are you doing this?"
Rachel scoffed.
"I'm hurt, Santana. Surely you know what that's like. To have someone walk out on you."
Santana felt an icy sting creep down her spine.
"Rachel,-"
"No, Santana. You don't get to act like the victim."
"Rachel,-"
"NO."
"Rach—"
Santana felt a hard slap to her cheek.
"NO, SANTANA! YOU DO NOT GET TO ACT LIKE THIS! I LOVE YOU! I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU AND YOU WALKED OUT ON ME! YOU WALKED OUT JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE EVER HAS!"
The tiny brunette stood, gasping out sobs, her hands clenched into fists at her side.
Santana hadn't yet turned to face the girl, her fingertips traced over her cheekbone, tears finding their way down the stinging skin of her cheek.
The smaller girl crumpled to the floor, her breaths coming in short gasps. Santana's eyes glazed over, but she dropped down in front of the girl.
"Rachel, breathe. Rachel, please," she begged, reaching for the girl's hands.
The gasps turned to pained wheezing, eyes darting back and forth aimlessly.
"Rachel, look at me. Listen. You need to breathe."
The shorter girl's eyes clenched shut as she struggled to find breath, her knuckles white as they gripped the front of her shirt.
"Baby, please. You need to calm down. Take deep breaths," Santana spoke calmly. "Like this."
The taller girl exaggerated her breaths, cupping Rachel's hand, gently pulling it to her chest.
The shorter girl's breaths started to slow, her hand shaky against Santana's breast bone.
"That's it, Rach. You're okay. It's okay, baby."
Rachel's brow furrowed, focusing on the breaths she was taking. Her body shook with effort as though each breath was a fight.
Santana reached forward, wiping tears from the girl's cheek before moving in to hold her.
Rachel's arms wound around the girl, holding tightly to her as she whimpered.
"I'm not leaving. I'm right here, Rachel. I… I love you."
Tears sprung to her eyes as she stroked the shorter girl's hair.
"I love you so much, Rachel. I'm sorry I didn't say it. I'm so sorry."
Rachel held on, sobbing into the girl's shoulder.
"I'm here, Rach. I'm here, baby. I'm not leaving."
The girl rocked Rachel in her arms, praying to whatever gods may be out there that this girl could begin to see how much she cared for her.
"I love you," she whispered as the girl's body fell limp against her.
Santana stood, carrying the smaller girl to bed. She settled her against her pillow, tucking a wisp of hair behind her ear.
She climbed into bed on her side, moving slowly to wrap her body around the smaller girl, burying her nose into her neck.
"I won't ever leave you, Rach," she whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. I was just scared. I was scared that things would turn out like they did the last time I gave my heart to someone. I can't lose you. I love you so much. You're all I think about. I just can't lose you. I'm so sorry."
She followed the shorter girl into dreams as waves of sleep passed over her, dragging her eyes swiftly shut.
0-0-0-0-0-0
Rachel stretched her arms, feeling the familiar ache in her whole body from being so tense. Her eyes shut as she whimpered, dragging the stretch out.
She turned to look at the other girl's sleeping form. Her mouth was slightly open as she drooled onto Rachel's pillow. Her hair was tangled and her arms wrapped tightly around the blankets, hugging them to her chest.
The shorter girl sighed and pushed the tangled black hair from her face, placing a gentle kiss to the girl's lips.
"I love you, S."
Hours later, the tall brunette emerged from the bedroom, her hair obscuring half her face from view. She dragged her feet to the kitchen, pouring a cup of black coffee sleepily into Rachel's kitty mug before taking a long sip. She groaned into the cup, gulping down the dark liquid.
Rachel watched in silent admiration as her girlfriend greedily drank the heavily caffeinated beverage. She nibbled a piece of pineapple.
The taller girl turned and walked behind Rachel, pressing her forehead to her shoulder, groaning sleepily.
"Good morning," Rachel whispered, reaching behind her to scratch at the girl's scalp.
"Mmmm 's nice," she mumbled in response, placing her coffee on the counter.
"I love you," the shorter girl said cautiously, turning to meet Santana's eyes.
There was a pause and the taller girl pushed her mess of hair away from her face.
"I l-love you too, Rach," she responded, no longer looking quite so sleepy.
A huge grin spread across the smaller girl's face and she leapt onto Santana.
Santana had to take a few steps back, stumbling under the unexpected weight of her girlfriend.
"I love you," Rachel mumbled into Santana's neck.
"I love you."
Rachel leaned down to kiss the girl, her legs wrapped tightly around the girl's stomach. Santana smiled against her lips, her eyes drifting shut.
Rachel squealed slightly as Santana's hands moved to squeeze her ass, pulling her closer.
"Bed," Rachel demanded, dragging at Santana's lower lip with her teeth.
The taller girl moaned against Rachel's lips, tangling one hand in her hair, pinning her to the bathroom door.
Rachel moaned, her head falling back against the door as Santana's lips found her pulse point, sucking hard.
The shorter girl's hands tangled into thick, black hair, her hips rocking against a taut stomach.
"Bed," Rachel whimpered, loving the feel of Santana's teeth against her collarbone.
Santana pulled back, smirking at her handiwork before thrown the smaller girl over her shoulder.
"Santana!" Rachel shrieked, smacking the girl's ass that was now level with her face.
"What? You said to take you to bed."
"I thought you would proceed in a more intimate fashion! Not throw me over your shoulder like a Neanderthal!"
Santana giggled, tossing the girl down onto the mattress, latching her lips onto the shorter girl's neck.
"Mmmm I s-suppose this is alr-right."
"Hmmm," Santana grinned against the girl's skin. "Thought so."
Within minutes the girls had shed their clothing, desperately needing to feel as much skin as they could. Their bodies rocked against each other, tongues tangling smoothly, fighting against each other.
"I love you," Santana murmured against the girl's chest, working her way down, wrapping her lips around a hard nipple.
Rachel gasped, her back arching hard into the talented mouth.
"I love you," she breathed.
Santana's hand tweaked her other nipple before she switched, dragging out obscene noises from the girl beneath her.
Rachel could barely contain herself, her hands struggling with deciding between Santana's hair and the sheets.
Sliding her body up, dragging her skin against Rachel's she pressed her hand against lean thighs before meeting big brown eyes to ask permission.
Rachel nodded enthusiastically, pulling the girl in for a kiss.
"I love you," Santana whispered against the girl's lips.
She pushed in, slipping her fingers into Rachel, eyes fluttering at the slick, stickiness she found. Rachel moaned, rolling her hips against the intrusion.
"I love you," she said, curling her fingers.
Rachel's eyes rolled back, her hips jumping slightly. Santana closed her eyes, pressing her forehead to the girl's neck.
She pumped her fingers slowly but deliberately into the girl, murmuring words of adoration against her skin. She could feel the girl's muscles tense and release beneath her, knowing she was close. Santana ramped up the pace until she was pounding into the other girl, feeling her sweat-slicked skin slide against her, squirming, begging for release.
She slid her thumb against the girl's clit, pressing hard, rolling it beneath her finger.
Rachel's mouth opened in a silent scream.
"I love you."
Santana felt the girl tighten around her fingers and she rubbed harder, sending wave after wave of pleasure through the smaller girl's body. She felt tears leak from her eyes, making pools in the dips and curves of the girl's tight body.
"I love you," Rachel whispered, her body limp as she dragged a hand up to cup the tan-skinned girl's cheek. "Kiss me?"
Santana complied, meeting smooth lips with her own before pulling out of the girl.
"I love you too, Rachel. I'm so in love with you."
Rachel wiped tears lazily from the taller girl's face, her body still shaking gently.
"I know, San."
The girl curled into Rachel's side, holding the girl to her chest.
Rachel slid her hand over Santana's hip before she was abruptly stopped.
"No, Rach. Today was about you. I love you. Let's rest."
Not usually one to receive and not give back twice as much, Rachel complied, resting her head on Santana's chest.
Santana smiled, feeling the girl's breathing even out as she rested against her.
Her arms tightened around the smaller girls' frame, nuzzling a muscled shoulder and she drifted off to sleep.
A/N: Please review. Thanks for reading.
EDIT: If you have any smut prompts, I'd like to work on my smut writing. Feel free to PM me some prompts! Thanks!