Title: And Baby Makes... Four?
Rating: R (for inexplicit sex scenes and language)
Pairing(s): Sirius/James/Lily overall, and any combinations of the three can be found within.
Disclaimer: Don't own; if I did, there would be a lot more secksin going on in some rather strange combinations (Mm, Peter/Giant Squid... What?!). Also? Not making any money off of this.
Summary: Lily desperately wants a baby, and James is willing to oblige. Sirius, however, likes things the way they are. JPLESB; slash, het, threesome, AU. No spoilers.
Notes: Okay, so I should really, really be working on Expecting, but I came across an article online about the legalities of three parents for a child (ex: Two lesbians and a sperm donor all having equal legal rights over a child) and this bunny bit me. Bad bunny!
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It had all, rather innocently, started with a joke (as most things do when they concern Sirius Black).
"Oh yes, Evans. James and I are seeing one another behind your back. It's no big secret; everyone's seen us over by the statue of Uric the Oddball, snogging to our gay little hearts' content. That jellyfish hat really helps us get in the mood, if you know what I mean," Sirius said with a lascivious wink. His main objective had been to ruffle her metaphorical feathers, as it were, but Lily Evans was nothing if not unpredictable.
She promptly burst into laughter, her cheeks flaring in a bright pink fashion, and she had to put one hand on James' shoulder to hold herself mostly upright. Sirius gaped at Lily as though she had lost her mind, and James wasn't doing too well in the shock department, either.
"Er, Lily, darling, are you all right?" James asked tentatively, reaching for his girlfriend's waist. But Lily just shook off the helping hand, and gasped, trying to catch her breath as she attempted to stop laughing. Her face was flushed from the exertion, and her normally pale complexion just emphasized the fact.
"Yes, yes, James. I'm perfectly all right. You don't need to mother me," she said, trying to glare at him for his repeated mother-henning offense, but she just couldn't keep her mirth out of the expression.
"I know that I'm a ridiculously handsome, charming, and witty individual, but I don't think I've ever had someone react quite that way to one of my jokes," Sirius said incredulously. This, however, only cracked Lily up even further.
"Stop it. Stop, please. I don't think my stomach can handle much more," she said through giggles, clutching her sore belly after finally removing her hand from James' shoulder.
"It really wasn't that funny, Prongs," Sirius whispered to his best friend, staring at Lily nervously. "D'you think she's finally, y'know, cracked?"
"I don't know. What if you broke her?" James hissed back, wide-eyed and worried.
"My hearing is just fine, by the way. I can hear every word you're saying," Lily chided, her chuckles dying down now. "And for your information, I wasn't laughing at your horrible excuse for a joke, Black. I was laughing at the idea of you and James." Her explanation, however, only seemed to set her off again, and the giggles returned for a brief moment until she could pull herself together.
"Hey! I'll have you know that any man would be lucky to have me, James included," Sirius said proudly, puffing out his chest a bit in arrogance. "Not that I'm into blokes or anything, 'cause I'm, y'know, not," Sirius amended.
"And if you were?" Lily asked teasingly.
"Then James'd leave you in an instant. I'm far too lovely to pass up. Isn't that right, Jamie?" Sirius said.
James, however, was staring at his best mate in utter horror. This entire exchange would have been abso-bloody-lutely hilarious save for one problem: Sirius was actually being serious about this.
"Er, no?" he stammered out. Sirius just threw him a nasty glare, and James was suddenly struck with how ridiculous this entire situation was.
"And why not?" Sirius asked, affronted.
"Well, for one, I'm not-" James started, but he was cut off by Sirius's hand pressed over his mouth.
"Ah, ah, ah!" Sirius scolded. "You not being queer is not a good reason. I mean, look at me! I'm handsome, and charming, and witty. I've got a fair amount of money, good sense of fashion, and I don't take a bloody long time in the shower. Also, I'm a fabulous kisser," Sirius proclaimed proudly. James and Lily were in shock. Was Sirius actually listing the reasons why James should be with him?
"Fabulous?" James was more disturbed by Sirius's word choice, but his friend took his incredulity to mean that he didn't agree.
"Fabulous," Sirius affirmed with a nod. And with that, he stepped towards James, and without a word, grabbed the back of James' head and pressed their lips together.
Lily was not normally surprised by most things Sirius Black said or did. He was always looking for a good shocker, and that in itself made him rather predictable. This, however, was not something she would have seen coming. Ever.
The worst part of, for Lily, was just how good the two of them looked with their lips locked. James was too shocked to respond even if he had wanted to, but Sirius was really taking the moment to enjoy the kiss, putting his best effort forward. Soon, however, James came to his senses and he reached up to push Sirius back away from him.
"What the bleeding hell was that?" he screeched in disbelief. Sirius, on the other hand, looked invariably smug.
"A kiss," he stated proudly.
"A kiss," James said, still sounding rather shocky.
"It could have been a fabulous kiss, but that sort of thing takes cooperation by both parties," Sirius scolded him.
Lily couldn't believe her ears. She was already doubting her traitorous eyes for daring think the two looked good together, but what she was hearing was more than a bit preposterous. It didn't even dawn on her to be upset with Sirius for kissing her boyfriend.
"You kissed me, Sirius!" James nearly shouted, and Lily was so glad that they were the only people still in the Common Room.
"Well, I'm more of a hands-on kind of person, myself, and it just wouldn't have had the same kind of effect if I had just explained how fabulous of a kisser I am," Sirius replied calmly. Lily could tell that Sirius found this to be a perfectly sane reasoning.
"Look, it's obvious you don't believe me," Sirius said to James. And so he turned to Lily and proceeded to do the same to her as he had done to James. He pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her wildly. She, however, responded purely out of reflex.
James thought he was hallucinating for a few, blissful moments. The thought that Sirius had just shoved his tongue down his throat, and now was snogging his girl was all just an elaborate hallucination was sort of comforting, in a way. Unfortunately, he had to face facts.
"Get off of her!" James shouted, reaching over and pulling Sirius away from Lily, who was looking rather flushed and her eyes were a bit glazed over. Sirius just looked smug.
Smug, that was, until James' fist nearly collided with his face.
"Hey! Hey!" Sirius exclaimed as he ducked out of the way. "No need to be hostile!"
"You just kissed Lily! My Lily!" James said, grabbing the front of Sirius's robes.
"Excuse me? Your Lily? Since when did I sign ownership over to you, James Emery Potter?" Lily forced her way between the two wizards and pushed James back a step or two.
"It's a more modern world now, Potter, and if anyone should be getting angry with Sirius for kissing me, it will be me! Not you, nor anybody else. I'm my own woman!" she shouted angrily. Both of the men were looking a little nervous now. A truly angry Lily Evans was a frightening sight to behold. When her wrath was aimed at you, however, you would be lucky if the remains of your body were ever found.
"And as for you, Black, you did not have permission to put your lecherous lips on me in any shape or form!" she said, twirling around to face her other point of ire.
"I'm sorry?" Sirius said weakly. Lily just harrumphed at this and put her hands on her hips.
"As you should be!" Her anger was slowly beginning to drain and she turned to James, lips twitching to reach a smile that she wouldn't allow.
"And actually, Sirius is a fabulous kisser," she said matter-of-factly. James paled and his eyes flickered up from Lily to Sirius, who was standing behind her, hands in front of his chest as though she were about to attack him without a moment's notice.
"Er, I suppose so?" James said weakly, afraid to disagree with Lily right now. But Lily was in a truly wicked mood, for she merely shook her head and clucked softly.
"You didn't even give him a chance. I think you ought to try it again. Just so you can know from experience; there's no need to take our word for it," she said with an evil glint in her emerald eyes.
James and Sirius gave each other mildly horrified looks, but for entirely separate reasons. James just did not want to kiss Sirius, but he was more afraid of Lily at that moment than he was of kissing his best friend. It hadn't been horrible or anything, just shocking. And Sirius was, well, actually sort of nervous that James would notice just how much he had enjoyed kissing Lily. And, for that matter, he was afraid that he'd enjoy kissing James just as much, and that Lily would notice.
There was also the fact that this could very well be a trap of Lily's: get them to kiss and then berate them for doing so, despite the fact she told them to do so in the first place. Neither could definitely say this would happen, only that it could. And that alone was a frightening enough prospect.
It was really a lose-lose sort of situation.
"Are you serious?" James asked nervously.
"No, but he is," Lily teased, pointing to Sirius who was, currently, scowling at Lily. It was rather pathetic, he mused, that he was more irritated by that horrible pun than he was about being forced to kiss his best mate. Who, by all accounts, probably hated him right now.
"Come on now, I haven't all night," Lily said, moving her pointer finger back and forth between the two of them, urging them to get on with it.
Sirius was the first to act. He might not be relying on Lily Evans for a bit of midnight fun, but he was still certainly scared of her; she had a mean streak and a killer repertoire of hexes she could confidently cast on him at any given moment for any given offense.
Sirius moved over to James and leaned in, closing his eyes. James eyed him warily, but with a glower from Lily, he immediately moved in and joined his mouth with Sirius's, kissing him softly. The two moved their mouths against the other's, tongues darting out to get a taste and, oh, Sirius really was a fabulous kisser. His tongue swished and flicked like an expert dualist's wand and James was going weak at the knees. It really wasn't fair.
Sirius lifted a hand to grasp a fistful of James' hair, and James responded by reaching up and cupping Sirius's face. Lily just stared in something that wasn't quite awe, but was making her shift her weight foot to foot and her face began to flush once more.
The kiss was going on for far too long, and, without even thinking about what she was doing, Lily stepped forward and gently pulled the two apart and kissed James excitedly. To her delight, she was still able to taste Sirius on her boyfriend's lips, and wasn't that an arousing thought.
Sirius's mouth was still open from the kiss, and he was gasping softly for air as he was inches away from the two devouring one another's mouths. But before he could awkwardly move away, Lily pulled back and switched mouths. She was kissing Sirius now, and James' hand was still cupping his jaw.
This had to be a dream. A strange, slightly homoerotic dream where he was snogging Prongs' girl, but a dream nonetheless. There was no way that this could be real.
But a deep moan interrupted his thoughts, and it wasn't coming from him. It was James, who was catching on with Lily's idea and, ignoring his earlier attempts at denying any attraction he might have to men, began to kiss and lick Sirius's neck, while his free hand slid down the back of Lily's robes, stroking up and down the small of her back, fingers grazing over the rise of her arse beneath them.
Sirius vaguely recalled whimpering into Lily's mouth as she started to draw back, but then James took over for her, and she was taking up where he left off on the other side of his neck. This was absolute insanity, but Sirius didn't even care at this point. Hormones were running wild and he was getting the better end of the deal. For a bloke who thought he was going to be murdered five minutes ago for kissing his best mate's girl, he was doing damn good.
"Oh, Merlin," James whispered into his mouth, teeth nipping at Sirius's bottom lip, tugging at it gently. Sirius was hard as a rock under his robes, and when James leaned in closer for a better feel of Sirius's rather nice physique, he could feel just how hard James was, too.
Soon, too soon, the two broke apart and James went back to Lily, one hand moving to her waist and the other starting to open up the top part of her robes. Sirius's mouth went dry as her chest was revealed, breasts only hidden beneath her bra, now. Without thinking, he reached in and took one in his hand, gently caressing it and thumbing the slightly raised nipple under the cotton material.
When neither Lily nor James batted an eye at this, Sirius grew bolder and ducked down, pressing his mouth over it and sucking gently, his tongue reaching out and stroking over the hardening nub, wetting the fabric. Lily moaned quietly into James' lips, her fingers sliding through Sirius's long, fine hair.
"We should probably move this to our quarters," James said suddenly, pulling back from Lily and glancing at the two of them with lust-filled eyes. Sirius suddenly felt slightly out of place as he withdrew from the glorious breast, but James grabbed the front of his robe and forced a harsh, close-mouthed kiss to his lips.
"C'mon, let's go," he said, breathing heavily. Lily just nodded in agreement, also out of breath, and Sirius couldn't fathom not agreeing as well. He followed the two of them up the winding stairs of Gryffindor tower, up to the rooms that had been set aside for the Head Boy and Head Girl at the beginning of the school year. The three entered the adjoining room, and without a single word between the three of them, went into James' bedroom, and closed the door behind them soundly.
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Please, if you read this, do the author a favor and review. :) It's just polite and it makes me feel good about what I'm writing. The next chapter will be significantly longer than this one, but I can't promise the length of the chapter(s) after that.