Puffy's War II: Eternal Love Speeding in the Dark

A new exercise in Star Ocean free advertising as brought to you by khaki knight.

Disclaimer: Star Ocean and related ideas, characters, etc. are the legal property of Square-Enix/tri-Ace. Characters, etc. are only borrowed for what I hope will be entertainment purposes. Also, I'm really not making any money off this – honest! This disclaimer applies to the entire work. Insert more legal jargon here if it will keep me from facing a lawsuit. For great justice.

OOO

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here.

Now that said, you should be surprised to see me here, right?

…

…

Really, nothing?

What do you mean, 'Who am I!?' You know exactly who I—

A defeated sigh. You know what, no, I'm not surprised by this either. Just another crime for the time/space continuum's most wanted I guess...

What do I mean by that? Oh, I'm soooo glad you asked. Sit down, Junior, and I'll spin you a tale about the greatest travesty that the Eternal Sphere has ever seen, my hand to Luther.

Hmm? Why did I call you 'Junior'? Because I used to know a guy back in the future, looked just like you 'cept with a headband. Well, okay, he was also a little less loud, and he believed a little more in wearing an actual uniform when serving in the military, and he at least paid lip-service to the UP3. Even used a sword, too.

Holds up a hand, forestalling questions. Save all questions for the end, Junior, or well never get through this. Let me start at the beginning: in the beginning, Luther said, "let's program some light into this thing and—"

Rubs the bridge of her nose. No, of course you wouldn't know who Luther is yet, would you? Unless you do but are trying to protect what's left of our already collapsing time/space continuum...? But that's probably just wishful thinking, isn't it?

Waves a hand. Never mind, forget I mentioned him. My story begins fifty years from now, in this very town.

Oh, by the way, I'm from the future. Did I already mention that?

No, no, sit your ass back down, Junior! Don't you give me that look, smart guy! I might look like a teenager right now, but I've got a millennia of ass-kicking and storytelling experience, and you are going to sit the hell down and enjoy it, capiche!? ...Don't make me use the Durian bombs, bub.

Satisfied, leans back in her chair. Yeah, that does sound horrible, doesn't it? Yeah, that's what I thought, sit down.

Okay, fifty years from now, this town is going to look exactly the same, except somehow even browner and uglier. It is onto this terrible scene that I, the brilliant and wickedly attractive young Puffy, set out to make a living using my stunning good looks and my clearly superior... narrative skills.

Unfortunately my first customer ends up being... less than cooperative. Cats are tortured, sabers are given, and melt potions are imbibed, thus sparking the greatest rivalry the Eternal Sphere has ever seen.

And then there were some squiggly squares, and then later still some squiggly hexagons, and for a while I couldn't get the movie The Beastmaster out of my head, and—

Oh don't give me that look, that movie is a classic. And besides that was a joke, because it accurately sums up my efforts at controlling the wild and weird beasties I found in those places in my long-standing effort to murder you and yours.

Oh, don't look so horrified!

Rubs the bridge of her nose again. Well... I'm not trying to murder you now, am I?

Waves her hand dismissively. Hey, that arena thing my... 'mother' put you up to was just for old times sake. And its not as if you were in any real danger. I saw you literally beat half those things with one arm behind your back, Junior.

What I'm trying to say is that I had every confidence in your abilities to survive. You've survived worse, after all. You killed a time-manipulating genetic super soldier, then you killed 10 somehow even more geneticy, super-soldiery super soldiers. And all that was just a warm up for you to go on and punch god in the face.

...Well, not youspecifically, Junior, but you in the broadly esoteric sense. You know, in the 'Peter L. Ayerson' sense if you get my subtle and well hidden meaning. Get it?

No? P. L. AYER-son? Get it now?

…grumbles to self.

P. L. AYERs-One, you could almost say? As in PLAYER ONE, as in you've plugged your controller into port 1, and—

Frustrated growl. Nevermind.

And I guess you don't really punch god in the face so much as the creator in the face, which is another subtle but important distinction and—and I can see your eyes glossing over, so let's move on.

Anyway, you punch out god, and I was hip-deep in my ultimate 'save the universe plan,' wherein I use my patented SDUGA-DnD technology to infiltrate and ultimately crush your group from the inside—

A dangerous look. And I swear to LUTHER that if you say one word about 'implosion' you will not live to see another Federation Morning.

...You'll get that reference in a few years. But my threat remains.

…

…

Okay, I'm glad that we've come to an understanding. Where was I? Oh, right, so, I crush your group from the inside, thus preventing the universe from become anymore contaminated by your blatant disregard for politeness and your larcenous ways. I mean, seriously, if everyone went around like you, barging into people's homes and stealing anything they wanted, where would the universe be?

Folds her arms, looking cross. Oh really. And I suppose those blackberries from the chest downstairs just up and stole themselves, eh, Junior?

Holds up a hand. No, no, don't bother apologizing! I still disagree with your sense of right and wrong, Peter. Just because you've got a controller in your hand, and are ostensibly off to save the day does not forgive breaking and entering and larceny. And you, Junior, one of these incarnations you should really try and show a little backbone towards Peter about the stealing thing. But, ultimately, what's a little larceny between friends, right?

Especially considering the bigger picture.

In some ways, it's my fault. I was so certain that you were the greatest threat to the very fabric of the universe. I was so focused, so determined to see you pay for what I perceived to be your most heinous of crimes – you know, 'no more, five years before! No more seven years before!' and all that jazz – that I failed to see the real threat.

And then one day, she shows up, not looking like she did back in the IC guild, but different, her hair is purple, and in conjunction with her name only makes me think of grape jelly even more...

So she shows up, and next thing I know I wake up in this mansion on a planet I never wanted to see again, and also that I had previously been half a galaxy away from, it's somehow seven hundred and fifty years in the past, I don't have any of my tools, or stomach remedies, or inventions, and this dress doesn't even have pockets—

And I have a tail now. What.

(If tail boy could see me now, I imagine he'd be laughing his tail off...)

And its all because of her, its always been her! I dismissed her, I even worked for her, and my Luther how wrong I was. She seemed so damn harmless!

So you have to help me! Together we can stop her.

What? Who am I talking about? Who do you I think I mean?

WELCH VINEYARD.

No, it wasn't enough that she somehow stole my voice, no, it wasn't enough that somehow, somehow, she managed to flip those guys onto her side, when she shouldn't even existed in this era in the first place!

'What do I mean?' Junior, the SRF isn't supposed to have item creation abilities! Basic IC fabrication tech like you're working with isn't supposed to be developed by Earth humans for another sixty years, and even then humanity has to barter for most of it from the Tetrageniots. And the IC lab on the Calnus isn't supposed to become standard on Earther ships until the Terran Alliance Military Field Manufacturing Act of SD 102!

'What's a Terran Alliance?' Ugh, Junior, don't even start. Oh, and 'Welch Vineyard' is definitely not even supposed to be born for another seven hundred years, give or take a few decades.

I don't know how, but she is fundamentally altering the basics of the history of the universe so that she can have a starring role!

And that's why you're here, in this ridiculous Tataroi mansion, talking to a girl with a tail and daddy issues. She has stolen who I am.

I'm the snarky one! I'm the jerk with a heart of gold! I'm supposed to be your Item Creating goddess!

Even putting that aside for the moment, do you know what this kind of damage to the timeline could do to the universe? She screws this up, and she finishes what the Ten Wise Men tried to start. One molecule, one electron out of place, and we have a big crunch on our hands. All of our hands. It would be strong enough to eat all of time and space.

No, no, don't go! You have to believe me! You have to! You have to stop her! There's still time, the timeline hasn't completely solidified yet, we can still undo the damage if you will only believe me, please, Junior, PETER, please, we have to fix this—

OOO

Edge backed away as fast as he could from the door to the mansion. Behind him, the strange green-haired girl was on the floor, one hand reaching imploringly out towards him.

"Please..." she murmured one last time just as the door slammed shut.

For a long moment, Edge stood on the front step of the mansion, trying to collect himself. Finally, he shook his head. "I... I have no idea what was wrong with that girl," he declared.

But even as he made his way back to the Calnus, Edge couldn't quite shake that look in her eyes. The... the desperation. She really did believe what she was saying.

For the most part, however, Edge forgot about the incident.

OOO

Sometime later, on one mission or another, Edge was working late in the Calnus' IC lab. "How about now?" he asked.

Welch's hologram, reading from some sort of display that Edge couldn't see, nodded to herself. "That should do it!" she exclaimed, nodding to one of the room's fabrication bays. "You can grab it from FB02 over there. I'm sure Reimi's going to love it!"

Reaching into the wall-mounted FB02 (which itself resembled nothing so much as an oversized wall mounted oven), Edge pulled free the new bow. "This looks great, Welch," he said, as he turned the bow back and over in his hands.

His inspection of the weapon complete, Edge glanced up to the chronometer over the door. "Mmm. It's getting late, and I have bridge duty tomorrow morning." He turned to Welch. "See you later, Welch."

Welch grinned, using her prop hand to wave. "Bye-bye."

As Edge was leaving, however, he suddenly had a flash back to that mansion in Tataroi. Halfway down the IC lab's central walkway, Edge turned back. "Hey, Welch, can I ask you something before I go?"

Welch cocked her head to one side, as she held her prop hand sideways and waved it back and forth. "Of course! What's up?"

Edge's expression scrunched up. "You'd... tell me if you were secretly a time-manipulating villianess who was risking destroying the universe as we know it to insert herself into past historical events, right?"

Welch broke into a huge smile. "Of course I would, Edge!" she declared in her chipper-as-always tone.

Reassured, Edge smiled and nodded at her, before turning and leaving the IC lab.

Unusually, however, even as he left, Welch's projector remained on behind him. After another few heartbeats of that frozen too-happy smile, Welch's expression tightened, her red eyes suddenly gleaming with unfathomable meaning. "Of course I would..."

FIN...?

Author's Note: That... ended in a slightly darker place than I intended.

ANYWAY, the original genesis for this piece was the... disappointing manner in which tri-Ace included Puffy in SO4, while lavishing all this attention and time on a Welch Vineyard which looked nothing like the Welch Vinyard they already had in SO3 and the remakes. (A decision that to this day still confuses the crap out of me.) So clearly the only answer is time travel. Clearly.

...There's actually a third part to this madness, too. If I ever get around to finishing that.