Thank God for BBC3. Thanks to that wonderful channel, every Friday and Saturday has been Doctor Who Day and I've caught up on almost all the Eleventh Doctor episodes. Hooray.

I still don't feel quite like a proper Whovian yet though, which is why my second ever bash at Doctor Who fanfiction is once again just pure filth with hardly any plot (because I ship the Doctor with basically everyone, although it is a bit weird when you think about it – I ship the Doctor with his wife and both his in-laws. It's the kind of weirdness that would only make sense on this show). But this is actually set after an actual episode though. I call that progress.

Anyway, hurl some reviews in my general direction. It's the only way I'll learn, Humble Whovians.

And I swear on texting and scones that I don't own a thing.

The Honeymoon of River Song

"Hello, sweetie."

The Doctor turned on his heel at the console room of the TARDIS. He had only just landed at the prison, but there she was at the doorway, just as he expected.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't the missus, the apple of my eye, the old ball and chain..."

River raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, old ball and chain?"

"Sorry, dear," the Doctor smirked. "I mean the very young, incredibly sexy and voluptuous ball and chain."

"That's more like it."

River strutted down to the TARDIS console and into the arms of her Doctor, her new husband, kissing him softly.

"So, my darling River," he said. "Where do you want to go for our honeymoon?"

She thought about it for a second, before saying "I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay right here."

"Really?" he said, looking at her with surprised. "We have the entire universe at our fingertips, every known romantic spot in all of time and space at our very disposal... and you want to stay in the TARDIS?"

"Oh yes, Doctor," she said flirtatiously. "I can't think of anywhere better for our honeymoon. I'm sure the old girl has an appropriate bedroom in here somewhere."

The Doctor stared at her for a second, his mind working a mile a minute, before he took River's hand and rushed off through the TARDIS's many, many corridors. Finally they reached a door not unlike all the other doors they had already passed, and as they burst inside they were met with a stunning master bedroom with a huge king-sized bed in the centre that didn't look as if it had ever been slept in.

"Ah!" the Doctor exclaimed happily. "I knew there was still at least one double room in here that didn't have bunk beds in it! Although bunk beds are very cool..."

"Not for what I have planned, sweetie."

River took the Doctor's face in her hands and kissed him deeply, her tongue demanding entry in his mouth. The Doctor's arms flailed beside him for a second – he hadn't been kissed in such a way for a while – before he eventually wrapped his arms around River's waist and kissed her back just as deeply. He pushed her backwards until her back hit the opposite wall and, biting her lower lip with a growl, he lifted her off her feet. She moaned happily into his mouth, wrapping her legs tightly around him as she dragged her fingers through his hair.

She pushed his blazer off his shoulders and tugged off his bowtie, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal just enough of his neck for her to attack with her mouth. His hand slipped up her top, over the warmth of her stomach, and cupped her full breast, pitching her nipple through the fabric of her bra.

"Oooh, Doctor," she moaned into his ear. "And here I was thinking you'd be out of practice, man of your age..."

The Doctor chuckled as he nibbled on River's earlobe. "I've never had any complaints."

He lifted her and carried her to the bed, dropping her on the mattress and making her giggle. He took his blazer off properly and threw it aside, but as he started to unbutton his shirt River sat up on her knees and batted his fumbling fingers away.

"Ah, ah, ah, I'm not letting you have all the fun."

She undid each button slowly, untucking the shirt from his trousers and letting her hands roam all over his skin as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and onto the floor. She admired him for a while, before he in turn began to slowly undress her. His hands caressed her skin, the couple kissing sensually as their clothes littered the floor. Eventually they were both naked, kissing feverishly on the bed.

River lay on her back, her eyes closed as she lost herself in the feeling of the Doctor kissing down her body. His lips travelled down her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, before he finally reached her breasts. He caught one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking it between his teeth and making her moan and keen against the bed. He cupped both her breasts in his hands, pinching and twisting her nipples when he wasn't nibbling and sucking on them. He knew instinctively that this was what she liked – she liked it rough and hard, hard enough so that she'd still feel him even when he wasn't there.

He slipped his hand between his legs and knew straight away that he was doing everything right. Her cunt was radiating heat, coating his fingers in wetness. He flicked his tongue over her nipple while plunging her fingers knuckle-deep inside her, and she let out the loudest moan yet.

"I could listen to that all day," he whispered, sitting up to watch her as he fingered her slowly. "My River, my Melody... you're so beautiful like this."

River wanted to tell him to just shag her brains out already, to fuck her into the mattress before she went insane with need. But all she could do was moan and whimper and writhe desperately against the bed, too overcome with pleasure to speak once the Doctor lowered his head between her quivering legs and began lapping at her wet cunt. He pushed his fingers slowly in and out of her as he flicked her tongue over her swollen clit, too slowly, excruciatingly slowly... and never quite enough.

"Don't you dare tease me, Doctor," she gasped out in one breath.

"But it's so much fun," he said with a devious smirk, planting a kiss on her inner thigh and curled his finger inside her to rub against just the right spot to make her whole body shudder. "You know what I want to hear, sweetheart."

River laughed, her head still thrown back in pleasure. "I... don't... beg..."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes... really..."

"You underestimate just how long I can keep this up, dear."

He continued to tease her with his fingers and his tongue. Her toes curled, her hands grabbed tightly at the bed sheets, she was so turned on she could hardly think straight, but she knew she'd never reach her much needed climax like this. He wouldn't let her. He wasn't giving her enough for her release, just enough to make it absolute torture. Finally River just couldn't take it anymore. She let out a loud cry of frustration.

"Ugh, fine! Please, please, please, Doctor! Fuck me! Fuck my brains out! Make me come, big boy, I am begging you! Please!"

"Oh yes, River, that's just what I wanted!" the Doctor laughed. "As if I could say no to that!"

He pulled his fingers out of her and sucked them clean, before using both hands to spread her legs wide. He caught her lips in a hard kiss, groaning along with her as he pushed his achingly hard cock inside her. There was no starting off slow, no gentle love making – River said she wanted to be fucked, and what sort of husband would the Doctor be if he didn't grant his new wife's every wish?

River clawed at the Doctor's back as he slammed into her, hard and fast and wonderful. He hooked her legs over his shoulders, practically bending her in half as he thrust into her, hard enough to make her scream out in pleasure.

"Oh yes!" she cried out, her nails scratching down his arms. "Ohh, give it to me, big boy! Don't you dare fucking stop!"

"As if I'd ever do something so stupid," the Doctor growled.

With a sudden burst of strength that made him giggle in surprise, River flipped them over so she was on top, straddling him and bracing herself against his chest. He held tightly onto her hips and thrust upwards as she bounced up and down on his cock, throwing her unruly blonde curls back as she cried out in ecstasy. The Doctor let his hands travel over his body as he watched her ride him with relish, caressing her thighs, her hips, her arse, cupping her breast with one hand while the other toyed with her clit until she was an incoherent mess on top of him. He was unbearably close himself, but he wanted her to come first and he wanted her to come hard.

"Ahhh... oh God... ohh, my love... my Doctor..."

He would never tire of listening to her moans, watching her gorgeous body arching beautifully in rapture, seeing her skin flushed and glowing with sweat, or feeling her wet cunt so tight around his cock. It was almost too much to take. He thrust upwards harder and stroked her clit faster.

"Are you going to come for me, my darling?" he asked gruffly.

"Yes!" River cried. "Oh God, yes, my love!"

"Come for me," the Doctor growled, commandingly. "I want to see my sexy wife fall apart... fucking come for me, River!"

Just seconds later River's orgasm crashed over her like a tidal wave – like a million tidal waves. As she threw her head back with a scream, the Doctor cried out in pleasure, his hands holding so tightly onto River's hips that he was sure to leave bruises, his whole body shuddering as he erupted inside her. They rode out their orgasms messily, thrusting erratically until River finally collapsed against the Doctor's chest; she could feel both his hearts beating just as hard as hers.

They were both too exhausted to move. River just barely had the energy to roll over onto her back. Neither of them spoke, too busy trying to catch their breath. Eventually the Doctor brushed his sweat-dampened hair out of his eyes and turned her head to look at River. He was pleased to see the blissful smile lighting up her face.

"I can only assume that was good for you too, dear," he said with a smirk.

River laughed, blowing a stray curl out of her face. "Oh sweetie, good doesn't even begin to describe how that was for me. I love you so much, Doctor."

The Doctor turned on his side, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her sweetly on the lips. They both smiled as they looked into each other's eyes, happier than words could possibly say.

"My River," he said softly, stroking her hair and kissing her again. "My Melody. I love you too. Honeymooning in the TARDIS was actually a wonderful idea. I'm pretty sure one of the swimming pools has a Jacuzzi..."

"Ready for round two?" she suddenly said with a devious smirk.

The Doctor arched an eyebrow as he held his wife closer. "Give me... precisely two and a half minutes."

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.

xxx