...YEAH, RANDOMNESS! This is basically a parody on Mary Sue stories common to fanfiction for shows like Merlin, wherein the OC (usually a blatant self insert of the author) gets sucked through the TV or whatever and goes to Camelot/Baker Street/Hogwarts/Titans Tower/Wherever.
Enjoy :) (if you can).
And no, I don't own Merlin.
Our story begins in the sitting room of a random girl in England in the year 2014.
Why? Because the author says so, that's why.
This random girl – who shall not be described because that's effort – was watching TV. She was watching Merlin because…Merlin's awesome. Nuff said.
"I love Merlin," she stated randomly then frowned. "Why did I just say that? Oh well!" She continued to watch the programme with a blank expression on her face, and every now and again sighed at Arthur's obliviousness and Merlin's general awesomeness. "Huh, my T.V's glowing." She observed a few minutes later. And indeed it was. "That's new."
And then everything went black.
In a very clichéd fashion.
Meanwhile, Arthur and his knights were patrolling the forests around Camelot. And, as usual, he was arguing with Merlin – most likely because the author couldn't be bothered to think of anything more original.
"Prat."
"Idiot."
"Honestly, can't you think of anything more original than 'idiot'?"
"…Shut up."
Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur frowned. Suddenly, a bright light appeared in front of them and out of it came a rather short girl wearing strange clothes.
"Ow? Huh? What? Are those my feet?" she asked randomly. Then she realised she was surrounded by red cloaks on horses, staring down at her like she was an alien or something. "Oh…hello…"
"Who are you?" Arthur asked as she got to her feet and regarded him with confusion.
"I am who I am…" she replied mysteriously.
Arthur arched an eyebrow. Leon's steed stepped forward at his command and the older knight glared down at the girl. "Do you know who you are addressing?"
"…Um…" She squinted at Arthur and, for a while, stared silently at him. Then a look of realisation took over her face and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE ARTHUR AND I'M IN CAMELOT AND THIS IS AWESOME AND MAGIC IS REAL AND AHH THIS IS SO AWESOME! OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!"
Leon's eyes narrowed. Arthur sighed in annoyance. "Your name?" he demanded.
"Oh, my name. I am Flare." She grinned and swept an imaginary hat from her head with flourish before dipping into a bow, "the Frivolous."
The knights decided to take her back to Camelot…because the plot told them to and Gwaine wanted a new pet.
None of them knew what a terrible mistake this was.
Try as they may, the knights couldn't get any usable information out of Flare; she wouldn't tell them where she lived, where she came from, who her family were, what the light she had come out of was. They were glad that Arthur didn't immediately jump the gun and accuse her of sorcery then and there, but were afraid that Uther would when they returned to Camelot unless they found out what happened soon.
Flare, however, was more interested in asking questions herself.
"How come you're not dead yet?"
Leon frowned. "I beg your pardon?"
"How come you're not dead yet? I mean…you've lived through absolutely everything; you've had countless opportunities to die, gone with HIM," she nodded in Arthur's direction, "on almost every heroic expedition that came up EVER and you're still alive?"
Leon ogled at her, horrified at the fact she thought he should be dead, confused as to how she knew how many dangers he'd been through, and impatient to get back to Camelot and be rid of her. However, before he could cobble together a reply, she had turned her head, her interest now elsewhere.
For some reason – most likely plot related – they soon decided to set up camp in the forest. The knights got down from their horses and tied them up whilst Merlin went to get firewood. Flare decided to go with him.
"So…Lemme get some stuff straight," she said as they gathered dry twigs and sticks from the first ground. "Arthur doesn't know about your magic?"
There was a crunching noise as Merlin dropped his bundle of wood. "How do you-"
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." Flare smiled knowingly and tapped the side of her nose with her finger, her contribution to the firewood tucked under her arm. "You'll find out in time that I…know things. But I won't tell. I get this whole destiny thing. D'you think John Hu- I mean Killgrhallahmanmnhmnm...uh, the dragon, would give me a ride? I've always wanted to have a go on a vicious, fire-breathing creature!"
Merlin couldn't answer as they had already arrived back at camp. However, he spent the remainder of the evening sitting as far away from Flare as possible. She didn't seem to mind, however, as she instead pestered the other knights.
"You're really big," she told Percival – as if he wasn't already aware of this fact. "…I don't like you."
She walked off to talk to Gwaine, leaving Percival relieved, hurt and confused.
"Is it true you love apples more than anything?"
"Uhh…" Gwaine blinked in confusion, lowering the spoonful of stew he had been about to eat. "I like apples, I guess…"
"Is it true you live on apples and ale alone?"
"Now hang on a second," he said, dropping his spoon into his bowl. "I'll admit I'm fond of apples and I'm partial to a bit of ale, but I don't live on them! What do you think I'm eating now? Cider stew?"
"…Yes?"
Gwaine edged away from her. Flare took this as a sign to pester someone else.
An hour later, when the stew had been eaten and water skins emptied, the knights settled in their bedrolls to get some shut eye, leaving Flare to kip on a pile of leaves. Usually they would be chivalrous to a young maiden and would offer her the use of some of their bedding. But Flare…quite frankly she scared them with her constant questions, piercing stare and apparent omniscience.
Morning came. The boys made a pact to ignore Flare and her questions. Percy drew the short straw and had to have Flare on his horse with him – to the annoyance of both – but it seemed she had run out of steam and remained silent the rest of the journey.
When they arrived in Camelot, they took Flare to have an audience with the king.
"Who are you?" Uther asked, sitting impressively on the throne as he watched the small person with scrutinising eyes.
"I am Flare, the Frivolous," she replied in the same manner she had with the knights.
"Where are you from?"
"If I told you…" she said dramatically, "I'd have to kill you…"
"You DARE threaten the King?" Uther roared in horror, leaping to his feet.
"Uhh…"
"Guards. TAKE HER TO THE DUNGEONS!"
Flare was dragged away, kicking and screaming. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, UTHER PENDRAGON! AND YOUR LITTE DOG TOO! EHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE!"
In the cell, Flare sat down to reflect on life. "Well, this sucks!" she lamented. "I go to Camelot, where my amazingly awesome brain powers of common sense could save so many lives and cause so much hilarity and bromance…and I get locked in the dungeons! This is just…sucky!"
"Yeah, sorry about that…" a voice said from the heavens. "This isn't really going to plan…"
"Who are you?" Flare gaped, staring upwards.
"I'm the author," the voice replied. "I'm writing this story."
"But…wait…that can't be right…" Flare mumbled. "I…I'm the author. I'm a self-insertion of the author's fanfiction self…"
"Uhh…well…this is confusing…"
"Yeah…it's like…auth-ception."
There was an awkward silence in which a ball of tumbleweed blew past.
"…No," the voice of the author said. "Just no."
"Oh. Well, this is weird. Am I basically talking to myself?"
"I guess."
"…No wonder I have problems."
"Mmhm."
Meanwhile…
"The only possible explanation," Uther said, "is sorcery."
Merlin felt the urge to roll his eyes but resisted it. Uther was bound to fall back onto that old qualm of his. If he couldn't explain it, it was sorcery. Although Merlin felt less annoyed than he usually did. Not because he was getting used to it; he still felt angry every time, but more because he felt uneasy too. Something wasn't right in the air. The usual hum of magic had been there when the bright light appeared, but there was something else; something darker. But he wasn't sure what.
The rest of Arthur's trusted knights exchanged unsurprised looks. They, too, had predicted Uther's answer. However, they didn't look particularly pleased. Though none could honestly say that they liked this girl – quite the opposite; they found her more annoying that a drunken Gwaine – but they didn't like the thought of her being executed.
"Sire; I do believe that sorcery is at work here," Arthur said, stepping forward. "However, I don't think that the girl is magic. It is more likely that she is the victim in this and that magic has…affected her brain."
"You might be right there, Arthur," Uther said – to everyone's surprise. They were dismissed soon after and left the King thinking about what to do.
Merlin came up to Arthur and said, "that was good of you, to persuade Uther to spare her life."
"She may have been a pain, Merlin," Arthur replied, "but she wasn't evil. Besides, whatever mental affliction ailing her may also be what's wrong with you."
Merlin's jaw dropped. "I'll admit I'm not the smartest in Camelot; but I…her…no…"
"Merlin…Shut up."
That night, something terrible happened.
The power of the OC ("I'm not an OC," Flare cried indignantly, "I'm an SI!") Ahem, the power of the SI spread through Camelot and infected the minds of the main characters.
All, that is, but Merlin.
"I command her to be tortured, FOR NO RAISIN! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Uther cackled maniacally. The guards restraining Flare's arms grinned grimly and proceeded to drag her away…again. Arthur gasped dramatically and jumped forward.
"Father! You can't do this!" he yelled. "She's innocent, I swear!"
"What's wrong with you boy? She's a sorceress and must be tortured! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
"Why torture? Surely he would just sentence her to death?" Merlin whispered to Gaius in confusion.
"What she has done was a grave crime against Camelot," the physician replied. "Death would be too good for her."
"What?" Merlin said bluntly. That didn't sound like Gaius. "He's never tortured a sorcerer before now."
Gaius didn't seem to hear him, however. Arthur, on the other hand, was red-faced and screaming at his father.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS, FATHER! YOU CAN'T!" he cried as he beat his foot against the ground in his passion.
"Why do you insist on sticking up for her, boy?" Uther shouted in response.
"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
"What the hell…" Merlin muttered.
Things only got weirder after that. After Arthur's confession of love, he was locked in his room so he wouldn't help her escape. However, Flare managed to escape anyway, without setting off the warning bells. The knights were also enamoured by the girl they had hours before wanted to bind and gag and have nothing more to do with. Gaius was very pro-torture-her, and Uther was skulking around, snapping at everyone and accusing whoever he happened to walk past of sorcery.
When Merlin went up to his bedroom at the end of the day to throw himself onto his bed, he was rather surprised to find someone was already on it.
"Flare!"
"Merlin!"
"…Why are you on my bed?"
"I'm not allowed to jump on the ones at home."
"…"
"…"
"…Get off!"
"Oh, right sorry." Grimacing sheepishly, she clambered off and grinned at Merlin. "Um…so…Merlin…I kinda need your help."
"What with?" he asked carefully.
"Well…I may or may not have gotten my un-inserted self to-"
She was cut off by the door banging open and Gaius storming into the room. "I thought I'd find you here! GUARDS!"
"Ho-snap, I'mma running!" Flare yelped. She sprinted to the window, somehow managed to throw it open, despite the fact it wasn't on hinges, and leapt out into the night.
A few seconds later, two guards came charging into the chamber, swords at the ready. "She went out the window!" Gaius yelled. "You can cut her off at the courtyard! Go!"
The guards didn't need telling twice and quickly retreated from the room. Merlin stared at Gaius and gave a cry of annoyance, throwing his arms in the air and turning away from the man. "I need to get you back to normal. Maybe there's a spell I can use..."
He glanced at briefly back Gaius, who was grinning wickedly and rubbing his hands together as he shuffled out of the bedroom. Merlin sighed and retrieved his magic book from its hiding place. He sat down on the bed, flipped open the book, and began reading.
The next hour was spent thumbing through the dog-eared pages, trying in earnest to find something that could help Gaius snap out of is OOC-ness. "Come on...no...no...ew, definitely not..." With an exasperated yelp, Merlin threw the book across the room, trying not to think about why there would be a spell to make mushrooms grow out of one's nose. He then noticed a small piece of paper fluttering in the air; it most likely had fallen out of the book as he lobbed it at the wall. A stab of hope gripped his heart.
Merlin crawled over to the scrap of parchment on which was scrawled in messy writing, 'ástynte béonde elreordigne'. Shrugging, he mentally repeated the words a few times to get them in his head then went back down to Gaius.
The physician was standing at his desk, muttering to himself.
"Merlin. Are you better? Has the sorceress loosened her bewitching hold on your mind?" he asked upon noticing the young warlock.
Merlin didn't respond. Instead, he held out his hand in a dramatic fashion and spoke the words on the parchment. "Ástynte béonde elreordigne!"
Gaius keeled over, unconscious.
"Oops..."
An hour later, Gaius had been dragged and dumped unceremoniously on his bed, and Merlin was curled up under his own sheets, pondering the situation at hand. He decided the best thing to do would be to wait until morning before acting. Hopefully the spell he'd casted had some effect on the physician and he'd be back to his normal self in the morning. A few minutes later, Merlin was fast asleep.
The next morning saw Merlin and Gaius wide awake before the sun had fully risen. Thankfully, Gaius was back to his normal self, his past OOC-ness but a hazy memory. Merlin explained all that had happened while Gaius wasn't in his right mind.
"We need to find out who or what this Flare is," Gaius said finally. His eyes were grim. "I know just where to look... I have a book somewhere; a book that was never meant to be written, that speaks of a forbidden power." He shuffled over to a locked trunk by the book case where he kept his most valued possessions and unstable potions, and opened it with a rusty key extracted from his pocket.
After rooting around for a minute, he pulled out a large, dusty volume and dropped it on the table with a loud thud. It was obviously very old and bound with dark blue leather. The pages were extremely fine and stained with age. Gaius flicked through it carefully, as if worried it would disintegrate into dust if he handled it too roughly.
The next half hour was spent in silence, bar the faint rustling of ancient paper. Eventually, Gaius let out a quiet yet triumphant 'ha!' and called Merlin over.
"Merlin, I've found it. This is what Flare is." Merlin hurried over and peered over his shoulder.
"Original Characters. An Original Character – or OC – is a fictional character formulated in the minds of authors and plugged into the worlds of existing fandoms. Some are harmless, but others can become Mary-Sues. There is no known way to get rid of a Mary Sue."
Merlin looked at Gaius in horror. "She's an OC?"
"I'M NOT AN OC!" a voice cried from the window. "I'M AN SI!"
"How'd she get in here?" Merlin yelped. "…Where'd she go?"
And indeed, she was gone.
Gaius took the book back and scanned the page. "OC's – and especially Mary Sues – have the power to distort reality. Characters around them are subject to change – both physically and psychologically. The OC can create memories for other characters to help themselves be accepted into the society. OC's never realise that they are OC's."
"But she does," Merlin said, pointing at the window. "Well…she said she wasn't. She said she was an SI."
Gaius' eyes digested the rest of the information the page had to offer before flicking to the next. "Types of OC," he read. "Let's see…Unofficial relatives, angst-ridden OC's, Hopeless romantics…Aha, Self Inserts – or SI's – are a representation of the author directing the course of the story."
"The…author?" Merlin blinked in confusion. "We're in a story?"
Gaius murmured his reply, but Merlin couldn't hear it for at that moment there was a noise like thunder striking as violent waves crashed against a rock and stones crumbled from a cliff top. Piercing screams and blood-curdling screeches filled the air and stabbed his eardrums. Merlin slammed his hands against his ears to defend against the horrific sound. The cracked and crumbling entity known as the Fourth Wall had finally broken.
And just like that it stopped. Merlin frowned. "What was that?"
Gaius shrugged. "I dread to think. Anyway, this 'Flare' character is obviously a Self Insertion of the author."
"I see…but…surely if the author had control, why did the SI get thrown in jail and why is Uther now yelling for her to be tortured?" Merlin asked. "That must be work of this reality-distorting power she has, but why would she want to go through that?"
"…Sadistic author with a persecution complex?" Gaius tried.
"…Sure, let's go with that."
It was later that evening when the idea hit Merlin. Unfortunately, it was whilst he was tidying up Arthur's bedroom and so it ended up with him dropping the pile of clothes he was carrying into the empty, soot-coated fire grate.
"Merlin!" Arthur cried in annoyance, looking up from his paperwork. "Could you be anymore clumsy?"
"What if this isn't the SI's doing?" Merlin asked, ignoring the prince. "What if this is the author? And…so maybe the SI doesn't realise the powers she is in possession of…but if she ever found out…
"What are you babbling on about now, Merlin?"
"Things could become even worse!"
Arthur gave up asking Merlin what he was talking about and instead chucked the nearest thing he had – the pile of papers on his desk - at him. "MERLIN!"
"I suppose you'll want this cleaned up, too?"
"Oh, so you do have a brain between those ridiculous ears."
"Prat."
"Idiot."
Because no Merlin story is complete without Arthur-Merlin banter - slashy or otherwise.
An hour later he ran down to Gaius with this revelation. The physician nodded solemnly in agreement.
"I fear you may be right," he said. "You must find a way to send Flare back to her own time before things get out of hand."
Merlin didn't need telling twice and ran out of the room to begin searching for the girl.
Flare wasn't in the cells – evidently she had not been recaptured since her escape – and he couldn't find her anywhere in the castle. For a while he was hopeful that she had left of her own accord and things could go back to normal….but no such luck.
He found her in the training field with the Knights.
"I would climb the highest mountain for your favour, milady," Elyan said, holding her hand in his considerably larger one.
Her hand was snatched by Sir Leon. "I would swim to the bottom of the ocean."
Sir Lancelot grabbed the hand. "I would go to the other side of the world."
Then Sir Percival. "I would go the other side of the world, and come back again, if it would win your favour."
Gwaine then leapt on the poor girl and yelled something about ponies and apples in his drunken slur before passing out on top of her.
Flare was not impressed.
"Dudes!" she cried, sprawled out on the ground beneath the knight. "This is not cool! I mean, you guys are like…really old! How old are you people?"
Elyan and Lancelot were twenty five. Percival was twenty eight, Leon was thirty and Gwaine was still snoring.
"…You're all so old…" she whispered dramatically. "Creepy, conspicuous, paedophilic-UGH, DUDE! HE'S STARTING TO DROOL ON ME! EW! GET HIM OFF, GET HIM OFF!"
Gwaine was heaved rather unceremoniously off of her. The knights were dragging him away to dump him somewhere just as Merlin arrived.
"I've been looking all over for you," Merlin said, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. "Where have you been?"
"Hiding," Flare replied, dusting herself off, "from practically everyone in Camelot. From Uther, from Arthur, from the guards, from the knights…it's driving me crackers!" Just then the knights reappeared and glared at Merlin.
"Come on, Flare. Do you want to see how far I can throw a hammer?" Elyan asked eagerly.
"I can throw it farther," Leon said.
"I can throw it furthest!" Percival added.
"Um…actually…I…um…Merlin, here, was going to…uh…"
"Show her…where…to pick…bogwart?" Merlin finished for her, somewhat lamely. He briefly wondered why he was suddenly so rubbish at making up lies but didn't dwell on the thought.
The knights glared at Merlin but accepted the excuse and trudged down to the armoury, arguing amongst themselves which one she preferred. Merlin and Flare began walking slowly toward the castle.
"You need to go back to where you came from," Merlin said.
"Believe me, I would LOVE to go back to where I came from," Flare replied. "Although I may be doomed to a loveless life with only my cats for company, at least I'm not hit on by crazy, paedophilic giants."
"…Percy's the only giant among that lot."
Eyes blunt, Flare gestured her short stature. "Believe me; when you're my size, everyone's a giant."
"Right. So, how do we send you back?"
Flare shrugged and sighed. "I don't know; only the author can do that. She's the only one with the power. She's been messing up everyone here. I mean, since when did Percy talk?"
Merlin rolled his eyes before crinkling his forehead in confusion. "But, the book said…"
"I know; I'm meant to have power. Usually I do when I'm manifested in stories…I managed to keep a group of super-powered, hormonal teenagers in a studio and get them to perform a crackpot version of Cinderella!"
"Huh?" Merlin blinked, lost.
"Sorry, just some shameless advertising...please continue."
"…Uh, okay then. Why don't you have that power here?" Merlin asked, relieved but frustrated at the same time.
Flare shrugged again. "Beats me. It's really quite annoying if you ask me. Being in Camelot isn't nearly as fun as I thought. Then again…in my head you would fall in love with me instantly and we would have many messy-haired, magical babies together." Merlin cocked an eyebrow. Flare flushed. "Uh, pretend you didn't hear that."
"Will do."
"So yeah, I have no power. The author was kind enough to get me out of the cell and has stopped the guards from finding me…and distracted Uther by making him bald…but she won't send me…her…back."
"Wait." Merlin frowned. "Aren't you the author?"
"Eh?"
"Well, if you're a Self-Insert, would that make you the author?"
"Yeah…kinda...I am but I'm not. Anyway, like I said, authoress powers no worky here."
It was late by the time they reached Gaius' chambers. Merlin let her in; they had decided that they needed to discuss everything with Gaius before they did anything. However, Gaius was asleep when they arrived, so Merlin left Flare to fall asleep on the patient's bed – which was thankfully empty – and went up to his own bedroom for the night.
The next morning, Flare was gone.
"Where'd she go!?" Merlin cried in horror. "Gaius, have you seen her?"
"Flare?"
"Yes!"
"She has been sent to the dungeons!" Gaius seemed rather pleased with himself as he announced this to Merlin who blanched and almost fell over.
"What? How'd she end up there?"
"I sent for the guards, of course," replied the physician.
"NOOOO!" Merlin cried dramatically. He shook his head and frowned. "What…why did I just do that?"
"Don't dwell on her any more, Merlin. She's gone. She deserves to rot in the cells," Gaius said.
Merlin felt his mouth open of its own accord and begin spewing a string of despairing words, though he had no conscious control over it. He tried in vain to stop it, to regain command, but to no avail. "How could you do this, Gaius? How could you hand over such a sweet, sensitive girl? So innocent, so pure…THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER!"
And then the tears began. Hot, salty and unintentional. They coursed down his pale face and dripped into his mouth. Merlin angrily brushed them away and clutched his head, biting back a scream. "What is wrong with me?" he hissed.
"I know you loved her, Merlin…"
His knees buckled and he found himself crashing to the floor. "NO I DON'T. I DON'T WANT TO SAY THIS! But…I…can't…fight…it…" He couldn't give in…he couldn't…he had to save Camelot…
But already a fierce, black shell was encasing his heart.
"You can't leave me in here to die!" Flare cried dramatically, gripping the bars of her cell. "Are you mad or something? YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! THIS IS MADNESS!"
"You shall pay for your crimes with your life," Uther spat grumpily, glaring at her.
"What crimes? What have I done? What did I ever do to you?...Apart from all the bald jokes…"
Uther gave her one last glare before storming off. Flare sighed and sat down with a pout, bored. Outside her cell, a guard was marching down the corridor, blank, emotionless eyes staring straight ahead.
"Maybe I can use my womanly ways to get the guard to let me out…" she said to herself before frowning and scratching her head. "Where the heck did that come from?"
"Are you alright?" Flare looked up to see the guard standing outside her cell, peering in worriedly.
"My goodness…did you just…speak…as if you had…emotions?" Flare asked slowly.
"Fair maiden!" he suddenly cried. "Your beauty has miraculously given me a personality and I find myself completely in love with you!"
"…Uhh…right…" Flare recoiled in horror. "Well this sucks; the only guys who ever show an interest are character-less guards and paedophilic knights in a fantasy land. Just my luck…"
"If it pleases you, milady, I could help you escape."
"No thank y- escape, you say? Well okay then." A wide grin made its way to her face. She needed to find Merlin again; if she had learnt just one thing from watching TV, it was that the title character would always be able to save the day one way or another.
Merlin sat outside tugging at his hair, trying to hold back the urges to proclaim his undying love for the annoying SI. He couldn't trust himself to open his mouth; the risk was too great. He needed to get her out of Camelot, and fast. But how would he be able to send her back when a force more powerful than him was desperate for him to be in love with her? He moaned and clutched his head, his mind as clouded as the grey, overcast sky above.
That was how Flare found him, curled up on the ground, rocking lightly back and forth. She had the strongest urge to go up to him, hug his head to her stomach and stroke those soft, raven locks…
"WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!?" she yelled in annoyance, causing Merlin to look up.
"Flare! There you are!" He looked both relieved and annoyed to see her. "You escaped. I need to get you out of here."
"I know. Something's happening. I keep getting these weird…feelings…" Flare said. "As if someone is trying to control me and my emotions. The only cure is for me to return to the void from whence I came…and by that I mean the author's head."
"But how! I'm getting the same thing…something's...trying to…take over…"
"Wait!" Her eyes were wide with sudden understanding. "I…I remember…if there's one thing that Fanfiction has taught me; it's that everything can be defeated by THE POWER OF LOVE!"
"…Is that you or the author speaking?"
"…Bit of both I think…" She contemplated this for a second before shaking her head. "I'm being serious. THE POWER OF LOVE may be our only hope."
"How do we harness this…power?" Merlin asked.
"I don't know. I shall need to do some research. Do you have any stories or novels? The more clichéd the plot, the better."
"No."
"...Darn. Well, looks like I'll just have to draw inspiration from things I've already read. Let's see..." She sat down on the ground and pondered, going through her memory's internal library. "What is the greatest and/or most famous love story ever written?" she mumbled, mainly to herself.
Merlin frowned as he watched her tap her chin thoughtfully. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be much help. He also had a very strong urge to start monologuing internally about her.
The following four pages have been cut due to overbearing amounts of purple.
They were sat there for perhaps an hour; Flare glaring at the grassy earth and Merlin staring longingly at her. "It's weird, though," she eventually said. "Here I am saying that the only way to get out of here is through the POWER OF LOVE, but doing that would be conforming to this story's laws. Whereas in every good love story I've ever read it's the fact the character's love is breaking the rules of their society and isn't conforming which makes it so powerful."
"Uh...okay..." was Merlin's slightly confused reply.
Flare frowned at him. "Think about it! It makes sense!" she insisted. "For example...Arthur and Gwen! They have a pretty powerful love story! Not because of the source material, but because of the social divide! The fact they couldn't be together for such a long time, despite the love that was bubbling forth! An awesome and unstoppable force! Can't you see?"
She received a blank stare in return. "This show?" Merlin eventually ventured causing Flare slap her hand into her face.
"Shouldn't've said that...I should not have said that," she muttered. "Uh, forget I said anything...wait, no. Don't forget the love thing. We both just have to think of someone that we love, actually love. True love. Break the rules this tale has set for us and forge our own love stories; not from the hopeless minds of some teenage girl, but from our own hearts." From behind the iron-grey wall of cloud peeped a sliver of sunlight, which grew and grew until it was a blazing fire, erupting across the sky and bathing the world in a powerful, golden glow. (Somewhere...else, the author grinned to herself at her seamless example of pathetic fallacy.)
"So...We just need to think of someone we love?"
"... I guess..." Flare shrugged. "Who do you love? More than anyone or anything?" Merlin opened his mouth to reply but was cut off before he could by Flare adding, "Oh, and if you say Arthur, your words will be twisted in the minds of the readers."
"...What?"
"Nevermind, just answer the question."
Merlin sighed. "I...I don't know. My mother?"
"Ooh!" Flare grinned, clapping her hands together. "Family love, like it! Go on, what else? What keeps you fighting? What gives you the drive to get up each morning and face new danger every day?"
"The...people in Camelot," Merlin said, confidence gathering behind his words as he straightened his back to stand tall. "I fight for all of them. They're like my second family."
"Yes...yes, that's it!" Flare cried. "But we need more...more love..."
"What about you?" asked Merlin, turning his head to look at her pointedly. "Do you love someone?"
"I'd say my family and friends but...same love as yours...might not work..."
"Why not?"
She waved her hand dismissively. "Reasons," was her vague reply.
"Well, do you have a lover or something?" Merlin didn't look convinced as he asked this.
Flare snorted and shook her head. "Pch, no," she said. "Unfortunately 'weird short girl who is obviously a few Tiddlies short of a Wink' isn't what most guys are looking for. Can't understand why though..."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
She slowly turned her head to glare at him. "I don't want your pity..." she spat before sighing. "Still, I'm now stumped. Other than my family and friends, there's no one else I really love. Whereas my friends are out with their significant others, I'm stuck inside, eating bread and writing Fanfiction..."
"Fanfiction?" Merlin repeated unsurely. However, Flare chose to ignore him and instead gasped suddenly and snapped her fingers.
"Of course! Fanfiction! So what, I don't have a man in my life. But I do have power over the lives of several fictional men...and women."
"Where you're going with this?"
"Don't you see?" Flare cried happily, a wide grin stretching across her face. "I love torturing characters!"
"What-"
"It's so obvious!" Flare cackled. "The way to break this...curse or whatever. It's our love of other things that means this forced love for each other is thus redundant. Your love for the people of Camelot is important because it keeps your fighting for good and equality. My love for torturing characters is important because it seems to amuse people for some reason! If you remained in love with me, most Fanfiction dictates you would thus forget your duty to the innocent. And if I remained in love with you, how would I be able to continue writing Fanfiction: my first, true love?"
Merlin stared at her silently for a few seconds before throwing his shoulders up in a dramatic shrug. "Okay! Say that's what we need to send you back...how do we use it?"
Flare paused. "Uh...You know, I'm not sure..."
As soon as these words left her mouth, there was a sudden flash of blinding light. Impossibly strong winds rippled the grass around their feet and sent their clothes and hair into a billowing flurry about their heads and bodies. The wind and light intensified gradually as the sky itself seemed to rip itself open. Merlin found himself falling down into the dark pit of unconsciousness as above Flare was dragged back to the void from whence she came.
And when Merlin woke up, everything was as it should be and order had been restored to the world.
The next day, Uther ordered a feast to celebrate Flare's departure, and the fact his hair had grown back overnight. Gaius, though pleased too, was horrified at how easily the power of Fanfiction had messed with their heads, but forgot this promptly after a glass of mead. Arthur spent the majority of his day attempting to persuade Gwen that his feelings for Flare had been fake. The knights merely tried their hardest to forget the entire ordeal.
And they all lived happily ever after...or something.
Meanwhile, in an unassuming house in the South of England, a young woman grinned wryly at her laptop screen, its ghostly glow illuminating her face. "And done," she said to herself as she tapped the save button and leant back in her seat. Finally, her project of one and a half years was finished. She could rest happy.
Just as she was about to upload her masterpiece onto Fanfiction, a glow, not dissimilar to the one beginning this tale, came from her laptop screen, growing ever brighter until it had reached even the darkest nooks of the room.
And out stepped a girl. The two stared at each other, taking in the identical facial features and fashion sense, before sighing dramatically.
"Ah, great," the Author moaned. "What are you doing here?"
"Hey," Flare pouted, "I have a name. You should know, you created me."
Unimpressed, the Author glared at her Fanfiction self. "I repeat, what are you doing here? How did you get here?"
"Dunno." Flare shrugged nonchalantly, smiling again. She leant over the Author's shoulder to read the last few paragraphs of the story then her eyes grew wide before narrowing again. "When you wrote me out of Camelot...did you send me back to where I came from, or where you came from?"
"...Darn it."
Things what I don't own. They are all owned by their owners...oddly enough.
Merlin
Father Ted - "Are those my feet?"
The Bible - "I am who I am"
Sherlock Holmes/Hound of the Baskervilles - "If I told you, I'd have to kill you"
The Wizard of Oz - "I'll get you for this...and your little dog too!"
Inception - "Auth-ception"
Futurama - "For no raisin!"
Harry Potter - "Shouldn't've said that...I should not have said that."
Things what I do own:
FLARE! (a.k.a. my Fanfiction self...)
A Cinderella Rewrite - "I managed to keep a group of super-powered, hormonal teenagers in a studio and get them to perform a crackpot version of Cinderella!" (Haha, shameless advertising...)
Anyway, stuff I may as well explain before people review and be like 'this is WRONG!' and I cry.
YES. I realise there are many plot holes and contradictions. Well...maybe they're intentional...'cause Mary Sue stories always have plot holes you can drive the Death Star through. Yeah, that'll work...
No; technically the thing with the knights wasn't paedophilia...I just like using long words. I'm horribly pretentious that way. And yes, I realise Merlin is probably the same sort of age as the knights...but he has the excuse that he's adorable ^.^
The piece of paper that temporarily returned Gaius to normal translates from Old English to 'Stop being weird'. I know, I'm hilarious...
Thanks for reading, review please :)