It wis a bright sunny day, so this story definitely disnae take place in Glasgow. The wind wis blowing gently and freely, lit yer maw when she gets underpaid.

Big Man Beerus nd his wingman Whis were oot oan the toon lookin tae grab an absolute belter ae a scran. Problem wis, every feckin planet in the solar system had food even more groggy and disgustin than yer da's phone history, then the inhabitants git wide wae him nd he blew them up tae fuck.

This time he wis up struttin aboot Earth lookin fur the best of scrans. A godly scran. A scran so good that ye could feed it tae yer dug nd he'd never ask fur a biscuit again (just kiddin that wee bastirt'll be up in yer grill an hour later lit FEED ME YA FAT HAIRY BASTARD)

Vegeta shat his pants when Bulma wis lit "aye some cunt named Beerus is oan 'is way doon fur a bite. Ye know him?" in an instant, his arse looked like a missile impact crater that'd been folded inside oot.

"Naw, yer playin' wae me. Fuckin' Beerus? Big Man Beerus? Aye git tae fuck. Next thing ye'll tell me is that Majin Buu is alive."
"He is alive ya daft cunt am payin 'is rent, remember?"
"Aw, aye. Anyway naw there's no way that Beerus is comin' tae ma house"
"It's no your house ya twat ye crash-landed oan ma gairden, shagged me and then started living here rent free"
"...That's no how ye do it oan earth? Git tae fuck back on Planet Vegeta a could fall asleep in any cunt's hoose and a wis a registered occupant by the morning"

"Wrap it ya dick, goan git the good silverware"

"Aye awright, MAW".

Vegeta flipped aff bulma and made fur the kitchen. Aye right wis Beerus comin tae HIS hoose. Beerus has been asleep since Vegeta couldnae spell the word Vegeta.

At that moment, he heard a knock oan the door. Surely it couldnae be... it wis.

"Aye what's happenin' troops it's big man Beerus in yer gaff, geez yer best scran" he belted oot
"Jawd on a minute, food hus tae cook. sit yer arse doon nd soak in the atmosphere" said bulma, havin none ae beerus' shite
"Ir ye gittin wide wae me, hen?"
"Aye, a im."
"...aye well fair enough then." beerus conceded. whis and beerus sat their wrinkly pale arses doon on bulma's £800 ikea dinner chairs and started talking shite.

Meanwhile, over it the lookout, fuckin Goku got word fae King Kai that THE big man Beerus was doon visitin Bulma. Goku, bein a fuckin roaster at heart, decided tae let everyone else know.

"here, yous hear that Beerus is doon it Bulma's?" he said
"mate av been in this lookout for lit a year. the only thing a hear regularly is your dumb arse talking shite" Piccolo replied, his soul almost hingin oot 'is arse due to Goku's shite

"Beerus? The fuck's a Beerus? ir you tryin' ae be wide wae us again?" Yamcha asked, still reeling fae that time Goku told them Elton John wis comin ae Capsule Corp but it wis Gary Tank Commander nd they hud tae endure 2 hours ae 'is pish

"Beerus... ye hink he could git us a jump in?" Android 17 pondered, clearly thinking only ae the sesh, especially since none ae the Z-Fighters would gee him a jump in.

"17, ya fuckin dick, we're 22. Just cus ye look lit an altar boy disnae mean ye needy git every old bastirt wae a grey hair oan 'is heed tae git a jumpin. ye've goat a fuckin ID, use it" Android 18, as ever, was having none ae 'is pish
"Lads, lads, lads, simmer the fuck doon" Goku said, flutting his hands tae silence them like a gym teacher it a rowdy P6 class. "we could all, nd hear me oot oan this one, jump downty capsule corp nd smash this wee dick. Fir the banter, of course"

The z fighters looked it wan another nd decided "aye awright than ya weird monkey bastirt". Except fur gotenks. Future trunks bammed him up by telling him that fused saiyans cin huv twice as much ket (ketamine) as the average person. It was aw complete pish, mind you, so the poor wee bastard's completely oot ae it in the hyperbolic time chamber trynty convince himself thit 'is tongue is a fuckin dolphin.

Elder kai, being absolutely shit fuckin feart ae Beerus, was listening on the entire conversation. he immediately dialled vegeta, like yer da dialling yer primary school teacher when he cannae git it up.

"Vegeta, listen mate, yer brair-in-arms Goku-"
"hawd up. Fuckin' "brair"? yer no that Scottish old yin, tone it doon"
"no that scottish? Mate am more fuckin Scottish than aw the wimmin yer da shagged, and that's a higher number than that daft cunt Goku can even count tae. if you disrespect me again a swear ae fuck am gonnae skelp yer arse so hard it's redder than Super Saiyan God"

Vegeta was subdued.

"...okay aye awright widdae ye want?"
"Goku's oan 'is way tae try and square go Beerus nd naebdy wants that. 'e'd git eviscerated."
"...awrite, hawd oan. Explain tae me why this is a bad thing?"
"MATE YE'VE SEEN RESURRECTION F WE NEED THAT BASTIRT TAE KILL FRIEZA"
"Aye fine fuck sake". vegeta hung up the phone.

In the other room, bulma was mutterin' tae herself as her lackies set out a feast.

"It's ma fuckin' birthday nd am playin host tae some wrinkly old cunt that looks like he sells ciggies tae weans at the park"

Vegeta walked in and caught that thought.

"Aye, could be worse. you could be the wan dealing ciggies tae school weans. Anyway Goku's oan 'is way nd he wants tae square go Beerus."
"...so where's the problem?" Bulma asked"
"Mate ye've seen Resurrection F-"
"Aye a huv nd you could fuckin kill Frieza too if ye wereny such a showboatin wee bastirt"
"...Fuck up. anyway, we huv tae keep him away fae Beerus or else he'll blow us up tae fuck"

Bulma immediately slapped Vegeta. "Blow us up tae fuck? Ye couldnae START wae that ya massive shitebag? Fuck sake. Just take him tae the chippy. Cats love chippies."

Vegeta went tae reply, but stopped fur a few minutes.
"Bulma… babe… how do ye kno- ye know wit? Nevermind. Atlantic chippy it is"

Vegeta slapped his chest lit some big man and sauntered into the dining room where Beerus and Whis sat, ironically talking shite about Vegeta's da.