Author's Note:
Happy May the 4th everyone!
Despite what the greater populace of the universe might choose to believe, Kylo was actually the sentimental one of the two of them.
Rey was factual. She thought with her heart in the clouds but her head firmly placed on the very real concerns of a very real world. Yin to his yang, reason to his freaking the kriff out.
For her, the decision to give birth on Takodana had been grounded with practicality: she would need some place both private and remote, safe and yet out of reach. As the 'baby mama' to the Supreme Leader (a term that revolted Kylo to all ends while bemused that factual side of Rey because 'hey, let's just call it what it is'), but as this role had been bestowed upon her by the whims of the Force so had every harsh word, blaster bolt, bumbling assassination attempt, and otherwise ill-will of apparently every damned person on both of their sides.
In short, the last nine months had been challenging. And terrifying. And by leaps and miles the happiest and most ecstatic moments of Kylo's entire life.
Now the time for the daughter to join them in her own flesh. Rey had suggested Takodana because no one would ever think to look for them there, at the place where it had all began. All her logic, by the way. Kylo had gone along with it because the folks of the village they had resided in for the final two weeks were easily cowed into a hushed but deeply judgmental silence. And Rey had wanted Takodana. Whatever she wants, she gets, especially now.
Which is how he finds himself stalking the halls of the towering keep, having been sent forth to 'get some fresh air' but really because his constant helicoptering around Rey was driving her batshit crazy and the midwife to nervous and unsteady hands.
Her labor was still in the early stages. Many many many more hours to go and he still has time. Time to agonize and pretend that he's not. Time to think about Han and how the universe has somehow messed up its plan for him and given him a second chance when he deserves it the least of all. Time to not think about his mother, even when he thinks he can feel her calling to him.
Time. Plenty of time until there's none left and his whole world will change rightside up.
Soon enough he'll just storm right back in and tell to Rey he's not budging and to the midwife that she'd better stop being so scared of him or he'll really give her something to be afraid of. That should calm those shaking hands of hers right down, right?
For the ten millionth time as he paces, wandering aimlessly, Kylo checks on her through the Force. Checks on them both. Rey is right where she had sent him forth from, laying down and feeling uncomfortable, messy, and oddly calm.
In other words, she's fine. Their daughter is too, though far more confused. She knows something is about to happen, having sensed the surging spirits and sense of growing urgency of both her parents during these last few hours. Unfortunately for her, she probably has no idea she's about to have a very upheaving day.
The thought of this, that this first step of his daughter's life if one that he not only can't protect her from, is beyond daunting. The residents of the keep, those that he allowed to wander and not be at Rey's beck and call and 'leave them the kriff alone, Kylo, you're driving me absolutely up the wall', scatter like rats as he thunders past them. Too much nervous energy and supercharged emotions practically radiating off him.
Rey?
It's obsessive. It's borderline pathological. He can't stay away for long, can he?
Fresh air, Kylo. I'm not going anywhere. One of us needs to have a clear head when she's born and I'm pretty sure I'm going to take a nap and tag, you're gonna be it.
The muscles in his face spasm, and Kylo's unsure whether they're twitching in rising panic or attempting to smile reassuringly.
Yes, Rey had been calm ever since her water broke. She seemed to share none of Kylo's poorly disguised terror. Hey, it's the will of the Force, right? Nothing bad is going to happen tonight, Kylo.
Nothing bad is going to happen, so calm the kark down. That last part had been unspoken but oh so shouted between the lines.
How? How can he calm down? In a few hours he's going to be a father.
Alright, he's been a father for the last nine months, but if you'd thought he'd gotten used to that notion you'd be absolutely mistaken.
This is different. This is about to become real. The blissful dreamscape he's been floating in for some two hundred and seventy odd days is about to be broken and the harsh truth of reality is going to fill its place.
He's about to become a father to a daughter that the whole universe is either be against or demand she carry its burden for them.
Unfair is completely eclipsed by the cruelty of that truth, but Kylo keeps his anger hidden more carefully. That neither of them needs to feel ever, and certainly not now.
When he finds a balcony he doesn't even slam the door behind him. Rey right now is eating something greasy and kind of gross and trying to distract herself with vacant drivel on a holopad. She's due another contraction in a few minutes, but for now the vicarious fresh breeze she feels from his side of their connection is highly welcome. He had been about to ask if he can come back yet. Promise to be on his best behavior around the staff and not ask her how she's doing every single minute. Every other minute though, surely would be allowed, right?
Stay out there a little longer. I like hearing the wind. It's soothing.
There's a wistfulness in her request and who is he to deny her anything now? Or ever.
The air is crisp and cold and exactly like he remembered it. The scent of trees and moss and life in the breeze. A perfect circle of a moon rising in the sky. How fitting is it that Leia will be born under a full moon?
Leia. It had been Rey's idea to name her that. He had fallen silent, unable to express a single emotion that his daughter's soon-to-be name had brought up.
He can feel her now. His mother. She had been with them throughout Rey's pregnancy, but tonight she was particularly insistent.
Ben, don't worry so damned much. You're going to be great at this.
How is it that he was able to block her out his whole adult life and now he can hear her like she's right there with him? He still can't face her though. Even if he's pretty sure he could turn around and see her right there, shaking her head at him for being such a kriffing nuisance that his 'baby mama' had needed a break from having to deal with not one child but two.
Han was the same. He'd driven me absolutely around the bend. Except he'd spent hours telling bad dad jokes until I threw a pillow at him and told him to shut the hell up.
Kylo winces, shielding his pain when he feels a question come from Rey at his sudden shift in emotions. Hearing about Han… Hearing from his mother at all...
He can't right now. No. He can't.
"Go to Rey, m- mother. She'll want to hear from you."
She lingers for a moment. Long enough for him to be ready to break down. And then she goes and he scratches at the single tear that leaks from his eyes and had begun to follow the length of his scar.
Kylo?
He freezes dead still at the sound of Rey's voice in his head. His thoughts over these last few minutes had been such a mess that he doesn't dare answer back directly for fear that she, that either of them, might touch upon some of his more recent emotions. Instead, he sends a pulse of inquiry. Remote. Distant. Obnoxious.
Because he's fundamentally a screwup who can't even get the basics like comforting the woman he loves when she's in labor right.
Kylo…
Why yes, she does sound frustrated with him. Just like Leia. Or maybe she's having another contraction and that makes all the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.
Kylo, get your ass back here right now. And you won't try to behave yourself, you will behave yourself, got it?
Despite her harsh tone, Kylo breaks out into a smile just a s he breaks out into a fast jog. If he thought the people of the keep had been avoiding him before, it's nothing like now as he races through the halls in a flash of black and heightened determination.
Is it time?
It's time.
Oh kriff, it's time.
On Leia's second morning they talk her out for a stroll through the sunlit forest.
Rey walks slowly, their daughter held tightly next to her chest. Her body still looks half-pregnant and there's fresh baby sick decorating the shoulders of her shift dress.
In short, she's never looked more stunningly beautiful.
Kylo hasn't told her yet that she was right all along. He's already turned his back on the First Order. He had months and months ago, truthfully, but soon he needs to make it official. Transform from their leader to their greatest enemy. Fight any fight he has to, any challenge he meets, to protect them both.
Rey smiles at him then, bumping him with her shoulder. I'll be there, too. We'll protect her. Together.
She doesn't say it out loud because she doesn't have to. It's obvious. It must have been obvious from the moment their daughter was conceived and even more when they both chose Takodana to birth her. Full circle. It only seemed fitting to meet his daughter in the same place he met the love of his life.
And somewhere very close, not far away at all, Ben swears that he can feel his mother smile.