I, the almighty, cool, and omnipotent author, stood in darkness, looking at the computer screen in front of him. Haku, being my favorite character, was standing next to me.

"So..." Haku ventured, bored. "What are you gonna write."

I grinned. Warning: When I grin, things get screwed up.

"I thought it was weird that everyone thinks your a girl when they first meet you, even though it's obvious your a guy. I mean, if some evil person is wearing a mask, and their voice...whatever, then they're a guy!"

Haku just decided to politly listen. Well, not really.

"Er...Ark-san, the readers are waiting..."

"Oh, right. Anyway, I'm gonna post a fic where Haku is a girl. Also, I shall have him live in kohona, he shall still have his cool kekkai genkai, his name will still be Haku, and he'll still wear that pink kimono."

Needless to say, Haku was mortified.

"Don't I have a say in this?"

"Nope. Besides, it's just a story. If anyone gives you any crap, tell me. I will write another story, equally mortifying them. It will be amusing."

Haku sweatdropped.

"...Sometimes, you scare me Ark-san."

"I scare myself, too. Whatever. Now, be a good nunekin and say the disclaimer."

"Ark-san does not own Naruto. If he did, he says he would change it into a romance/action hentai series..."

"Shut up. Anyway, it's time for the key!:

"Talking"

Thinking

Jutsu

Translation

Bijuu speak

OMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAIOMGKUNAI

Haku...was confounded, confused, and (insert another synonem of confused here). First of all, he was alive. Second of all, he was alive. Yes, the fact that he was alive was so important it took up to numbers. Third, he was an infant. Fourth, he was in a pink bundle. Either his girliness was so appearent at 1 day even the doctors were confused, or they were blind and/or color blind. Fifth, he realized, that either he had been ressurected with his past memories, or he had been transformed back into the infant stage. After pondering the mysteries of life for .3 seconds, a medic-nin came into the room, picked him up, and walked to the a patiants room. What confused the hell outta Haku was the ninja's headband. It was a land of fire headband. He did not know how why he was in Kohona. After about 20 seconds of waiting, he was given to his mother, which, thankfully, was the same, except, wearing a leaf headband instead of a mist one. For about 20 days Haku had to stay at the hospital. He thought many things in the hospital, such as why he was in pink and everyone was adressing him as a girl. And, also, why he was alive. But that's not important. Why was he in pink? Haku found out why only a few hours after he got to his new house. The day was normal...for him at least. His parents were acting like psychos. He was forced to eat whatever they put under his nose, and he was forced to sleep in a crib about 2 feet away from his parents. Unfortuinitly for them, Haku was a lot smarter then your average 1 day old. While he body wasn't able to move, he could still fell something... Or rather...The lack of something.

You know what I'm talking about...

After learning this, he... promptly passed out.

He was a girl. ...

Joy.

SASUKEISGAYANDEMOSASUKEISGAYANDEMOOK,MAYBEJUSTEMOSASUKEISEMOMANIAMBOREDWITHTHIS...

After waking up in the morning, his father, appearently a leaf shinobi, left on a mission, which left his mother to take care of him. He barley ate, still shocked and confused about his...or should I say, her new discovery. Haku just sat there in a daze. Her mother, paniking, took him to the hospital. When the doctors said Haku was fine, her mother was relived beyond belief. ... Heh, my classmate did that for a name of an invention for the science fair...

Whatever. Anyway, as soon as she was to be discharged, her parents were forced into action by some unkown force. She was quickly shoved aside, in the same area as two other infants. She glanced to the side and, with a little baby gasp, saw someone she knew...

In baby form anyway. It was Naruto. He was, as to be expected, the only kid with spiky blond hair.The other kid, however, was a complete stranger. From what she could see, the kid had black hair, and that was it. She noticed someting off, however. The room was filled with candles.

All of the candles were white, and it seemed they were in a pattern, surrounding the three infants. Haku couldn't hear anything outside of the room, due to the other infants non-stop crying. Haku, of course, wasn't crying, for she was above those things. She could talk, and she was going to get up to see if she could walk when a man walked into the room. He was, as far as she could see, Naruto's father, due to their similarities in their eye and hair color, along with the hair style. In fact, they were so similar that if you just made Naruto taller by a few feet and remove the whisker marks, you would have this man.

"…Hm. Another child. I would say more the merrier, but this is anything but merry. I don't really like doing this, but I don't really have a choice in the matter." He bit his thumb, causing him to bleed, and started marking the boys with his blood. She couldn't see the actual mark, but she could tell it wasn't very pleasant to them. Haku was confused.

What is he doing? She thought, wondering on the mysteries of this man. He doesn't need to make markings for summons, and the summons that you would need to use markings for would need a bigger room then this… The man then walked over to Haku, picked her up, and removed the blanket. Haku could feel the temperature drop a few degrees, but not enough for any change that would warrant her reacting. The yellow haired man marked her as well, and with the higher elevation, Haku could see that the other two babies had similar marking to her own. However, Naruto had 9 lines leading out of his stomach, while the dark-haired boy had 8 compared to her 7.

"Well you three, wish me luck, and I will wish you yours as well. May you be seen as heroes, protectors of the village, not as these things I am forced to force into you…" The Yondaime Hokage turned back one last time, smiled, and left, leaving Konohagakure no Sato for the last time…

Well, as the Yondaime Hokage, at least.

You should know what happens next, but for those who don't…

Yondie goes out and summons Gamabunta, A.K.A. huge frog…or toad. Same thing really. Anyway, instead of him facing the 9-tailed fox of death, he faces the 9-tailed fox of death, the 8-tailed snake of evil, and the 7-tailed badger of deception.

…

Ok, badger? A friggen badger is one of the tailed beasts? …

A badger?

A BADGER!

Man, what were the Japanese thinking? I mean, I could think of something much more threatening then a badger!

Anyway, I digress. Yondaime used Shiki Fūjin (Dead Demon Consuming Seal) to seal the three demons into the three babies. Haku, of course, what the only one who noticed.

Dammit, I wanna kill something!

I'm sure you do. However, you really can't do anything right now.

Who are you! And why can't I move!