Ummm, hello. Hello! I guess we should start with the obvious...I should be working on DK. It's a known fact. BUT! This was co-authored by the AMAZING Wordwielder (I've been a fan for a very long time) as we've been planning to do a FANFICTION ACADEMY story! You may notice some similarities between this and other fanfiction universities, but as this is located on the lovely Isle of Berk, I'm afraid the similarity ends there. I hope you believe that this is worth it. And now, a word from my compatriot:

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If any Oh, Gods fans are out there, ready to hunt me down for promising this story soon, I'M SORRY. Every bit of the delay on this is mine, not the lovely Astrid. We're actually a pretty great team, though. Thoughts? Sharing? Please? Reviews may be answered by me or Astrid, depending on who you want/follow.

"It's not gonna go away, is it?" Tuffnut groaned, pushing his face into the table.

"I'm gonna smash their faces," Ruff agreed, banging a fist against Tuff. "Hey, Hiccup. Are you finished with the applications yet?"

Hiccup was seated in the library, yards of paperwork surrounding him. He had a pencil sticking out of his flying harness and smudges all over his arm. Astrid was curled up in a ball a few feet from him, hiding her face, and Fishlegs was cowering behind his own piles of paper.

"If you guys would help me, maybe we'd finish quicker," Hiccup said, yanking his spare pencil from its holster and upsetting half the things around him as he scrambled to grab it.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Hey, guys!" Snotlout burst through the doors, looking a little singed around the edges. "Hiccup – your dad finally gave us permission to use the ring for the classrooms. He says we can use the cages for the dormitories."

"Right…"

"Or a few of the houses."

"Hmm." Hiccup pulled himself up. "Do we want them to feel at home ….?"

"No!" Fishlegs finally looked up. "No, no, no, no, no, no! The bad ones go in the cages! We can't let our guard down! The good ones get the houses." He glanced to either side warily.

"Just not mine," Tuffnut added.

"Guys," Hiccup explained patiently. "We sorted through all the fanfiction writers. All the good ones get to stay home and enjoy their lives. The others are going to be transported here – tomorrow. Legs, Lout, that means that all the ones coming are the bad ones."

Astrid shuddered. "And you seriously think it's a good idea to give them … weapons?"

"And dragons?"

"Yes," said Hiccup, far too calmly. "We want nice, accurate fanfiction, don't we? The fangirls and fanboys have to learn how difficult it is to master a weapon-"

Ruffnut laughed. "Or even hold one…"

"Right," continued Hiccup. "And how hard it is to ride a dragon, let alone get along with some of them. Especially since half of these people think there're thousands of magical dragon species out there…"

"Makes sense," Astrid agreed. "In a dangerous kind of way."

"Seriously," Hiccup said. "Are you afraid of them? How many years we waited to fight dragons, and you don't think you can handle a few weak little non-Viking humans?"

"He's got a point," Snotlout admitted. "I mean, we are a lot tougher than them."

"Plus," Hiccup smirked. "We actually have dragons. And control over them. And Toothless."

Toothless flicked an ear in agreement. Despite the "taming" of him, not a lot of people had forgotten how "Night Fury! Get Down!" used to be the village motto.

"I think Astrid and Toothless are perfectly good security," Hiccup explained. "And besides. It's our village." He rolled his eyes. "Who do you think the hundreds of Vikings are going to side with: them, or us?"

.

One thousand years into the future and another thousand miles away, a future victim who was also a recent perpetrator sat at her laptop. Marcie Brant was a fairly normal girl: average height, average weight, average brown hair and average hazel eyes. The single factor that made her unaverage (to a certain six offended Vikings) was up on her computer screen now.

Marci Brant, or MarciliciousSiriusBlack (her penname), had a weakness for Mary Sues, and even more horrifying, their dragons. Right now she was happily writing Toothless a White Fury mate, and vaguely contemplating Silverwing's rider, who would, she decided, have silver hair. How would Hiccup feel about her, and furthermore, how would Astrid...?

Giddily, she pressed save on her Word document, and that's when all Hel broke loose.

A flash of light, a burst of wind, and a long, terrifying fall deposited Marcie Brant on a rocky, mossy shore. "Ohhhhhhhh," she muttered. "I'm never doing that to a character again, that HURT." Her fingers brushed the knot on her head and she winced. "Never again. Owwwwwwww."

Speaking of characters...this wasn't...it couldn't be...she must be hallucinating...it simply looked like Berk...but that deep, bone-penetrating, damp cold...she couldn't be imagining...

"Good," said a callously satisfied voice she was positive she recognized. "Then this might be easier than we thought."

Marcie Brant looked at Astrid Hofferson, who was smiling sweetly and carelessly flipping an axe. She made a small noise of surprise and stared at her before her stomach swooped, her eyes fluttered closed and she hit the rocks again.

"Or not," Hiccup said wryly, limping up to stand beside Astrid. "Is she okay-? Astrid! I told you no weapons; they'll be terrified enough as it is!"

"Oh, stop babying them," Astrid said dismissively. "They can't handle an axe, how will they handle Toothless?" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, you mean my dragon who I told to stay behind?" Hiccup asked. He went over to the girl and fumbled for her pulse, grimacing. "Yeah, she's gonna be out for a while." His diagnosis was interrupted by another body falling viciously to the ground.

With a small cry, he jerked backward, barely avoiding the boy facedown at his feet. "Another one?"

"DUCK!"

Astrid leaped forward, grabbing Hiccup's wrist and towing him off the rocky beach, setting off at a stumbling run for the cover of the trees. From there, shielding their heads, they watched as dozens - hundreds - (maybe even thousands) of people, ranging in age from around nine to fifty dropped to the ground in what looked like a highly painful way.

Finally, they stopped falling. Astrid looked over at Hiccup, who was still clutching her wrist, gasping.

"Wow. That's a lot more than I planned on."

It was pathetic, but by now she was so used to Hiccup having some brilliant and completely mad plan, it was unnerving to hear him admit, albeit nonchalantly, that he hadn't planned for something. "Eh, those are big cages," she said airily.

"We're not making them sleep in cages," Hiccup said, half- exasperated and half-amused. "We're trying to teach them, not punish them."

Astrid shrugged. "Teach, punish, it's all the same." She grinned at him sideways. "Oh, come on. Like you haven't thought about it at least once-"

Hiccup chuckled before adding more seriously, "We should probably at least attempt to move them. We don't need them to all get pneumonia and die. I don't think the sponsors got them to sign waivers."

Astrid raised her eyebrows. "'We?' Are you included in that statement? I'm pretty sure you'd drop them. Ninety pounds, remember?"

Hiccup threw up his hands. "What does a guy have to do to end the 'ninety pounds' jokes! And it's ninety-five actually." He eyed a slumped mass on the ground, a guilty look creeping into his eyes. "They're all writers; I hope they appreciate the irony."

Astrid turned to him, thinking that if she woke up with a massive knot on her head, she probably wouldn't appreciate the irony. Then, she didn't spend her free time plotting fanfiction, especially fanfiction that disgusted its subjects (sometimes to the point of physical illness), so her mental processes probably didn't compare to that of a typical fanfic writer. "Should I get reinforcements?" she asked.

Hiccup nodded. "The biggest ones you can find. I'll keep watch on..." his voice trailed off. "These."

Astrid strode off in that confident, Viking-y way she would always have, swinging her axe. That axe still made Hiccup feel like he should learn how to hold a shield properly...which would probably be necessary to teach the writers. He sat and tried to make himself comfortable on the intensely uncomfortable ground, and promptly fell over after leaning back too far; he had forgotten that Toothless wasn't lounging behind him. "Owww," he muttered. "Maybe the drop was a little cruel." He pulled himself back up, still rubbing the back of his head where a particularly sharp rock had taken revenge upon him.

"Oh my God," came a faint, girlish voice. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III?"

Hiccup squinted to find the voice's source. A girl, probably two or three years younger than him, with shockingly bright pink hair like he had never seen or even imagined, was leaning against a boulder and staring at him.

"Wow, full name," Hiccup replied. "At your service." He stepped over the bodies to reach the girl, whose eyes widened to a frighteningly round degree as he approached.

"How hard did I hit my head?" she wondered.

He reached out to help her up and she seized his hand. "You feel real," she said cautiously.

"As far as I know, I am," he replied. She allowed him to help her to her feet, and he hastily shook his fingers from her increasingly painful grip.

"Am I on Berk?" she said, bewildered. "Is that possible?"

"Yes."

"To both?"

Hiccup nodded. "Yep. Welcome to Berk. Sorry it's so cold, it kind of always is. We're a few degrees short of-"

"Freezing to death," she finished breathlessly. "I know...I'm Penelope."

"Penname?" Hiccup asked, fearing the answer.

"PinkHeart094456732," she supplied. "Why do you...? Is this...?"

"Essentially, fanfiction training," Hiccup answered automatically. He expected to be asked this question several hundred times...or several thousand, judging by the quantity of unconscious offenders.

"I do not believe it. I'm in fanfiction rehab." She snorted. "Why not?" She winced. "Jesus Christ in Heaven, my head is killing me."

"Er, sorry about that," Hiccup apologized. "We really had no other w- uh. Well. I can get you some tea for that-"

"Ooooh, Gothi?" She prodded her head and cringed. "That sounds nice. What am I here for?"

Hiccup paused, weighing his words. "Think about everything you've posted on fanfiction."

A stricken expression passed over her face.

"It was only one fic!" she burst out.

But at least, Hiccup thought wearily while guiding her up the bluff, she didn't faint.