Hey guys, I wrote this a while back and decided to post it, hope you guys like it. Follows the events of House breaking up with Stacy at the end of 2x11, 'Need to Know', seen from Stacy's pov. It's kinda House/Stacy, so if you're not into that don't read! All mistakes are mine. Enjoy and let me know what you think :)
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Stacy was standing in her office, the place that would very soon not be her office anymore. In the short time she'd spent there it didn't feel like hers anyway. Tears were streaming down her face. Tears of pain, and sadness, and anger. She was angry with House, for changing his mind, for leaving her alone, for being unavailable. For being right. She was angry with Mark, for getting sick, for being selfish, for being available. For loving her. But most of all she was angry with herself, for trusting House, for not making up her mind in time about the two men. For being so stupid.
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right
We were never meant for 'till we die
Because House had definitely been right. It was the well known tale of their relationship. They would start out great, happy, in love. But eventually, sooner than later, they'd drive each other crazy. He would start blaming her, annoying her, avoiding and ignoring her. She would try to win him back, make peace, lose her cool and scream back. She might even start smoking again to deal with the stress. They would still love each other though. And they would fight for that love. It would just never be enough.
I didn't want us to burn out, I
Didn't come here to hurt you,
now I can't stop
She leaned over her desk, palms firmly planted on the top, fingers turning white. She tried to take a deep breath to ease the choking feeling that started to rise in her chest but it turned into a sob that sounded unreal to her. Raw emotions threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to scream, but as she couldn't she released a bit of the anger in her body by shoving a pile of neatly stacked papers from the desk in a single motion. She took deep breaths while staring at the papers that were falling to the ground.
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
After a little while she calmed and sunk into her chair. The thing that hurt the most was that she understood. She and House wouldn't have worked. But she wanted so badly for them to work. She thought about the happy moments, the sappy moments lovers cherish, like waking up next to each other, little stolen kisses, hugs and touches that were so natural people get used to them. Until they stop.
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
She knew House had loved her. Maybe loved her still. And she had loved him so. Trusted him like her life depended on it. Felt so safe in his arms she believed nothing could ever happen to her. She'd had felt light as a feather. But that was in the beginning. She also remembered the doubt about his feelings, the guilt that settled in her stomach when she saw him in pain, the utter dread she felt when entering their house every day, knowing he'd be waiting for her, that they'd fight, and that with every word said they'd make each other more miserable. She would flee the house again as soon as she could. But she loved him still.
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
She was the one to leave and marry another man. She had started over, or at least attempted to. He was still here, still the same man she left. It had been a comfortable finding. She knew there had been plenty of women after she left, probably already before she left, but he'd never settled. Not that she had expected him to, because that was just not who he was. But she knew he could love. If he did it was the purest, realest emotion he possessed. She also knew he'd love again after her. She thought about doctor Cuddy. It was Lisa he cared about. Maybe one day he'd love her.
It started with a perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
Maybe he would love Lisa like he had loved her. Maybe he would love her. Maybe their relationship would make more sense, be more realistic. It would have been rooted in a mutual friendship, or at least a mutual understanding. She would know what she'd be getting into. Stacy hadn't. Blinded by love she'd ignored all his flaws and focused on his perfect traits. She hung her head. Silly little girl.
You know that I love you so, I
Love you enough,
to let you go
She pushed herself up from the chair, slowly and unsteady. She saw Wilson looking at her through the opened door, but she was glad he didn't ask anything and walked on, probably looking for House to find out what had happened. She grabbed her handbag and put on her coat. She left the office quickly and walked out, through the hallways, practically running down the stairway as if she was suddenly in a hurry. The moment she walked through the hospital's front doors, she breathed in the cold air and slowed down. After a few steps she turned around and looked at the big building in front of her. A building with so much of her history, of her hidden misery. Tomorrow she would resign. She couldn't be here any longer. She had a husband to go home to.
I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
She drove home as if she was functioning on automatic pilot. Her thoughts were on House again. She'd given herself this last day to think about him before she'd fully have to forget him if she wanted to lead a normal life again. Free from him. From beautiful memories that had turned so painful tears welled up in her eyes whenever she remembered them. From a love that she didn't think she'd ever have again. Not like that.
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
She arrived at her house. Her house where she lived with her husband. Where she lived her life with her friends and her job and with all the things House was not a part of. She was far enough away from him here. Here she had enough other things to focus on. To help forget him. She'd help her husband get through his injury, and they'd get closer, stronger together. They'd be happy, like she had been when they'd just met, and House was far from her heart. She would work on going back to that moment. She would be able to love and live again without him.
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Mark had already been in bed by the time she came home. She had slowly removed her makeup, jewelry and clothes and had stepped in the shower. She had tried to wash away every trace House could have left on her body, from the tears on her face he had made her shed, from the pain in her stomach that he had left her with. Her skin was red from all the scrubbing, but she finally felt clean enough to turn of the faucet. She dried herself off and quickly changed into her night gown. She tried to keep her thoughts locked away in an iron box in her head. The thoughts about the last few weeks, about the few years their relationship had lasted, about him. But as she stepped into the bed and curled up next to the warm body of her sleeping husband, she knew she would probably never be able to keep them there.