Author's Note: I'm currently on a short break from uni thanks to Easter and I felt like writing something to share here. Zutara, as always, and this time inspired by the song 'Alone with the Sea' by one of my favourite bands, Hurt. Give the song a listen. I'm in no way satisfied with this fic, but in my defence, I was just desperate to write something to this prompt and this was all that could come out. Think of it like a sketch-dump. Depressing Zutara ahead and a lot of jumping back and forth in time. If you don't like that sort of thing, then go read something else. Enjoy!
Alone with the Sea
She sat on the edge of the world, looking down, her body braced against the oncoming arctic winds. The dampness of ice and snow melting beneath her was absorbed by her parker; discomforting, but she did not shiver. She sat on the edge of the world, looking down to where waves ravaged the rocky base of the cliff. The salty foam eroded the jagged spikes and smooth surfaces alike; the hissing residue of the waves.
Katara inhaled the sea air and sighed it back out. A waning moon hung high above the water, her reflection kissing its ever-moving surface. Somewhere across the water, looking up at the same moon, was a man. She hadn't seen him in three years, since the end of the Great War. She'd left him in the Fire Nation to rule his people and lead them into the era of peace they'd helped the Avatar establish. But her home was in the South Pole, where she had returned with her brother and where she sat looking out to sea, longing for that man.
"Zuko." The name came absently to her lips and she felt her heart tremble. "I miss you."
Zuko winced as he stood up from where the gang had just eaten together and clutched at the wound on his torso. Despite his efforts to disguise his pain, he saw his friends all glance at him in concern. Katara stood up. "I think it's time for another healing session," she announced, taking him by wrist and leading him away from the dining hall. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he said. "Just sore."
She led him through the palace until they arrived in his bedroom, where she sat him on the end of his bed. In the ensuite bathroom, she filled a bucket with warm water and carried it back out to him, careful not to slosh any onto the crimson carpet. "Shirt off," she said, kneeling down in front of him. He opened up the front of the garment and let it slide back over his shoulders as he leaned back on his hands. Katara tried to suppress a blush as she raised the glowing water around her hands to his chest. "The wound is looking a lot better," she said, a hint of guilt in her voice. "I'm sorry this happened to you."
She looked up to the sound of his chuckling. "How is this your fault?"
"You were saving me from your crazy sister."
"You didn't ask me to. I did it by choice. It wasn't your fault." She looked at him doubtfully for a moment before looking back down to her work. "Katara." He placed a hand around her wrist and she accidentally let the water fall away from her hand and into his lap. "I mean it. It's not your fault."
She let her eyes linger on his face a moment longer than she'd meant to before they flitted back down to his lap. "Sorry," she said, sweeping the water up with her bending and bringing it back up to his wound.
"Don't be." He held her wrist for a moment longer, just gently, before letting go.
Katara stared at the glowing water around her hand as it travelled over his torso, feeling the sculpted muscles and warm skin beneath her fingers. She leaned in towards his body in her concentration, bracing herself against the bed with one hand.
"Why did you do it?" she asked, suddenly. For a moment he didn't answer and she kept her eyes trained on the way she was knitting his wound together. When he said nothing, she looked up expectantly. There was a crease in Zuko's brow. He watched her, deep in thought. Katara felt the blush rising in her cheeks under the intensity of his stare. "Zuko?"
He blinked once and his lips parted soundlessly for a moment before he spoke. "Because I love you."
He sat in a private room in the palace, overlooking the dark waters watched over by the Gates of Azulon. The moon wavered on the surface of the bay as the last of the fishermen went home from their day's work. The window was propped open, allowing for a mild breeze, tinged with sea salt.
Somewhere across the water, looking up at the same moon, was a woman. He hadn't seen her in three years, since she'd left the Fire Nation for her own home after the Great War. With the era of peace established and the world falling back into balance, Zuko's duties as Fire Lord were becoming slowly easier and he longed to have her with him once more.
"Katara," he said to the empty room. "I'm sorry."
Katara put the water back in the bucket. The wound on his chest was significantly better. She should have felt drained, but Zuko's words sent a rush of adrenaline through her. She realized she was holding her breath and tried to exhale quietly, but it still came out shaky.
"I'm sorry," he said, looking away from her.
Katara slowly shook her head. "Don't be," she said. There was a long pause in which she struggled for wards. "After Ba Sing Se, I was hurt. I let my guard down and let you in. You betrayed me. And I tried so hard not to let you in again when you joined us." She stopped again and took a deep breath, frowning down at her hands as she folded them in her lap, still kneeling on the crimson carpet in front of him. She slipped one hand to the floor and felt the texture of velvet beneath her fingers. She took another shaky breath and opened her mouth."But then after you helped me track down the man who killed my mother, and then you saved my life and almost got yourself killed, and now I –"
Warm hands encased her face and brought it up. Her lips were silenced with a kiss that was hot and demanding. His eyes were closed tightly and she watched the crease in his brow relax as she responded, kissing him back, bringing her arms up over his shoulders.
Zuko knelt down on the floor in front of her and wrapped his arms around her body. She felt small and fragile in his arms. The kiss deepened as he lifted her up with him. She pulled her head back for a moment, confusion and excitement rushing through her as she searched his face. His chest heaved with a heavy breath and she blinked her face moving closer to his. He took her lips again. Their bodies turned until Katara fell backwards onto the mattress, moving slowly up to the pillow while his lips stayed trained on hers. His hands explored her body as she ran her fingers over his bare chest and back. His lips were at her neck when she moved her hands down to the waist of his pants. The hours that followed blurred in pleasure and violent passion and the spinning room full of red and gold walls and carpet and bed sheets.
Katara touched the place on her hips where his fingers had dug in. Her lips and the place on her neck where he'd kissed her tingled. A desperate burning sensation built up inside her chest, flooding her senses. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember herself before that night; what her body had felt like, what thoughts would play on her mind. But those memories were long lost and replaced by that night and what they'd shared.
The ocean rumbled down below her, calling her away from the thought of his skin against hers and the sensations that rushed through her body as he leaned over her. Somewhere on the other side of the same waters, he was with another woman, holding her and loving her the way he'd promised to hold and love Katara that night.
She sat on the edge of the world, staring down into the roaring waves.
A soft burst of morning light through a chink in the curtains woke her. She found herself surrounded in scarlet bed sheets and warm, stable arms. For a moment, she felt peaceful, until she realized he was already awake. The flutter in her chest unsettled her.
"Are you okay?" she asked, taking in the furrow of his brow.
His head moved awkwardly on the pillow next to hers. "I don't know. I'm confused."
That uncomfortable feeling in her chest repeated itself. She hesitated. "What's confusing?"
"What happened last night… I just don't know if it was right."
A bubble of anger burst inside her so suddenly she almost didn't have time to register it. "What's that supposed to mean? Zuko, you started that; you said you loved me and then you started kissing me."
"I know that," he snapped. "I know what I did, I'm just saying I don't know if it was right. It wouldn't be the first time I've made the wrong decision." He felt her glare immediately. "That came out wrong, but you know what I mean."
"No." She sat up. "I don't know what you mean, Zuko."
He sat up with her. The sight of his bare chest and the half-healed wound reminded her that she was also naked and she hastily pulled the blankets up to cover herself. "Katara, a lot has happened recently. The war has been over for little more than a week, I'm suddenly Fire Lord and then last night I… I don't know."
She shook her head, swallowing at the anger that threatened to lace her voice. "Then why did last night happen?"
"Because I love you," he blurted out unthinkingly. Then he stopped, turned his head away from her for a moment and frowned at himself. "I think." Katara gave a sigh of exasperation and rolled out of the bed to search for her clothes. "Where are you going?"
"Away from you," she answered, bluntly. Once her clothes were roughly put on, she stepped towards the door. She heard Zuko scramble out of the bed to follow her. She was halfway down the corridor when she heard the bedroom door open behind her and the sound of bare feet padding hastily along the cold stone floors.
"Zuko," another woman's voice called out. The voice was rough and familiar, but happier than Katara felt it should have been. She was already at the end of the corridor, half way around the corner, but she stopped to see Mai stepping in from the other end. "Good morning." She basically threw herself into Zuko's arms. Katara had to stifle a gasp. "And where are you off to in such a hurry?"
Zuko stuttered and shot a torn glance in Katara's direction, which Mai didn't seem to notice. "Um, nowhere." His voice sounded broken, suddenly. "Nowhere at all."
Katara watched the way he returned Mai's embrace gingerly. He was uncomfortable; she could tell. Walk away from her, Zuko, she begged, silently. Why won't you push her away too?
Katara spent the rest of the day alone in her room, crying as she promised not to let him in again. This time she meant it.
"I should have gone after you like I was going to," Zuko said to himself. "I shouldn't have let her stop me."
In the Fire Nation, the traditional sign of an engagement or marriage was a small golden band around the finger, decorated with precious stones. Zuko ran his digits over the smooth, shining surface of the gift he'd presented to Mai a few months after Katara had gone home. They'd married before the year was over. But from halfway across the world, Katara wouldn't yet know that Mai had just left him, sensing and unable to stand his love for somebody else.
"It was meant for you," he said to the moon as he gazed out the window, somehow hoping she would pass the message on. He looked back down to the moon's reflection on the rippling surface of the water. "It was meant for you."
They spoke briefly one last time before Katara left. He found her by the turtle-duck pond in the palace gardens, where he used to feed the creatures with his mother. The grass next to her was cold with early morning dew that seeped through his robes. She didn't turn to face him or acknowledge him until he spoke.
"I'm sorry," he said. "For everything." They sat in silence next to the pond for a long moment. "I made Mai a promise before I joined your group. I keep my promises. So here's my promise to you." He paused and glanced sideways at her to see if she was listening. Katara continued to stare emptily at the tranquil water before them. "I'll fix this world in all the places my forefathers broke it and I'll do my duty as Fire Lord. I won't come to the South Pole without an invitation from you. If you don't want to, you never have to see me again." He wanted to say other things; something in his defence; something to make amends properly. But he knew it was not a possibility anymore; he was out of chances. "I've hurt you again and I'm sorry. It will be the last time. It would never have worked out anyway, Katara. We're just too different. Goodbye."
Zuko would like to have thought he saw an expression of objection cross her face and that when he kissed her on the cheek she leaned in to the contact, but he refused to fool himself as he walked away from her. He didn't see them off when they set sail that afternoon.
She sat on the edge of the world, wishing he'd said those things he wanted to say and had kept to himself instead; wishing he'd broken his promise to Mai when he had made the promise to her. Not the promise made with words when he said goodbye, but the promise made with what they'd shared that night.
The sea called invitingly to her as she wiped away a tear, an arm still wrapped around her waist in the closest way she could find that felt like Zuko's arms. The foam hissed against the base of the cliff in the wake of another wave. She left her bending on land as she fell to meet the salty waters. For a moment, all that surrounded her way still as the ocean held her. Then as if the water had come to life, she was caught in the violent rapture of its body, so cold, unlike the body she longed for. She met the cliff with force and as if the water sensed her injury, its turmoil lulled and it cradled her again. Katara closed her eyes and let her breath go, far from being at peace, but alone with the sea.
Zuko walked down to the shoreline with the ring, unescorted. He took his shoes off before he stepped on the sand, wading out until the water was just below his knees. The waves were gentle in the bay. Looking further out, the Gates of Azulon looked with him and with the moon, whose reflection danced on the water's surface.
The breeze was getting colder and the smell of salt was heavier in the air now that he was standing in the water. The ring of metal in his hand had warmed to his temperature by the time he remembered he was still holding it. He looked down at the meaningless gift in his palm, knowing he'd never be able to see Katara wearing it; wishing he'd never given it to Mai. The light of the moon reflected on the ring's metal surface and in the precious stones that decorated it when he tilted it to a certain angle. For a moment, the sparkle reminded him of Katara's eyes.
He let the ring slip from his grasp. He did not hear it hit the water over the soft sound of gentle waves. It quickly sunk to the bottom and disappeared in the bed of wet sand at his feet. The sky became dark very suddenly and he looked up to see the moon obscured by clouds. Closing his eyes, he heard the ocean whispering as the tide came further in. For the rest of the night, he stood in the shallows of the bay as the tide came in, alone with the sea.
Author's Note: My apologies if this is poorly written and even more poorly edited; I kept getting interrupted while I wrote and didn't finish it until long after I would have liked to be in bed. But there you have it. See my profile page if you'd like to join Team Zutara. Please leave a review.