Russia always forgot the time when he was at China's place. It never mattered enough to keep track of. As a result, the clock always surprised him. "We should go to bed. It's getting late."
"I'm not tired yet." He was a little, but not enough. China would rather fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow than stare in the darkness endlessly, allowing his mind to play cruel tricks on him.
"We can talk in bed until we drift off."
"No, I…" China sat up on the couch. "I still have way too much energy left! I can't lay down yet!"
Russia wasn't fooled. He'd caught China yawning earlier. "I'll distract you."
"No, that's not…" He fidgeted with his sleeves like he had done consistently throughout the day.
"Yao…" Russia moved closer until their knees touched. "Is there something on your mind?"
"Don't worry about me, I'll…"
"I do, Yao. When you seem distressed, I get worried. Isn't that how it works, little panda?"
"If I come to bed with you, will you stop worrying?"
Russia caressed his face. "What are you so anxious about? You can tell me. You should know that by now."
"I'm sorry."
It broke his heart whenever China apologized for something like this. Like it was his own fault that he had been hurt. Like he had chosen to have his trust in people shattered. "Don't be. Just tell me how I can help."
China bit his bottom lip. "It's the nightmares. I'm afraid I might have one again tonight. I mean, there's always a chance I might have one, and somewhere, I'm always afraid of going to sleep. But today I've been very anxious, and I'm worried it might trigger one."
"Anxious how?"
He looked towards the ground. "Nothing too bad. My chest feels rather tight like I can't take deep breaths, and I'm feeling a bit panicky."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was managing it. I've been doing breathing exercises all day long. I'm fine, Ivan. I'm fine."
Russia pulled the rubber band out of China's hair and let his hands slide through the long locks. "I wish you'd stop telling me that. I don't like being lied to." He pressed a kiss to the other's cheek.
"I'm sorry."
"Just come to bed, da?"
"Yes, I will. I'm fine."
They brushed their teeth and put on their pajamas. China pulled the sheets up to his chin, letting Russia wrap his arms around him.
"Don't try to stay awake," Russia said. "If you're right, that bad dream's going to happen anyway, whether you fall asleep now or in a few hours."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." He stroked those beautiful locks again.
"But it's always me who ruins romantic moments like this."
"That's not true."
China buried his face against Russia's chest. "I just want to be normal. I want to go to bed without being so afraid." His voice cracked. "Am I really asking for that much? Just a bit of security? One night without fear?"
"Yao..." This was the hardest part: appearing calm while his own heart was breaking over China's pain. "Panda, look at me." He tilted China's chin up and wiped away the tears with his thumb. "I promise that there'll be a day when you don't have to be afraid anymore. Until then, you'll have to be strong."
"I can't. I'm not strong."
"Of course you are. You wouldn't have made it this far if you weren't."
China didn't respond.
"Please go to sleep now. I'll be right here."
China nodded and snuggled up against him. "I'm sorry."
Stop saying that! But Russia bit his tongue. "If today was really so stressful, we'll take it easy tomorrow. Perhaps you can finally teach me how to make those amazing dumplings?"
The tiny smile on China's face filled Russia with warmth. "I'll be very strict. Dumplings are a serious matter."
"Yes, sir."
They smiled at each other for a moment before China let out a long breath. "Goodnight, Ivan."
"Goodnight." He pressed a kiss to China's forehead, who was half asleep already. "Sweet dreams, little panda."