All I Ever Wanted
Blue Paper Plane
A/N: Yep. It's been a while, huh? I just recently got into Final Fantasy, ESPECIALLY VII. It is the best thing on earth. Nothing can beat it. Nothing.
I love Tifa, and I simply ADORE Cloud. But I never really saw them as a couple. To me, it was all Clerith instead of CloTi. But I liked the idea of a onesided CloTi thing. Clerith forever! ... although I love Aerith x Zack just as much! (can't she have them both? Ugh.) Anyway, please enjoy this worthless short one-shot ... :D
Some of the strangest ideas came from endless trains of thought. Just pausing for a moment in the day and closing your eyes could lock your mind away from realization. Thoughts can easily fog your mind from the present, distracting you from everday duties. They are of the most insignificant things, like dwelling so hard on how quickly Cloud had grown from a lanky boy to nearly a man in little more than a year. And in her life, Tifa had had little time to rest and contemplate useless cases.
She was not philosophical, never had been. Since she was young, she had always enjoyed activities that helped her become stronger. Games that required concentration and skill were perfect for her determined wit. They enhanced the traits she liked about herself: her ability to learn in a flash, and her inability to give up.
But recently, it had struck her. As she thought, she had realized how easily she became wistful, and how selfish she had become.
So, she tried to let herself become slightly less industrious. At least then she wouldn't be feeling so much pity towards herself.
And she decided to be more cheerful, too. For the people surrounding her.
For the one person who needed her smile to replace the one he'd lost.
A bored Tifa played with a strand of long, glossy black-brown hair from her spot seated at the old well in Nibelheim. Swinging her legs back and forth just as she used to, she smiled to herself. The warm, crimson-tainted sunshine beat down on her pale skin as she stared into a wide, periwinkle sky of frothy clouds.
She thought and thought.
She recalled the time when fourteen-year-old Cloud had asked her to come to exact spot, to explain to her his dream of being in SOLDIER.
She remembered biting her lip and ripping out loose threads in her favorite sundress, a distraction to keep from protesting. She wanted him to stay, she wanted to become closer. She suddenly wanted to know everything there was to know about him.
She remembered how she could pratically see him flush in embarrassment as she asked him to make the promise to her. She remembered how he'd agreed.
At least we both shared the same feelings for each other then.
She laughed as she thought of it, but inside she felt hollow. Puzzled and empty. At loss. There were thousands of words she could have used to describe the way she had laughed right then, but anything related to humor felt strangely out of place.
I'm in love with him.
She was. She loved everything about him. She loved him inside and out.
His saphire eyes, his quiet laugh, his irresistable half-smile, and
his good, kind heart were only a few of the things about him that caused her to see him as a truly beautiful person. For the most part, she despised his indifferent, I-don't-give-a-crap façade, but she knew how to rid of it. It had faded mostly: he had grown out of it a little, and unlocking his true self had helped bit, too. But it still came back to bite her every now and then.
But really, even that was okay. He was like a present: a box of exciting mysteries with a beautiful wrapping she knew would only lead to happiness. Yet, the wrapping had been eased off little by little.
She had always been afraid to tear to the core of what she genuinely yearned for.
Today, however, things would change.
"Tifa." His voice was easy to identify, with its slight rasp. It was music to her ears.
A warm smile spread across Tifa's face. She continued to stare into the distant scenery before her, a little afraid to face him. Subconciously, she said, "Cloud! I thought you'd never come, and I was getting a little cold."
Cloud stiffened, recognizing his own words. "The sun is shining brightly, and the heat is almost unbearable. Tifa, it's the middle of the summer. How could you possibly be cold?"
"Well then, must you wear those heavy, dark clothes? Black absorbs sunlight. It makes you hotter!" Tifa complained.
"You're also wearing black," he retorted.
"Erm ..."
Cloud grinned breifly in victory, but rocovered quickly, becoming sober once more. "Tifa, listen. Is there something serious concerning you? Please let me know."
Tifa considered his words. "Well ... yeah. It's important, to me at least. Depends on what you think."
"Tell me what you're thinking." Cloud sat down next to her, his penetrating, glowing blue eyes observing her warily.
She hesitated. "Say," Tifa said, her own reddish-brown eyes tearing away from his gaze and shifting to the floor. "Cloud ... I- I don't know how to say it. Not well, or even right! So I think I'll just..."
Cloud nodded as she looked into his eyes once more, as if to ask if she should go on.
"I think ... no. I love you, Cloud, I'm sure of it."
Simple as that.
Cloud's eyes widened in surprise.
Tifa felt her heart pounding fiercely and rapidly in her chest. Why now? she thought. Why is this seemingly the hardest thing I've ever done? I have fought monsters that could have easily ended my life.
She clenched her fists, anticipating a reply.
The silence was uncomfortable. But it was done. The verdict. Any second now, drawing nearer and nearer. Her heart raced faster with every second lost, and she feared her chest might burst.
Cloud sighed, and stood up. Still frozen with anticipation, Tifa stared up as his back turned to her.
"I'm so sorry, Tifa. But ... no."
Ah. Dissapointment. That was her first reaction. Her excited happiness and optimistic outlook came crashing down on her like an avalanche.
The jubilation now gone, Tifa once again saw the world for what it was.
"Tifa, no."
The words stung.
"I can't ... feel that for you. I just can't."
Damn it all ...
"I'm so sorry."
Lies.
"She's dead, Cloud!" Tifa shouted.
He stopped abruptly, yet he did not turn to face her.
Tears of rage and despair splattered onto her flaring cheeks. "Dead! You need to forget her. I'm here! What about me? I'm here, and I need you! What about me? What about-"
"Tifa."
"What did you see in her, Cloud?" Tifa laughed aloud bitterly, a harsh, spiteful sound. "You barely knew her. I was always there at your side, since childhood. Why her? Why did you cry for her? I'm here, why couldn't it have been me?"
There was a cold silence. Tifa knew that he didn't know what to say after her sudden outburst.
"It was just ... Aerith," he said finally.
He started away.
Tifa was utterly and completely infuriated and hurt. She felt like screaming. In her anguish, she collapsed to her knees, spotting a jagged rock the size of her fist on the ground.
"What does that MEAN?" she cried out.
She picked it up, and hurled it in his direction with all her stregnth.
"Just know that I hope you both burn in HELL!"
Missing her target, she collapsed once more, brought her knees to her chest, and broke into sobs.
~8~8~8~8~8
I didn't mean such things. I loved her, too.
I'm sorry ...
Shut up in her room, alone and miserable, she cried softly into her pillow. She was horrified at herself, and she couldn't believe she had talked about Aerith in such a spiteful manner. Aerith. She was gone.
The once happy, warm-hearted girl was gone. She would have never done the same to Tifa.
Tifa closed her eyes and pictured Aerith's face. Long mahagony braid, pieridot green eyes, and a blissful smile. She was luminous, and cast her light everywhere. She was serene and calm, yet she was playful and teased her comrades lightly. She put a smile in everyone's face.
Tifa missed her greatly. In fact, she couldn't have asked for a better friend. But life went on, and Cloud had accepted it too. But she knew in her heart who was the one person for him.
And still, she didn't want to accept it.
"Cloud," she muttered. "You're all I ever wanted. Aerith, why couldn't
I have been more like you?"
A soft knock pounded the door. Tifa brushed some tears from her face.
"Um, yeah," she said reluctantly. She winced at the sound of her choked voice.
The door swung open, revealing a young, wiry girl with wide chocolate eyes. "Tifa?"
"Marlene?" Tifa said, suprised. "Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
Marlene bit her lip. "Well, yeah. But ... I couldn't stay there."
"Marlene," she scolded.
"But the girls at school ... they aren't fond of me. I, well, can you not tell Daddy?"
Tifa became immeadiately concerened. "Tell me what they did, Marlene."
Timidly, Marlene looked into Tifa's eyes. She gasped. "Tifa, you ..."
Tifa turned away, willing the tears not to fall. "I'm fine, Marlene. Go on."
"But it's not about me, is it? It's ... Cloud, isn't it?" Marlene said.
Shoot, why did children know so much more than adults? There should have been a study on it.
"Tifa, I love you. You're my big sister, or like one. But honestly, Cloud's not so strong. He'll break if you pressure him."
Tifa stroked her braid bound with a pink ribbon, and the image of the young woman in pink filled her mind once again. "I know, Marlene. I know," she said.
"I think you should apologize, Tifa. Apologize to Cloud."
"I will," Tifa promised. And she meant it, too.
~8~8~8~8~8
"Should I have been more like her?"
"No. I want you to stay the same, Tifa. If you were like her, you wouldn't be you," he said honestly.
Tifa smiled - her most dazzling, heartbroken smile. And she wanted to kiss him, but she couldn't.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, Cloud."
She cried into his arms. For Tifa, it was a perfect night.