This is from "Road To Ruin" I had posted on here, but I wasn't liking how it was turning out so I deleted it, but I just loved what I wrote for this portion of the story that I just wanted to share with you guys.
But I did make the OC nameless.
I hope you guys like this short little one-shot.
3.09 The Suicide King
She hated this feeling that had just collided into her body like a tsunami.
She hated everything about this situation.
Her mind was still trying to comprehend it because she thought the malnutrition had finally caught up with her after almost a year later after the outbreak started.
But it was happening and she hated it, even if hate was the proper word to describe it.
She felt devastated.
All she knew she wasn't feeling the happiness or elation she foolishly allowed herself to feel moments ago.
This was something she tried to actively avoid since the world turned to shit.
She didn't want to turn out like Lori and Rick or Maggie and Glenn. She didn't want to open that door into something that would poison her just as bad as a walker bite, but looking into those blue eyes that reminded her of the clear blue sky promising that everything would be okay that they would survive another day, she knew she was infected. No matter how much they tipped toe around each other and refused to label what they were…
Her heart hurt as if he just shot her with his own crossbow.
She just had to deal with the heart attack of him getting captured by the Governor's men and on top of that witness his own brother – his flesh and blood – beat on him, brutally, and now he was leaving voluntarily with said brother that also kidnapped Glenn and Maggie putting all of them in this strained, dreadful, and mind altering situation in the first place.
On top of that, he was asking her to leave with him. He wanted her to leave their family.
He was giving her an ultimatum. It was either him or them with the added bonus of probably not seeing the one she didn't pick ever again. And he wanted her to make it on the spot. He was looking at her as if it was an easy decision. As if she shouldn't even have to think about it.
For the first time in her life, she was conflicted when it came to Daryl even more so when they crossed the line in their friendship for more. Her heart was beating erratically against its protective cage that she thought would protect her from situations like this. She felt out of breath and knew she was on the verge of having a panic attack. She felt hurt and angry that he was even forcing this choice on her and not even giving her the option of talking it out. To find some balm before everything cracked.
Her body was quivering as she tried to wrap her mind around this. She knew all of them were waiting for her answer and mostly the blue eyes that were hardening every second she remained silent and unsure.
He had put that shield up he constructed on auto pilot when he was in his brother's presence. No longer he was her Daryl. Here was the blind follower of his brother, that rugged and callous redneck. He had already reverted back to the confining and distorted image that did no justice for the man she knew behind it.
She opened her mouth for some reply to give him, but she immediately closed it as if someone had their hands enclosed around her neck. Nothing could come out. She couldn't breathe. She could barely function. She was surprised that she was breathing.
But his voice broke through some of the turmoil clouding her mind, "Stay, see if I give a shit." He sneered as he began walking away from her.
Her brown eyes were wide with hurt and unshed tears at his coarse remark. If she took it at face value she would believe he meant it and a part of her did think he could mean it. She never knew what he meant when Merle was an spectator.
However, her mind was screaming at her to not let him go. They – he – couldn't leave like this. She immediately began to follow and she didn't even recognize her own brittle voice as she croaked, "Daryl."
He turned to face her his face blank and devoid of any emotion and she went to reach out to him, but he recoiled and her heart and soul shattered like a mirror. She knew wherever they went from here it wouldn't be the same. You could never fix a broken mirror because that was what he was to her. Her hesitation already shifted the dynamic between them.
Daryl could ask her for anything and she would do it with no doubt – no indecisiveness. She would follow him blindly into any battlefield. She had blind faith when it came to this man she knew since she stumbled into in the woods when she was 10 years old looking for an escape as he was. But she might have found her one limit, the boundary, she didn't know she had until now. She wouldn't be able to leave her family that he found refuge in first.
The family that took her in when her and Daryl found each other in the woods after the turn.
The family that had spilled and lost so much blood together.
But he was her family before them, but just as much as them.
He was her everything and she hated him for it.
She knew he would always be that one constant in her life. Even with them separated in the beginning she knew he was still out there and now she had to face that reality again that he would be out there now away from her.
She felt her lips quivering and she knew her body was tinted in red as her emotions were coming to the surface.
She wanted to plead and beg for him to not go – to just stay, but he would never leave Merle despite Merle always leaving him. Merle was his kin and despite the cruel and callous ways of the Dixons they never turned their back on blood – family. Even though that was what Daryl was doing to her – to all of them.
She hated him for being so loyal.
She hated him for making her feel this way. She felt like some desperate and needy junkie clinging to their dealers arm. She hated him for making her feel desolate.
She hated him for making her lo-
"Come on baby bro, the little bow bender ain't coming. We wasting daylight."
She watched Daryl turn away from her with no parting words just the steely gaze that made his decision more real and resolute. She knew her eyes were pleading because for some reason she couldn't make the choice and maybe a part of her wanted him to be the one to walk away. If she didn't give a verbal answer, she could be angry at him for walking away. It would make it better for her to finally hate him to feel something other than the thing she kept denying. By making it him walking away, she would finally have her answer to how he really felt and maybe it showed he never really changed.
She really wanted to scream at him for putting her in this situation. She wanted to slap him really and maybe punch him to knock some sense into him. She wanted something other than this silence between them and the hurricane of emotions that had officially ruined her.
She watched him with unblinking eyes walk further away from them- from her. The only thing she could focus on was the sound of his footsteps pounding against the asphalt. His wings frayed at the edges becoming distant. She didn't know who it was but she felt a hand on her shoulder trying to redirect her back to the car away from the spot where she became wrecked when she took off into a full sprint and as always their bodies were in sync from years of hunting and from being them and she slammed into his hard body. Her arms going around his midsection and her cheek was pressed against the strap of his crossbow.
She inhaled his scent of sweat, woods, leather, and him. All the components that made him the man that wormed his way into her whole being. She clutched him so hard to commit this to memory to never forget his weight as she buried her herself further into his body. She knew she was seconds away from shattering. She felt the salty tears leaking down her cheeks onto his clothing.
Her body had already began trembling as the tears rapidly increased and she know the sobs were bound to break ground. Especially as his body was still and stiff. His arms were laying limp at his side and it broke her even more.
There was no going back and she held him a second longer in her one sided embrace before she backed away. Her gaze firmly on his chest as she tried to have some sort of smile on her face to hide the hurt she had already released for all of them to see. She nodded her head as if she was agreeing to all of this as her hands gripped his arms before she completely walked away and his warmth would be gone. She inhaled a shaky breath and swallowed the lump in her throat and finally turned away, never looking at his face. She didn't spare any glance back. She didn't want to be burned with his icy eyes again. She didn't want her brain to cement his scorned face in their last memory. She would rather at least remember how he felt physically than have his face and emotions haunt her until finally the world killed her even though she felt dead already.
She ignored Merle's cackle echoing in the woods.
She ignored Rick's remorseful gaze as she speed walked back to the car and she tried to tune him out as called out for Daryl.
The black hair guilt ridden and desolate female hunter immediately hopped in the car because she needed to get away. She needed to breathe and find new Oxygen because her source had depleted and left and was overtaken by poisonous carbon dioxide.
But as soon as she slammed the car door, her body began to tremble. Her silent sobs began vibrating her whole being as she finally broke as she released a primal scream not caring about any near by walkers or threats.
For the first time since everything happened she cried and she hated it was over him. She could never do this again. She would never allow herself to feel this again.
"It's okay, let it out," Maggie's soothing voice said filtering through her onset of anguish.
She knew it was incredibly selfish of her to be crying now and to have Maggie comforting her especially given the circumstance they found Maggie and Glenn in, but she couldn't help it.
Everything was turning into shit.
As she stayed numb in Maggie's embrace now she truly knew what it meant when they say loving someone was letting them point a loaded gun at you hoping they didn't pull the trigger.