*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!*
Many students walked the halls of Royal Woods Elementary. Most were talking amongst themselves, to their friends, while some grabbed various school supplies out of their lockers. Except for one person. One person stood out from the entire crowd: Lincoln Loud.
Lincoln walked the halls, his hands in front of him as if he were blinded. He was wearing a homemade helmet over his head that consisted of headphones and a plastic container over his eyes with the words "Oculus" over it.. He examined the area around him, almost fascinated by it.
The students stopped what they were doing and turned to look at their schoolmate, who seemed unfazed by the many eyes on him and continued with his odd stroll.
"WOOOOOOAAAAAAH!" Lincoln exclaimed. "IT'S ALL SO REAL! THIS IS AMAZING! IT'S LIKE I'M THERE! I SEE ALL MY FRIENDS IN SCHOOL!" he shouted. He held up his hands in front of his face. "OH WOW! IF I HOLD UP MY HANDS I CAN SEE THEM TOO! WOOOOOOAAAAAAH!"
At that moment, Clyde walked up to Lincoln, who began caressing his face. "WOW! YOU WERE RIGHT! I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL IT!"
"Lincoln, what are you doing?" asked Clyde.
"I FEEL CLYDE!" Lincoln shouted. "HE LOOKS TOTALLY REAL!"
From behind a corner, Lynn, who managed to sneak into the school, held a walkie-talkie in her hand and a mischievous expression on her face. "That's awesome, Lincoln." Lynn lied as she stifled a laugh. "Keep making your way down the hallway." Rusty walked passed her and gave a raised an eyebrow. "Your vital signs are looking amazing. What do you see now?"
She clenched her nose, trying hard to not laugh. She looked around the corner to see Lincoln slowly walking towards her.
"MORE OF THE SCHOOL!" Lincoln shouted.
"Wat in Sam heck are y'all doin', Lincoln?" asked Liam.
"THE SCHOOL AND ALL THE KIDS!" Lincoln shouted, ignoring his friend. "I STILL CAN'T HEAR ANY SOUND EXCEPT FOR YOUR VOICE!"
Lynn pressed on the walkie-talkie. "Yeah, they haven't worked out the audio yet, but-" Lynn began snickering, her laughter almost seeping out. "He's so stupid." she said to herself. "But I'm sure they will soon." she continued.
"UGH! OKAY! I THINK I'M DONE, LYNN!" Lincoln said. "I'M FEELING KIND OF DIZZY AND UH-"
"Lincoln! No!" Lynn shouted. "Are you crazy?!"
"WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!" Lincoln panicked.
"What did I tell you about removing the headset when you're not back at the access point?" she asked, almost getting caught.
"OH YEAH, THAT IT WOULD SPLIT MY NEURONS AND SCRAMBLE MY BRAINS! I FORGOT!" he responded.
"You forgot your neurons would be torn apart?" she asked. "Did you also forget that if you die in virtual reality you die in real life, Lincoln?"
"I'M SORRY!" Lincoln apologized.
"You need to find your way back to my room. Can you do that?" she asked.
"YEAH!"
"We only have eight minutes before the battery protocols die, Lincoln. You have to hurry!"
"OH GOD!"
Lincoln began running down the hall and out the entrance of the school. He quickly ran down the sidewalk to head to home.
He eventually made it home where he entered the house and ran up the stairs. He entered Lynn's and Lucy's room and began examining his areas again. "OKAY!" he shouted. "I'M BACK IN YOUR ROOM!"
Alright, Lincoln. Lynn said over the walkie talkie. Go over to the computer on my desk. Lincoln walked over to her two sister's desk, where Lynn's computer laid on top of it. Now drop the Stafernasy Window. We're just gonna make it.
Lincoln lowered a piece of cardboard within the plastic container that blinded his vision. "STAFERNASY WINDOW DROPPED!" he shouted.
At that moment, Lynn came walking in her room and closed the door and turned on the lights. She walked over to her only brother, a smile on her face, where she took off the homemade oculus rift. Lincoln began rubbing his eyes as he looked all around.
"Welcome back, Stinkoln." Lynn greeted in a calm tone.
"Wow!" Lincoln exclaimed. "That was cool!"
"How do you feel? You feel okay?" she asked.
"I touched Stella's boob!" Lincoln excitingly exclaimed.
Lynn laughed hysterically at the adult table, where she and her older sisters sat and ate; their parents had to go change Lily's diaper and were currently not at the table.
"And then- And then he took off the shop goggles and he was all like, 'Woah! I'm back!'" Lynn explained as she slammed her fist on the table in a fit of laughter. "That's the most awesomest thing ever!"
"Sounds kind of harsh, dude." Luna replied in an uninterested tone as she ate a piece of her chicken.
"Come on, guys. This is the 'Cure de Gars' of Lincoln's torture." Lynn explained.
"'Coup de Grace', Lynn." Lori corrected.
"Thank you, Lori."
"And I thought I was the pranking queen around this house but this takes the cake." Luan said. "I bet Lincoln doesn't really see the truth behind this harsh reality. Hahahahahaha! Get it?"
"Poor, Lincoln." Luna said in a dejected tone. "Can't you just leave him alone, dude?"
"Yeah, Lynn. You're being totes mean to him right now." Leni added.
"She's always been mean to him." Lori said.
"Come on, guys." Lynn said in a whiny tone. "Lincoln is a complete, selfish jerk! He deserves to be taken down once in a while for all his stupid plans, okay? Remember that Bad Luck fiasco. That was totally his fault. And the Sister Fight Protocol. His fault. He made us wear potato sacks. This is just karma kicking him in the butt. He deserves all this." Lynn harshly said.
As if on cue, Lincoln walked passed the table, already finished with his dinner. He turned and smiled at Lynn, completely oblivious to the smack talk she just said about him. "Hey, Lynn!" Lincoln greeted. "What did you say to the principal at your school? Not that we were doing anything interesting. Right, Lynn?" he chuckled.
"Yeah, I just told him I was running late and it won't happen again." Lynn casually replied.
"You know what I said to Principal Huggins?" Lincoln rhetorically asked. "He asked me why I wasn't in school and I said, 'Well, technically I was at school.'" He began innocently chuckling to himself. "Sorry, guys. Me and Lynn know a little something you don't. Not that it's anything that cool. Right, Lynn?"
"Right, Lincoln." Lynn played along. "These guys are so dumb, huh?"
"Yeah!"
With that, Lincoln walked out of the dining room and headed up the stairs; Lynn turned towards her sisters. "See?" she asked. "He's a selfish, jerk. Screw him."
Lincoln sat on Lynn's bed, with Lynn standing in front of him; the homemade oculus rift in her hands. "Each time you go into the virtual world, it becomes more and more dangerous." Lynn explained. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this, Lincoln?"
Lincoln began twiddling with his thumbs. "Well," he nervously said. "I'm not 100% up to this to be honest."
"Even 10% is good enough. Here you go." Lynn handed him the homemade headset.
He placed the homemade rift over his eyes and head. "Okay. Subject is ready." Lincoln announced.
Lynn grabbed the walkie talkie. "Okay, Lincoln." she began. "I'm booting up the core competency now." She began smacking random keys on her keyboard, to make it sound like she was typing for real. "Edifice framework is online. Vital signs appear to be normal. Interim status?"
"INTERIM STATUS IS GO!" Lincoln shouted.
Lynn walked over to the lightswitch and turned it off; this cause several glow in the dark artwork to appear. A globe with purple-pink electricity flowing through it was next to Lincoln.
"Digital malcontent now at Parameter Alpha." Lynn said to the walkie talkie. "Prepare for full graphic interfaces on my mark." She began walking over to Lincoln, the piece of cardboard still over his eyes. "5,4,3,2,1. Mark."
She removed the piece of cardboard and quickly ran to her closet and hid in it. Thanks to the earmuffs, Lincoln didn't hear a thing, and was too busy examining his surroundings.
"IT WORKED!" he exclaimed. "I'M BACK IN! ALL SYSTEMS NORMAL!"
Alright, Lincoln. Lynn said over the walkie talkie. Behind you, you should see the door. Lincoln turned around and began walking over to the door. Go through it and head outside.
"GOING NOW!" he announced.
He opened the door but accidentally walked into the wall. He shook off a little pain as he walked out into the hallway.
Lynn came out of the closet and turned on the light; she walked over to her bed where she laid on top of it. She grabbed a tennis ball and began bouncing it on the wall.
"Everything looks good, Lincoln." she said. "You're doing great. Let's get to work."
"Okay." Lincoln said over the walkie talkie.
Luna strummed her guitar as she laid on her bed; however, she heard water running from outside. She got up from her bed and looked outside to see Lincoln watering Mr. Grouse's flowers. Turns out Lynn manipulated Lincoln to do her favor for Mr. Grouse so she wouldn't do it.
"HOW MUCH MORE FLOWERS DO I HAVE TO WATER?!" Lincoln shouted.
"You're doing great." Lynn said as she bounced her ball at the wall again. "Almost done with this level, Lincoln. Just make sure you water all the virtual flowers with the virtual water."
"OKAY!" Lincoln said. "I'M GLAD WE'RE DOING SOMETHING I LIKE INSTEAD OF PLAYING SPORTS! NO OFFENSE BUT I KEEP GETTING BRUISES EVERYDAY FROM YOU! BUT I LOVE HANGING OUT WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT! SO I'M GLAD WE'RE CHANGING UP OUR BONDING TIME A NOTCH. THESE FLOWERS LOOK SO REALISTIC! THE WATER LOOKS KIND OF FAKE THOUGH!"
From her window, Luna rolled her eyes as she exited her room to head downstairs and watch TV.
Lincoln continued watering the last of the flowers. "ALRIGHT! I THINK THAT'S ALL OF IT!" he announced.
Lynn threw the ball at the wall once more, as it came back to her. "Okay, nice, Lincoln." she said. "Now go to the front door and ring the doorbell. This is the part where you collect the money."
Mr. Grouse's door opened, revealing the neighbor. "MEAN OLD MR. GROUSE IS HERE! HE SMELLS EVEN WORSE IN VIRTUAL REALITY!"
"Screw you too, Loud!" Mr. Grouse exclaimed as Lincoln took the money from him.
"OKAY, I GOT THE MONEY!" Lincoln shouted.
You got the money? Okay great, Lincoln. Lynn said over the walkie talkie. Now get back to the access point.
"ALRIGHTY THEN! I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING ELSE ALONG THE WAY!"
Lynn stopped bouncing the ball as she grew a worried look. "What?" she asked. She got no response. "Lincoln, what do you mean by that?" Still no response. "Lincoln?"
Lincoln walked over to the porch of his house. Alright, Lincoln, you should get back to the access point now. You're going off grid.
"Alright, Lynn." Lincoln replied. "Just let me do one more thing before I take off the headset."
Lincoln walked to his house and opened the front door. He began examining his surroundings, his hands in front of him again; his sisters, sans Lynn, looked noticed him.
"Hey, twerp. Where've you been?" asked Lori.
"Doing Lynn's dirty work for her." Luna answered.
At that moment, Rita and Lynn Sr came walking over to their song, both with angry expressions.
"There you are, mister!" Lynn Sr sourly said. "Just what do you think you're doing?!"
"HELLO, DAD! IT'S ME LINCOLN!" Lincoln greeted loudly.
The parents raised their eyebrows as confused looks grew on their faces.
"What the?" Lynn said to herself.
She got up from her bed and exited her room. She looked down the stairs to see her parents confronting Lincoln.
"I know that!" he replied. "What are you-"
"THIS IS FOR THE TIME YOU KICKED ME OUT THE HOUSE!"
Lincoln, with all his force and might, punched his dad right in the balls. He grabbed them as he screamed in pain; he fell on his knees as tears began forming in his eyes. Rita backed up a bit, in complete shock that her only son did what he just did.
The sisters all gasped as Lucy turned off the TV; Lynn also gasped at what just transpired in front of her.
"HA!" Lincoln laughed. "I COULD ALMOST FEEL HIS BALLS ON MY FIST!" Lynn looked at her brother with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. "HA HA! HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT, DAD?!"
"Lincoln, why?! Oh my God!" Rita cried.
"THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!"
"Uh, Lincoln." Lynn said to the walkie talkie. "Get back to the access point now."
"I FEEL AMAZING!" Lincoln began laughing maniacally as he ran out the front door, where he was now talking over the walkie talkie. I'M BACK OUTSIDE NOW! I'M A BAAAAAAAAAAAD MAN! YOU HEAR ME?! TAKE THAT YOU STUPID CARS!
The rest of his sisters ran out in the front porch to see Lincoln punching several car windows.
"What is he doing?!" Lori shouted.
"He's insane!" Lola exclaimed.
All Lynn could do was just lay on top of the stairs, listening to everything going on over the walkie talkie. She heard tires screeching over the radio.
What the hell are you doing, kid?
After hearing the man's voice, Lynn began panicking. "Lincoln, it's, uh, time to stop." she tired to tell him. "Get back to my room."
She heard glass shattering over the walkie talkie. WHO'S THE MAN NOW?! I'M GONNA TAKE HIS CAR! THIS IS LIKE GRAND THEFT AUTO!
Hey!
She heard more tires screeching over the device. WOAH! I'M IN THE CAR NOW!
"Oh shit." Lynn said to herself.
She picked herself up as she ran down the stairs; she pushed her siblings out the way as she ran over to the sidewalk. Over the walkie talkie, she could hear tires screeching and glass shattering. "Lincoln?! Lincoln, where are you now?!" she panickingly asked.
HA! HA! HA! I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN! I JUST HIT A LAMP POST… I'm back on my feet. Oh. Oh, that's cool! There's a prostitute out here.
Lynn began dancing in place, extremely scared and nervous at this point. "Okay, Lincoln, let's call it day, okay?" she offered.
I'm gonna beat her up and take her money!
"Wait! Hang on, Lincoln!" she clamored.
A punch was then heard over the walkie talkie. Take that you damn, hooker!
What you doin', motherfucka?!
I'm taking your money! Ow! Oh, she stabbed me. Uh, the hooker stabbed me. All of the sister's eyes widened in horror.
"Lincoln! Get back to my room!" Lynn ordered. "The veracrosses are destabilizing!"
I can't, I can't breathe too good, Lynn. His voice sounded weak. I can't see. Are you still there? Oh. I think I overdid it. I gotta take this thing off. What the hell? What the hell is that?! AAAAAAAAHHH!"
"Lincoln? LINCOLN?!" she shouted at the walkie talkie.
Her sisters gave her deathly glares behind her.
Lincoln laid on the hospital bed, just out of surgery; the doctor and nurse was beside him. "You're very lucky, young man." the doctor said to Lincoln. "You've got a couple hairline fractures, but the knife missed your spleen by half an inch."
"I-... I d-didn't think a knife could really hurt me." Lincoln explained as he rubbed the back of his head. "I thought I was just in a virtual reality."
"No, you actually got stabbed by a hooker." the doctor replied. "We've called your parents and they're on their way. Your dad wanted me to let you know that your grounded more than you can possibly imagine."
"Oh man."
"Try and relax and when your parents get here, we'll sort this all out."
The doctor and the nurse walked out the room, not before the nurse turned off the light.
"Wonder how long I'm grounded for." Lincoln said to himself.
"Lincoln." said a voice.
Lincoln turned to his right to see his older sister, Lynn, sitting on the window sill. She was wearing a suit with sunglasses instead of her normal attire.
"AAAH!" Lincoln screamed in shock.
"Are you okay?" Lynn asked.
"Lynn?! What are you doing here?" Lincoln asked with venom in his voice.
"I'm not here, Lincoln." Lynn answered.
Lincoln stared at his sister in confusion. "What?"
"This is going to be hard to understand, Lincoln." she began. "But you've been trapped in the simulation. None of this is real."
Lincoln began examining his surroundings, not believing a word his sister was saying. "Nu-uh!" he said.
"Yeah-huh." she retorted as she walked passed his bed. "I told you to never take the headset off outside the access point, didn't I? We're actually both at home, in my room right now. You're wearing the headset and I'm talking to you as a computer program. That's why I can…" She played the thumb optical illusion trick. "manipulate reality."
"What?!" Lincoln asked, falling for the lie.
Lynn began playing with a laser pointer, acting as if she was actually holding and playing with the laser, trying to manipulate her brother eve more. "You see, in this world, things aren't what they seem." She brought out a magic wand and flicked it; a bouquet of flowers emerged from the tip.
Now Lincoln was freaked out. "Aah! Okay! Stop! Stop!" he pleaded.
His sister walked over to the side of his bed. "Listen to me carefully, Lincoln." she told him. "The oculus compromise has been streamlined. You can't trust anyone in this reality. Say nothing to no one about the oculus rift. If they think you know, they will kill you." she explained.
"How do you know that?" the brother asked.
"How would I know that the nurse is about to walk through that door?" she asked as she began pressing the Nurse Help button on the side of his bed.
On cue, the nurse walked inside the room. "Everything okay in here?" she asked.
"AAH!" Lincoln screamed, clearly frightened. "Yes! Yes, everything's fine!"
"Okay?" she questioned before turning around and exiting the room.
"Lincoln." Lynn said from the other side of his bed.
"No!" he shouted.
"I'm gonna get you back to reality, Lincoln." she told him. "But you have to give me time." she checked her nonexistent watch. "I've got to go. The orion parameters are embellishing. Just stay quiet."
She suddenly grabbed a glass bottle and a coin; she tapped the coin on the bottle before somehow placing it inside said bottle.
"AAAAAH!" Lincoln screamed in fear.
He covered his eyes with the blanket, not wanting to get scared again. He slowly opened his eyes to see that his sister was no longer in the room with him.
Lori drove Vanzilla, which consister of her and Lincoln's older sisters; said boy was already in school and was already grounded too. The sisters all had angry looks on their faces while Lynn had a mischievous smile on his face. The five sat in complete silence, completely infuriated with their little sister.
"Well, are you happy, Lynn?" asked Lori. "Lincoln is completely traumatized."
"I'm happy that Dad is so mad at him right now that he won't listen to you guys trying to prove that Lincoln is innocent. I totally got away with this." Lynn casually said.
"Why are you always so mean to our bro, dude?" asked Luna. "He's your little brother! You should be protecting him not bullying him!"
"You love him your way, I love him mine."
"That's not love, Lynn. That's torture." Lori told her.
"Well, Lincoln does deserve it if you ask me." Lynn said. "He was always the weak link of the family. It's time someone taught him a lesson or two about who's in charge around here. Us girls. We outnumber him, 10 to 1. He needs to show that he follows our orders, not the other way around. If you ask me, Lincoln should've been a girl in the first place."
The other sisters gasped. "How could you say that?!" Leni asked.
At that moment, Lynn's phone began ringing; she grabbed it from her pocket and looked at the screen. "What's a 911 area code?" she asked. She placed the phone on speaker. "Hello?" she asked.
"Hello, Lynn." an Indian man answered. "My name is Steve from Oculus Customer Service." Lynn listened, as did the rest of her siblings. There seems to be an error with our virtual headsets, and on behalf of the company, I would like to apologize and try to help.
"With what?" asked Lynn.
It is going to be very jarring for you, but there's been a malfunction with the headset you ordered from us. he explained. Right now, you're actually in your room, at your computer, wearing the Oculus headset, but you're in a coma like trance, my friend.
Lynn and the rest of her sisters stayed silent, unable to comprehend on what Steve just revealed.
"Fuuuuuuuck you." Lynn finally said.
I understand your shock, my friend, but you have simply been in the virtual world so long, you have forgotten. Steve said.
"You should probably listen to him, dude." Luna told her.
"Uh-huh." Lynn sarcastically replied. "'Cause I thought I was messing with Lincoln but I'm actually the one trapped in virtual reality."
The people you are talking to are just computer programs, my friend. Steve said over the phone.
Lynn held out her phone towards her sisters. "Guys, tell him you're not computer programs."
Luna looked to her sisters. "Maybe we are." she said.
Lynn sighed, pinching the ridge of her nose. "Luna, just don't be a dick right now." she said.
I know this is very hard for you, but we don't have a lot of time. Steve said over the phone.
"You really think I'm that stupid?" asked Lynn. "That I'd believe all of this, all along, has been me living out some kind of virtual reality fantasy? Fuck you!" She hung up and placed the phone in her pocket as she crossed her arms and pouted.
Rita walked up the stairs and headed towards Lynn's and Lucy's room; she gently knocked the on door. "Lynn, honey?" she called. She opened the door and entered the room. "Lynn?"
It's revealed that Lynn was slumped on her bed in her normal clothes, a real oculus rift over her eyes and head. Drool leaked out her slightly opened mouth, as if she was brain dead.
"Not now, mom." Lucy said from her side of the room. "Lynn told everyone not to disturb her while she was using Lincoln's VR thing. She finally decided to do what Lincoln wanted to do for their sibling bonding time and he introduced her to Virtual Reality. Once she put it on, she became entranced like Dracula hypnotizing the mortals."
"But it's been 19 hours, sweetie." Rita said.
"You know how Lynn is if someone interrupts her." Lucy said.
"Well… okay." Rita walked out the room. "I love you, girls."
"Love you too, mom." Lucy said.
Rita turned off the light and closed the light.
"What kind of person did we raise you to be?!" Lynn Sr's voice could be heard outside the house. "You think this world is just there for you amusement?!" Lincoln stood in his room with a terrified expression on his face as his father yelled at him. "You are not to leave this room, and you are not allowed to use the phone, the computer, or that walkie talkie to talk with Clyde!"
"Please!" Lincoln begged. "You can't do that! I have to find a way out of this!"
"Oh no, mister. You are GROUNDED!" Lynn Sr shouted as he slammed Lincoln's door.
Lincoln sighed in defeat as he walked over to his bed and laid on top of it. He deeply sighed, having no motivation to move whatsoever… until his sister barged into his room.
Lynn closed the door behind her and glared at him. "Are you screwing with me?" she asked.
"What?" he asked. "What do you mean?"
"Lincoln, I'm serious." Lynn told him. "Are you screwing with me?"
"I don't know what you mean-"
"Because if you are, it's not cool."
"Lynn, you said you were gonna get me out of this virtual world." Lincoln told her.
"Lincoln, I talked to Oculus customer service and they said I'm the one who's wearing a headset and has forgotten he's in virtual reality." Lynn explained.
"Oh, really? That's a relief." Lincoln sighed in… well relief.
Lynn turned to her brother, fire in her eyes. "Oh, it's a relief, huh?!" she shouted. "Well guess what, Lincoln! If I'm the one trapped in virtual reality, then means that you're nothing but a computer program!"
Lincoln stared at his sister in shock; he stayed quiet for a moment before smiling. "Cool!" he said.
"No, not cool! That means you're nothing and you will never grow up and you will never, EVER have fun again!" Lynn countered.
"Oh God!" Lincoln exclaimed.
"That's right!"
"Oh God!"
"That's right! Now, you better stop messing around, Lincoln so I can help you out of this! Because you know how I said if you die in virtual reality, you die in real life?" she asked.
"Yeah." he answered.
"Well, if you get grounded in virtual reality, you get grounded in real life, too! Forever!"
Lincoln gasped in response.
Clyde sat on his bed, reading an Ace Savvy comic book, until his walkie talkie began beeping. "Hey, Lincoln." Clyde said to the walkie talkie.
"Clyde, it's Lincoln!" Lincoln said to the walkie talkie.
"I know. We're the only two who uses these things."
"I've been grounded!"
"What'd you do? Break your dad's chinaware?" Clyde asked, setting aside the comic book.
"No, no! You don't understand! I got grounded for no reason!" he explained. "I didn't do anything, Clyde!"
"You sure?" asked Clyde.
"Positive!" he confirmed. "I think there's something supernatural going on, like in ARGGH! I asked my dad why I was grounded, and he said that for asking him, that I was more grounded. It doesn't make sense!"
"Alright, Linc," Clyde began. "I'll be at your house soon, alright?"
Go into Lynn and Lucy's room! I think the answer is in there-
Lincoln! Who is that?!
AAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Clyde hung up the walkie talkie and race out his room to head to his best friend's house.
Clyde knocked on the Loud house door and was immediately greeted by Luna and Luan. "Sup, Clyde." Luna greeted. "How's it hangin'?"
"Good. Thanks for asking, Luna." Clyde replied. "Can I see Lynn for a second?"
"Lynn?" asked Luan. "I thought you were here to see Lincoln."
"Sorry, dude. But Lincoln is grounded today." Luna told him.
"Yes I know that." Clyde responded. "He told me to come here because he told me he got grounded for no reason. He said to check Lynn and Lucy's room and that the answer should be in there."
"Oh… Well… Come on in." Luna let him inside as she shut the door.
The three entered the two sister's room and immediately saw Lynn wearing the Oculus headset while sitting on her bed.
"Huh. That's weird, dude." Luna said.
"Yeah. Usually Lincoln's the one wearing those things." Luan said. "I surely didn't see this coming. Hahahahaha! Get it?"
"This must be it!" Clyde exclaimed. "This must be what Lincoln was talking about. This is an Oculus headset, so she can see things we can't through this headset. If she's like this then that only means one thing: She's trapped in virtual reality!"
Luna and Luan stared at him with blank looks and were silent for a brief moment. "Fuuuuuuck you." Luna told him.
"What?" Clyde asked.
"Get up, Lynn." Luna told her younger sister.
"No! Really! She's trapped in virtual reality!" Clyde kept explaining.
"Okay, then let's take her to the hospital." Luna said. "You hear that, sporty? You're going to the hospital!" she began shaking the unconscious Lynn.
"Luna," Luan said. "maybe this is for real."
Luna turned to her younger sister with a glare. "Fuck you if you're in on this." she said.
"In on what?" asked Luan. It took a moment to realize what she meant. "Of, fuck you."
"Yes, no, sorry." Steve said over the headset. "But because you bought two business class tickets, I cannot refund the fares. That's right. There is nothing we can do. Alright. Have I answered all your customer concerns in a timey, polite manner? Thank you for calling Korean Airlines customer service." Ringing could be heard before he pressed a key on his keyboard. "Él Pollo Loco customer service. This is Steve."
Luna held her cell phone with her ear and shoulder as she held the Oculus Rift manual. "Oh, uh, we're trying to reach Oculus customer service." she said.
"Oh, yes. Uh, yes, my friend." Steve replied before pressing a button. "Oculus customer service. This is Steve."
"Yeah, our sister has been quiet in our house for a few days so we went to check on her and she's in a coma wearing your headset." she explained.
"Oh! Yes! Yes!" Steve exclaimed. "What is you name, please?"
"Luna."
"Luna, I need you to advise you that this call may be recorded to help with better customer service in the future. Is that agreeable to you?"
"I don't care." Luna harshly responded.
"He doesn't care! I can continue!" Steve announced to his coworkers. "Alright, listen very carefully, my friend. The headset we sold you are having some minor problems."
"You mean she's actually stuck in virtual reality?" Luna asked, befuddled.
"Yes, and that is why we are trying to locate all the headsets and do a recall." he explained. "Do you understand? It is a total recall."
Luna stood silent for a moment. "Fuuuuuuck you." she told him.
"Fuck you what?" asked Clyde.
"He says they're doing a total recall." Luna explained.
"Oh, fuck you." Clyde swore.
"Alright. Did I take care of all your customer needs in a timely, satisfactory fashion today?" asked Steve.
"You haven't done anything yet!" Luna shouted at the phone.
"But the customer service, was that reliable and did I accurately and politely respond to your concerns?"
"We need help! Our sister is in a coma!"
"Uuuh, let's see." Steve began examining the computer. "Uh, it looks like one of you is going to have to put on the Oculus headset and go into the virtual world and convince your sister to get to an access point. Could you try that my friend?"
Luna looked at her phone before turning to Clyde. "Do you have one of those things?" she asked him.
Royal WoERROR!Woods, MichERRORigan
Lynn paced back and forth in the living room of the house; she was a nervous wreck. "It's okay." she told herself. "Everything is cool. Don't let anyone mess with your head, and it's all gonna be fine. You're cool, Lynn. You're Number 1."
At that moment, Luna walked through the front door. "Hey, LJ." she greeted. "I need to talk to you."
"I know." she said. "Let's go to the backyard."
Lynn walked away, leaving Luna confused. The two headed outside into the backyard, where they sat on the bench, facing each other.
"Lynn," Luna began. "I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to believe me, even if it seems impossible."
"Okay, Luna." Lynn calmly replied.
"Alright, here it goes." Luna prepared herself. "Lynn, you aren't really here, dude."
"Mm." Lynn said in a calm tone. "And why do you know that, Luna?"
"Because I saw you, okay? You were in your room, passed out, with that headset over your head and eyes." Luna explained. "Customer service said that one of us needed to put on the headset and come get you, and that's why I'm here, sis."
"Mmhmm." Lynn, once more, said in a calm tone.
"I know it's hard to believe, but you have to trust me. I'm your big sister." Luna told her.
"And why did they send you, Luna?" asked Lynn.
Luna was caught off guard. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"Luna, I want you to brace yourself." Lynn told her older sister. "This is going to be extremely hard to believe, but you are the one that's been in a coma with that headset on."
Luna remained quiet. "Fuck you." she said.
"I know it's hard to grasp, Luna, but I was the one sent by customer service to try and convince you that none of this, that everything is not real. You and Lincoln were playing with the headset and you took your turn with it and you went into a coma." Lynn explained.
"Don't do that." Luna told her.
"Calm down."
"No! I put Linc's headset on and came here to-"
"In virtual reality, yes, you did." Lynn cut her off.
"No! Then I came into this virtual whatever it's called!"
"You've been in the virtual space all along, Luna. Think about it! We fight almost all the time! We're the two sisters who almost never get along with each other unless it has to do with Lincoln. Why would the girls send you in to convince me of anything?" she asked, trying to turn the tables.
"Then why would they send you?" asked Luna.
Lynn remained quiet with a blank look on her face. "Fuck!" she shouted, her plan foiled.
The phone rang at Best Buy, as an employee walked up to it and answered it. "Thanks for calling Best Buy." the employee said in a nerdy voice. "How can I direct your call?"
"Yes," Luna began. "my name is Luna Loud. Can you tell me if a Lincoln Loud purchased an oculus rift headset there?"
"Or if any of us did?" Lynn added.
"Or if you sold one to any other Loud family member?"
"Ma'am, I'm gonna have to connect you to customer service. Hang on a sec." The employee tapped a few buttons on the phone and hung up and then walked away.
Steve sat at his desk, when the phone began ringing. He tapped his computer and began talking. "Best Buy customer service. This is Steve."
Luna had a shocked expression as her mouth gaped wide open; her eyes as wide as dinner plates. "Dude, what?!"
"What?! Hello?!" Lynn asked as she took the phone from her sister.
"Yes, hello." Steve answered back. "This call may be recorded to ensure good customer service in the future."
"Dude, now this is getting weird." Lynn said.
Rita and Lynn Sr sat at the dinner table, their dinners in front of them. "Well, this looks like a lovely meal." Lynn Sr said. "Too bad Lincoln won't be enjoying it!" He began pointed to the ceiling. "You hear that, mister?! No dinner for you! While you're grounded, you can just go to bed hungry!" He began cutting into his chicken until a thought entered his mind. "Rita, do you remember why Lincoln is grounded What- What did he do?" he asked his wife.
"Oh, I don't know, Lynn." Rita answered back. "I let you handle all the groundings."
Lynn Sr took a bite from his chicken and swallowed it. "It's strange." he said. "I don't remember him really doing anything particularly bad, and yet… and yet he is grounded." Muffled thumping noises could be heard from upstairs, causing Lynn Sr's face to scrunch up. "And no bouncing a racquetball, either!"
Luan slumped on her bed, an Oculus Rift over her head and eyes. Clyde stood nearby with a phone near his ear and an Oculus Rift manual in his hands.
"No, listen." Clyde said to the phone. "I called customer service because I need help. What am I supposed to do?"
At that moment, Luna and Lynn entered the room and were surprised to see what they saw. "Wait, Clyde?" asked Luna. "Hold on. Is this my virtual reality or Lynn's virtual reality?"
"It's neither." Clyde responded. "I know this might be hard for you to grasp right now, but this is all actually real."
"No, no, after we found Lynn, I put the headset on and-"
Clyde interrupted Luna. "No, Luna, we've all been here the entire time." he explained to her.
"Holy shit." Luna said to herself. "Then this is all real." She turned to her friend and sister. "We've all been here from the beginning, taking turns on Lincoln's Oculus headset for whatever reason."
"No, you guys," Lynn interjected. "this is virtual reality."
"How do you know?" Clyde asked.
"Because… I'm a computer program."
The room fell silent as Luna glared at her sister. "God damnit, Lynn." she said to her.
"I'm telling you guys. I swear! You have to believe me! I am a computer program. I'm not real."
"She's lying." Luna said to Clyde.
"I'm not lying. Go ahead and ask customer service." Lynn told Clyde.
Clyde put his phone to his ear again. "What was the name of the person who first called you for customer service?"
"Oh! Yes, yes, yes!" Steve exclaimed. "That I can answer. His name was… Lincoln."
"Lincoln called customer service first?" Clyde asked.
"Have I answered all your questions in a satisfying and courteous manner?" asked Steve.
"Come on!" Clyde told the girls. "We're going to Lincoln's room."
"Hello? My friend?" asked Steve. "My friend, I believe we are having some technical issues with our phone line. Please hang on. I'm going to call customer service." At that moment the phone began ringing; he pressed a key. "Hello. Customer service. This is Steve."
"Hello. This is Steve with customer service." the other Steve said in a slightly higher voice..
"Uh, no, no, no, no, my friend. I am Steve with customer service." The original Steve said.
"Listen, my friend." Steve said. "This is going to be very hard to comprehend, but none of what you are seeing is real."
Steve sat silent for a moment. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
"My friend, my friend, my friend, a customer who was in virtual reality called customer service, and it has created a customer feedback loop, okay? Here in India, we call it a Customer Feedback Vindaloop."
Steve sat in silence for a brief second. "Oooooh, fuuuuuuuck yooooooou."
"No, no, no, no, no. Do not fuck me because I am you, and then we will just be fucking ourselves and that is pretty gay!... Now, have I provided answers to your questions in a courteous and prompt fashion?"
Steve, once more, sat in silence, with an angry look on his face. "What do you mean, have you answered all my questions? Noooo! You have NOT answered any questions at all!"
"No, no, no, no, no. Listen. Listen. If I didn't' answer your questions, then we have given bad customer service."
"But you didn't answer any of my questions!"
"Well what is more important, my friend? The result or good customer service?"
Lincoln marked another tally mark on the wall, which was filled with tally marks; suddenly, Luna, Clyde, and Lynn barged into his room. "Lincoln!" Clyde exclaimed.
"Ah!" Lincoln exclaimed in surprise. "But you guys can't be here." he told them.
"Why not, bro?" asked Luna.
"Because I'm grounded. That means no visitors." Lincoln explained.
"Lincoln! When did you call Oculus Rift customer service?" asked Luna.
"When we were playing with the Oculus headset after I convinced you, Lynn, and Luan to play with me and Clyde. Don't you remember?" asked Lincoln. "We were all messing around with it. I played with it first and went a little nuts. I forgot I was in virtual reality and I got grounded, and now I'm grounded in real life."
"So now we are in the real world?" asked Clyde.
"Yes!" Lincoln confirmed.
"You guys," Lynn exclaimed. "I have accepted the reality that I am just a computer program. The fact is that one of us right now is in a room wearing a V.R. headset, seeing all this, and it's not me."
The group stood silent for a moment. "Fuck you, Lynn." Clyde said.
"LINCOLN!" Lynn Sr shouted as he entered the room.
"AAH!" Lincoln screamed in horror.
"WHAT ARE YOUR SISTERS AND CLYDE DOING HERE?!"
"I'm sorry, dad!" Lincoln apologized.
Hello? Hello, my friend? Are you still there?
"Yes, we're here!" Clyde answered back.
"Listen carefully, my friend." Steve said. "You are stuck in a paradox. It turns out there are three things you cannot do in virtual reality. You cannot die, you cannot get grounded, and you cannot call customer service. This is why you are having problems."
"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?!" Lynn Sr shouted at his son.
Clyde covered his other ear to hear better. "So, then how much of what has happened was in virtual reality?"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Lynn Sr shouted in the background.
"That does not matter!" Steve answered back. "There is only one thing that matters!"
"What?!" Clyde asked.
"Have I answered your questions satisfactorily and offered good customer service?!"
"That doesn't make sense!"
In the background, Lynn Sr began unbuckling his belt and pulling it out.
"That's the paradox!" Steve told Clyde. "Please, my friend! Please!" he begged. "I am not real! You are not real! Have I answered your questions and provided good customer service? This call may be recorded!"
"YOU'RE GETTING IT NOW!" Lynn Sr shouted as he whipped out his belt as his son backed up against the wall and quivered on the floor, crying.
"Yes! Yes, you've answered all my questions, and I am pleased with the customer service I've been provided!" Clyde answered quickly.
At that moment, before Lynn Sr could hit his son, he disappeared into thin air, afterwards his son. Soon, Luna and Lynn disappeared, leaving only Clyde to be there alone, the phone still in his ear. Clyde stood in the room in silence before heading out into the hallway.
He examined every room to see that no one was in there. He was completely alone in the house.
"You guys?" asked Clyde. "Are you there?"
We're right here, dude. Rusty's voice could be heard in the air. Do you remember now?
"Yeah, I 'member." Clyde answered back. "I'm heading back to the access point."
Clyde walked down the stairs and exited the Loud house.
Lynn Sr and Rita continued eating their dinner, before a sudden realization hit the father's face. "Oh my gosh. Rita!" Lynn Sr exclaimed to his wife.
"What is it, Lynn?" asked Rita.
"It's Lincoln." Lynn Sr said. "He's not grounded anymore."
"He's not?"
"No! I've got to tell him!" With that, he exited the dining room.
Lynn Sr entered his son's room. "Lincoln? Lincoln!" Lincoln groaned as he lazily laid on his bed. "You can go outside and play, son."
Lincoln's eyes widened like dinner plates. "You… Y-You mean… I'm not grounded?" asked Lincoln.
"No. I don't know why or how, but it's over." Lynn Sr said.
"They did it! They figured it out! Whoopee!" Lincoln cheered.
Clyde walked towards Rusty's house and headed towards the front door. "Alright, I'm nearing Checkpoint Alpha." he announced. "You guys still there?"
We're here, man. Zach's voice could be heard. Just a little, further and we can finally end this.
Clyde entered the Spoke's house and headed towards Rusty's room.
"Okay, I'm back in Rusty's room." Clyde announced.
Alright, Clyde. Liam's voice said. Jus' sit yer tushy down at that there computer.
Clyde walked over to the chair and sat on it.
Alright, dude. Rusty said. Take off the headset.
Clyde began removing an invisible headset.
Clyde took off the headset to see that Rusty, Zach, and Liam were standing by his side… except everything was in real life. Real people in real clothing. Not some animation that Nickelodeon studios created… it was all real life.
"So, aside from all them bullcrap, what y'all think about them Oculus majig?" asked the real life Liam.
"It's pretty cool…" the real life Clyde replied. "but the graphics suck."
Written by: MTHellhound
Co-Producer: sthompson1
Executive Producer: some French/Canadian chick
The real life Lincoln ran into the room and began jumping up and down. "Guys! I'm not grounded anymore!" the real life Lincoln exclaimed.