"Would you quit being so impolite while we're eating dinner?!"
Or at least, that's what it seemed like she had said. Shoko couldn't even remember what her mother's voice sounded like clear. So she stared straight ahead into her grandma's eyes as they crinkled into a look of concern, Yuzuru standing next to her with her arms frozen in midair, the sign for a "thank you" that would probably never see the light of day, at least not for tonight.
Shoko stood up from the table, signing a quick thank you, and ran to her room. There was no one behind her, at least not loud enough for her to hear, and she closed the door shut behind her and crumpled into her bed, sobbing into the soft pillow as the emptiness grew in size.
Why?
The question had always been there for her.
Why had her mom been so unlucky to have her for a child? Why did her sister grow up so quickly just to protect her? Why did her grandma spend all day fretting over her when she should have been more worried about her hands that could barely rise above her chest?
Why had she ever been born?
A soft poke made her turn her head, to face the soft mellow face of her concerned sister.
"What's wrong?" Yuzuru signed.
"I'm just happy to have finally finished history project. The stress was killing me."
Yuzuru was clearly unconvinced. But she let her hands dangle at sides.
Shoko closed her eyes, felt the warmth of Yuzuru's hand begin to stroke her hair, and dozed off.
In her dreams it had all been different. She could talk to all of them perfectly, could hear them perfectly. And Ishida was there too. Only it wasn't Ishida. This Ishida was nicer, more playful. The girls all teased that he had a crush on her.
Shoko woke with a start. The small amount of light coming in through the windows seemed to blend in with the thoughts in her head. They seemed to go away for a small bit, but always came back. Like the flu.
Her sister had left in the middle of the night, probably due to mother checking up on Shoko, so she dragged the chair out into the balcony, looking up at the night sky. Suddenly, the image of the calendar flashed in her mind for what seemed like the hundredth time today.
"It would have all been easier without me. It could have all been so much easier for everyone."
Ishida never confirmed it, but she knew. The calendar was ripped up, he had paid his mother back, even come to settle old debts. He wanted to die. And the worst part is that she had wanted that to happen at some point in the past. But now she would give anything to keep him from it.
Her hands wander over to the small balcony ledge, and the next thing she knew, she was balancing on it, her feet threatening to give way. She could already see it in her head. It wouldn't be so hard to just let her feet slip. Maybe make it look like an accident. No one would miss her.
No one actually cared anyways, did they?
*Hi hello, look at me being suicidal trash amirite. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed*