1st person point of View.

-x-x-x-

I tried to kill him, Shiro-chan, my childhood best friend. I believed a manipulator over him, and it haunts me. I can remember the look on his eye, the hurt he must've felt. Why was I so naïve? Why did I do that?

I try to look at him the same way but I can't, regret is tearing me apart. I should've listened to what he had to say, but I didn't. He even said that the Captain Aizen he knew would never have had me do that.. The Aizen we thought we knew to be more specific. I should've stopped there, but I didn't…I was confused, sad, and angry.

Hisagi-kun and Kira-kun became stronger over their captains betrayal. Me? I became weaker, and I hated it. I should've became stronger like them so I could've helped more. I don't want to be child-like, weak, a damsel-in-distress, or naïve. Aizen took advantage of me being trusting, and I let myself fall in.

I saw Toshiro an hour ago, I know he hasn't forgotten. He has forgiven, he's like that. So caring and protective of me…I want to return the same care and protectiveness.

I know I shouldn't sulk on my mistakes, the past is the past. I know I should look forward, but I feel horrible for what I did. I can understand if people don't want to forgive me, I made a bad choice.

Toshiro has been there for me everyday, much more than Aizen. That captain's intentions were never even pure. I felt bad for calling him Captain Aizen, I shouldn't refer to him as that. A captain is a leader who guides the other soul reapers to doing what is right. A true captain is caring for others, a true captain puts other people before his or herself. Aizen did everything for his own personal ego.

Tears began flowing out of my eyes, I don't deserve Toshiro's kindness. He deserves better than me. Why would he like me if all I do is cause him pain? After all I've done why did he forgive me? Would I have forgiven him if it were me in his position? Why does he care so much about me, I'll understand if he never wanted to see me. And it only got worst when Aizen caused him to accidentally stabbed me, he felt horrible when he isn't. He's so caring and protective of me…

I hurt his heart, I notice now how it affects him; but he never seemed to blame me.

I remember hearing about Kuchiki telling Kurosaki to grow stronger if he wants to protect, it worked and he was back to his own self.

I shouldn't sulk and think about the past…I should grow stronger if I want to protect those I care about, especially Toshiro. If I don't then I'll never grow out of me being so naïve. I know he has been training since Aizen's defeat to become stronger and protect me….I know I can never repay him for everything he's done, but I want to become stronger and protect him, I want to be able to fight along side him. I don't want to be the one who always needs saving twenty four seven.

I wiped my eyes with the ends of my sleeve. The past cannot be forgotten, but I shouldn't ruin my future from dwelling in it.

x-x-x

I really don't know where I got this idea:P, I just started writing and tried to think of what Momo could've thought. It's like 11:06 P.M. right now by the way xD.