The Giver

by SGAFan

It is, quite simply, the Christmas season on Atlantis. But is anything in the Pegasus galaxy ever simple? My offering for an SGA Christmas story.

The Giver

"For it is in giving, that we receive."

~Saint Francis of Assisi

John fought an amused smile as he piloted the Jumper low over the trees of M33-985. Behind him, Rodney was trying and failing to explain the holiday of Christmas to Ronon and Teyla.

"It's a religious holiday," Rodney's voice held a note of annoyance. "Really it's so incredibly over commercialized that the religious aspect is pretty much non-existent anymore. Of course, the date really was chosen to overshadow other pagan festivals, Germanic tribes worshipping trees leading to Christmas trees for example…"

"Worshipping trees?" Ronon's voice held a distinctly unbelieving note.

A corner of John's mouth turned up as Rodney sighed loudly.

"It's just an example!" Rodney snapped, "One of many pagan ceremonies that were integrated into Christmas."

"Pagan?" Teyla questioned.

John bit his lip, fighting back the urge to respond, in favor if listening to just how Rodney would explain pagans to two people that were, in essence, pagans themselves.

"Pagans are…" Rodney's voice trailed off as he apparently came to the same conclusion John had. "Well, they're…" His hand dropped to his lap with a loud smack. "Never mind! Forget I mentioned it. It's not like I'm overly religious or zealous about Christmas in the first place…"

Rapidly losing his battle with laughter, John turned his head away. Leave it to McKay to tie himself in knots trying to explain anything as complex as Christmas to a couple of Pegasus natives.

"Then why do you celebrate it?" Teyla questioned.

"Because, it's more than that!" Rodney's voice rose in pitch. "It's a time for giving gifts and being with family. Peace, goodwill and all that... stuff."

"I see." Teyla clearly sounded unconvinced.

"Peace is fine if no one is trying to kill you," Ronon muttered.

This time, John couldn't keep from chuckling; an action that drew Rodney's attention.

"Oh sure, fine! If you think it's so funny Colonel, then YOU explain it!" Rodney snapped.

"And ruin your perfectly botched explanation? No way." John answered, still smiling. Truthfully, he wasn't sure he'd do any better at explaining the nuances of Christmas to the Pegasus natives. Not exactly religious himself, John none the less enjoyed the festive spirit and good will of the holiday season. Even in another galaxy, the air on Atlantis was different recently as the Christmas holiday approached. With such a diverse, international population, not everyone celebrated Christmas, but the mood seemed to be contagious among just about everyone.

"I still do not understand, but the feeling on Atlantis does seem to be very... positive lately." Teyla remarked quietly.

John's smile widened as he watched the trees race by. Leave it to Telya to notice...

"I don't see it." Ronon answered.

... and Ronon not to. John stifled a chuckle. He quirked a brow as the HUD flashed up in front of him. "Coming up on the village."

"Oh yes. Yet another Renaissance-era village to explore," Rodney commented in a cynical tone.

"Just getting to know the neighbors," John replied as he slowly descended towards the village.

"Neighbors are not on the other side of the galaxy, Colonel," Rodney tapped a couple buttons and squinted at the HUD. "No measurable energy read... huh." He squinted.

John glanced at Rodney. "What?"

"Slight power reading from just outside the village. Not sure what it is, actually. Let's investigate that first." Rodney pointed north of the settlement.

"Wrong," John shook his head. "Let's say we meet these people first, before we go snooping around."

"What's the point?" Rodney emphatically responded. "There're no measurable energy readings coming from the settlement. I see no reason..."

"Because," John interrupted, "it's polite. Just because they're not technically advanced doesn't mean they can't be useful allies."

"But..."

"Besides," John cut Rodney off again, "for all we know that could be some kind of sacred place to them. The last thing we need to do is desecrate some damn holy ground and end up with a bunch of really mad villagers trying to kill us." He glanced pointedly at Rodney who glared back.

"That, was hardly my fault. How was I supposed to know that butt ugly statue was sacred?"

"I ended up with a busted leg from that," Ronon interjected.

Rodney spun in his chair and glared at Ronon. "How is it my fault that you stepped in a hole while running for the gate?"

"Wouldn't have been running for the gate if you hadn't made the natives mad," Ronon retorted.

"I rest my case." John answered.

Rodney returned his attention to John. I didn't know! But, you just won't let it go, will you?"

"I'd rather not end up running from a bunch of natives firing arrows at us if I can avoid it." John gave Rodney a no-nonsense stare. "We're introducing ourselves first."

-------------------------------------------

John took a deep breath as the path under his feet widened. They turned the corner around a large cluster of trees and headed straight towards the village. As they ventured closer, quiet alarms went off in John's head as he noticed a large group of natives standing just on the edge of the village, watching them.

"Sheppard," Ronon said quietly.

John nodded. "I know. Wonder what's up?" His grip tightened slightly on his P-90. "Keep a sharp eye out."

"I told you it was a bad idea to come here," Rodney groused quietly.

"Don't jump the gun, McKay," John answered, "we still don't know what's going on yet."

"Right. They just stand around at the edge of the village, waiting for strangers to show up," Rodney's low voice was still decidedly sarcastic. "Probably saw the Jumper on approach. Don't you ever use stealth?"

John never diverted his gaze from the villagers as he and his team drew closer. "Enough, Rodney," he snapped quietly. A good twenty yards away from the group, John stopped and stared hard at one man, who stood in at the forefront. "Uhh… hi."

"Oh, brilliant," Rodney muttered.

John bit back a retort as the man took a step forward.

"Welcome," he said before bowing at the waist. Behind him, the rest of the group duplicated his actions.

John raised his hand slightly. "That's… really not necessary."

The man cocked his head slightly. "You arrived in the ship of the Giver's Race, did you not?"

John's brow furrowed. "I don't know about this "Giver" but yeah, that was us in the ship…"

"Then you must be of the same race as the Giver and you are most welcome on Dava." Fearlessly, he walked up to John. "Were you the one who flew the ship?"

John stared back at him for a moment. It's not that he wasn't relieved this was a peaceful encounter, he was, but at the same time, he never placed himself on a pedestal and really didn't want anyone else to either. They were all human and just because his team had access to advanced technology, didn't mean any of them were better than these people. "Yes," he answered cautiously, "but that doesn't…" his voice trailed off as the man bowed.

"Your visit honors us. It has been many generations since the Giver walked amongst us." The man straightened and gestured towards the village. "Come."

John loosened his grip on his gun and glanced back at his team before smiling slightly. "Might as well…" As he followed behind the man and through the group of villagers that parted around them, he thought he heard a martyred sigh from McKay, but ignored it.

Taking a couple of big steps, he caught up with the man. "My name is John," he ventured, "and you are…?"

"Teenan, Honored One," the man replied.

John sighed quietly. "Just call me John." He squinted slightly as Teenan led them down a path away from the village proper. "Uh, where are we goin?"

"The Ancestral Ruins," Teenan replied immediately. "It is the place of the Giver." He stopped and looked at John. "I assumed you would wish to go there. Am I in error?"

John opened his mouth to reply, but Rodney beat him to it.

"No, not at all. We'd love to go there, right now. Lead the way." Rodney walked up next to John.

John clamped his jaw shut and glared at Rodney out of the corner of his eye for a moment, before plastering a placating smile on his face and looking back to Teenan. "Sounds good."

Teenan nodded once and continued on his way.

"Don't think it's sacrilegious to take a look if one of the villagers takes us there," Rodney smiled sarcastically and walked past John to follow behind Teenan.

"Remind me to put something disgusting in his boots the next chance I get," John muttered to Teyla who smiled tolerantly.

"I'll help you," Ronon answered.

John sighed and fell in behind Rodney as they followed Teenan through the forest. Before long, they stepped into a small grove, dominated by a battered structure. The outside was weatherworn, but surprisingly, it seemed intact.

"Oh yeah," Rodney breathed. "That's Ancient." He pulled out his scanner and tapped a few keys. "Definitely the source of the energy reading I was picking up from the Jumper." He squinted at the front of the structure and walked up to it.

Curious, John cocked his head slightly and came up next to Rodney. He stared at the wall in front of him and the very distinct artwork that was in surprisingly good shape, in spite of its age. He chuckled quietly at the unmistakable image of a Jumper. "No wonder they recognized us."

Rodney's grunt was neutral at best as his attention was fully captured by his scanner.

John scanned the structure. The walls were evenly matched, seamless in design, except for this small, rectangular spot that was slightly indented. He reached out, settling his hand on the smooth surface. "Doorway?"

"Has to be…" Rodney jumped back as the building creaked.

Instinctively, John raised his P-90 as the door slowly opened. He stared into the darkness inside the structure, alert for anything dangerous.

"You truly are one of the Giver's race," Teenan breathed. "Since his time, my people have visited this shrine, but have we not been able to enter it for generations. It is said, the touch of the Giver's race was magical, but I never believed I would see that magic with my own eyes." He stared, awestruck at John.

"Well," Rodney shrugged, "it really is…"

"Too complicated to get into right now," John interrupted before smiling tolerantly at Teenan. "But trust me, we're humans, just like you are."

"Well, not just like…" Rodney started.

"McKay," Ronon growled.

John flipped on his gun light and slowly walked forward, his P-90 held close. He panned the immediate area before looking over his shoulder at his team. "Clear. Come on." He glanced at the villager. "You too, Teenan."

John continued into the structure. He wrinkled his nose slightly at the stale, but still breathable air as they ventured further inside. Abruptly, he stopped as they encountered another door. He looked back at Rodney. "Any readings?"

Rodney shrugged. "Just the same energy signature, but it's not fluctuating. You're clear, as far as I can tell anyway."

John sighed quietly, tensed and reached out, settling the palm of his hand on the cool metal. The reaction was instantaneous as the door groaned before slowly sliding open. As he cautiously stepped through the doorway, dim lights over his head lit, casting an eerie green glow across the room. John stopped and swept his light over the high ceiling before flashing it around the circumference of the room. Several control panels greeted his gaze, but one situated against the far wall overshadowed the others. "McKay?"

Rodney stopped next to him. "Oh yeah, that's promising." Wasting no time, Rodney made a beeline for the large panel, John following behind. He squinted at the Ancient writing on the console. "Have any idea what that says?"

"Hmm?" Rodney looked up from his scanner. 'Within lies the essence.' "Whatever that means…" He tapped a couple keys on his scanner before looking down at a distinct handprint in the center of the console. He reached out.

"Whoa!" John's warning stopped Rodney's hand. "You sure that's a good idea?"

Rodney's shoulders visibly sagged. "How else are we going to access this device? Somehow, I don't think it's some sort of Ancient booby trap, I mean what would be the point?"

John arched a brow. "Just because we can't see a reason, doesn't mean it isn't there."

Rodney's expression darkened. "Fine," he snapped, "so, shall we just sit down and stare at the inactive Ancient technology for a while?"

John sighed. Rodney did have a point, but he still wasn't sure. After a moment, he nodded hesitantly. "Okay, do it."

Rodney placed his hand on the panel, before sighing himself. "Great."

"What?" John cocked his head.

"It's not responding. Given that the doors were ATA activated it stands to reason the control panels would be too. But, it's not powering up and the equipment I need to figure out why is in the Jumper."

"The Jumper?" John stared incredulously at Rodney. "And you didn't bring at least your data pad with you because…?"

Rodney glared at him. "Because we were going to meet a bunch of Renaissance villagers, not investigate a power source. But, oh wait! That wasn't my idea!"

John frowned. "Okay, Okay! I get it." His gaze narrowed as he looked down at the panel. "You don't think…" his voice trailed off as Rodney looked up at him.

"What?"

"Well, you're gene's artificial; gene therapy," John stared at the control panel.

"So? It's never made any difference before," Rodney rebutted.

"Yeah, but I opened the doors," John insisted. He pressed his lips together, not entirely sure what he was driving at either.

"Whatever. If you think you can make a difference go ahead," Rodney stepped back, waving flamboyantly.

John quirked his brows and shrugged. Slowly, he reached out and placed his hand in the print, his fingers fitting perfectly. Instantly, warmth permeated his hand and spread up his arm. "Cool," he whispered. The words had no sooner left his mouth when a white flash filled his vision and pain seared across his forehead. He was propelled backwards, but never felt himself hit the ground.

--------------------------------

Rodney wasn't really sure what happened.

One moment he was watching Sheppard reach out for the Ancient panel and the next, he was staring at the unconscious colonel who'd been thrown backwards and lay motionless on the floor. For an instant he, like the others, was frozen in shock, before everyone moved simultaneously.

"Sheppard!" Ronon was the first to reach the colonel. The big runner knelt and stared intently at Sheppard's closed eyes as Teyla crouched beside him and felt for a pulse.

Rodney gulped and forced himself past his shock. He leaned over behind Teyla. "Oh God!"

"He is alive," Teyla reassured, "but we must get him back home."

"The Honored One…" Teenan's voice cracked.

Ronon shot to his feet. "What the hell is this place?" he demanded as he towered over the Davan.

"Ronon!" Teyla reprimanded.

"Please!" Teenan answered, "I do not know what has happened!"

Rodney swallowed hard and latched on to one thought amidst a myriad of them racing through his mind. "Jumper. We need the Jumper!"

Teyla nodded. "Yes. I will stay with John." She looked up at Ronon. "Go with him. I will be fine here."

Ronon's suspicious gaze flicked to Teenan for a moment, before he looked back at Teyla.

"Go!" Teyla insisted.

A frustrated twitch crossed Ronon's face before he nodded once, curtly. "McKay!" he demanded as he turned and ran towards the door.

"Right." Rodney sighed, briefly, dreading trying to keep up with the big runner as they ran for the Jumper, but he was the only other one that could fly the thing and Sheppard needed help. He'd run on a broken leg to help one of us… buck up! Rodney took a deep breath and dashed out the door behind Ronon.

---------------------------

By the time they reached the Jumper, Rodney swore he wouldn't have been able to take another step. Ronon had slowed down for him at least three times and had glared at him more times than Rodney could count. He flopped unceremoniously into the pilot's chair and grabbed the controls.

"Let's go!" Ronon insisted.

"Working… on… it!" Rodney shot back breathlessly. "Just give… me a… second!" He reached over and closed the hatch before easing the controls back slightly, gently lifting the Jumper off the ground. Barely clear of the trees he pushed the Jumper into full throttle and sped back towards the ruins.

----------------------------

Teyla forced calmness to permeate her as she fought the nervous knot in her gut. John remained motionless. Alive, but unconscious; afflicted with the Ancestors knew what…

Holding her expression serene, she looked up at Teenan and found a strained smile. "He is still alive."

"Please," Teenan's voice was nearly begging in tone, "please believe me, I do not know what has happened. It has been centuries since anyone has been able to enter the ruins. I… I do not know… there is nothing in our stories and legends that speaks of this."

Teyla sighed. Like the others, she greatly desired to blame him, or anyone for what had happened to the Colonel, but in her heart, she knew she could not. "It is all right," she soothed. "This is not your fault. You could not have known."

"Your people… you can help him?" Teenan asked. "Please, he is the first Honored One to visit us since The Giver left countless generations ago."

Teyla reassured herself that John's pulse was still steady before motioning Teenan closer. It was difficult for her to sit and wait; to not be doing something, but if something in the Davan legends could shed light on what had happened to the Colonel; provide some sort of helpful insight, then it was worth her time. "Tell me your stories," she encouraged. "What do you know of this Giver and his people?"

Teenan settled to the ground next to her and laid his walking staff over his crossed legs. "It has been so long that many would consider our stories to be legends… myths, nothing more. But, from the time the stories were created as a way to preserve our history, it was always emphasized from one generation to another that the stories were not myth. They were fact. The Giver existed, and one day he would return to us."

Teyla nodded. Lore and stories, passed by word of mouth from one generation to the next was very common amongst the worlds she'd known all her life. The Wraith destroyed settlements, people… written word. Only by the telling of stories, could the history of many worlds' people be preserved. She tried to soften her expression. "Tell me your stories," she repeated.

Teenan took a deep breath. "Long ago, The Giver came to us. He came through the Ancestral Ring in a ship like yours, like the one carved on the ruins. For years, he walked amongst my people, coming and going at his leisure, but always returning, always helping, always bringing things to help us, always giving of himself to help others. His touch healed the sick and injured, his thoughts and plans helped my people develop our farming, grow more food and live better."

Teenan paused a moment before continuing. "One day, he left and did not return. My people were saddened, but continued to live in his name, always looking for his return. It was many generations before one day he appeared again and we rejoiced. As before, he gave of himself but also asked us to help him build this place," Teenan looked up and waved his hand around him. "My people lacked the understanding of much of what he did, but we helped where we could and he built the rest using wondrous machines and things of which we had never seen the like." Teenan paused and looked away.

"Go on," Teyla urged gently. "Please, whatever you know might be important for us to help our friend," she gestured at John's still form.

"When this place was finished," Teenan continued, "it is said that the village elder was visited by The Giver, who told him he would be leaving. His words have been passed from generation to generation. The Giver said that one day, far in the future, he would return and all he knew we would know, all that he was, we would be." Teenan shrugged. "With that, he left the hut of the Elder. It is believed that he returned to this place, but wherever he went, he was never seen again." Teenan's brows furrowed slightly. "For many generations following, there were a few among us that could enter this place, though we dared not touch anything and entrance was only done on the most important of days, such as the Harvest Festival. But the ability to enter this place has since been lost to us. It has been hundreds of years since any Davan has set foot inside this wondrous place." He looked down at John. "The Honored One's arrival must be an omen of some sort, but I do not know the reason behind it."

Teyla sighed, carefully storing all that Teenan had told her, into her memory. Nothing appeared to be useful, at least on the surface, but it was information Dr. Weir should have, and between all of them, they might be able to glean some information from it. She smiled sincerely at the Davan elder. "Thank you, Teenan."

-----------------

Elizabeth stood rock still on the balcony overlooking the gate, her grip on the railing white knuckled. The shimmer of the active wormhole was almost hypnotic and she let her mind wander over the scant information she'd only just received from her away team. Colonel Sheppard was unconscious, struck by a bolt of energy from some unknown Ancient technology. She sighed. How many times had these standard "meet and greets" gone haywire? Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment, reassuring herself with Teyla's plain report that the Colonel, while unconscious, did not seem to be in distress.

She opened her eyes and straightened as the Jumper appeared through the wormhole and immediately ascended towards the bay above. Reaching up, Elizabeth tapped her headset. "Jumper One, this is Weir. What is the status of Colonel Sheppard?"

"Unchanged," Teyla responded.

"Copy that," Elizabeth answered. "Medical team is waiting for you in the bay. I'm on my way. Weir out." She turned and briskly headed for the stairs.

It didn't take her long to reach the bay. As she rounded the final corner to the entry doors, she nearly ran into the stretcher carrying Sheppard, a full entourage of medical staff and the colonel's team following behind. She fell into step next to Carson, who held one side of the stretcher. "How is he?"

"Unconscious but stable," Carson answered. "Beyond that, I have no idea."

Elizabeth took a moment to look down at John's closed eyes. He looked like he was sleeping and she allowed herself to take a moment's relief in that. She'd seen him come back through that gate in worse shape than this and he'd survived those encounters.

As they entered the infirmary, she stepped back, allowing Carson's team to push John's stretcher on.

"Let's get him under the scanner and see if we can figure out what's going on here," Carson ordered as they pushed John's stretcher up next to the scan bed.

Elizabeth wandered over and stood with John's team, their gazes never leaving him. She cleared her throat quietly. "What happened?"

"It's like we said on the radio," Rodney glanced at her, "he was struck by a beam of energy."

Elizabeth stared at him for a silent moment. Irritation was dominant in his expression, but beneath it, she could see the worry he was trying to hide with his snappy attitude. "I know that," she answered softly, her gaze pointed.

Rodney sighed. "The panel had a palm control but Sheppard was reluctant to activate it…" Rodney looked away for a moment. "I talked him into it, but it didn't respond to me, so I assumed it was inactive. Then Sheppard touched it. That's when he got shocked." For a moment, Rodney's expression was vulnerable before an annoyed mask fell over it. "That damned gene of his needs to be caged."

"While we waited for Rodney and Ronon to return with the Jumper," Teyla added, "The village elder, Teenan, told me their stories and legends surrounding one they call The Giver. I believe, from the sounds of the tales, this Giver was an Ancient."

"He claimed to have no idea what happened to Sheppard," Ronon muttered.

Elizabeth looked up at him. "You think otherwise?"

"Ronon," Teyla smoothly interrupted. She smiled thinly at Elizabeth. "Teenan insists that his people have not been inside the ruins in centuries and has no idea what has happened." Teyla shrugged. "He was awestruck when John opened the door to the ruins with only his touch. I am inclined to believe Teenan's word."

Elizabeth glanced Ronon's direction, noting his unconvinced grunt. She didn't dismiss it, but leaned towards Teyla's assessment. The Athosian woman's intuition was remarkable, and at the same time, Teyla never gave her trust easily or casually. If she believed Teenan enough to comment on it, it was worth considering. Ronon's naturally suspicious nature was oftentimes a benefit, but Elizabeth had also learned that there were right and wrong times to follow it.

"Tell me about this Giver," Elizabeth focused on John's still form… at least the glimpses of it that she could get from between various medical personnel bustling around first the scanner, and then his stretcher as Teyla related the Davan legends to her. When she was finished, Elizabeth flashed Teyla a small smile. "Definitely sounds like an Ancient. If he had the healing power, then he must've been close to ascension and ascended when he disappeared for the last time."

"Then why the facility? What's it for?" Rodney wondered out loud. "If he was just going to ascend, why bother?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "Good question."

"We have to go back," Rodney insisted. "There's a wealth of technology there to be studied." He must've seen the hesitation in Elizabeth's eyes, because he pressed his case. "Look, we can be careful, but we can't just let this opportunity go."

Any reply Elizabeth had died on her lips as Carson walked towards them. Inwardly, she felt some relief at what appeared to be a somewhat relaxed expression, but hints of worry still invoked urgency in her. "Carson?"

He smiled slightly. "I can't find anything wrong with him, except that he's unconscious. He does have heightened activity on his EEG; more than I'd expect from someone in his condition, but it doesn't seem to be having a negative effect on him physically."

"Then why is he unconscious?" Rodney insisted.

Carson sighed. "I don't have a clue."

"If we go back," Rodney insisted, "we could learn something that would explain what happened to Sheppard and how to help him."

Elizabeth slowly turned her gaze towards Rodney. Torn, she sighed. On one hand, she could see the benefit not only for knowledge in general but for some clue as to what happened to John, but she resisted. She already had one person in the infirmary, she didn't want more to join him. Her thoughts were derailed by a nurse hailing Carson.

"Dr. Beckett, he seems to be regaining consciousness."

Carson immediately left her side, but Elizabeth was only a stride behind him and from the scuffle, she knew that John's team was right behind her. She stood behind Carson as he looked up at the monitors over John's head before down at the colonel's face. Elizabeth's gaze followed his and her eyes widened as she watched John's eyelids flutter.

"Aye," Carson said quietly, "time to wake up, Colonel."

Elizabeth stepped around Carson and eased onto the edge of John's bed. She found a smile as she watched John's eyes slowly open. "Welcome back," she whispered.

"Aye, ye gave us a scare," Carson added as he picked up John's wrist and took his pulse.

Elizabeth's smile faded as she watched something akin of confusion settle over the colonel's expression. "John?"

"Atlantis," he whispered, his gaze leaving her to roam over the ceilings. "It is as I remember it."

Slowly straightening, Elizabeth pulled back from him before flashing Carson an alarmed look.

"How else would it be?" Rodney snapped.

"Rodney," Teyla touched him lightly on the arm. Elizabeth turned her concerned gaze to Rodney and he paled.

"What's wrong with him?" Rodney demanded.

"Sheppard?" Ronon questioned.

Elizabeth looked back to John who smiled. It was him, from his spiky hair to the shadow of stubble on his chin, and yet… it wasn't. She couldn't explain it, but she suddenly felt like she was staring at a stranger. "John?"

His expression turned slightly confused, but only for a moment, before he reached out and lightly grasped her hand.

Elizabeth's brow furrowed. His touch was gentle and he seemed at ease with the gesture; something John would never be. Friendly and personable, John had always been uncomfortable with physical contact, to say the least. But the gaze that stared back at her was anything but uneasy.

"Elizabeth," he whispered quietly. "There is so much strength and beauty in your spirit. More than you realize."

"Colonel, how do ye feel?" Carson interrupted.

John's smile turned serene. "Alive." His voice remained quiet. "Very much alive."

Elizabeth inhaled deeply as his gaze found hers and for one of the few times in her life, she didn't know what to say.

He smiled again. "The one you call John Sheppard is here. You must trust me, when I tell you he's fine. I would never do anything to jeopardize his life."

Elizabeth 's eyes widened and she abruptly stood, taking a large step back and away from him. Behind her, she heard Ronon's gun power up. She tapped her headset. "This is Weir. Security to the infirmary immediately."

"That is not necessary," he replied quietly, "I will not harm anyone. Although," he shrugged, "I imagine you will take some convincing on that matter."

"What's with the possessions?" Rodney lamented quietly, falling silent under Ronon's glare.

Elizabeth stared John directly in the eye. "Who are you?"

John pushed himself up straighter in the bed. "I have had many names, but Noorlan is as good as any other." Again he looked around. "Long ago, I lived in this city," he chuckled, "but then again, I've lived many places."

"You're an Ancient," Rodney breathed quietly before shaking his head slightly. "A… a Lantean."

Noorlan nodded once. "Yes. Amongst many things, I am Lantean. My memory… my essence was stored in the device you apparently found on Dava." His gaze narrowed. "But you are not Davans. You're from…Earth." He shrugged slightly. "As you have seen, some of what John Sheppard knows is revealed to me."

Elizabeth's gaze hardened slightly. "I want to talk to John."

"I'm afraid that is not possible," Noorlan's expression turned rueful, "not while I am here."

"Then leave," Ronon answered immediately.

Noorlan dropped his head. "At that point, I would cease to exist." He shook his head. "You must believe me that he is fine. This was not meant to happen. Only one of my level of evolution could physically handle such a mergence. It was my hope that one day the Davans would evolve to the state where one could join with me, and I could live amongst the first and most cherished of the peoples I have ever known. Perhaps even help them ascend." He inhaled deeply. "I sacrificed ascending again for that chance. Now, it would appear, I will not have it."

"Wait…" Rodney waved, "ascending… again? You ascended then came back?"

Noorlan looked up and nodded. "Yes. For a time, I existed in the ascended realm before I returned to a mortal life."

"This is all interesting," Carson interrupted, "but I'm still stuck on the fact that none of us can speak to Colonel Sheppard and we just have to take your word for it that he's fine?"

Noorlan stared evenly back at Carson. "Unfortunately, yes. You must." He reached out and took a hold of Carson's arm.

Carson stiffened slightly and looked down, staring at Noorlan's reassuring grasp. He drew in a quick breath and looked back up, meeting Noorlan's gaze as if he couldn't resist.

"Please believe me, my friend, I would never harm him… or anyone," Noorlan insisted. "I will let go of this body and cease to exist before I endanger his life." He sighed and released Carson's arm. "And that will happen. Your kind is not physically evolved to the point where this mergence would be a safe. A mergence with one evolved to the state my kind was, would create a true symbiotic relationship with each personality sharing life's experiences, along with the body."

"Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be…" Rodney muttered. He waved at Noorlan's questioning look. "Never mind."

"Noorlan," Elizabeth questioned, "you said that you ascended once?"

Noorlan nodded. "Yes." He inhaled deeply. "When my people were faced with ascension or extinction, many of us were able to ascend. I was one of them. The rest returned to your planet to live out their lives." He smiled ruefully. "I suppose this John Sheppard is a descendent of one of those who returned?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Yes."

"Hence the gene in his DNA that helped him get into this mess in the first place," Rodney interrupted.

"The gene…" Noorlan's eyes widened. "Yes, of course, the key for our technology." He shook his head. "The gene contributed to this mergence, yes, for without it, the technology would not respond, but is not the only reason this happened."

"What?" Rodney squinted. "It had to be, although that doesn't explain why I couldn't access anything. I had the gene therapy…" his voice trailed off as Noorlan chuckled quietly. "What?"

"There is more to being a descendent of the Lanteans then one gene, Dr. McKay." His gaze grew distant for a moment, as if he was reliving memories. "Much as your recent brush with ascension, the gene is not a means to an end, it is part of the essence of who that person is. Gene or not, you are not a descendent." He fixed Rodney with a plain stare, before smiling slightly. "Not truly, though it would seem the path to ascension is there for you, if you but embrace it." His gaze moved from Rodney to Carson and his smile widened slightly. "You, however, are a true descendent."

Carson stiffened slightly. "Aye," he whispered.

Elizabeth looked back and forth between Noorlan... John, and Carson, before her gaze finally settled on her military commander. At least, that's what he looks like… Silent, he looked like a very serene John Sheppard, but when he spoke she was starkly reminded that it was not him. The words, the phrases, even the sentence structure, were wrong. Void of any contractions, the words that flowed from his mouth, in John Sheppard's voice were alien. John was, for the most part, very casual and his lazy speech reflected it. He blended words, used contractions and often spoke in fragments. But the voice that spoke to her was perfect, all the way down to meticulously formed words and full sentences. The tone was John, but the words were not.

Noorlan returned her gaze. "For many millennia, I was ascended. Even from that realm I watched the suffering and pain on Earth, how my brethren's influence fell to myth and legend and how your people strayed from peace and harmony…" he bowed his head. "The pain and suffering became more than I could bear. I interfered… and was punished by the Others for that interference."

"Their rules," Elizabeth answered.

Noorlan looked up and nodded. "Yes. You know of them then? Then you know that to violate them brings swift punishment. I was banished from the Ascended realm to live as a mortal on Earth. Most of my memories were wiped from my mind, but the essence of who I am could never be erased, not fully." Noorlan folded his hand on his lap. "I have always believed in giving of myself to help others." He smiled ruefully, "sometimes too much, I fear, but it is who I am." His gaze returned to Elizabeth's. "Through my deeds and work, I enjoyed much success and modest wealth during my time as a mortal. I became a very successful merchant. As Noorlan of Parara I married, fathered a son, and lived a benevolent and giving life; a life my son eventually pursued with the church," he bowed his head, "though I did not live to see it. Sickness claimed my life and that of my wife." After a moment, Noorlan's smile turned fond. "Nicholas," he whispered, "I regret not having more time with him."

Inhaling deeply, Noorlan continued. "At the moment of my death, one of the Others came to me and offered me a second chance at living amongst the Ascended. In that moment, the memories of who I was returned to me." He shook his head in dark humor. "Oma Desala. She always lived close to being banished herself."

"We know of Oma Desala," Elizabeth answered quietly.

Noorlan looked surprised for a moment, before nodded. "She excelled at walking that fine line between ascension and banishment," he added absently before waving his hand in a dismissive way. "I chose to ascend again." He sighed. "When I returned to the ascended realm, I turned my attention back to Dava. Before I ascended, I lived for a time amongst these people. They have always held a special place in my heart." Noorlan's expression sobered. "I realized that I never really shed all my mortal ties when I ascended... there were a few of us that never were able to."

Again, he seemed to be pulling on memories for a moment. "You have met another," he whispered. "Chaya." Noorlan smiled. "Yes, she was unable to sever all ties as well." His smile faded, "though it would seem her punishment is much more severe…" He took a deep breath, his vision clearing. "All that I wanted was to walk amongst the Davans and to live with them. The Others would never allow that interference or interaction on that level, yet it was the one thing that kept me from truly belonging with them. For that, I chose to again leave the ascended realm."

Noorlan looked at Elizabeth his gaze narrowing with conviction. "I have never regretted that decision. Even now, faced with losing my existence, I still do not. Although," he smiled ruefully, "this was not the outcome I wished for."

Elizabeth inhaled deeply. "Noorlan… I'm sorry, this is a lot for us to absorb at once…"

Noorlan nodded. "I understand, of course. Please, if you take nothing else from this conversation, take this thought. John Sheppard is alive and well, even if you cannot speak to him at this moment. I will never do him any harm. His gaze intensified. "You must believe me."

Elizabeth stared back at him for a moment before nodding silently. She waved to the two SO's that had responded to her hail and they walked up to the bed. "Noorlan…"

"I understand," he interrupted lightly, "although, they are not necessary."

Elizabeth smiled in a placating manner. "All the same, they're going to stay here with you. My people and I… we have to talk about this." She looked up and nodded at Carson before turning away from Noorlan. She paused by one of the SO's. "Keep a close eye on him."

The SO nodded once, curtly. "Yes, ma'am."

Leaving the infirmary, she never looked back to see Noorlan's gaze follow her.

-------------------------------

"How do we get him out of Sheppard?" Ronon demanded before any of them had a chance to take a seat at the conference room table.

"I have no idea," Carson sighed.

"Is it possible he will fade and cease to exist like Phoebus and Thalen did last year?" Elizabeth sat down and folded her hands on the table.

"Not from what I was seeing on the EEG," Carson answered, "his imprint isn't degenerating like theirs did. There's no indication that he will fade away."

"Then we have to find a way to force him out," Ronon insisted.

"There has to be a way," Rodney insisted. "I need to see the scans and I need to go back to Dava and study that technology."

"What if Noorlan is telling the truth?" Teyla interjected. "It is possible he is sincere about his promise to give up his existence in order not to harm John."

Elizabeth leaned back in her chair and sighed loudly as she considered Teyla's words.

"Well, forgive me for not being optimistic, since this entity has possessed the Colonel's body," Rodney snapped back.

"But we have no proof that his intentions are anything but genuine." Teyla countered quietly. She looked back at Elizabeth. "There is sincerity in his bearing," she continued. "Perhaps before we decide to act aggressively towards him, we should be sure it is warranted."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes. In any case, our actions against him could further jeopardize John. I need to be positive John's life is in danger before I'm willing to take steps against Noorlan." She glanced at Ronon who gritted his teeth for a moment, before his expression turned to one of grudging acceptance.

"As far as I can tell from the preliminary data I was seeing, Colonel Sheppard… that is Noorlan, is physically fine. There doesn't seem to be any physical side effects of this merging. But, Noorlan did mention that he would need to give up his existence in order to keep from harming the Colonel. I need to keep him under medical supervision."

"And we need to be ready to act to save John, if it comes down to that," Elizabeth finished.

"Which I can't do that on a whim," Rodney answered. "I don't even know what we're dealing with, much less how to move against Noorlan. Even if we're not going to go after him now, I still need to be researching how to do it."

Elizabeth nodded. "Agreed. Start with the scans. I'd rather not expose anyone else to that technology, but if it's our only recourse…" she sighed, "keep me posted, Rodney."

Rodney nodded once, pushed away from the table and swiftly left the conference room.

Elizabeth nodded to the rest of them. "Thank you." She stood and left the conference room, the others filtering out behind her.

-----------------------

Carson stared hard at the scans of the colonel's brain activity, his gaze occasionally flicking to the other empirical data from the full body scan. He shook his head slightly. There had to be something there, something to indicate what inhabited Sheppard and more importantly, how to remove it. He pondered the last thought for a moment, letting his mind wander. Unquestionably, the body belongs to Sheppard, but Noolan didn't seem to be hurting him, and insisted that he'd leave before that happened. Did they have a right to extinguish one life to save another? But at the same time, did they have the right to let Noorlan go on, for all intents and purposes, hijacking Sheppard's body and subduing his consciousness?

At least one thing Noorlan had told them must be true: John Sheppard was still in there, somewhere. Noorlan knew too much to not be pulling on Sheppard's memories, but was he really okay? Would Noorlan really sacrifice himself to save Sheppard if it came down to it? The ten million dollar question…

"This is useless."

Rodney's blunt statement pulled Carson from his thoughts. "What?"

"This!" Rodney waved his hand at his laptop display. "I need to get back to Dava and study the technology. I can't tell anything from this data." He emphatically pushed back from the counter and stood.

"Dr. Beckett?"

Carson turned and smiled at his medic, Carolyn Lansing. "What is it, Carolyn?"

"The Colonel…" she frowned, "or… him…" she pointed back towards Sheppard's bed, "he's asking for you and Dr. McKay."

Carson took a moment to glance at Rodney before smiling at Carolyn. "Thank you, dear, we'll be right there."

"What's this about?" Rodney questioned.

Carson shrugged. "Don't know." He stood and headed towards the door that joined the lab with the infirmary proper, "come on."

"No, really? Thought I'd just stay here and die of curiosity." Rodney replied sharply.

Not looking back, Carson just rolled his eyes. Knowing Rodney was right behind him, he crossed the infirmary and walked up next to Noorlan's bunk. Staring down at his patient's serene expression, Carson had to remind himself that it was not Sheppard looking back at him. It was easier than he thought, for as long as he'd known Sheppard, he'd never seen the colonel look so peaceful. He knew there were many demons the colonel carried, most of which were never mentioned, but all of which imprinted a certain tension on his expression, even when he was happy. "Is everything all right?"

Noorlan smiled. "Yes, Doctor." He turned his attention to Rodney. "Dr. McKay, there is nothing in the scans that will tell you how to remove me from this body, but there is nothing on Dava either. The process is irreversible. No technology can override the strength of spirit, especially one as old as mine. You would cause undue harm to John Sheppard and still not do away with me. I am the only one that can remove me from this body. You must trust me that I will let go when the time comes."

Rodney looked over his shoulder towards the lab for a moment before looking back to Noorlan, his expression quizzical. "How did you…"

"I have known humans for many millennia, Dr. McKay," Noorlan smoothly interrupted, "It was not hard to deduce."

"Noorlan," Carson interjected, "you must understand. We want to believe you but…"

Serene, Noorlan's expression was unchanged. "I do. It is in your nature to question, it is one of the hallmarks of your race," he responded. "Your curiosity; your ability to question and learn about all that is around you, that, more than anything else, puts your race on the path to ascension. Awareness leads to understanding, and understanding opens the doorway to the higher plane. You will not see it in your lifetime, nor in your children's or your children's children, but it will come to be."

Taken aback, Carson was at a loss for words, and from the silence, he suspected Rodney was the same. He glanced at his friend's contemplative expression. Much about Rodney's brush with ascension he never spoke of, but Noorlan's words seemed to have a profound effect on him.

Carson looked back at Noorlan. "Thank you for understanding."

Noorlan nodded once. "Now I would ask you to show me the same understanding. While at this moment, John Sheppard is not suffering any ill effects from this merger, it will not always be this way. The time will come that I will need to let go, to keep from harming him." Noorlan's gaze narrowed slightly. "Please, I wish to return to Dava one last time to be with the people I cherish."

"It'd be difficult for me to monitor your physical condition outside of the infirmary," Carson responded.

"I will know," Noorlan insisted. "When one is close to ascension, talents emerge. You would call them gifts, but they are really a product of heightened awareness and closeness to one's spiritual self. Mine was to heal but with it comes an innate sense of wellness. I can monitor this body closer than any of your machines, Doctor."

"Noorlan…" Carson started.

"He can." Rodney interrupted quietly. "He'll know."

Carson felt very much like an outsider as he watched Noorlan and Rodney meet gazes for a moment, before Rodney looked at him.

"Carson, trust me, he'll know," Rodney reaffirmed. He looked back at Noorlan. "We'll talk to Dr. Weir."

Carson's gaze narrowed. Gone was the acerbic sarcasm that almost always permeated Rodney's expression. Of all the people on Atlantis, Rodney was the last one Carson expected to react this way. "Rodney…" his voice trailed off as Rodney turned and left the infirmary without a word.

Carson looked back at Noorlan, his gaze narrowing slightly. Could the Lantean have exerted some sort of mind control over his friend? Rodney's reaction was decidedly out of character and Carson very much wanted to understand why. Noorlan must've seen the suspicion in Carson for his expression softened.

"I have nothing to do with his change of perspective," Noorlan insisted quietly as he watched Rodney's departure. "Much of what Dr. McKay gained in his close brush with ascension is lost to him, but it would seem something remains." He smiled in a pleased way. "That is a very encouraging development for your race's future, doctor."

Carson never looked away from his patient. "What do you mean?"

Noorlan smoothed the blankets on his bed, his expression reflective. "I suppose for him it is intuition; a feeling he cannot explain, but cannot dismiss." Noorlan chortled softly. "At this stage of your evolution that is for the best I believe."

Carson's suspicion didn't diminish. "Noorlan…"

"Doctor…" Noorlan interrupted, "Carson," he amended, "you must recognize that there is much you do not understand, but must accept. Are there not things you cannot see or explain, but you're compelled believe?"

"You're talking about faith," Carson answered quietly.

Noorlan appeared to ponder Carson's words for a moment, before he nodded. "I suppose that is one way to explain it," he answered. "Can you extend that faith to me?"

Carson inhaled deeply. "I can't… I… don't know." he sighed. "I need to think about it and it's not just me you need to convince."

"I understand. But, Dr. Weir would listen to you and those she trusts." Noorlan insisted. "Consider what I have said, but I do not have much time."

Carson nodded, his mind reeling. It was all he could do just to turn and walk away.

--------------------------

Rodney knew his exit had been abrupt, but he really didn't care. Sheppard's words… Noorlan! He reminded himself. Noorlan's words had hit close to home. It's not Sheppard speaking, remember that! God knows that casual flyboy would never have that level of awareness! Rodney's step faltered. Did he? Did anyone? Flashbacks of his close call with ascension… with death crossed his mind… memories he'd tried to forget and feelings he wanted to dismiss, but couldn't. A flirt with spirituality, something he'd never had use for, forced him to embrace things he couldn't explain, couldn't rationalize.

Rodney stopped next to a large exterior window and looked out across the city for a few minutes. Yet, when Noorlan had spoke of awareness, ascension and enlightenment; things that smacked of a faith he'd given up on long ago, memories he'd put to rest flared to life. His friends surrounding him, Sheppard urging him to go down fighting, Carson's resigned, saddened look… darkness… then light and revelations that tore him from bliss, thrusting him back into the living world and away from something he wasn't ready for.

He gripped the railing, his gaze unfocused. He'd confided a lot to Sheppard… well, more than anyone else, but far less than everything he'd felt and experienced, but one thing he'd never told anyone was something that deep down, he was absolutely sure of.

He was still living by choice.

He'd chosen to come back, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out exactly why. He'd never wanted to die, in fact he liked to think he had a healthy sense of self preservation, but in that moment… the instant of pure bliss where one path led back to the living world and another led to something else, he knew in his heart that he'd absolutely chosen the living path. He still was Dr. Rodney McKay; a man who had little use for most other human beings, but a small part of him, somewhere deep inside, was different; recognized there was more to life than what he could explain…

… and it was that small, pristine voice that trusted Noorlan. He couldn't explain how or why, only that he knew Noorlan wasn't lying to them… and wouldn't hurt Sheppard.

Rodney turned away from the window and resumed his course towards Ops. He had no idea how to explain any of this. He had no facts, no empirical data, nothing to prove to Elizabeth that this was the right course, but still, he had to find a way for that same voice knew letting Noorlan return to Dava was, without a doubt, the right thing to do.

--------------------------

Engrossed in her work, at first Elizabeth didn't even realize that someone was in her doorway, but in a moment, she all the sudden sensed a presence. Looking up, her gaze found Rodney. Her eyes narrowed. His expression was indecisive and uncomfortable and tension permeated him. "Rodney," she smiled slightly. "I didn't realize you were there." Sitting up straighter, she gestured at the chair opposite hers. "Come in." Her eyes never left him as he slowly walked in and sat down. "You should've said something," she teased lightly.

"Yeah, uh… sorry."

Elizabeth cocked her head slightly. Whatever he had on his mind was heavy. "What is it, Rodney?"

Rodney shifted uneasily in his chair and it was a long moment before he looked up at her. "We have to go back to Dava and take Sheppard… Noorlan with us."

She sat back in her chair. "The scans aren't enough for you to determine an effective way to remove him?"

Rodney shook his head. "No, not even close." His gaze fell away from hers, "and I'm not so sure it's a good idea to try."

She absently rocked her chair back and forth as she stared at him for a moment. "That's a switch. You and Ronon were practically demanding that we force Noorlan out of Sheppard however possible only a few hours ago."

Rodney didn't look up. "I changed my mind."

She stopped rocking. "Why?" If Rodney's fidgeting warned her something was up, then his abrupt stillness only confirmed it. Elizabeth leaned forward and rested her arms on her desk. "Rodney?"

He looked up, shaking his head. "I don't… I can't explain why, but taking him back is the right thing to do and I know that he's not going to hurt Sheppard."

He was so out of character that Elizabeth couldn't help but be alarmed. "Rodney, are you all right?"

Instantly, the acerbic mask fell over his expression. "Yes!" he abruptly stood up. "What? You think he's using some sort of Lantean Mind Meld to control me?"

"Rodney." She arched her brows and firmed up her tone.

He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just having a hard enough time explaining this to myself. Don't make me explain it to you too."

She folded her hands and looked down at the shiny surface of her desk for a moment. Rodney McKay could be a hot head, abrasive and difficult to get along with, to say the least, but when it came to the really important stuff, he never went off half cocked. Confident she was reading him right, Elizabeth looked up again and met his frustrated stare. "What happened?"

He sat down again. "What makes you think something happened?"

She smiled slightly. "Because not even you fly off the handle this easy."

His smile was sarcastic. "Funny." Rodney looked away, his smile fading. "When I almost ascended…" he sighed. "Look, he's telling the truth. I don't know how I know, but I do."

Standing, Elizabeth turned away from him and looked out her office window at the inactive gate. Never had Rodney come to her with theories, suppositions or requests that weren't backed by hard facts. It just wasn't in his nature to follow leaps of faith. Even his intuition was backed, at least at some level, with hardcore facts. But this time, he had nothing to offer but his instincts. Elizabeth crossed her arms. She never liked acting on instincts, and yet as a diplomat, she'd been forced to follow her intuition more than once. Since coming to Pegasus, she'd seen the value of the instincts of those close to her. John Sheppard had a knack for following his, and urging her to do the same, but he'd proven, more than once, that his instincts were pretty damned good. Were Rodney's? Was the source of his intuition reliable? God knows there was so much about ascension and the heightened awareness that came with it, that they knew little or nothing about, but could she trust his instincts? Did she have the right to write them off simply because he'd never asked her to take that leap of faith with him before?

She sighed. But he'd asked John to take that leap with him before… and Rodney had destroyed two thirds of a solar system in the process. She blinked hard. This felt different. It was a leap of faith, but of a different sort. Deep down, she felt that this time, it wasn't Rodney's ego driving his motives, but something purer… more noble. Embracing her own instincts she turned back and faced him. "Is there a chance that the facility on Dava might give you the information we need to force Noorlan from Colonel Sheppard?"

Rodney's expression seemed reluctant, but he nodded. "It's possible."

She pursed her lips. "And Noorlan needs to go with you, because…?"

Rodney stood, walked around her desk and stopped next to her. "I uh… I know that I'm the last person you'd expect to come to you with anything but hard facts, but…" he sighed, "taking Noorlan back to Dava is the right thing to do. He sacrificed eternal existence as an ascended being for them. Elizabeth, ascension is…" Rodney looked away, "he gave up a hell of a lot."

Elizabeth stared at his averted gaze. She'd been there when he'd died in the infirmary, had seen his EEG fall to zero and had seen him violently return, only to die once again. Since that day, she'd thought on what had happened and was convinced that he'd flirted with ascension, even if only for a moment. Even though he'd never spoke of it, she knew it'd changed him, probably in more ways than even he realized. "You're sure Noorlan won't hurt Sheppard?"

Rodney shook his head. "No… well, not intentionally."

Elizabeth sighed. "I don't know about this, Rodney."

"Yeah," Rodney muttered. "I know."

She turned and again looked out the window towards the Gate Room. "I suppose it's time to use a little intuition of my own. Have him brought up here. I'd like to talk to him."

"Right." Rodney turned and headed for the door.

Her gaze found his back and her hail stopped him. "Rodney."

He turned, meeting her gaze.

"I hope you're right."

Rodney held her gaze for another moment before he nodded once and left.

Returning to her seat behind her desk, Elizabeth waited.

-------------------------

He felt like he had a warm blanket surrounding him. Not smothering, not threatening, but comforting… peaceful. He wanted to speak, but somehow knew that he couldn't and at the same time, he was okay with that. In some, inexplicable way, he knew Noorlan was honest, and wouldn't hurt the people he cared about and yet, he had no way to reassure them.

"Be at peace."

For a moment, he wanted to respond, before the comforting warmth dismissed the need and yet, part of him worried. Was he suppressed forever?

"Do not worry. Open your mind and you will see my true essence. I will not harm you, John."

Innately, John trusted him.

----------------------

When Noorlan walked into her office, part of Elizabeth expected him… expected John, to perch himself on the edge of her desk and flash her a disarming smile, or to casually slouch in the chair opposite her. But, as she closely watched him cross the bridge from Ops to her office, she was mildly surprised how easily she recognized that he was different; that he wasn't John. From his stride, to his expression to even his mannerisms as he stopped and stood quietly just inside her office, everything screamed to her that this was someone strange, in spite of the familiar face that retuned her gaze. For a moment, she exchanged looks with Carson and Rodney who stood behind Noorlan, before returning her attention to Noorlan. Behind her, she heard Ronon shuffle his feet slightly, and while nothing but silence came from Teyla, she still knew the astute Athosian was watching everything.

Elizabeth smiled thinly and gestured to the chair. "Please."

Noorlan nodded once and slowly sat. His expression carried the serenity that he'd never lost since awakening in the infirmary. "Dr. McKay has spoken with you."

Elizabeth arched her brows slightly. Noorlan's tone was definitely not questioning. "Yes." She folded her hands on the smooth desktop. "I still have my reservations, Noorlan."

His smile widened slightly. "You would not be the woman John Sheppard admires if you did not."

Elizabeth felt a slight blush on her neck and she looked down. She knew there was mutual respect between her and John; they'd pulled Atlantis and their people through too many close calls for there not to be. She deeply respected his opinions, his instincts and, frankly his tenacious ability to survive and to keep the people around him alive as well. But respect and admiration were a long walk apart. To hear the honest words from Noorlan flattered her deeply.

"You did not know?" Noorlan questioned.

She looked up, meeting his gaze. "John and I have developed a close respect," she answered neutrally.

Noorlan's smile turned knowing. "He is a very private man…" he waved his hand dismissively, "but no matter." His smile faded slightly. "There will come a time, soon, where I will have to surrender this body. From that point forward, I will never again have the opportunity to be with the Davan people." He leaned forward in his chair. "I ask this one boon of you. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but, I have sacrificed so much, given up eternity with the Others, all for the Davans and I wish to spend what time I have, with them."

"I still can't trust you," Ronon interjected.

Noorlan glanced at him. "I suppose not."

Elizabeth turned her head slightly in Ronon's direction for a moment, before looking back to Noorlan. "The decision is mine to make, but I trust the advice of my team mates."

Noorlan cocked his head. "And yet, Dr. McKay believes me." He sighed. "I understand your position, Dr. Weir. Your hesitation comes from a genuine desire to protect the people you command, and that is respectable. But," he paused, "you must trust me."

Elizabeth glanced up at Rodney, who wore a contemplative expression.

Rodney fidgeted. "I still I… well, my mind hasn't changed if that's what you're wondering."

"There is one thing we are not considering." Silent until now, Teyla's words captured everyone's attention.

Elizabeth turned her chair towards Teyla. "What?"

One side of Teyla's mouth turned up slightly. "What would John want? This is his body, his spirit that is subdued; do you not think we should be considering what he would want as well?"

Elizabeth inhaled deeply. Teyla had a point.

"He'd want this guy out of his body," Ronon responded.

"Eventually," Teyla smoothly responded.

"No," Ronon objected. "Now."

"I am not so sure," Teyla insisted gently. "He would want his body back, yes, but I believe he would also want to help; any way that he could."

Noorlan locked gazes with Teyla and his smile turned respectful. "Your words are wise, Teyla."

Elizabeth turned her chair forward again and sat back as she pondered her options. This was John's body. He had every right to want it back, and they had the responsibility to help him, but on the other hand, what if Noorlan told the truth? What if he really would just simply give up? Sacrifice himself to save John from harm when it came to that point? Did they not have a humanitarian obligation to help him and do the right thing? To give him that one last joy before he surrendered his existence? Would John agree?

She smiled slightly. Her intuition knew the answer to that last question. He would. John was a hard soldier when he needed to be, but one thing that had surprised her at first before she became accustomed to it, was his empathy. He honestly was a "good guy" and wanted to help people wherever he could. He'd want to do this, of that she had no doubt.

She looked up at Carson. "I want you to go along to monitor his condition closely." Behind her she heard Ronon scuffle his feet, and could feel the displeasure from him, but she put it aside and turned her gaze to Noorlan. "If there is any sign of danger to John, you will immediately be brought back here. That determination is entirely up to Carson. Deal?"

Noorlan's smile widened and he nodded. "You need not worry. We have an agreement." He stood but paused as his gaze passed by Elizabeth to fix on the diagram display of Atlantis on the monitor behind her.

Elizabeth turned her head and looked at the display for a moment. Nothing was out of the ordinary; no one had hailed her about a problem… "What?" She looked back at Noorlan.

Wordlessly, Noorlan walked up to the monitor and touched the 'hands on' display. Immediately, the image shifted, focusing in on the northeast pier.

"What are you doing?" Ronon demanded, but Elizabeth raised her hand, stopping him from moving.

"Noorlan, what's wrong?" Elizabeth asked.

Noorlan turned his head slightly and gave her a half smile that was strikingly John Sheppard like. "Peace, Elizabeth. Nothing is amiss." He touched the display again, focusing it in on one level in the middle of the tower. "Here," he pointed.

Elizabeth stood and walked closer to him, while at the same time, Rodney crossed her office to stand next to her.

Rodney squinted at the screen. "What?"

Noorlan turned around and faced both of them. "You might find this laboratory interesting."

Rodney leaned in closer to the display. "Why? What was being researched?"

"Physics, Dr. McKay," Noorlan answered. "Very complex physics. It may well be beyond your realm of understanding, but you may find interest in it none the less."

"If it's science, I'll figure it out." Rodney answered confidently.

"Do not be so sure," Noorlan answered. "It is odd," he mused, "but that which you cast aside as faith and nonsense, is the very enlightenment that will allow you to see past your current understanding of science… to see that there is much more to this universe than the revelations your quantum physics have given you." He traced his hand over the display for a moment. "Pure science is necessary to understanding, but is not the end all and be all to awareness and understanding your existence." He looked over at Rodney. "You would do well to remember that, Dr. McKay. You have the intelligence that brings you to the edge of that perception. If you open your mind, you might find there is much more knowledge you can gain."

Any trace of ego left Rodney's face as his gaze intensified, his eyes never leaving the display.

"When will we depart?" Noorlan returned his attention to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth stared at Rodney for one more second, before she looked to Carson.

Carson shrugged. "Just need to grab my medical kit."

She nodded once. "You have a go." Elizabeth stood behind her desk as the rest of the group filed out of her office. Her gaze lingered on John… Noorlan. She was at peace with her decision, but she truly hoped she wouldn't come to regret it.

-------------------------

"One thing bothers me, Noorlan," Rodney abruptly commented as he piloted the Jumper towards the Davan village.

"Only one, Dr. McKay?" From behind the pilot's seat, Noorlan responded back.

"Right now, yes!" Rodney's voice held a trace of his normal abrasive self before he sighed. "If you were going to go to all the trouble to build this facility for the Davans, why didn't you design some sort of automated weapon to defend them from the Wraith?"

Noorlan grunted quietly. "That would have been beneficial for sure." If Rodney could've seen him, he would've seen sorrow creep into Noorlan's expression. "Leaving them to the mercy of the Wraith was something I did not wish to do, but I did not have a choice."

Trusting he was flying in an almost straight line and there were no obstacles ahead, Rodney turned in his chair and looked at Noorlan. "What are you talking about?"

"The Others," Noorlan responded quietly. "Had I interfered at that level, their retribution would have been swift… and would have sacrificed my other work."

Rodney turned back forward, even though his curiosity wasn't satiated. "But they let you build this facility," he waved at the ruins they flew over as they descended towards the nearby village.

"Choosing to leave my essence in a machine for the Davans to one day hopefully discover, is not of the Others' concern. It is not interference and is a personal choice that I could make that was still within the bounds of their rules."

"If you ask me," Ronon interjected, "their rules are wrong. Leaving all of us to fight and die against the Wraith, when you could help, is cowardly."

"Ronon," Teyla reprimanded, but Noorlan only smiled.

"Peace, Teyla," he reassured. "There are those amongst the ascended that would agree. We are, unfortunately, a minority."

"and the majority rules," Rodney muttered.

"Indeed they do," Noorlan agreed.

Rodney slowly piloted the Jumper into a gradual landing. Had he ascended he wouldn't have felt that way… but then again to ascend, theoretically, you had to 'let go' of mortal ties. It was interesting, to say the least, that even after ascension, there were those that never really did let go. As the Jumper settled to the ground, Rodney opened the back hatch.

Noorlan was the first from the Jumper. At the bottom of the ramp he paused and looked around. "Such a beautiful planet. I had forgotten…." Confidently, he walked towards the path leading to the Davan village.

Rodney trotted a few steps and caught up with Noorlan, Carson right behind him. As before, as soon as they came in sight of the Davan village, Teenan and several others were waiting.

Teenan smiled and walked forward to meet them. "You have returned." He met gazes with Noorlan. "We feared after your experience, you would not come back to us, Honored One." He bowed deeply.

Noorlan's smile widened slightly. "You are the village elder?"

Teenan looked up, his expression confused. "Yes, I am Teenan, Honored One. Surely you remember me from your last visit?"

"Teenan," Teyla smoothly interrupted. "This is the body of John Sheppard, your… Honored One, but the spirit of The Giver inhabits him. That is the gift that he left behind for you."

"I do not understand," Teenan's confused look deepened.

Noorlan took a step forward and settled his hand on Teenan's shoulder. "The knowledge and methods are beyond your understanding, my friend," his voice was gentle and soothing, "but it is me. I have returned to you."

Teenan stared hard at him for a moment, before the confusion disappeared from his expression. He fell to his knees. "Giver," he whispered, bowing his head.

Rodney glanced around as every Davan in sight duplicated Teenan's posture. Uncomfortable, he shifted his weight slightly. Being superior was one thing… being treated like it was something else and in a surprising moment, Rodney found that he was uncomfortable with it. The Davan's reactions forced him to reconsider his position that knowledge was power and that power made you superior. He stiffened. He'd be damned if he'd admit that to anyone.

Noorlan looked down at the elder and shook his head. "Stand," he said quietly as he gently grabbed Teenan's arm. "You are not my subjects."

Teenan slowly stood, but still kept his face averted. "We have waited countless generations for your return, Giver."

"Giver," Noorlan repeated. He chuckled quietly. "I suppose it is accurate." His smile returned. "Come, my friend, there are many of you, and I wish to meet everyone."

-----------------------------

Part of Carson was amazed. While Noorlan had seemed at complete peace with himself from the moment he awoke in the infirmary, he seemed even more content, something Carson didn't think was possible. But, as he watched Noorlan greet one Davan after another, from the very old, to a gentle hand on the forehead of a newborn, Noorlan's serenity intensified. In spite of his reservations, Carson couldn't help smiling in satisfaction. Noorlan had given advice, direction and even hope to a people who so greatly desired it. Carson had heard everything from emotional guidance, to farming recommendations come from Noorlan as he found a way to help each person that came to him. Carson edged his way over to Rodney. "This was a good thing to do."

"Oh sure," Rodney's tone was quietly sarcastic, "now you agree with me."

Carson shook his head, a half smile turning up one side of his mouth. No matter what had happened, Rodney McKay was Rodney McKay, in spite of any revelations he might have had. After a moment, he responded. "How did you know?"

Rodney's annoyance faded. His gaze was fixed on Noorlan and he didn't avert it. "I don't know," he admitted quietly.

Carson nodded. "Maybe there's something to what Noorlan says about science and enlightenment."

Rodney's quiet grunt was non-committal.

"After all," Carson continued, undeterred, "isn't it your job to explain the unexplainable?"

The annoyance returned to Rodney's face. "It's my job to explain science, Carson, not theological mysticism."

"Hmm," Carson mused, "are you sure they're not related?" He stared at Rodney's silence for a moment, before both their attentions were captured by Noorlan walking towards them. Carson's gaze narrowed at the pallor on Noorlan's face. "Are ye alright?"

Noorlan smiled. "It is beginning," he answered quietly, "it will not be long now."

"Then we should go back to Atlantis," Carson answered, his determination making its way into his voice.

Teyla and Ronon crossed the room and joined them.

"What is happening?" Teyla asked. She did a slight double take as she noticed Noorlan's condition. "Do we need to return to Atlantis now?"

"No," Noorlan raised his hand. "It is true I am beginning to feel the effects of this mergence, but John Sheppard is in no danger yet. Leaving would be… premature."

"I say we go anyway." Ronon nodded his head towards Carson, "it's his call, remember?"

Noorlan never took his gaze away from Carson. "Everything is all right, Carson," he insisted.

Carson stared at him for a moment, before sighing. "All right." He arched his brows. "But you get any worse, and we go. Agreed?"

Noorlan nodded. "I will tell you when it is time. I promise." He looked past Carson as the door behind them opened.

Carson turned and watched as a young Davan couple spoke quietly but emphatically with Teenan. Carson looked back to Noorlan who watched the exchange with interest.

After a moment, Teenan led the couple across the room and to Noorlan. Teenan bowed. "Giver, if it pleases you, this is Kar and his mate Nella. Their child… he is unwell and has been since birth."

Kar bowed deeply, a gesture Nella duplicated as much as she could with the small, bundled infant in her arms.

Carson stepped up next to Noorlan. "I'm a doctor, I might be able to help as well." Part of him felt like he was intruding, but his professional commitment wouldn't let him stand by and say nothing.

Kar looked uncertainly between Noorlan and Carson, but Noorlan only smiled at him. "Dr. Beckett is a skilled healer and his compassion for other people is unquestioned." He reached out and placed his hand on the newborn's head. After a moment, he looked over at Carson. "The child's heart is not beating correctly."

Carson nodded back. "Probably a birth defect. It's possible we could correct it with surgery."

"That is not necessary, doctor," Noorlan responded. He smiled at Nella and held out his arms. "May I?"

Nella immediately held her child out to Noorlan and bowed her head. "Giver," she whispered.

Noorlan smiled and carefully took the child from her.

Carson watched Noorlan for a moment, flashbacks from earlier coming back to him.

"You would call them gifts, but they are really a product of heightened awareness and closeness to one's spiritual self. Mine was to heal…"

Realization settled over Carson and he reached out, grabbing Noorlan's arm. "Wait. Healing is a huge stress on the body. I can't let you do this in your condition."

Noorlan never looked at him but kept his gaze on Kar and Nella. "Will you give us a moment, please?"

Without hesitation they both bowed and backed away, Teenan only a step behind them.

Noorlan turned and faced Carson and the team. "This child is beyond your current level of medical knowledge, doctor."

Part of Carson knew Noorlan wouldn't make a statement like that in haste, but he turned away from it. "We don't know that. I need to take the child back to Atlantis and run a full examination to determine a course of treatment."

Noorlan's smile was patient. "You do not." He glanced at the entire team before looking back to Carson. "It is beyond you."

"Wait a minute," Rodney interrupted. "Carson's right. It's incredibly taxing on the body to use the healing power," he looked away a moment, "trust me, it's not easy. You said you're already feeling the effects of the mergence. Won't you be endangering Sheppard to do this?"

Noorlan's look was slightly resigned. "Perhaps. It is more likely that I will only speed up the inevitable. But I ask you this: What would John Sheppard want?" He smiled. "Search for your answer carefully, for while John Sheppard cannot speak with you, I know his heart."

"He is right," Teyla whispered, "John would want to help." She looked around. "These are good people, with good hearts. John would wish to help them, even at risk to himself." Her gaze settled on Ronon's stern look. "You know this," she added, her comment directed solely at him.

Ronon's gaze turned from fierce to thoughtful as he nodded once.

Carson scrubbed his face with one hand. He knew Teyla was right. For all his fierceness as a soldier, Sheppard had a commendable amount of compassion, especially towards the innocent. As much as he hated the risk, Carson knew that if Sheppard could speak, he'd be telling them to let Noorlan do this and ultimately, the wishes of his patient overrode even his duty to look out for their welfare. Carson sighed and nodded. "All right, do it."

Silently, Noorlan smiled at Carson for a moment, before he turned back to face Kar and Nella. He peeled back the infant's blanket and settled his hand on the child's chest. His smile faded as his eyes slid shut.

Carson's gaze fixed on Noorlan's hand as a faint, gold glow spread around Noorlan's fingers and across the infant's chest. Even through all of this, he still couldn't help but see John Sheppard, even when he knew it was Noorlan inhabiting the colonel's body.

Carson's thoughts lingered on Noorlan's words…

"What would John Sheppard want?" He smiled. "Search for your answer carefully, for while John Sheppard cannot speak with you, I know his heart."

How many times had the colonel wanted to help someone he wasn't able to? Deep down, Carson knew it was more times than Sheppard had admitted. He was a soldier, yes, but as Noorlan had seen, he had much more compassion than he ever let on. Carson had no doubt Sheppard could and did fight when necessary, but he also knew that Sheppard, ultimately, rarely wanted to. He just understood the necessity… more than a lot of people.

Carson smiled slightly. Noorlan had been right. Sheppard would've wanted this; something that without Noorlan, he'd never be able to do, but with Noorlan it was a piece of himself he could give… and to him, the risk was acceptable. Carson's respect deepened. For all his casual mannerisms and flippant remarks… for all his bucking authority and stubborn tenacity that bordered on pig headedness sometimes, John Sheppard was what Carson's mum called a "good egg:" Someone who always tried to do the right and best thing. They might not always succeed, but they always tried.

Carson's eyes travelled up the child's body and he watched in amazement as the slight bluish tinge around the infant's mouth disappeared, replaced by a healthy flush. As Noorlan pulled his hand away, the infant squirmed to life and cooed quietly.

Noorlan held the child out to Nella. "It is done."

Nella gathered her son in her arms and stared at him a moment, before looking up at Noorlan, tears filling her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered and bowed.

Carson's gaze left Nella and he stared at Noorlan, his eyes widening in alarm as Noorlan staggered heavily.

Ronon was the first there, his grip steadying the man.

"Chair," Carson barked as he grabbed Noorlan's other arm.

It was Teenan that brought a chair forward. Slowly, Ronon and Carson helped Noorlan sit.

Carson immediately grabbed his wrist and palpated a pulse. "Noorlan?" His gaze narrowed at the sheen of sweat on Noorlan's face which was nearly white.

"That was… taxing," Noorlan managed around fast, shallow breaths.

"Yeah, we see that," Rodney responded, his voice sharp with worry.

"Time to go back to Atlantis," Carson answered, shaking his head at Noorlan's fast pulse.

"Please," Noorlan asked, his voice slightly breathless, "my time grows short. Allow me to spend my last moments here."

Carson shook his head. "No. I'm sorry, Noorlan, but I want you back on Atlantis."

Resigned, Noorlan nodded once. "That is… fair."

"Giver?" Teenan tentatively walked up.

"Peace, Teenan," Noorlan managed a smile for the Davan elder, "the time when I leave you is fast approaching. You must," he breathed heavily, "remember all that I told you, for I will not return again."

"Giver, please…" Teenan knelt before him.

"Teenan," Noorlan put a shaky hand on the Davan's arm. "You are on the path to enlightenment. It is time for you to make your own way without me." He managed a strained smile. "I wish there was more I could've given you, but this will have to suffice."

Teenan took Noorlan's hand and immediately touched his forehead to Noorlan's knuckles. "Thank you, Giver."

Slowly, Noorlan lifted one, shaky hand and placed it on the side of Teenan's head. "Peace be with you, my friend." He removed his hand, looked up at Ronon and nodded.

Ronon held tightly to Noorlan's arm and helped him stand. Erect, Noorlan grabbed onto Ronon's arms and locked gazes with him. "You will learn something from this life, Ronon. Be sure that you are not so consumed with hate and mistrust, that you do not see it."

"The Wraith destroyed my home and killed my mate," Ronon growled, but Noorlan's gaze never wavered.

"Tragedy befalls many of us, Ronon," Noorlan took a deep breath. "It is easy to hate and one could argue that the Wraith, more than anyone, deserve your hatred. But, there is more to life than hate, yet hatred will blind you to it. Let it…" Noorlan wavered, "let it… go." His knees buckled and only Ronon's strong grip kept him from falling.

Ronon threw one of Noorlan's arms over his neck and practically picked him up. "Back to the Jumper now!"

"Aye," Carson agreed. He took a moment to flash a strained smile at Teenan. "I'm sorry, we…"

"It is all right," Teenan answered. "Peace be with you, Dr. Beckett. You have our thanks for bringing The Giver here, if only for a little while."

Carson nodded once and quickly followed the team out of Teenan's cottage.

-----------------------

For the second time in as many days, Elizabeth found herself standing on the balcony overlooking the Gate room, watching as the Jumper slowly ascended towards the Jumper bay and wondering at the condition of her military commander. She tapped her headset. "Jumper One, this is Weir. What is Colonel Sheppard's condition?"

"Not good," Carson answered. "I need to get him to the infirmary and stabilized. I'll tell you more then. Beckett out."

Elizabeth turned and made her way towards the back stairwell. "I'll be in the infirmary." She threw the comment over her shoulder to Chuck, and trotted down the stairs, never waiting for a response.

Weaving through personnel, she quickly reached the infirmary, just behind Noorlan's stretcher and the entourage that followed with it. Just inside the infirmary, she stopped next to Rodney, Teyla and Ronon, as Carson and his team pushed the stretcher further into the infirmary.

"What happened?"

"He…" Teyla shook her head, "he did more than he should."

"We should've stopped him." Ronon stated plainly.

"Ronon," Teyla chastised lightly. "We could not, you know that."

Elizabeth's brows furrowed. "Why?"

Teyla inhaled deeply. "There was a Davan child… a newborn with a fatal birth defect. Noorlan healed him, but at a great physical toll. We could've stopped him, but…" her voice trailed off.

Elizabeth thought for a moment about what she knew about John Sheppard before she nodded. "John would've wanted to try."

Teyla nodded. "Noorlan said as much and we were inclined to agree."

"What is it with him and the hero complex?" Rodney interjected sharply. "Even possessed, he finds a way to be the hero!"

"Rodney," Elizabeth gently, but insistently interrupted his rant. One corner of her mouth turned up slightly in understanding and Rodney nodded once before looking away. She looked past him as Carson caught her attention and waved her towards him.

Wasting no time, Elizabeth crossed the infirmary, the other three right behind her. "Carson?" She looked down, surprised as Noorlan stared back at her.

"He wanted to speak to you, Elizabeth," Carson quickly glanced at the other three, "all of you."

Elizabeth looked down, her gaze captured by his raised hand. Without hesitation she gently took his hand in hers. "Noorlan? What can we do to help you?"

Noorlan's smile was faint. "Nothing can be done, Elizabeth. My time here grows short." He looked away. "I fear that I may have jeopardized John Sheppard."

Elizabeth stiffened and behind her she heard the rustle of the others surprise.

"What? You said he'd be fine!" Rodney exclaimed loudly.

"I truly believed so, Dr. McKay," Noorlan's gaze turned sad. "It was not my intention to deceive you. But the healing was more taxing than I realized. I do not know if I have the strength to separate myself from this body and John Sheppard's essence. If I cannot then when I cease to exist…"

"You'll take him with you," Ronon answered as he stepped up next to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth didn't need to look up to know the depth of Ronon's anger. She looked up at Carson who nodded.

"Aye," he waved at several of his staff. "Let's get a crash cart over here and get him hooked up to a cardiac monitor. Right now."

"Dr… Beckett?"

The hesitant voice of Carolyn Lansing captured Elizabeth's attention and she twisted around. Surprise nearly overwhelmed her as her gaze fixed on a dark haired woman, dressed all in white who stared at Noorlan serenely. A faint glow silhouetted her. Elizabeth tore her gaze from the woman as she heard Ronon's gun power up, but Teyla deftly interceded.

"Ronon," Teyla said quietly, as she placed a hand on top of Ronon's gun. "It is all right."

Suspicion still lingered in Ronon's eyes as he glanced down at Teyla, then back to the unmoving woman, before he slowly lowered his gun and holstered it.

"She just… appeared," Lansing shrugged.

Elizabeth slowly stood. "Hello?"

The woman's gaze left Noorlan and she smiled and nodded in acknowledgement to Elizabeth.

"It's an Ancient," Rodney whispered.

"Are you a Lantean?" Elizabeth asked.

The woman looked around her gaze momentarily distant as if she was reliving memories before she looked back to Elizabeth. "I was," she answered, her voice light.

"Can we help you?" Elizabeth took a step towards her.

The woman shook her head. "No. I am here for him." She pointed at Noorlan.

Elizabeth looked back at Noorlan for a moment before again facing the woman. "You know him?"

Her smile widened. "For a great many years. I am here to help his passing."

"The Others are letting you do this?" Elizabeth's gaze narrowed. "I thought you couldn't interfere?"

The woman looked away, her gaze again growing distant for only a moment, before she smiled again. "It is allowed."

"Why…" Rodney started, but Elizabeth abruptly cut him off.

"They're allowing it, Rodney, let's not try to talk them out of it, okay?"

Realization dawned on Rodney's face. "Right," he answered.

"Selentas," Ronon abruptly interrupted. His eyes narrowed as all anger fell from his face.

"Ronon?" Eliazabeth turned her attention to him.

Ronon shrugged. "Satedan mythology," he answered. "Beings shrouded in gold light. They come to those deemed worthy, at the time of their deaths to aid in their passing from this world to the next." His brows quirked. "I never really believed it."

"Angels," Carson whispered. "The similarities in the mythology are amazing. Too close to be a coincidence."

"Oh please," Rodney answered, his voice sarcastic, "you're kidding, right?"

"Okay," Carson folded his arms and sent a challenging look Rodney's direction. "What's your explanation?"

"They're…" Rodney shifted his weight uncomfortably, "well they're…" he sighed. "Good point," he muttered.

The woman walked forward. "His time grows short." She looked down at Noorlan who smiled back.

"It has been a long time," Noorlan reached up and the woman took his hand.

"Well, this is all, you know, great, but what about Sheppard?" Rodney insisted as he walked around the bed to stand next to Carson.

The woman looked up at Rodney. "With my aid, Noorlan can pass on without harming John Sheppard." Her gaze turned reflective. "It is not his time. He has much to learn from this life, perhaps more than this one journey can teach him."

Words escaped Elizabeth as she tried to understand exactly what the woman was saying.

"You are speaking of his spirit?" Teyla interjected quietly.

The woman's smile widened slightly. "That is one perception."

"I thought you said that this time you'd cease to exist," Rodney's gaze turned slightly accusatory as he looked down at Noorlan.

Noorlan's brow quirked. "I believed so."

"He will," the woman answered, "in as much as you are able to understand."

"Well, try explaining it," Rodney answered, "You might find I understand quite a bit…"

"Rodney." Elizabeth shot him a warning and silencing look.

"It is time." The woman reached out and placed her hand on Noorlan's forehead.

Noorlan looked around at each of them as his eyelids grew heavy. "Peace to all of you… and my thanks." His eyes slid shut as the gold nimbus around the woman spread to his body. For a moment, it was hard to tell the two apart then abruptly the glow and the woman disappeared.

Carson immediately reached down, palpating a pulse on John. He shook his head. "Damn it! No pulse. Get that crash cart over here."

A lump blocked Elizabeth's throat as she somehow found a way to back away from John's bed. After all of this, after trying to do the right thing, to help Noorlan, they couldn't just lose John….

"She said Sheppard would be okay!" Rodney staggered as Carson pushed him back and out of the way.

"Well, he's not!" Carson froze, mid stride as John suddenly inhaled loudly before falling into a coughing fit as his eyes snapped open. Carson put his hands firmly on John's shoulders. "Easy son, easy! It's okay."

"What the… hell…" John managed as his head flopped back against his pillow and he took one deep breath after another.

Elizabeth took a step closer to his bed. "John?" She hoped, almost desperately she was right. It sounded like him…

"Elizabeth?" He turned his head towards her. "That was the damndest thing…." His voice trailed off as he shook his head.

Elizabeth smiled. "Good to have you back."

John looked around before meeting gazes with her again. "Noorlan?"

"You remember him?" Rodney interjected, his voice disbelieving.

John's gaze grew distant for a moment, before he smiled slightly. "Everything."

"Twenty questions can wait," Carson insisted as he waved his hands in a shooing motion at all of them. "Away with ye, until I've had a proper look at the Colonel."

Elizabeth couldn't help the smile on her face, not just at the commanding demeanor that always came to surface in Carson wherever his patients were concerned, but also at the tired, but clear, hazel eyes that stared back at her from the bed; the gaze decidedly John Sheppard.

John smiled slightly and nodded at her his breathing slowing. "It's me, Elizabeth," he whispered.

She had no empirical data to believe what he said to her, yet as she returned his gaze, she somehow knew, without a doubt, it really was him. "Good to have you back, Colonel," she answered. Elizabeth held his gaze a moment longer before turning and leading his team from the infirmary.

------------------------------

John stifled a yawn as he walked up the last stairs from the Gate room to Ops. After what had happened, sleep was understandably denied him. After a couple hours of tossing and turning, he'd gotten up and gone for a late night run. It'd helped the stress, but several cups of coffee in the mess hadn't put a dent in his fatigue. Still, he smiled at Elizabeth, who returned the look.

"Colonel," Elizabeth nodded, "good to have you back."

John's brows quirked. "It's only been a couple days, Elizabeth," he teased.

"But an eventful two days, don't you think? She countered, her smiled fading slightly.

John nodded, reflecting for a moment. "Yeah," he answered.

"I'll be damned."

Rodney's exclamation caught John's attention. He turned walking over to where Rodney was seated behind a laptop. Elizabeth joined them.

"What?" John looked over his shoulder, his gaze narrowing at the long historical document Rodney had displaying on the computer.

"This," Rodney waved his hand at the laptop. "Noorlan mentioned that he lived, for a time, on Earth. Just out of curiosity I did a search through the historical database for Noorlan of Parara. Didn't find anything." But," he tapped a couple keys on the laptop, "when I did a search on his son, Nicholas of Parara, I found this." He pointed at the laptop screen.

John leaned over, his gaze focusing on the text. Squinting, he read aloud what was displayed. "Nicholas of Myra was born in Parara, a city of Lycia in Asia Minor; in his youth he made a pilgrimage to Egypt and Palestine; shortly after his return he became Bishop of Myra…"

"Yeah, yeah," Rodney impatiently scrolled the text downward and pointed at a specific paragraph. "Read that!"

John took a moment to glare at Rodney before he turned his gaze back to the text Rodney was pointing at.

"… he was given sainthood. Through the centuries many stories and legends have been told of St. Nicholas' life and deeds. These accounts help us understand his extraordinary character and why he is so beloved and revered as protector and helper of those in need."

"Wait a minute," Elizabeth interrupted. "Nicholas of Myra? Saint Nicholas?"

John looked up at her, his eyes widening as suddenly he made a connection between what he was reading and what Elizabeth said. "Saint Nicholas? You've got to be kidding me. We can't be talking about that Saint Nicholas…" He stepped back as Rodney pushed his way back in front of the laptop.

"Au contraire!" Rodney interrupted, "there's more," he hit the down arrow and scrolled the screen. "The name Santa Claus was derived from the Dutch Sinter Klass pronunciation of St Nicholas. As children from other countries tried to pronounce Sinter Klass, this soon became Santa Klass, which was settled as Santa Claus."

"Santa Claus' dad? John shook his head as he exchanged amazed looks with Elizabeth.

"Well," Rodney shrugged, "St. Nicholas' anyway…"

"Who is… Santa Claus?" Teyla asked.

John's confused expression was replaced with a wry, but humorous one. He shot Rodney a mischievous look. "Want to take a crack at explaining that one, McKay?"

Rodney's expression darkened. "Funny. No thank you!" He snapped.

John chuckled before meeting gazes with Elizabeth, his expression a cross between amazement and mirth. This galaxy never ceased to amaze him. "I'll be damned," he muttered.

"Yeah, that's what I said," Rodney groused.

"A giving and benevolent life," Elizabeth mused, quoting Noorlan's words. "A life he tried to instill in his son." Amusement lighted her eyes. "Apparently it worked."

"In spades, if you ask me," Rodney answered.

"I don't get it," Ronon interjected pointedly.

John met his glowering stare for a moment, before he glanced at Teyla's confused one. "Yeah… well, this could take some explaining…"

"By all means, Colonel," Rodney interrupted, "take your best shot." He smiled sarcastically.

"Bah humbug to you too, McKay," John answered.

"Bah… humbug?" Teyla asked.

"Oh nice," Rodney snapped, "as if she wasn't confused enough, you have to throw Scrooge into the mix!"

Ronon abruptly pushed back from the panel he was leaning on. " Whatever," he waved a hand and turned his attention to Teyla. "If they ever explain it to you, let me know." With that, he turned and headed for the back stairs.

John watched him go. He leaned his head closer to Rodney. "He could use a dose of Christmas, don't you think?"

"Hmm… definitely," Rodney answered. "Maybe even some snow."

"Now you're talking," John smiled. He looked over at Elizabeth who shut her eyes and just shook her head.

"If you find the snow, Colonel, kindly keep the snowball fights outside please." She turned and headed for her office.

John smiled at Teyla. "Let's start with the historical database…."

--------------------------------

Epilogue:

John passed his hand over the control crystal and opened the door. On the other side, Rodney glowered back at him.

"Are we going to do this or not? I do have other things to be doing, you know."

John waved Rodney into his quarters as he grabbed his holstered nine mill off the back of his chair. "I'll remember that when I dedicate the first snowball to your ass, Rodney," he shot back.

"Funny," Rodney answered. "You should be thanking me for finding the optimum area of the northern continent for fresh snow. That took some weather forecasting let me tell you…"

"No," John waved, "don't tell me. Your martyr syndrome isn't going to work this time. Did you forget I'm the one that spent most of the day trying to explain Santa Claus to Teyla?" He winced and headed for the door. He'd taken several steps before he realized that Rodney wasn't right with him. John stopped and turned back, his gaze narrowing in confusion at Rodney's still form. "Are you coming?" he asked, slightly irritated.

"Do you," Rodney looked uncomfortable, "do you really believe…" his voice trailed off.

John's irritation disappeared. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you… you remember your whole experience with Noorlan," he shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Do you believe in all… that?"

John raised a brow. "Well, it did, actually, happen. Kind of hard not to believe the facts."

Rodney sagged. "That's not what I mean." He looked all around the room, but still didn't make eye contact with John. "When I almost ascended I…" he shook his head.

John's gaze narrowed and he took a step closer to his friend. "Rodney?"

"I had a moment, John," Rodney answered quietly, "where I chose… to come back. But the ascended realm was there. I remember the…" he shook his head as if he couldn't find the word.

John blinked hard, his own experience coming back to him. "Bliss."

Rodney's eyes widened in surprise as he finally met gazes with John. "You too?"

One side of John's mouth turned up in an uncertain smile. He quirked his brows. "Noorlan told me I wasn't ready but I… it was there," he finished quietly.

"I chose to come back," Rodney answered, his voice equally quiet, "and for the life of me, I don't know why, but I do know that it was a choice."

John's gaze fell away from Rodney and turned distant as he tried to process his own experience. "I think… I… would've chosen the same thing." He shrugged. "I don't know why, but… I know." He looked up and again locked gazes with Rodney.

After a minute, Rodney took a deep breath. "Yes, well, there's snow waiting…"

John straightened. "Right." He recaptured Rodney's gaze for a moment and nodded once a gesture Rodney returned. Words, apparently, weren't needed, not that he believed either of them could ever express it anyway. But he knew, without a doubt, that they both shared something that couldn't be explained, only experienced. Abruptly, John grinned, turned and left his quarters, Rodney right beside him.

---------------------------------

John let the cool breeze of the ocean pass over him as he crossed the Deck and settled his hands on the railing. So much had happened to him in the last two days that he was struggling to comprehend it all. His experience with Noorlan had been strange, to say the least. Most of it he could remember, but he had been so disconnected from it, that he wasn't sure how it made him feel. It'd been like he was on the other side of a window, watching himself and yet, there'd been a lifeline between him and… well… the physical him, for lack of a better definition.

Me and the physical me? John sighed. He'd never really been spiritual. He'd never call himself an atheist, but not devoted to any religion either. He didn't believe or disbelieve; rather he'd never spent much time thinking about it.

But now, he was forced to examine his own spirituality and what he found was confusion, more than anything else. On one side, he had the religious tenets indicative of his culture, and on the other, he had the facts about Ancients, ascension, and their influence on modern day Earth.

One thing he was certain of; he'd been, at some level, disconnected from his body. Ironically, that much he could handle… could understand. He'd seen ascended Ancients, knew the process, and knew, factually, it was possible.

He'd just never seen it happening to him… ever.

"Peace, John."

John inhaled sharply and turned, his gaze fixing on a woman who stood quietly nearby. His gaze narrowed, memories coming back to him.

"I will leave you now, John."

He could feel the warm reassurance of Noorlan's essence permeate him. "Where are you going?"

"On." Noorlan answered. "That is all I know. I believed I would cease to exist. Now? I am not certain where my fate lies, but I do know you will not see me again."

John could feel the touch of his mind, and in that instant, a blissful serenity enveloped him. Somewhere deep inside, a part of him awakened and embraced it and he felt the compelling draw of something more… something else… something he couldn't explain.

Abruptly, Noorlan's mind pulled away. "Encouraging, but you are not ready for that."

In his mind's eye, John could 'see' a woman, dark haired and serene. In an instant she joined with Noorlan and then all John knew was blackness….

"You were there," John whispered.

She smiled and walked up next to him. "Yes."

John sighed. "I don't get this," he admitted, unable to keep the frustration from his voice.

"That is expected," she answered. "You may not ever fully understand. Do not obsess over it, but also do not dismiss all that you have experienced, for you are the better for it."

She backed away. "I am only here to reassure you that the one you knew as Noorlan has moved on to another path. He is well, but you will never see him again."

"Another path?" John's gaze narrowed, but the woman only smiled.

"This is only one of many paths, John," she answered. What you see is more a reflection of your current state of awareness… of what you can comprehend, than anything else." The radiance around her seemed to brighten slightly. "Trust in me, Noorlan has moved on. He has passed to a plane that you cannot see or understand, but he has not ceased to exist."

John smiled. "Glad to hear it."

She seemed to fade, the glow around her dimming, "peace to you, John."

John nodded. "Ah, peace… to you too," he answered awkwardly. He continued staring at that one spot, long after she faded away and his thoughts wandered.

In the three years he'd been on Atlantis and all the things he'd learned about the Ancients, he wondered just how much of who he was… who everyone on Earth was, regardless of culture, was because of them. It was undisputed that the Gou'ld influenced Earth mythology in significant ways, but so, it seemed, had the Ancients. From the legend of Atlantis, to the Sumerian mythology they'd encountered only last year, the Ancients had woven themselves into the very fabric of several human cultures, including his own. Noorlan himself was, historically a footnote at best, but his son…

John chuckled. "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus…" maybe Saint Nicholas wasn't a jolly old man with a white beard, but what he stood for; his influence on what modern day Christmas really meant, that endured.

John took a deep breath. Their enemies might not stay at bay forever, but for now, he pushed aside the worry. There'd be time for that later… there was always time for that… sometimes too much. He pushed aside the worries of danger and sought contentment. Noorlan may be gone, and with him the serenity and peacefulness he'd embraced his whole life, but within John, a piece of his legacy remained, and John embraced it. He couldn't explain it, it didn't change who he was, but it did, inexplicably, bring him small comfort and for now, that would do.

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Author's notes:

I actually started writing this story two Christmases ago, but never managed to finish it during the crazy holiday season, until this year. I'd always wanted to write an SGA Christmas story but wanted to make it something at least somewhat original.

One of the things about Stargate that has always been one of my favorites is the use of mythology and how the writers and producers merge Earth's history, culture and even mythology in with "facts" established in the Stargate universe. The Go'uld are a great example, and even the legend of Atlantis, Arthur's court and several others.

I wanted to find a way to take something of the culture of Christmas and merge it into the Stargate universe in a similar manner. That's how this story happened and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

SGAFan

Christmas 2008

Research sources: Catholic Encyclopedia Online;