Summary: Naruto Crack Yaoi fanfic with tons of other shit…
Attention: May on crack. Unlike you think, May not crack writing Mayday! May on crack scary. Scary. This Story is crazy place. You run if wish.
Set in modern times and normal lifestyle, etc. etc.
No plot line, so don't expect one, just whatever pops up. Character bashing in some cases, just for shits and giggles folks…remember this!
Narrator (a brunette with shoulder length hair and matching eyes and cute glasses, stands on a podium, just getting into second semester of high school, swallowing "Happy Pills", FYI she's the authoress!): Kyuubi no Kistune wasn't an evil, creepy bastard that got by on his looks alone, he had graduated from Virginia Polytech, bitches!
Kyuubi (sexy, red hair, red eyes, sexy): damn right. This is why I hate the living, hence to reason I work in a morgue! –glares evilly at unfortunate corpse sprawled out on his lab table- kukuku…
Narrator: He does like foxes, his little brother- not that way you incest freaks!-
Incest freaks: Aww…
Narrator (sweatdrop): and …Pop tarts?
Kyuubi: Ahem! Strawberry Frosted Pop Tarts! … with the occasional brown sugar and cinnamon…oh, oh! And weasels! Kyuubi-kun likes weasels –grins evilly/pervertedly- almost as much as tearing up dead idiots!
Narrator: Damn, Itachi must give a pretty good lay…
Kyuubi: Uhuh, but he's MINE, bitch!
Narrator: Tch, whatever psycho! As long as I get to watch.
Kyuubi (pouts, turning back to corpse): Must, hack! –raises knife-
Narrator: Sorry! Gotta "cut" in for the non-existent plot line!
Kyuubi: evil little…
Narrator: As such, Kyuubi likes his Pop tarts and weasels...most importantly killing/hacking up dead dudes. So who would visit him at his day job? Cause we all know his night job's much more entertaining, XDD
???: Wah! Get away from me you pervert!
Narrator (grins evilly as a blonde-haired boy runs into the room dressed in an orange and blue cheerleader uniform, no pom poms ): Uzumaki Naruto's who.
Kyuubi: Naru-chan? What's wrong?!
Naruto: Wah! Kyuu-nii-chan! I tried out for cheerleading like Orochimaru-sensei said I should, and this weird emo guy tried to rape me!
Kyuubi: Well that is a short skirt…you couldn't wear boxers under that…hmm…(Wait, wasn't I a non-incest person?!)
Incest Fans (knifes at Narrator's throat): You are, now!
Narrator: Save me!
Incest Fans: Rawr! Quiet! What's next?!
Narrator: Uhh…uh…oh, here it is! Now, a cheerleader might choose to run into his brother's morgue (idiot), but who the hell would follow him?
???: Dobe-chan! You think this would stop me? I cut myself! XDDDD
Narrator (twitches as a brunette in black clothing runs in, grinning in a crazy, love-struck -mainly crazy- manner): Uchiha Sasuke's who.
Sasuke: Naru-chan! –glomps Naruto- Come on! Let's go have jungle sex against that wall!
Naruto: EWW!!!!!
Sasuke: What? It looks sterile…
Naruto (squirming): No! I don't like you...? –turns to Narrator- what's his name?
Narrator: Don't talk to me! I'm not on stage!
Naruto: You're mean! Kyuu-nii talked to you!
Narrator: He was correcting me! Now! Sasuke! Introduce yourself!
Sasuke: -grins maniacally- I'm Uchiha Sasuke! Your future hubby!
Naruto: NOOOO!!! I'm not gay!
Kyuubi (happily cutting into corpse with a cookie cutter): -snort- Uh…news flash! You're wearing a skirt! Lord knows what's underneath it.
Sasuke: I'd like to find out…-grips Naruto's ass-
Naruto: -squeal- H-hey!
Sasuke: You're so cute! –cuddling-
Naruto: NOO! It's hugging me! It's touching me!
Kyuubi (poking at dead dude's organs): It's been touching you, idiot. Hmm…this guy had the good kind of wine Itachi used to drug and drag me into bed for rabbit cosplay, damn. If he's a prominent citizen I'll have to incinera-I mean, cremate- his ass to destroy the evidence.
Sasuke (busy pinning Naruto against the wall): kukuku…never knew you had a thing for lacey underwear, Naru-chan. I could but you more pairs, you know…
Naruto (busy struggling against Sasuke who's busy pinning him against the wall): No! I couldn't wear my boxer's with this! So I had to use the gag gift Kyuu-nii bought me last year.
Sasuke: Kyuubi, you're my new god.
Kyuubi: I'm everybody's god nowadays, you should've seen Itachi yesterday –licks lips-
Sasuke: uh…no.
Narrator: Hey! Heads up! Someone else is coming in!
Kyuubi: SHIT! THE FEDS! HIDE THE COOKIE CUTTERS! GAARA'S GONNA KILL ME IF I LET THEM TAKE 'EM!!!!
Kimimaru: -runs in- HEY! –points at Sasuke, currently hiking up Naruto's skirt- Oh, Naru. Nice panties!
Naruto (hysterical): KYUU-NII! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?! HELP!
Sasuke: I know right? Know where it's from? I wanna buy him some more.
Kyuubi (hiding cookie cutters): Got it from Victoria Secret with a gift card Itachi gave me.
Sasuke: Thanks! -continues to hike up a screaming Naruto's skirt-
Kimimaru: Why was I here? Oh yeah, Uchiha! Stop molesting Naru! He needs to complete his tryout!
Naruto: RAPE! THIS IS RAPE YOU MORONS!
Narrator: -snort- we know it's rape, we prefer laughing and squealing our asses off on the sidelines, they have tissues and blood transfusions.
Sasuke: -sigh- fine, just for a sec! –lets Naruto go-
Naruto: -tries to run, but Kimimaru blocks him-
Kimimaru: Finish your tryout!
Naruto: -sigh- fine! –pompoms appear outta nowhere, well Sasuke knows where (XD)- Y-A-O-I! For fans who like GuyxGuy! I'm done.
Kimimaru: -squeals- You're in! Okay, Sasuke you can continue! –walks out-
Sasuke: -looms over Naruto- Naru-chan, the wall's waiting!
Naruto: O.O –faints-
Sasuke: Naru?…Naruto?!...oh well, this gives me an excuse to take you over to my house! Kukuku…-slings Naruto onto his shoulder and pats his ass- Should I go to Victoria Secret first, though? Hmm…-walks out-
Kyuubi: This sucks! I just cleaned the cookie cutters! Now I get to use em, but then I have to clean them…again! Dammit!
May: okay, it's either my medication for my cold hinting of an OD or just the fact I'm insane…thank you everyone for your support through my cold! I feel a lot better and the last hints of my sore throat are disappearing! My shots are coming up though…-shiver-
Kirri: May needs reviews! She says my meds aren't working!
May: they aren't!