[A continuation of my other story 'Surprise Attack', but you don't need to read that one to understand this.]
It had been an exhausting couple of days, but at last the planet was liberated from the Jaderites. The Alliance were well on their way to working out a peace treaty, and hundreds of natives and prisoners of war were released from the fortress. The ones who had survived the genetic engineering experiments were shuttled to a nearby space station to have the changes reversed.
That is, all except one.
The Doctor found Leela hiding in an alcove just off the console room, looking at herself in the mirror. "There you are! Come on now, the last shuttlecraft's about to leave. I asked them to wait for you." She briefly acknowledged him, then turned back to her reflection, examining her head from all angles. "It's all right. They'll have you back to your old self in no time. Well, in a few hours to be more precise. And you'll probably need a day or two for your body to adjust to the change. Bioengineering takes time, after all, and..."
He trailed off as he realised she wasn't listening to him. She was busy examining her fangs and admiring the stripes in her fur. Her whiskers twitched appreciatively.
"Wait a moment..." he began, "You're not telling me you'd rather stay a tiger?"
She tilted her head to one side, seriously considering the idea.
The Doctor was at a rare loss for words. It didn't last long. "Leela, that's preposterous! You can't travel the universe as a cat! Especially not as one of Earth's largest land carnivores. You'd cause a panic everywhere you went. No, I'm afraid you've got to get on that shuttle."
All he received was an annoyed look from her as she experimented with flexing her claws. The same claws that had been responsible for a lot of injured guards.
"Be reasonable. Would you really enjoy being a tiger? How are you even going to hold your knife without thumbs?"
She looked down. He knife was right where she'd dropped it when the Doctor wouldn't let her bring it to the laboratories with her. Carefully, she picked it up with her teeth and placed it on a high shelf. It occurred to the Doctor that when she stood on her hind legs, she was considerably larger than he was. "Oh, all right," he conceded, "But I insist that you give it some thought. Go run around for a bit, let the novelty of the whole thing wear off, and we'll see how you feel then. All right?"
Leela purred her approval.
In the end, the shuttle could wait no longer and took off. A while later, the Doctor could also wait no longer and took off. Leela was taking a long time to make up her mind. Perhaps she'd gotten lost somewhere in the TARDIS's corridors. He headed out to find her and bumped into K9.
"Have you seen Leela?"
"Affirmative. Mistress Leela is in her quarters."
"Is she? That room must be far too small for her now." He headed off towards her room, K9 trundling along behind him. Surely she'd had her fun and was ready to change back. The ship had no place for a tiger on board.
He knocked on her door before coming in anyway. "Leela? Are you ready to...oh."
The TARDIS had been oddly accommodating. The room had changed from a small, sparsely-furnished space into a much larger jungle environment. Tall trees dominated much of the sides, while a variety of brush and rocks made up the middle, complete with a tiger-sized paddling pool built in. The giant scratching post in the corner was a bit over the top, he thought.
Leela, casually perched in a tree, greeted them with a friendly growl.
"All right, then. But don't think I'm taking you anywhere as long as you look like that!"
They had been tracking a strange energy source that happened to be coming from somewhere in a public playground. The park was dominated by a large, expansive wooden structure that was made up of lots of slides, catwalks, and climbing walls. It was a great place for kids of all ages to run and play in. Most importantly, though, it was empty.
For a short while, at least.
Without warning, the park was flooded by an alarming amount of small children. (Probably on a school trip, judging from the looks of those buses.) He watched the small humans running around gleefully, checking the readout on his device. Now it was giving him the exact location of the signal. Unfortunately, there were too many people around for him to do anything about it. He wondered if his companion wouldn't mind causing a small distraction.
"Hello!" said one of the chaperoning teachers pleasantly.
"Hello," replied the Doctor with a toothy smile. "Leela and I weren't expecting so many children at this time of day."
"Oh, yes. It's our annual fun day. We used to take them to the theme park, but they cut our budget again, so now we just come here."
The Doctor nodded. "I see."
"Which one's yours?"
He was about to change the subject when several children ran up to them. "Miss Allen! The tiger won't let us slide!" they whined. The teacher only smiled indulgently and suggested that they ask the tiger nicely.
"The things kids say!" she chuckled as they hurried off. "Last week a few of them came up with a magical..." she started to say when she saw Leela sprawled out in front of one of the slides, surrounded by curious six-year-olds. "OH MY GOD!"
"Don't worry, Miss. That's just Leela. She won't hurt the children."
"It's yours?!"
"Not exactly. We're friends, you see."
"You brought a tiger to the park?!"
"Look, I could just as easily say you brought a busload of children to a place with a tiger on the loose. We were here first, after all..."
Leela rolled her eyes. What was bothering those women so much? If there was anything dangerous around, she would have taken care of it already. Anyway, she had more important things to worry about, such as keeping all of these children away from the slide until the Doctor was able to retrieve whatever it was that was sending out the signal.
He ended up summoning K9 to get it discreetly while he pretended to be a wildlife trainer. Sure, the attention and awe Leela received from the children was flattering, but she was going to have words with the Doctor about some of those tricks he made her do. Juggle fish indeed...
"Come on, Leela! Haven't you been a tiger long enough? Wouldn't you like to go back to being your old self now?"
She tilted her head at him, clearly saying no, then turned back to the screen before her. The Doctor threw up his hands and continued pacing around the room.
"Of course you wouldn't! I don't know why I expected anything different. Look, if you're not going to do it for yourself, do it for someone else! Do it for..." he hesitated. Yes, he missed having the old Leela around, but he wasn't ready to admit it. Didn't want to sound desperate, after all. "Do it for K9!"
This time, they both gave him a confused look. "Query, Master..."
"Look at him, he misses you."
"Negative, Master. Mistress Leela is still present."
"He's a tin dog, you're a whopping great cat...how will you ever get along?"
"Results not typical, Master."
"How would you even spend time together? What would you do?"
"Currently watching The Lion King in close proximity-"
"How are you going to pet him with those enormous paws?"
"This unit does not require petting."
"Oh, shut up, K9!"
"There you are!" exclaimed the Doctor as Leela ambled into the console room yawning. "I hope you don't mind, but while you were sleeping I went out for a bit.
She stared, jaw dropped, at the sight before her. The Doctor was sitting on a unicycle, wearing a sombrero and a garland of garish flowers. In one hand he had a fistful of balloons and a stick of candy floss in the other. Hanging out of his pockets were several strands of carnival tickets, noisemakers, and knickknacks. Throughout the console room was an elaborate train set, a pinball machine, a piñata, more balloons, an inflatable pineapple, a Twister mat, a chocolate fountain, a snow cone stand, a live alpaca, five bales of hay, a Slip n' Slide, a disco ball, and a small photo booth. All of it was garnished with streamers and confetti.
"I wanted to wake you, but I figured you needed your rest. After all, big cats need a lot more sleep than humans. Don't worry, nothing happened that K9 and I couldn't handle. Look, he even won an award!"
Still incredulous, Leela glanced at the little dog. He wore sunglasses and had over a dozen blue ribbons stuck to his casing.
The Doctor, still rolling around on the unicycle, rolled closer to her. "Other than that, it was very boring. You wouldn't have liked it. Why don't you go find yourself something to eat and then let's see where else the TARDIS takes us. Unless, of course, you'd rather sleep."
Hesitantly, Leela turned and went to the kitchen. Once she was out of sight, the Doctor got off the unicycle and began putting everything back in the junk cupboard he'd originally gotten it from. "There, you see K9? Once she realises she's missing out, she'll want to change back as soon as possible!"
"Master?"
"What is it, K9?"
"Information required: where did we acquire the alpaca?"
The Doctor paused, then turned around to consider. "You know...I don't remember."
"Sir, I'm sorry but I'm afraid I can't let you in here."
"And why not?!"
The man behind the counter looked pointedly at Leela. Behind them, the crowd of people waiting to get into the water park had backed away to a safe distance, but hadn't entirely left. Some of them had driven hours to be there, after all, and as long as the tiger wasn't openly mauling anyone, they weren't about to miss a bit of free entertainment.
"The tiger, sir. I can't let it in, and I'm pretty sure I'm required by law to call animal control now."
The Doctor leaned closer to the window, taking his outrage up a notch. "Law?! Don't you have any laws about service animals in this country? What is it...the Americans with Disabilities Act? By law, I believe you have to let her in with me!"
"I know, but that's usually for guide dogs..."
"I can't bring the dog to a water park! Do you have any idea what this much water would do to his circuits? And tigers love water! Look, she's had her heart set on swimming today." Precariously balanced on the tiger's head were a pair of goggles, complete with snorkel.
"Sir, I-"
"And see the vest? Doubles as a flotation device in an emergency, so I can assure you she won't be a problem."
Flustered, the man tried to reason with the strangely-dressed fellow. Meanwhile, seeing that the tiger appeared tame, several teenagers had begun to boldly step forward to take pictures of themselves.
"Are you going to let us in? Or do I need to report this whole organisation for discrimination?"
"Okay," the man relented, "But what's the nature of your disability? Is it a seeing-eye tiger or what?"
The Doctor paused for a moment, not expecting that question. "Oh, um...emotional support."
"What?"
"Agoraphobia!" he exclaimed, "I'm terrified of crowds, you see. The tiger helps me cope with that so I can function in normal society. I can see we've kept all these good people waiting long enough, so here's what I owe you for the ticket, and if you have any further questions, Leela and I will be in there." Tossing some money on the counter, the two of them breezed past the baffled employees into the park.
Even though the park was crowded that day, they never had to wait very long for any of the rides. For some reason, people were oddly eager to let them jump ahead of them in the queues.
Leela prowled through the console room, stalking her prey. This new body of hers was built for hunting and she loved it- keener senses of smell and sound, powerful muscles, and teeth and claws. It was a lot like having knives built right in. This was a wonderful, beautiful animal, she thought as she pounced. However, it wasn't quite as agile as she'd like. She missed her target completely and wasn't able to turn around in time to snatch it.
Where did it go? Ah, there...right behind her. It was small and red and dancing around so tantalisingly.
Again, she pounced, but it moved away. Undeterred, she chased it around the room. In the end, she successfully destroyed it.
The Doctor complained about his broken laser pointer.
One thing the Doctor noticed about travelling with a tiger was that, in most places they visited, they were much less likely to get arrested. There was something about Leela's presence that made even the toughest guards back off, and when they did get arrested, the guards were a lot gentler with them. Granted, one of the downsides of Leela's new look was that it was almost impossible to be inconspicuous when necessary.
One thing Leela noticed about travelling as a tiger was that the Doctor seemed to take it as an invitation to get into even more trouble than usual. On one hand, it gave her a chance to use her new body to the fullest extent, but it did get tiresome after a while. However, she looked forward to those occasions where here skills were most useful. Like when they with those explorers who ran out of food in the wilderness and she was able to bring back a whole elk to camp.
Meanwhile, on the internet...
"Ready to start the nonsense?" asked Nash, "Each week, Kathryn goes out into the world wide interwebs, finds all sorts of horrible things, brings it back here in a little segment we like to call 'What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?' And our first story this evening...oh my god, Tara, get ready. This is the one everybody sent me, everybody was freaking out about it...the first thing I'm gonna say is nobody got hurt..."
"That's good."
"Yeah, nobody died. Okay, from Spring Hill, Florida...'Naked Man on Drugs at Denny's Attacked by Tiger'."
"What?!" exclaimed Tara.
Nash read on, "Yesterday a man, identified as Richard Wilkinson, got high on an unidentified substance in the bathroom of a local Denny's, stripped down to his underwear and assaulted customers, and was escorted outside by a tiger that happened to be dining at the restaurant."
"...what?!"
"Wilkinson began flipping tables and babbling nonsense laced with profanities. He had started attacking customers when the tiger subdued him with a blow to the head, then dragged him outside and held him there until police arrived on the scene.
"What the fuck was a tiger doing at Denny's?!"
"I...let's see, it says "The tiger was allowed into the restaurant with its owner, known only as "the Doctor"...weird...who insisted that it was a service animal and could not be denied service. Oh, and Tara, guess what? We got video!" They stopped for a few seconds to watch the footage from the cell phone of somebody at the diner. "And there's the tiger..."
"What's with the scarf on that guy? Look at that...that's like a forty-foot scarf. How is he not burning up?"
"I think the scarf is the least weird thing about this...okay, and there's the guy...there go the pants...and BAM! TIGER! And that guy- the Doctor- he's not even reacting! He's not...just doesn't give a fuck." The video ended shortly after the crazy guy was dragged away. "So this is kind of a new one for us. We've had naked crazy, we've had drugs, but we've never had a tiger. It's kind of awesome-"
"Wait, wait...the chat keeps spamming a link...oh my god, this guy took that tiger to a water park!"
"Really?"
"Yes! Like, two years ago!"
"...there's a picture of them on the log ride!"
In the TARDIS, the Doctor looked up from the screen. "Leela, come look at this! We're on the internet!"
Leela stretched as she walked into the control room, still trying to wake up after being in bed for almost thirty-six hours.
"There you are! I was wondering if you'd ever wake up."
"You said I would need lots of rest," she said accusingly, "Besides, now I won't need as much sleep and I can keep you from getting into trouble."
"Trouble? Me?" he grinned, "Wherever would you get that idea?" She returned the smile. "Out of curiosity, what finally made you decide to change back? I thought you had your heart set on being a tiger for the rest of your life."
She sighed, "Tigers can't talk. It is difficult enough to understand you already, but when I can't even ask you questions..."
"Ah," said the Doctor. Shrugging it off, he flipped a few switches on the console. "First things first, we really ought to return that alpaca."
"Must we?" she stroked its neck. It sniffed at her face inquisitively before going back to the hay.
"The TARDIS is no place for an alpaca. It'll be much happier somewhere it can run around." As he set the coordinates, he glanced over at her. She was wistfully examining her fingernails, no longer sharp claws. "There's this little wildlife preserve I know of. They specialise in rescuing big cats. And not just tigers. They've got lions, leopards, panthers, cheetahs...lots of different species. I'm sure if we play our cards right, we could get a much closer look at them. What do you say?"
Leela looked excited. "Can we?"
"Of course we can!" With a flourish, he hit the dematerialisation switch.