With a sigh Karai turned on the other side in bed. What the heck was wrong with her? She usually had no problems falling asleep, but for some weeks now she stayed awake half the – or even all – night, staring at the ceiling of her room. Why hadn't they been on patrol tonight? The patrols usually made that whole insomnia-thing a bit more bearable. But no, not tonight.
She glanced at her alarm clock. Maybe it was nearly morning and she could get up early to train a bit in the dojo before breakfast. 1 a.m.?! Seriously? She groaned. That was too early for the dojo, even for her.
She tossed the blankets away and sat up. Well, there was only one thing left she could do.
Moments later she was up on the rooftop, wearing her battle outfit and weapons, but she was not in the mood for a fight. She just preferred her battle outfit and always had some weapons with her. It gave her a sense of security.
She was just standing there, staring at the moon. That usually calmed her down. Something about the moonlight made her feel better.
She took a deep breath. So, really, what was wrong with her? For weeks now she had managed to keep herself from thinking about the real reason for her insomnia. She had just taken it as a given. She had concentrated on other things like training and patrol, hoping the insomnia would just somehow disappear.
But now she knew that she was mistaken. She had to face the real reason causing her insomnia. She had no idea if that would make it go away or make her feel better, but at least she should give it a try.
Actually, she knew what it was. She had known right from the start. She had just refused to think about it. But not anymore. Here and now she would think this through.
As she tried to focus she could feel how her brain refused again to approach that touchy topic, but staring at the moon, being bathed in its cold light, she managed to go pass these mental barricades her subconsciousness had set up.
It was him who caused her insomnia – Leonardo. His betrayal preyed on her mind. She had trusted him. She had thought he was better than this feud. Heck, they had had a deal! And what had he done? Used the first opportunity to try to take down her father. What had he been thinking?
Really, if she was going to forget about their feud long enough to eliminate an even bigger threat, why wasn't he? She had thought they were alike, that – apart from being enemies – they had a lot in common.
She had trusted him!
Those words lingered on in her head for some moments, their sound changed into a voice that wasn't hers, the words changing a bit.
I trusted you!
Leonardo had called these words after her, back there at the Worldwide Genome Project's headquarters which turned out to be a Kraang laboratory.
She closed her eyes for a second, let the images from that night pass before her mind's eye – the look on his face, surprised, disappointed. And although she would never admit it, it had stung her deep inside, like she realized now. But they hadn't had a deal back then. All this 'trusting her' was just something he had set up in his mind. No-one had asked him to trust her – least of all her. But he had trusted her as much as she had trusted him some weeks ago. Okay, as she had let him down at the Kraang's lab it hadn't been betrayal, technically speaking. They didn't have a deal back then.
But they had had a deal when he had betrayed her. So his betrayal really was a betrayal. It counted, her "betrayal" didn't. At least that was what she tried to tell herself.
Now she knew how he must have felt back then, and it wasn't a good feeling.
But still, he had tried to take down her father. That made her angry. This whole situation made her angry. Okay, things wouldn't have changed between them if he hadn't betrayed her. No, they would have stayed pretty much the same. Their feud would have proceeded, ending up in the deaths of the members of one family – hopefully for her, Splinter and his disciples, but who could know for sure?
But what if things would have changed between them? She slightly shook her head at the thought. They were enemies, mortal enemies. Things wouldn't have changed. It was simply impossible.
But why was there still some little, low voice deep inside her that told her it could have happened? Again, she shook her head, taking a deep breath.
She knew one thing for sure: She had never only seen him as her enemy. She had always seen him as someone who was a lot like her, too, someone with whom under normal circumstances – okay, what was "normal" nowadays, given the fact that Leo and his brothers were mutant turtles, some aliens were trying to conquer the Earth and two of her father's inferiors have been turned into mutants as well? – she could have been friends. But how things looked so far, she and Leo would always be enemies. Somehow that thought made her a bit sad, but there was nothing she could do about it.
She sighed again. No, this whole thinking-it-through-thing hadn't made her feel better. And she still wasn't sure if she would find any sleep tonight. So she decided to stay on that roof-top a bit longer, just staring at the moon, letting the night pass by.
What Karai didn't know was that someone else had been afflicted with insomnia these last weeks. And this night was no exception.
Leo had sneaked out of the lair tonight. They had all gone to sleep after patrol, but as he again had problems falling asleep, he had decided some fresh air wouldn't hurt. And so he was standing on the roof-top of a building right now, staring at the moon.
Something about the moonlight made him calm down. He couldn't tell what exactly it was, but it helped.
Contrary to Karai he had been thinking about this whole situation every moment he could the past few weeks. Why had he let his brothers talk him into betraying Karai? They had had a deal. Why had he given in that easily?
He had wanted to protect his family. And he had thought it would have been easier to bring Karai on their side if Shredder was out of the way. It had been the perfect opportunity to end the feud once and for all. At least, that was what he had thought back then. Now that he knew Karai was Shredder's daughter he was sure that she would have continued their feud.
The only difference between her and Shredder was that she seemed to be able to prioritize when something more important than their feud showed up – like an alien invasion, for example.
And when he thought about this, he actually wasn't any better than Shredder. He hadn't been able to let their feud rest just for a bit. Sure, his motivation was protecting his family, not revenge. But did this make him look any better? He didn't think so. He had had betrayed her.
And his betrayal would stand between them from now on. Besides their feud, to be accurate.
He had always thought he had a good knowledge of human nature, but with Karai he had been terribly wrong. He had thought she had been looking for a way out of the Foot Clan, that she had been looking for help, and that he had been the one she had chosen to help her. Wrong, all wrong.
Her words were still ringing in his head.
I thought you were better than this!
He had thought so too. Guess they had both been mistaken.
Each and every night when he was forced to look at the ceiling of his room because sleep just wouldn't come his way, he asked himself one question: Would things be different now between them if he had not betrayed her?
The logical answer was no. They were mortal enemies and they would have continued their feud when their deal would have been off. That was how it was planned right from the beginning. He knew that.
But something inside him refused to be logical and kept telling him things would be different if he hadn't betrayed her. She would have seen that he actually was better than this feud, that he could prioritize, just like her, that they were alike after all.
But he had screwed it up by trying to go the path of least resistance. He had thought with taking down Shredder he could have killed two birds with one stone – protecting his family and bringing Karai on their side. Sure, he had felt bad about it, but he had thought it had been necessary nonetheless. But instead of doing so, he had put his family in even more danger, and he had lost Karai once and for all. He sighed at that thought. But there was nothing he could do about it. Things were as they were. He couldn't go back in time and start all over again and this time not betray her.
No, all he could do was think about how things would be between them without his betrayal. And that was what he did for some time before he forced his thoughts to stop. They didn't lead him anywhere. So he just stared at the moon and pushed these thoughts aside the best he could do and let the picture of the moon fill his senses.
It was the same moon Karai was looking at right now, both of them somehow connected by this beautiful and cold moon. They didn't know anything about it, but at that moment they were connected. And maybe they always would be.