The Choice

The clocks stroke fourteen and sun rays were sneaking in through the broken window, wandering lazily over what must have been once some sort of living room. Now it was nothing more but filthy ruins, full of dust, dirt and the excrement of a few animals; perhaps rats, which was quite plausible for they currently found themselves in the proles area.

'I didn't think you would actually show up, dear', she said, her bare leg clasping him. 'Believed you'd rather stay home, really.' He chuckled. 'What for? There's not much to keep me there.'

'Oh, rubbish. Your parents are in the Inner Party! I can't even imagine what your home must be like.'

'Now don't complain. I brought you bread, real bread. Just the way you like it. How would that work without my family being in the Inner Party?' Julia gave a small sigh. 'Not at all. But I don't have a problem with that, anyways', she added. 'By the way, is there any news about the war, dear?' 'I was about to tell you!' His eyes suddenly lit up. 'Soon we will be able to stop rationing – Eastasia is bound to surrender in the near future, Father says.'

They spent almost two more hours in their secret hiding spot, talking about everything and nothing, imagining the wonders of the world after the war as the room slowly grew cold and they had to use their overalls as a blanket.

'Just imagine…' He looked at her, with this light, this somehow oddly loving expression. 'Imagine the people of Eastasia finally experiencing the blessings of Big Brother! Imagine it – imagine them realising how small man is, in comparison to something so great, so magnificent… Tell me, Julia, what is the individual in comparison to that? Nothing, nothing!' he cried. 'They – the whole of Eastasia – will be part of this, like we are. We'll all be immortal, in the collective mind of the Party. We are the Party.' He took a deep breath as if exhausted and elated by his little speech, and laid his head down with an enervated smile.

'I don't understand', she said. 'I tried; I did, really. Still, it seems impossible to me…' 'How I can believe in Ingsoc and still be here with you?' he continued. 'Well, never underestimate doublethink.' He gave her a wink.

They came to the hostel in the middle of the night. In the end, Julia guessed that she should have seen it coming: They always catch you. Big Brother is watching you, there was no escape. Still, a part of her had held on to the hope that she and David would be an exception of the system. There had to be exceptions – people were hypocrites, David used to say, 'including myself'.

'The house is surrounded', announced the voice of the telescreen and within a few minutes the small room was filled with heavily armed men in black uniforms. 'The house is surrounded, you can't run away. Please stand in the middle of the room and clasp your hands behind your head.' Her body started trembling as she raised her arms, and her vision blurred from tears. 'Please', Julia whispered, although she knew very well that it was no use. 'Please…' The man closest to her punched her in the face. She tumbled and almost fell to the ground, but violently he grabbed her arm. 'Stop that nonsense', he hissed. 'You know what's going to happen.' With that, he waved to one of the others and together they tied her up.

She could not tell how much time passed since they brought her to what she believed to be the Ministry of Love. After all, it had to be; where else would they take her? Then again, it did not really matter. Uncertainty was something she was used to and actually, you could never know anything – apart from what they, the Party, told you.

Her whole body was aching from the several tortures, and she was starving. Sometimes she wandered if that was the plan: starving her out until she died, to save munitions. Surely they were rationed as well? They needed them for the war with Eastasia, so why waste it on a foolish sixteen-year-old.

The cell door opened, and the guards let a man into her cell. 'Now, Julia', he said. 'How are you feeling?' Hungry, she thought and crossed her arms. 'Hungry?' She froze immediately – it was as if he had read her mind. 'I thought so.' The man smiled.

'Who are you?'

'People in the ministry know me as O'Brien', he said. 'But let's simply say I'm someone who would like to help you.' Why. 'Say, Julia, how do you feel about the Party?' She was quiet for a while, then repeated bits of conversations with David; herself she was not really interested in politics.

'David taught you well.' 'Where is he?' O'Brien smiled. 'It was him, you know? He denounced you. For your own good.' 'No', she whispered in horror - yet she knew it was true. 'What's going to happen to him?' 'We shall shoot him soon – it's his own wish, after betraying Big Brother.' It was useless trying to convince herself that O'Brien was lying; she remembered David's idealistic trust and belief in the Party too clearly.

'Enough about him', O'Brien said. 'I have an offer for you. A job, if you like.' He paused. 'You're a good girl. No thoughtcrime intended, I believe.' She gave him a puzzled look. 'But you were curious, weren't you? You wanted to have fun.' He gave her an understanding smile. 'You're very young, Julia. I think we can find you a place in the Party without stopping you from having a good time.' Julia had started to shake again when he told her about David, but now she became calmer: Suddenly there was a glimpse of hope that she could survive this.

'What do you want me to do?'