Sifting Changes
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Warnings: Almost none. Unless you didn' tknow Sasuke betrayed everyone...
Music Choice: Heavenly Guardian (Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)
Betareader: PinkSakuraPetals
--x--
She is a little girl, who has the large forehead and is always to be teased.
Oh, no! Don't talk to her nicely! She's not fun or cool to be around. Her bright pink hair annoying and big forehead to be made fun of. No one be nice to her! Oh, no. You don't do that because she's not fun but it's okay to make fun of her. Don't ever smile nicely at her! Oh, don't do that. That means you like her. And no one likes her. You won't be liked either.
See, see! They're laughing and poking at her. It's okay! It doesn't matter when she cries because she doesn't matter. And when she runs away then comes back the next day, she smiles and they all make fun of her again. But it's okay! Really.
But he is a little boy, who likes the clouds and is always watching others and thinks it's terrible for them to tease her.
Oh, look! She falls, there on the grass, her face buried into the ground. Her tears flow. They all laugh, oh, they laugh at her. She doesn't understand, why, why do they laugh at her? She doesn't understand why no one helps her up. No, no, why do they smile when she cries?
But, what's this? A shadow falls over her small form, blocking the sun. It's no longer hot and the little girl with the big forehead looks up. Wait, who is this? A boy. The little boy, who likes the clouds and is always watching others. Oh, is he going to make fun of her too? Oh, oh, no. The little girl prepares herself.
"Can I sit there?"
She doesn't understand when he asks that. Why would he want to sit where she has fallen? She doesn't understand, no, no, she doesn't.
But she remembers he is the first one (outside her family) to smile nicely at her.
So she lets him sit there.
--X--
She is still a little girl, who has a large forehead and is always to be teased when a blonde approaches her one day.
See, see, the blonde is a little beautiful girl and wears pretty clips in her hair and talks a lot. She asks the little girl with pink hair why she cries. She replies saying that no one likes her and they tease her. The blonde tells the girl with a big forehead to come back tomorrow and she'll give her a present. Oh, a present? That sounds absolutely wonderful! Oh, but wait! What if the blonde wants to make fun of her too? Oh, no…the pink haired girl is scared of the blonde when she goes to sleep that night.
But, oh, look, look! The beautiful little blonde girl who wears pretty clips in her hair comes anyway. She smiles nicely at the girl with the big forehead. The blonde hands over a red ribbon and the pink girl accepts it and smiles back. "Thank you!" exclaims the little girl and the blonde grins back.
The blonde would have never had thought about it if the boy who likes clouds hadn't told her to go talk to the little girl with a big forehead.
She is twelve, who is only teased by one person but is annoying to others.
Oh, but there's more. Much more. She's in love. Love…love is supposed to be wonderful and free. But she finds pain instead and she wonders if what she feels is really love. He is always cold but she can fix that. Yes, she can! He'll smile nicely her way, like the other three people have truly meant to (Ino, Naruto, she repeats in her head, and who was the other one? She forgets, oh, no) and he'll be faithful, like Lee and Naruto promised her if she shall ever wish to be with one of them.
But, see, he doesn't. The one she loves doesn't turn her way and smile nicely. The one she loves brushes her off like she doesn't matter. She protects him with her life and he still doesn't' look her way.
Wait! What's this? Someone does. No, no, not Naruto. Not Lee. Someone else is there… Who could this be? She doesn't know. But there's someone else there that she's missing. Someone else, someone, someone, someone there…
--X--
He is fifteen and he still likes the clouds and watches others.
Lazy, lazy, boy, says the others. He doesn't do anything for his family or friends, says someone. But does he have friends? Perhaps, perhaps the beautiful blonde who still has pretty clips in her hair and talks a lot. Oh, yes! Her and the other! His other teammate. The fifteen-year-old boy who eats a lot but gives complements to everyone.
Yes, yes, they are his friends.
Isn't Naruto a friend of that lazy boy? Yes, yes, they say, Naruto is a friend of the lazy boy. Oh, that demon boy is so irritating, can't he leave? And perhaps that pink haired medic. The one whom the Hokage herself is training. She annoying, says one person.
But the boy who likes the clouds and watches others doesn't listens to the others when they talk about him. They don't know what they're saying because they aren't him, the boy reasons. They aren't Naruto, who has to deal with oppression and his feelings everyday. They aren't Ino, who really doesn't believe she's beautiful on the inside and struggles with her love for people. They aren't Choji, the one who gives complements, wishing for one in return. And they definitely are not Sakura, who grew up believing no one truly would like (love) her.
No, no. None of those people don't know what they are talking about.
And because he still likes the clouds and watches others, he is quiet and doesn't condemn these people for their ignorance.
Oh, no. Instead, he watches. Just watches, knowing she will look his way and he'll get to smile nicely again to the girl with pink hair. Watching, watching, watching, watching from afar…
--X--
She is fifteen too and she is stronger and swears to protect the ones she loves.
Oh, but look! The boy from before…the one she used to love, she does not love him anymore. Oh, my! What happened? She loves, loves others. Naruto, she says when someone asks her, Naruto, Tsunade-sama, Kakashi-sensei, Ino and a few others. When they ask her why her parents aren't on that list, she calmly explains that she never is with her parents. Then they ask if there's someone special in her life and she tells them darkly that they should go away before she really wants to punch things.
But, look closely. See! When she turns away from them, her head bows and she looks downcast. But look after this. She glances over her shoulder. Why, why does she do this? Her green eyes search for something, but what? What is she searching for? Oh, but see, she is looking for that someone, someone who is watching, because he's there and she knows it but she doesn't know where. Where? And when will he come out?
Oh, she's only fifteen and she is stronger and swears to protect the ones she loves. But, when can she protect the one who seems to be out there somewhere? She doesn't know and she waits for him. She'll know when he turns her way and smiles nicely and promises to be faithful and won't brush her off. Yes, she'll know.
She swears ahead of time to protect him, whoever he may be.
--X--
He is eighteen and still likes clouds and still watches people when he becomes ANBU captain.
No longer a boy, oh, no, not anymore. A man, they say. He's a man and good one at that. The beautiful blonde girl who still talks a lot smiles deviously one day and brings a pretty girl along with her to meet him. He politely greets the girl and leaves the room respectfully. No, no, he doesn't what just pretty girls. He doesn't know that girl and he decides to watch, watch the other one he knows.
Shhh, don't say a word! Don't make a sound! There she is, right there, sitting on a bench outside the compound. A book in her hand and eyes watching the sky. Oh, but, shhh, she can't know he's there! Oh, no. She wouldn't like that, he assumes. But she looks over anyway, as if knowing he is there. Ah! He can't let her see him there, standing yards away, staring, staring at her.
She smiles gently nevertheless. And he walks to her as she looks up at him with apparent watery eyes (she was crying, he decides, crying over her complicated life) and he realizes she is waiting for him to say something. His hands go deeper inside the pockets of his ANBU shorts and he simply shrugs with a smile.
"Can I sit there?"
--X--
She is seventeen and is truly stronger and still protects the ones she loves when she is the head medic-nin.
Almost a woman, they say, yes, she's quite a beautiful person. Tsunade-sama is pleased with complements for the girl, for she is like a daughter to the Hokage. But, oh, no don't tell anyone this, Hokage-sama will not like to hear that. And the pink haired medic-nin hears these things sometimes and she doesn't know why they pretend, pretend to like her. Pretend she really is a great person because she doesn't deserve any of that (in her eyes) but says nothing because, deep down, she truly wants to believe it.
Oh, but the sky is so nice today. Clouds pass calmly in the blue sky and the book she has doesn't seem interesting anymore. Instead she ponders, so be quiet! Don't bother, she is thinking about things. Things that are supposed to matter and things that makes her cry.
Ah, but what is this? Even when she feels someone (that one someone, who, who was it again? She never remembers…) watching her again. Her eyes shimmer a little and she knows he can see when they lock gazes. He seems to contemplate something, as if wondering if it's truly worth walking up to her, spending some of his precious time with her. And she smiles anyway because, because… (Why, why does she smile at such a cruel thought?)
Huh? Is he walking towards her? Yes, yes, he is! She hides her surprise behind her glittering eyes because, truly, inside, she's glad someone (someone, that 'someone'? no, she thinks, no not that someone, or maybe?) has is taking his time to at least talk with her. Oh, but wait, he stops when he is standing right above her and she waits for a simple 'hello'. She doesn't know how to politely greet him right now so she waits, smiling gently.
And then he shrugs slightly and, and, and…smiles. Smiles nicely.
"Can I sit there?"
And she suddenly remembers that little boy who liked clouds and watched people and that the little boy was the first to smile nicely (outside her family) at her. (She forgets that there was supposed to be a someone watching but was there a someone watching anymore? Surely someone is there, somewhere. But she forgets anyway, because he's there.)
So she nods and continues to smile and they talk until they realize it has been two hours and its dusk time. He courteously thanks her for the conversation and she says a 'you're welcome' and thanks him back, saying that they should do it again sometime. He agrees with a smile and turns to leave.
It's the next day, she realizes she hadn't felt the need to glance over her shoulder for that someone who always watched, watched out for her.
--X--
He is twenty-one and still likes the clouds and still watches people when he becomes the head of the ANBU, accompanied by Naruto.
Everyone he has ever known respects him now. Hyuuga Neji is a strong ANBU captain and is an advisor to the young man who still likes clouds. The beautiful blonde and the best friend (who compliments everyone) are proud of him and stick by his side. And when people attend the ceremony for him, he spots a soft pink in the crowd and smiles. She is hiding, he is sure, though he isn't sure why. Oh, but look, he waves half-heartedly and she timidly waves back.
After the ceremony, the young man searches for her again but doesn't find her. He wonders, wonders why she left. Naruto exclaims he had seen her and had told him to tell the young man good luck and congratulations. The young man smiles even though she would never see it and Naruto is there to smile instead.
But, see! Look. He finds her at the hospital two days later, awaiting any patients needing her attention. For the first time, he sits next to her without permission because, well, because he knows she gave him permission already. And he knows, he always, always knows. She smiles and asks if he needs anything. He tells her yes, yes, he does. Her eyes soften more with a bit of a worry and she asks what he needs.
Simply a, "I need someone to be there."
It must have thrown her off, he could tell but he could see she quickly caught on. Oh, she understood! Wonderful. And she smiles slightly answers, "Me too."
He doesn't tell her that he was always there since they met.
But he doesn't say anything else and leaves the room, leaving her there. He knows she'll wonder why but, in truth, he is a little scared of facing her now. He knows she needs to notice him more than she has been to realize a bit more things. But, oh, he wants to embrace her and tell her it's okay and she's always been a great person, ever since a little child.
--X--
She is twenty-two and still protects the people she loves when she is sent on a mission.
It's when she notices the team of three she is currently in consists of not just Sai but also the young man she hasn't talk to in two years since that one time, that one special time. And when he doesn't talk to her and instead speaks to Sai, she tries to think that he is ignoring her just because Sai has more ANBU experience than herself. No, no, this isn't right. See, she doesn't buy it herself. Is he…is he turning her away? No, she quickly thinks, this is different.
When they are almost done with the mission, they are attacked and she gets badly injured. She cannot heal herself and the other two weren't experienced in using charka for her injuries (broken arm and ribs, she tried counting: maybe a fractured lung, because she can't breathe well and her vision is starting to blur more and more) and she is just beginning to teach Sai to learn some of the basics. Though she cannot see very well, she sees their faces of apprehension and realization that she might, might, she might just…
Sai is the one to start healing and the ANBU captain who seemed to ignore her from before is the one to pick her up and rush her somewhere else, away, away from danger. She feels water on her face and she thinks it's raining but she feels herself shake and realizes she's crying. Crying, crying, why is she crying? Then realizes that she is not the only one. Just one small tear drops onto her forehead (that forehead that was teased so much when she was a child) and suddenly, she feels herself growing even more tired, so tired. Finally, her eyes close and she hears yelling and shouting and more so of her own name being spoken but she doesn't open her eyes; she's too tired.
--X--
He is twenty-three and still likes the clouds and still watches others when he is scared so very much.
She almost dies. Sai growls and hisses to him that they need to go to the village. He doesn't want her to die either. They both don't want her to die. And they go anyway, not finishing their mission. Sai naturally doesn't care, he can tell, but he can also tell Sai finally cares for something else and that is his teammate. He doesn't say anything about it; instead, his thoughts are invaded with fear.
"If she dies," Sai hisses as they dodge branches and returning to the village with much speed, "I'll kill them."
He agrees and tells Sai he would help.
When she is in a hospital bed and he and Sai stand in the back of the room, watching Tsunade yell at others (but she is just as worried and scared as they are), he watched her flutter her eyes open for a moment. No one else notices when she smiles half-lidded at him and is taken back to unconsciousness again.
But she would be fine, Tsunade assure he and Sai. They believe her.
But he is still scared.
--X--
She is twenty-two and still protects the people she loves when she wakes up in the hospital with a jerk.
He is there, she knows because he's always been there, watching, watching out for her. And for the first time, she realizes it's him who has been watching all along. And when she looks over and sees him sitting down on the chair next to the bed, deep in thought, his form blocking the sun from the window so it doesn't touch her, she sees the little boy who liked clouds and watched others for a moment. The small ponytail and dark hair, those dark eyes, and oh, she can't forget that smile. That nice, nice…smile…
She realizes that she won't have to glance over her shoulder for him anymore.
--X--
He is twenty-four and still likes clouds and still watches others when he tells her so.
She simply smiles and tells him she would like to learn how to like the clouds more and watch others closely. He takes her hand and leads her to a small stream in a field close by and says that he could be her teacher. Teasingly, she accepts. Oh, look! He smiles—and means it!—when she says this, knowing that she'll actually take it seriously later on.
When she asks him what they really are, he asks what she means but he already knows. She elaborates, saying that people believe they are an item (together forever, a couple, lovebirds, star crossed lovers, he thinks with a small smile) and that her parents even had said they wished her 'good luck'. He merely answers, "It doesn't matter what they say."
He knows she thinks otherwise and she says so. "What if it does?"
"Then believe what you want to believe," and followed by a, "But it's all still troublesome, no matter what."
She grins then and squeezes his hand gently. After that, she says that their relationship/friendship is troublesome in itself. He doubly agrees with a shake of his head.
Oh, if only she knew how troublesome it truly was.
--X--
She is twenty-three and still protects the people she loves when she receives her first kiss.
Yes, yes, her first ever. She swears she will take the secret to her grave if it means Ino will not find out (but she does anyway). She thinks it's interesting. Before, she had believed it was meant for a simple gesture to show affection. Now she finally understands how much it really means and why it's meant for so much affection.
One day, he takes her to eat out with Naruto, Choji and Ino. For once, it isn't ramen but some other soup shop. She doesn't get to eat before Naruto grins deviously and Ino follows suit. Soon, they are teasing the two and she sees he is having trouble not getting up and leaving. She wishes he does and if does, he will take her with him. But he doesn't. Instead, they stay and take the jokes. Naruto finally huffs and claims 'Shikamaru will never have the guts to ask a girl on a date anyway' and Ino chimes in with a 'And I bet Sakura has never kissed a guy before'. But it is Choji who breaks the ice and says the "Shika doesn't have in him to kiss a girl, he's too gentleman-like."
He then grabs her shoulder and turns her forcefully to face him. She doesn't realize he has kissed her until his lips linger there for more seconds than they really should have. For a second, she believes she is imagining things because she thinks her lips purse a little to kiss him back. Naruto snorts, seemingly angry at two things: her being kissed in front of the Hokage-to-be and being proven wrong. Ino gapes openly at the two, as if she's never seen a kissing couple. No one sees Choji's smirk but he doesn't mind because he's proven his point.
Oh, but, look, he pulls away too soon for her. Just a chaste kiss. She doesn't understand when she has to fight an urge to turn his head back to her and wish him silently to kiss her again. But she is able to fight the impulse and she sits wordlessly next to him, feeling uncomfortable but strangely in the right place, as she doesn't look at anyone in the eye for the rest of the night.
When Naruto escorts her back home and she is alone in her apartment, she lets her fingers trail over her lips and wonders why she has lived twenty-three years without having a kiss before.
She believes it's because she was waiting for that person who always watches out for her to do it.
--X--
He is twenty-five and still likes the clouds and still watches others when he is best man to his best friend's wedding.
Oh, but, who, who could be married? The one who gives complements to everyone (Choji, he thinks with a soft smile) and the one who still talks too much. Yes, yes, they are! He can't believe his best friends are getting married now, oh, no, it seems time went by too quickly. He is pulled into many wedding plans, things he despises, especially when they're not his wedding at all and he doesn't have to. Ino says he will or he'll never attend. He helps only for that reason.
When he look across the alter, past Choji, as they wait for Ino to walk down the runway, he sees the maid of honor, in her white dress and satin light purple bow draped around her slim waist. He thinks the dress looks good for a bridesmaid dress but he thinks her smile is even better when she sees Ino slowly walk down the runway. The tiara in the medic-nin's hair makes her look like a princess and there are daises and lilies in her hands for a bouquet and her eyes shine brightly.
For a second, he imagines they are getting married. Just them two. She, the beautiful princess, and he, the worthy prince, and he thinks how corny of a fairytale he imagines but smiles slightly when he thinks about how nice it would still be. But, oh, how troublesome it would ever be to convince her (or himself) that they could be part of some fairytale that Choji and Ino are going to have.
Oh, but, look, look! She sees him from across the alter and right before Ino stands before Choji and blocks off his view of the pink haired girl, she smiles gently and he is sure she thinks he doesn't notice when she lets her right hand slide over her left ring finger under the bouquet of flowers.
But he's pretends he doesn't see and keeps smiling because that's what a best man of the wedding does; not plan to become a groom whilst doing so. And he knows she has just imagined herself as a bride but is confused about the groom. He hopes she she'll know someday but not today. Today is for their friends. Their best friends.
--X--
She is twenty-four and still protects the people she loves when she learns she can hurt people as easily as they hurt her.
How sad, how sad, Sasuke comes back and she hides behind Naruto. The blonde tries welcoming Sasuke and makes things all right, like he says. Sasuke is colder from before but claims he will become truly faithful to their village and he regrets what he has done in the past. Tsunade-sama doesn't agree to it until Naruto begs her to have mercy. Tsunade-sama allows Sasuke to stay, even though Kakashi-sensei huffs and leaves the room.
She still hides behind Naruto but finally Sasuke approaches her one day and claims he needs his clan restored and no one else was left. Oh, no, oh, no, she doesn't' know what to do until the young man who watches out for her catches her eye and she bows her head, telling Sasuke that she she'll think about and she needs more time. The young man leaves the room with a look of scorn and Naruto looks sadly over to her.
And, look, she still doesn't know what to do two weeks later. Naruto says she doesn't have to do it and that Sasuke shouldn't push her. She bursts out crying and he panics until she wraps her arms around him and he holds her for the rest of the night. She tells Naruto she can't go through with it now and she doesn't know why and that she didn't know Sasuke could hurt her even now.
Naruto only asks her one question: "Is it just you who's hurting, Sakura-chan?" She doesn't answer because she doesn't know how and closes her eyes as she lies in his lap. He whispers things under his breath when he thinks she is finally asleep. Saying things such as if Sasuke tries forcing her into something, he'll kill Sasuke-teme and then he says things in her ear, telling her that he cares very much about her and he's sure she'll make the right decision. She lets one tear escape before she falls asleep.
The next day, they meet Sasuke at a ramen shop and the others are there (Ino, Choji, Shika, Tenten, even Neji and Kiba, she counts) either eating or waiting what she has to say. When she stalls and freezes in front of Sasuke, it's quiet and everyone waits, she knows. Naruto is behind her and takes her hand and slowly squeezes it. She tells Sasuke that she doesn't believe she's meant to be his wife and that she doesn't wish to be a mere puppet. Sasuke studies her for a moment and leaves the ramen shop and everyone gives a huge sigh of relief. In the corner of her eyes, she sees him—the young man who always watches others!—and she is sure she sees a hint of an assurance there, instead of the disdain from before.
And that is when she realizes she hurt others in this process of getting hurt herself.
--X--
He is twenty-five and still likes clouds and still watches others when he feels what jealously really is like.
In all truth, he didn't believe he would ever have to understand or ever feel jealously but it's there when he watches her eyes on Sasuke the whole time and no longer on himself. He watches with a small—but surely growing—anger and resentment towards Sasuke and her the whole time. Sasuke explains he needs a wife to restore his clan and he watches as she freezes. He is slightly surprised when she looks across the room to meet his gaze. Oh, yes, he catches the look in her eyes. Should I? it asks, such a gracious and silent question. The only response he gives her a look of speculation and she tells Sasuke she'll think about it and he watches as her eyes avert to the floor, as if ashamed.
For some reason, this angers him. She should have realized! Did she not understand? Nothing is supposed to be official about the both of them but she should have done something else, he thinks proudly, she should have stuck up for herself. So he leaves the room instead, narrowing his eyes when he feels her gaze upon him and hears Naruto's sigh.
But part of him feels like it's dying during those two weeks. Choji comes everyday to his house (given by Tsunade, surprise, surprise) and tells him that she hasn't given an answer to the Uchia. Each time, he tells Choji that he doesn't' care and she can just live her life. Choji only smiles sadly and gives him the report he was supposed to deliver. One time, Ino hears the words and she is angered. "You're so annoying sometimes, Shika! Nara, if you don't do something about this, I'll hurt you."
So he does something about this.
He asks Naruto to talk to the pink haired medic. Naruto obliges, telling him that he would be more than willing to do so. But before Naruto leaves, the blonde turns to him and his blue eyes narrow for a moment. "But promise me you'll make it better."
To him, that's just a Naruto thing to say, so he promises he'll do what he can…later. But, oh-so much, he wants to make it better now. Naruto departs with an assured grin and says he'll make Sakura-chan realize a few things and find what she's missing. He's not sure what Naruto means but Naruto always keeps his word and always makes a believer out of anyone. So he trusts Naruto, like always, to handle the situation at hand.
Oh, but, see, the next day, Naruto tells him to meet everyone at the ramen shop. Sasuke is there and he makes it a point not to stare at the Uchia. Instead, he sits next to Choji and Ino and they smile at him. He doesn't smile back. Kiba is there for the food but once he finds out why everyone else is there, he silently sits next to Shino and waits. Lee and Tenten were told by Ino to come anyway and Choji mentions that it wasn't the best idea because now almost everyone is there. Tenten had dragged along Hinata and Neji was literally pulled by Lee. Neji currently glares at everyone for being at such a pointless event. She arrives with Naruto soon enough.
When she steps in front of Sasuke, he can feel himself hold his breath and not let go. His jaw is set and he readies himself to leave. Naruto holds her hand and she quickly tells Sasuke a quick no and the Uchia leaves immediately. Everyone (Ino, Tenten, Lee, Naruto, Kiba, Choji, he quickly counts) surround the girl and she smiles sadly. But he catches the glance she gives him in the corner of her eyes and he feels himself breathe regularly suddenly. He doesn't go talk to her like the others; instead he turns and leaves with a smile.
That's when he realizes he was jealous for no reason at all.
He will never tell anyone this. But he doesn't have to. Ino knows and whatever Ino knows, the whole village knows.
--X--
She is twenty-five and is still head medic-nin when she warns him of it.
Oh, dear, he just won't hold still! She whacks his head again and he glares and she is sure he hears someone snort from across the hospital room when glares even more. No, oh, no, he won't let her heal him! He has two broken ribs and he keeps pushing her off him. This time, she warns him instead. Don't do as I say, she whispers dangerously in his ear, and I'll make sure it hurts worse. He looks at her as if she's gone mad and she adds: "I'm head medic-nin here. I can do whatever I want."
This time, she is sure Naruto, Kiba and Choji left the room to laugh even harder (Naruto and Kiba being unwilling patients as well, and Choji for the moral support). So when they do leave, she turns to him and hisses warning again and leaves herself, finally giving up and steps outside the room with a final glare.
Later, Hinata approaches her with a worried and apprehensive face. The Hyuuga medic-in-training tells her that he won't let anyone else heal him.
When she enters the room again, he is there and averts his eyes away from her. He lets her heal him as she does so quietly.
"You're annoying."
"You're troublesome."
"Then we're even."
--X--
He is twenty-six and still likes the clouds and is still ANBU captain when it occurs to him she watches others too.
It's during Tenten's wedding (oh, she was so happy, see, she is marrying Kiba and he thinks the girl is the only one who can handle that dog-boy) and the medic-nin is chosen to be the maid of honor. Though, this time, he isn't the best man—Shino plays that role quite nicely. But he stands behind Shino as the wedding starts officially. Tenten slowly makes it down the runway and he has some deja veux when he peeks over Kiba and Shino and sees the pink haired woman smiling at him.
Again, his thoughts wonder to some make-believe and wonderful wedding that only exists in fairytales and imaginations. But she would make one great princess, he thinks, keeping his eyes locked on hers and he sees that she is trying to avert her own eyes. But they stare and gaze at each other and he imagines the bouquet in her hands are larger and of her favorite flowers and instead of a simple light blue dress for a bridesmaid, she wears a white shimmering gown fit for the princess he believes she is. And, he, the prince who has finally proved his worth to her.
But that's make-believe. And he doesn't think anymore of it. But after the wedding, he watches her more closely as her eyes roam over the merry party. He watches as her green eyes watch Tenten laugh as Kiba nearly falls over the wedding cake and he watches as she looks over to Naruto (most eligible bachelor in all Konoha, since he became Hokage just six months ago) and the girls flocking him. He sees her smile at Choji and Ino as said man tries to get said woman to eat. He realizes that she goes unnoticed most of the time.
Hyuuga Neji approaches her and asks her for a dance. He feels a twinge of jealously when she smiles sweetly and she accepts graciously. The Hyuuga sweeps her onto the dance floor and immediately they become the center of attention for a few moments. He decides against sitting next to Ino and Choji and starts to get up and leave to smoke. Naruto suddenly grabs hold of his sleeve and tells him to stay; he stays only because Naruto seems to need company too. His blonde friend seems to understand when Hyuuga noticeably asks permission for another dance and most of the room watches noisily as she nods her head.
It's then, he notes the way her emerald eyes has glanced over his way before she dances again, eyes on the Hyuuga.
She had watched him the whole time and he has never felt more ignorant. When Naruto looks over and asks what's the matter, he only shrugs, as if is the matter.
Mentally, he thinks that they aren't even. But that's okay, he tries telling himself, because if she was watching him all along, she'll know what he's felt the whole time. And that way…he tries to believe that she knows what she's doing.
--X--
She is twenty-five and still protects the ones she loves when she proves this to a greater extent than they all thought she would.
She almost dies for them.
Late at night, she's taking care of Sai's injured leg from an earlier mission; he winces but does not voice his pain. It's quiet in the room. She smiles when she is done and he stands straight next to her. He is about to thank her but something cuts him off.
There is a loud crash and the building starts to shake and screams following after. He grabs her arm and is ready to haul her off anywhere but there. But she pulls away and shakes her head and she says she need's to get to Tsunade-sama. "And Naruto is currently staying the night here, I have t—"
But she never gets to finish when another shake and loud noises erupt again.
It's an attack.
She isn't sure of what happens next because everything is a blur. Was there someone else there in the room? And enemy? She can't remember. (Later, Sai would say she blocked the enemy's sudden kunai with her own body from touching him.) But what she does remember is skidding down halls to get to Naruto. (He would later chime in after Sai that she had actually gotten to him and pulled him—and a few others—to safety from the attack.)
When she asks what about Tsunade-sama, they all turn to their old Hokage, who is healing her after the attack. (She vaguely hears Naruto curse under his breath and growls about something concerning 'Sound-nins' and Neji has to put a hand on his shoulder to stop the blonde in his muttered rant.) Tsunade-sama looks away before she answers. The woman tells her quietly that she was brave. And that was all. In the corner of her eyes, she sees Naruto, Kiba and Sai bow their heads a little, as if in deep thought. The rest of the people in the room looked over worriedly over to the woman currently being healed (Ino because she is horrified that her friend was beaten up and she didn't even know how, Neji because, apparently, he was the one to find her unconscious body, Lee because his still beautiful lotus flower of his life was injured, Shizune because no matter what anyone else says, she was worried for her, Hinata and Shino because they naturally worried for her and apparently, she saved Shino in the hospital too, Tenten because she was scared for both the pink haired medic and Kiba).
Oh, poor girl, she realizes one person is missing.
No matter, she convinces herself seconds later. Tries too, anyway.
When she is told to stay at the hospital for a night and one day, three people offer to stay for a while. Sai raises two fingers in a gesture to indicate he'll hang about but Tsunade-sama tells him he is needed for a certain mission afoot; he reluctantly leaves with a fake smile—she realizes it's actually forced this time. Taking his chance, Naruto says he will stay but soon enough, Tsunade reminds him of the duties of being the Hokage and he is needed other places. He begrudgingly kisses his friend atop the head and leaves with a huff, along with Lee, who doesn't even get the chance to stay because Naruto pulls him along. Soon another speaks out and everyone turns to the Hyuuga Neji. Hinata smiles and ushers everyone else out and says goodnight to her cousin and pink haired friend.
He sits next to her when she almost falls asleep. She sleepily asks him a question. What really happened?
"There was an attack."
She reaches out tiredly and achingly to touch his folded hands on his lap. The paled-eyed man turns to her, questionably.
"Please…" she whispers, too tired to really say it anymore convincingly, "tell me."
She knows he'll regret telling her later but he explains that the Uchiha betrayed them again and led Sound-nins into the village to attack. Neji tells her that most of the enemies are being held in custody but Uchiha is going to be man-hunted (here, he says Naruto ordered this right away). She is quiet as he tells her this and she realizes that she had seen this coming a long time ago; she realizes that they all suspected that Sasuke would pull a stunt like this.
"But you saved most of everyone from the attacks here in the hospital…" Neji looks contemplative as he stares at the floor and, oh, she wants to smile at the affectionate tone he uses.
She thanks him for saving her and he doesn't reply. Instead, he tells her see needs to sleep and she does. The Hyuuga finds that she still has her hand on his later that night and there is a gentle and very small smile when he thinks of her bravery. She protected everyone—not just the people who she loves. And it was Neji who found her and pulled her away from danger before it was too late. His hand reaches over hers that is over one of his and holds it softly.
The both of them were asleep by the time a particular Nara returns from the mission he was sent on (a man hunt Tsunade had ordered him on before she sent others to join). They don't realize he is in the room, in the doorway, and eyes cast over her way then to the Hyuuga's. And then he leaves, just like all the other times.
She opens her eyes for a second, realizing the door is wide open but goes back to sleep anyway.
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds and still watches others when he realizes she starting to look over her shoulder again.
That certain someone isn't by her side anymore, he knows. It was always a feeling before, he thinks, and she has forgotten who it's supposed to be. He doesn't talk to her anymore, instead, he hears how she is really doing from Ino and Naruto, who are currently angered with him (but, see, he simply doesn't care) and when he sees her, it's in public areas and she never sees him. Though, he sees her glance over her shoulder, as if she feels his presence.
He tells himself she'll come to her senses. She'll understand; she'll know. But a couple more months fly by and she doesn't. He doesn't bother with it and focuses on his work on being ANBU. When he gets hurt now, he doesn't show it, and tries healing physical injuries himself (because emotional injuries cannot be healed by his hands) so he never goes to the hospital. Naruto calls him prideful and Ino calls him selfish. Choji doesn't try to contradict his friend, he can see that, but once he was sure he heard Choji muttered "Stubborn" under his breath. Even Kiba (once he got wind of this "horrible act") said he'd end up alone and never have someone there for him. He thinks Kiba knows exactly how to touch nerves.
She turns twenty-six and he is dragged her birthday party. He stays in the back for only a couple minutes and chimes in singing the now pointless song "Happy Birthday" because she isn't having one, though she fools most with her bright smile. He leaves, once again. He knows she's looking over her shoulder when he does, as if he'd turn around to smile nicely. He doesn't.
Two months ago, the Hyuuga got over his nerves and asked the pink haired woman to a formal party his uncle was having. Though he knew she would answer yes, it still struck him as impossible when she went with the Hyuuga anyway. Everyone still murmurs things. Gossip. They look like a lovely couple; they're perfect for each other, those so-called know-it-alls say. He still doesn't condemn them, though, because they haven't a clue what they are talking about. Naruto, on the other hand, grumbles in his office still. He knows Naruto tries to be happy for them both, though he had thought of a different story for the pink haired girl and so did Ino, who thinks angrily to herself as she tends to her eighteen month year old son.
But he doesn't do a thing about it. Because he thinks he's done enough. Ever since childhood, he'd been there for her and he thinks it's time for her to be there for him.
He knows it's hopeless. But he wills Destiny anyway.
--X--
She is twenty-six and still protects the ones she loves when she isn't there for one of them.
Naruto storms into her office and forcefully (and wordlessly) pulls her out of the office and drags her down the hospital hallways to throw her into a room, where several men where being held and healed. She turns, confused, to her friend, until he gestures to a young man with a ponytail (his dark brown hair falling out slightly), who is being restrained by a couple of other men.
"He needs to be healed."
She soon learns that the Nara had been on a dangerous mission, in which he was the only survivor and was almost killed by a certain Uchiha. He had been able to stop Uchiha from entering Konoha's boundaries that were set a while back but he almost died doing so.
She heals him at once.
When she is done, she whispers something and she doesn't think he hears. Why wasn't I there? A simple question and yet she can't find the answers. She knows not how to do so. How could she, anyway? Look for an answer that should be clear to see. Why wasn't I there? Why? She doesn't know. When he was hurt, she wasn't there to step in the way to prevent it. She stares at her hands sadly. All she could do now is heal him. That's all? She doesn't cry because she doesn't what to cry about. She doesn't get angry because she doesn't know how to right now. She doesn't leave because, now, it's only them and she needs to be there.
She isn't glancing over shoulder.
Instead, she glances up and sees him smiling nicely at her.
"I didn't mean it," and suddenly, she isn't just talking about one simple matter.
"I know."
"Do you hate me now?"
"Why would you ask that?" he smiles at her anyway.
She doesn't answer that question. Instead, she asks another:
"Does it still hurt?"
"A little."
"I don't know how to fix it."
"You'll know," he takes her hand, "but not today."
"Do you still need someone to be there?"
He squeezes her hand gently and she sees a small shimmer in those black eyes.
"We'll see."
Naruto finds them later, and grins when he sees them sprawled on that hospital bed asleep. Naruto thinks their fairytale is the best he's ever seen. Baa-chan agrees when she steps beside the blonde in the doorway. They both leave and silently agree to keep this secret. Tsunade goes to drink her sake and Naruto goes to eat his ramen instead—they're glad they can finally enjoy it, Hokage to Hokage.
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds when he catches her watching them too.
It's when she's tired—he can tell—and it's atop the roof of the hospital. He sure she knows he's right behind her, watching her not the clouds (like always, just always…) and when she points her slender finger to the sky, he follows her gaze to the sky.
"It's like watching troubles pass by."
There's a small glint in his eyes and a thoughtful smile when he hears her say this.
"Yeah…"
He wants to tell her that is one of the reasons why he chooses to observe the white fluffs that scatter the blue sky. When he studies it for a moment, he realizes it really is a nice day for cloud watching. Choji is probably thinking the same thing, he figures. The clouds are different shapes and forms and if were with anyone else, they would have guessed what they appeared to be. But she doesn't. She sees another reason in observing them (he smiles again).
"It's too bad they keep coming, huh?"
"Maybe."
"But, y'know…" she glances over her shoulder (just like always, always) with a tired face, "when I think about it…the clouds—it doesn't matter if they're big or small because they all can disappear, just with a wind. And they're so thin…if I could, I would reach up and pass my hand through them."
He nods and puts his hands in his pockets with a thoughtful glance towards the sky.
"Yes," he agrees, turning to leave, "you could."
He knows she's still looking over her shoulder when he starts for the door to the staircase. So before his hand reaches for the doorknob, he turns his head a little to consider her with a smile.
"Perhaps it's too troublesome to say this now but…" he pauses, "but I believe you've mastered the art of cloud-watching."
It's to be a joke but he knows they both are taking it seriously. Confusion flickers across her smooth features and suddenly she grins and he knows she remembers that one day (when he said he'll teach her all those years ago; so, so, so long ago).
"No," says the pink haired woman, "it's not too troublesome."
"Then I guess we're even for the moment."
She nods and turns her head back to the clouds and he takes his leave.
It's still troublesome, though, but it's bearable today.
--X--
She is twenty-six and still protects the ones she loves when she does this once again.
It's a mission (always a mission) and she takes the chance to protect him. He's not supposed to be on a mission like this (he's the ANBU chief, she thinks, he's better than this) but she finds out that he choose to come along with her (Naruto tells her this later on).
She doesn't get hurt; no one does. But after they arrive back home and are standing at the
gates of Konoha, he tells her he was capable of handling it. With a smile, she turns to him with a brief reply of:
"I wanted to do it."
He looks like he doesn't understand and answers saying that it doesn't really matter. It should be offensive, but she knows whom she speaking with and smiles again.
"I guess I just wished to show you that I'll be there."
She's sure he feels as if his words are being thrown back and forth suddenly but all she gets for a response is a smile and a muttered 'troublesome' ('annoying man' she replies) and they part ways.
She glances over her shoulder, before running off, and sees him.
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds when she comes to see him at his office.
It's an interesting thing, he decides. She's never gone to his office; he will stop by hers to speak with her but the tables never have turned until today. So she sits on the chair on the other side of his desk and he stares at her with question.
When she speaks, she says heavily that someone asked her to marry. It's more than ten seconds for him to trust his voice to speak, for the news isn't something he's accustomed to hear (though it isn't truly surprising because most men in Konoha who have seen her wish to have her). He says it's 'interesting' and asks her what she plans to do. The woman responds with:
"This is the sixth proposal I have received within these past two months."
It's more than twenty seconds before he has to recover but he still gapes at her. Though he shouldn't be surprised, he is and he simply wonders why she isn't married and has at least five kids by now. Letting out a 'troublesome' he asks why she has come here (he hopes Destiny has finally been kind and she is here for comfort of some different level, whether it be friendly chat or just smiles). Bowing her head, she simply states that Naruto isn't available to speak to (being Hokage takes you away from friends, he thinks sadly and pities Naruto).
"I suppose it's too troublesome for you," she shrugs and then, "but would some coffee fit this conversation?"
He agrees and asks his assistant outside the office to get them coffee. When they drink it in silence, he finds it's comfortable. So instead of confronting her about the matter slowly, he simply asks bluntly:
"Who was it?"
"No one you know."
"I doubt that."
She does too, he knows, because he knows most of the names in their village (he's been ANBU chief for a while).
"Hisaru."
"I thought so," he answers, sipping his beverage, "Ino said something about that."
"I didn't know he thought of me that way…"
"You don't know how a lot of men think of you," because one is right in front of you, he thinks with a spiteful smile.
She sighs and says she needs to leave. Before she goes off with the cup of coffee, she tells him with a downcast expression:
"I wonder…whose next?"
He doesn't bother answering because she's already gone. But he knows the answer anyhow. And he knows it's not himself.
"Troublesome."
--X--
She is twenty-six and still protects the ones she loves when she realizes there's a possibility to end up like Tsunade-sama.
This is something that bothers her. Tsunade once had told her she has lived her life with regrets—still. Jiraiya's death is one of them, the medic believes. There was still so much to say to the man, Tsunade says. "But I think he knew what I wanted to say."
She doesn't want to end up like Tsunade though. And whatever she needs to say or do needs to be done now, she decides.
But it's still hard not to look over her shoulder and ask, will he be there for her to say anything? She wants to be by his side and she's sure he wants that too. Still…for her, she doesn't know who exactly it is. When she usually looks over her shoulder, she sees one in particular (she smiles when she thinks of clouds) but really…could this be him? She knows it's important. Regret is something she'd rather not go on with.
Tsunade tells her, "Don't let yourself end up like Naruto," because the boy-turned-to-man maybe not alone but he's chosen to distance himself. "He keeps everything inside," the blonde tells her, "and, at times, he blows up. In some ways…I know how that can feel. We all have a taste of that. But do you truly wish to keep everything inside? Don't you want someone there?"
The pink haired woman shakes her head and ponders upon this.
"Sakura," Tsunade cups the woman's cheek and smiles sadly, "I want to thank you for being someone to be there for me. You've been there for mostly everyone," the blonde blinks slowly and goes on, "I've tried to be there for you as well. But I'm afraid I'm certainly not that person. You need to find that someone—before it's too late."
She doesn't respond. Instead, she realizes that while she's been so busy to be there for everyone, she's ignored the one who's been there for her. Tsunade, she realizes, knows who this is. She doesn't ask whom. No, not now. Tsunade wants her to figure it out.
She just has to find that someone.
Glancing over her shoulder won't help, will it?
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds when he goes on one of the most dangerous missions of his life.
Naruto doesn't want him to do it; he can't seem to loose another good friend. But the ANBU captain simply explains him of the situation at hand.
"Uchiha Sasuke is terrorizing the outskirts of our village. Not only that," he hisses, "he's playing around with Suna. Gaara has reported—on many occasions—that ever since the direct attack here, Uchiha has been thrown small attacks on Suna. Tell me again you don't want me to send our best to stop this mad man."
It's a challenge. Naruto seems tired of challenges. His tired blue eyes close and lift again with determination
"It's not worth it!" he stands from his desks and glares at the ANBU captain. "You don't know what he's capable of!"
"I'm fully aware!" he yells back. "He nearly killed all of us, Naruto. What's next? Orochimaru's influence on the Uchiha certainly hasn't been taken away. We know he can walk the streets of this village without us noticing."
Naruto glares and turns to his window of the office, his white Hokage robes swishing around him. "Sasuke and his sound-nin goons would have claimed lives a year ago, if not for Sakura-chan, the others…" he turns to his ANBU friend. "…and you. But I can't let something like that happen again."
"Didn't I once say I would do anything for Konoha?" the man counters. Naruto looks at him in question. "It's the way of ninja, Naruto. I once said I'd do anything because it's all for honor. You remember…"
"Yes," the Uzumaki mutters—almost forlornly—and bows his head, "you told me. I didn't understand then, I guess. But…"
"Naruto," he says softly, "I'll come back. We'll all come back."
The Hokage stares at the top of his desk sorrowfully. And the ANBU captain is sure Naruto is thinking of the ero-sennin that left them more than ten years ago. Seconds later, Naruto picks up a folder and wordlessly hands it to the man across from him. Flipping the pages, the ANBU suddenly looks up. It's a list of names of qualified nins to go on the mission; Naruto must have prepared this a while ago, he figures.
"Sakura is not on here."
Naruto doesn't look into the dark eyes of the other man. "That's because she's not going."
"We need a medic."
"Hinata-san is on there."
"Then I want to make a request."
"No," Naruto glares, "Sakura-chan is not going."
"Is this because you can't go?"
"This means she's not going," says Naruto firmly, "She's my responsibly. And she's not going."
"Then if someone dies on this mission, you'll know why."
Both pair of eyes flash with anger.
"Hinata-san will be there. Deal with it."
"You're troublesome," he says when he leaves.
"Don't care, Shikamaru."
"That's too bad."
He leaves on that note.
He's sure Naruto regrets that. He'd rather see his friends off on a better circumstance. Troublesome, yes, but he's sure he'll come back to prove Naruto wrong. He'll come back. But they both know not to tell their Sakura-chan about the mission, they'll leave first thing in the morning, there will be no time for news to reach her ears about it.
He drinks sake that night though.
--X--
She is twenty-six and still protects the ones she loves when she realizes her friends are missing.
It's been two days and she cannot find them. When she asks Tsunade about it, the blonde appears genuinely confused. Naruto is next and he merely tells it'll be all right. She doesn't understand until she spots a folder full of nins for a mission. She recognizes it because she usually sees it open; sometimes Naruto forgets to put away things and she soon learned that it was for an important mission (Sasuke-kun, she sneers).
"Is Shikamaru leading the mission?"
Naruto used to marvel at her calculated guesses. But not anymore, she knows. Naruto sits at his desk and sighs.
"Yes."
"Is Sai on it too?"
"Yes."
She asks if others are on the mission, such as Kiba, Choji, Neji-kun, Shino, etc. But suddenly:
"If you sent Ino on that mission, I'm going to retrieve her."
It's not just a threat and he knows it, she's sure. And they both she'll go through with it.
Naruto stands and places a hand on her shoulder.
"Ino's on a totally different mission, Sakura-chan."
Suddenly, tears are in her green eyes and they run down her cheeks.
"They're all going to get hurt, aren't they?"
He embraces her in a hug, something she hasn't felt for so, so long. She hugs him tightly back because, because she has to. She has to know he's there. There for her. But she realizes they're just at the same level.
"He said he'd come back."
"I'm not there, though," she murmurs through tears, "I'm not there to save them."
"They know how to get out of trouble."
She smiles at his choice of words.
"No…" she whispers in his ear and holds on tighter to his shoulders, "Shika doesn't know how yet."
"I know," he says back.
Because I'm not there, she wants to say.
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds when he comes back from the mission.
I said I would, he tells Naruto. They share a few more words but Naruto soon is hugging his ANBU friend. Five weeks is more than enough time to drive Naruto crazy.
"Sakura-chan is probably treating the others' wounds," Naruto grins that fox boy grin.
"Yeah," he says and returns the grin, "she always does."
They don't say anything more. And when Naruto reads the report, he finds out that Sasuke has fled to Otogakure. It doesn't faze the Hokage but if Sasuke is to come back, everyone is sure Naruto won't be as merciful as he usually is.
When the ANBU captain returns to the hospital, Hinata-san makes it a point to have his wounds healed, for when they were engaged battle, Sasuke had given his opponent deep gashes; Hinata was there to see it. Her leader was the main target and they all wondered why (because I'm his rival and can withstand most of his blows he throws, he thinks spitefully).
She comes running down the hall when she hears of this and heals his wounds immediately. She blames herself again, he knows. In a way, it's a relief she's here with him now. It's all right now. She there for him right now; even if it's just physical.
"Do you think we can have a conversation over coffee?"
She smiles when she says it. And he smiles back.
"It sounds nice to me."
--X--
She is twenty-six and still protects the ones she loves when somebody close to her dies.
Tsunade is there with her the night the news comes. As much as she tries, she still breaks down and cries into the arms of the mother figure of her life. It's not fair, she manages to sob out, Just not fair. Tsunade strokes the pink hair and rubs circles on the girl's back. Of course the old Hokage agrees full heartedly.
The last person she expects to show up at her house is Sai. Tsunade lets him come into the home when she is sure the pink haired medic is in the other room, almost asleep. Sai makes tea for them all and serves his teammate the soothing liquid. Tsunade watches closely as Sai sits closely to the girl with his eyebrows furrowed in a worried frown. It's interesting, Tsunade decides, he's not supposed to feel at all. But he takes care of the unresponsive woman the rest of the night.
In the morning, Naruto drags a certain Nara with Hinata (who tells Neji-kun and he comes along), Kiba and Tenten. Everyone notices the eye twitch that appears on their Hokage and ANBU captain faces when they come upon the scene of their friend asleep in the arms of Sai. Tsunade is there and smirks. She assures them it's all right and they're sure not to wake either of them (though Sai awakens shortly after this is agreed).
When she wakes up, it's on the couch and she screams, causing everyone to rush into the other room. She looks among the faces around her questioningly. Then she begins searching, searching for someone.
"Where is Ino?"
They don't answer. Kiba bows his head and takes a hold of Tenten's hand (don't leave me, he means) whilst the Nara and Naruto share a suffering look. Hinata gives Tsunade a painful glance the older woman returns it. Instead of answering, Neji is by her side in an instant and helping her up. Again, others notice the eye twitches from a Nara and Uzumaki. Hinata silences Sai when he tries pointing this out.
Soon she is sitting at the table with Neji's arm around her shoulders and she doesn't speak at all. She doesn't speak because Neji-kun is whispering sweet nothings into her ear. (It's all right, everything will be fine. We're all here.) Hinata and Tenten make breakfast—with the assistance from Tsunade-sama—from what is there in the refrigerator and place plain white rice in front of the pink haired woman (for they know it's what she'll eat in this mood, something Naruto told them thoughtlessly once). When they finish, they realize she hasn't eaten very much and Naruto suggests they stay for the rest of the day—duties or not. He tells Kiba to retrieve Choji, the now widowed man.
Tsunade notes that their Sakura is very much like a lonely child right now. As she is curled up between Neji and Tsunade on the couch, she grips to them as if they'll go away too and leave her. Leave her like Ino has. (Tsunade closes her eyes thinking of the blonde woman; killed by Sasuke's sword, they never expected it; she hasn't told the pink haired girl and she doesn't plan to for at least a week.) Just like a child, she murmurs things, saying that she wasn't there.
Only two people truly understand that.
For a moment, Tsunade's and his eyes meet.
The next day, she and Choji are allowed the day off (no one disagrees with Naruto) and a few people stay with her. Tenten stays for a while but Kiba explains he cannot deal with being alone without a mission right now (knowing his own wife could leave anytime like Ino) and Tenten has to go. Sai has long since been gone because Naruto needs him for a mission, along with a few others. Hinata comes in place for Tenten and Neji stays. Tsunade leaves, seemingly discussing matters with Naruto. Neji stays and Hinata continues to make them meals and tea for the rest of the day.
When Hinata reaches for another teacup, her hand brushes against something silky like. She stands on her tiptoes to peer into the cupboard to see what it is. A ribbon. A red ribbon. Hinata places it in her pocket and decides that this is the infamous ribbon Ino had once told her about. She proceeds to give her cousin and friend tea with a sad smile. The pink haired girl drinks the tea numbly and for a moment—just for a moment—she looks over her shoulder and out the window. Isn't there supposed to be someone here? She can't remember. Instead she contemplates Ino sadly.
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds when someone close to him dies.
As much as he feels pain, he doesn't let the others see. Only Naruto notices and he stays at Naruto's for the night. He doesn't cry but decides to numbly tell Naruto stories of his dear friend who has died. Naruto listens and asks a question when he feels is the right time. He's grateful to Naruto.
"We'll get him, Shikamaru."
It's a promise. He doesn't usually like promises but he knows he'll like this one.
"I know we will."
The next day, they both agree to spend time with the pink haired medic and of course they stumble across a scene they'd rather not see. He knows his eye is twitching at the sleeping woman in Sai's arms. When she awakens, she asks for Ino. He inwardly flinches; how could they possibly answer her? They're friend is dead; killed by the man he knew he should have stopped a long time ago.
They go through the day slowly. Choji is brought to her house and is comforted; he openly accepts it. He always was able to greet comfort; pride aside, Choji is the perfect guy (Ino saw that, even if it took her a while, he thinks sadly). They drink tea most of the day. Tsunade holds the crying girl most of the day, though Neji does as well. He tries to ignore the heat of anger surging to his cheeks. It's the Hyuuga's fault, he tries to think. Naruto wants to hold her too, he can see it those blue eyes and how they shine with unshed tears for his friend.
The following day, Naruto says she and Choji get the day off and Tsunade agrees loudly.
The Godaime looks over to him and ushers him with her so that they leave with Naruto.
With one last look at the woman in Neji's arms, he leaves. Naruto and Tsunade talk with him the Hokage's office. Naruto yells and rants about the Uchiha. Tsunade tries to call him down but Naruto shoots back other hurtful things.
"He almost killed Sakura and now he finally got Ino! She was supposed to be on an escorting mission! To Suna! No one was supposed to get hurt! Especially not Ino…!"
The ANBU captain grits his teeth and tries to say nothing. It's hard enough Naruto is openly saying these things; it's another to have to be reminded that Ino wasn't supposed to be in any danger. His friend…
"Naruto," Tsunade reaches a hand out to touch his shoulder, "we need to think this through. We all know, as ninja, we always have the promise of being in danger—no matter where we are. Ino knew that and she served Konoha well."
"That shouldn't matter!" Naruto's blue eyes burn into hers when he whips around to give another fierce glare. "Sasuke was one of us—Ino's death doesn't count for the whole 'promise of always being in danger'. She was brought down by one of her own."
"He's right," the ANBU captain whispers angrily, "Ino may have served and died for Konoha, but that could've been helped. If I would have just been ther—"
"You dare finish that sentence, Nara, and I'll punch you through these walls," Tsunade says with fury. She looks at both of the men in the room. "We're going to get him. But you can't simply yell about it here. Avenging Ino won't do anything either. But if it's revenge you want, you'll more in likely to get it. Uchiha Sasuke will be brought down," Tsunade locks eyes with the dark brown ones. "Because that's what we do."
Naruto scoffs and leaves the room, angrily. It's obvious where he's heading—his office to sulk alone. Instead, the other replies.
"I know."
"So what are you standing here blaming yourself for?!" Tsunade waves her hand to brush him out of the room.
"Brain lapse," he says with a smirk and walks out, followed by the blonde herself.
"I'm going to check on Sakura."
"You do that."
"You work on a mission."
"Only on one condition."
Tsunade pauses. "You want Sakura on the mission this time, don't you?"
A nod. "I've gone over it my mind about a hundred times and I believe the chances are much better for us if—"
"Try to hide behind statistics, Nara, but I know what the real reason is—she's your support. I understand. But you'll have to speak with Naru—"
"I've tried that in the past."
"Then I'll talk to him."
He nods gratefully and starts moving down the hallway.
"Nara?"
"Yes?"
"You think if you wait long enough, she'll come to you," Tsunade's eyes shine a little, as if she's reflecting things from the past, "but this is one of those things when you have take action."
"Tsunade-sama?" He doesn't know what to say, really.
"Sakura's a smart girl, but for goodness sake's, we all know she can't figure out these sort of things. It's a shame you can't take things into your own hands this time… Just think of what Ino would say."
Tsunade walks away and down the halls, leaving him there. For a few moments, he sees another blonde there, with a ponytail and holding flowers as if for him. He blinks and she's still there. There's a scowl on her face and she points a slender finger at him.
Geez, you're so lazy! And stupid! Why don't you just get to her before Hyuuga does!
"That's what Ino would say."
He walks home alone, hands stuffed in his pockets.
--X--
She is twenty-six and still protects the ones she loves when her friends notice a change in her.
Her green eyes don't sparkle and her smiles are empty. Sometimes, she lets herself grow limp and tired easily. Naruto worries but doesn't voice his opinions anymore, she knows. Naruto simply doesn't know what to do. At times, she'll drag her feet and Kakashi will ask if she needs help with anything if he sees this. Her work drags out in the days and her world is now bleak and gray. Shizune will assist her when truly needed but the woman doesn't know what to really do for the other; just like everyone else, she thinks with a bitter smile.
Hyuuga Neji visits her often and she greets him with a smile that has only a hint of sincerity, for she was actually expecting another (but he never comes, she notices).
Emotional support is given to her by the most unexpected person (Neji-kun, she smiles) and she openly accepts it because where else will she really get it? He seems to know what to do and she grateful to him that he never takes advantage of her weakened state. He never touches her wrongly and never hints he wants to and he treats her well, so she accepts Neji into her life fully.
When she glances over her shoulder now, she doesn't see him—the one who is supposed to be there.
Sometimes, she sees Ino, though. But she blinks and her friend is gone again.
But now she doesn't want to glance over her shoulder. She gives up on him. He's supposed to be there, she thinks with despair, but he isn't there to wipe her tears. Neji-kun is here and that's what she'll settle with. The other has left her life, it seems, and she tries to forget how close they were. Neji's here, she keeps saying to herself, and he's here to stay.
Slowly, she grows closer and closer to the Hyuuga over a two-month period, as she goes on in the weakened state. She begins to smile and mean it, even though Naruto still worries. She doesn't drag her feet anymore but Kakashi still comes to ask to help. Her days are more colorful, despite the loss of her friend. Best friend.
She spends time with Choji and he is surprisingly open about the whole ordeal. Choji tells stories of times with Ino and they laugh at some of the things the blonde used to do. ("Little Chojian is missing his mother, though," he adds thoughtfully and she smiles, "I would think so.") So when she returns home that night and Neji comes to check on her, they both know her smile is more meaningful than the others. And, suddenly, she realizes she won't need Neji anymore; she's happy now.
But then he captures her in a surprising hug and is proved wrong. He whispers to her: "Glad you're back."
He had missed the other her, the medic realizes. The other me, she thinks. The one before Ino's death. It's not a confirmation, but she takes it as a small I love you and she starts to realize it's mutual. It's about the best she'll get from him.
So when Neji says they'll go to that festival tomorrow night, she doesn't object; instead she laughs and says it's all right with her. Because, honestly, it is.
--X--
He is twenty-seven and still likes the clouds when she comes to his office once again.
Her pink hair seems for vibrant than before, he notes, and her smile is ecstatic and almost contagious. But he's too taken aback to return the smile. Since he hasn't seen her for a while (four months, he rolls his eyes, four months delving into self-angst), he doesn't know what to really say by instinct. He searches his mind for a proper greeting but all he finds are the memories and realizations that he hasn't truly tried to keep in touch with her. She's twenty-seven now (his birthday will be in a few months) and he wasn't there, though he spent that one day in his office, not to be disturbed.
(He wasn't there when she glanced over her shoulder and he knew it; he just simply wasn't there.)
She's the one to give the greeting and he's surprised that she's quite bubbly and apparently animated, as if their best friend didn't die. Happily, she informs him that Naruto told her to come speak with him about the mission (the mission, he thinks bitterly, the one for Uchiha). He doesn't know exactly what to do but nods anyway and she chats on, saying that she was given permission to be there.
When she is done with the brief information, he catches himself staring at her before she can.
"You seem well," he says suddenly and it seems to startle her.
He wants to take it back but she smiles gently and speaks. "I've had help."
She seems to be telling him something else and he knows what it is ("You weren't there.")
"I'm glad to hear that," he says thoughtfully. "Someone must be very compassionate." ("I don't want to hear about Hyuuga.")
"Yes…" she seems to grow forlorn for only a second then gives a fake smile. "Neji was very kind." ("You've been replaced.")
A nod from the black haired man. In all honestly, he didn't expect Neji to be "kind". But Naruto had stated something about the matter, though he didn't want to believe it. But apparently, his 'fears' were confirmed.
"How gracious of him," he says. "I'm sure everyone is happy you're back." ("We're talking about you here.")
"Yes, so they say," she eyes him with sparkling green eyes, "It's a shame I didn't see you." ("Even Choji was there. Did you forget me?")
"I was busy." ("Change is troublesome. I didn't know how to react.")
"Interesting how you've always made room before." ("Neji wasn't busy.")
"We didn't have such troublesome problems before." ("Ino was still alive before.")
"But you still made room." ("You were there for me. Where are you now?")
"Yes, I did. Though we have different matters at hand. And I'm afraid it's a bit hard to pull away from them now." ("I've dug a hole and crawled in it. Leave me be.")
"Hmm, Sasuke was always an issue, Shikamaru." ("Get over it. I did.")
"Not as much as now." ("I don't know what to do now.")
"I suggest you have someone help you on that." ("I'm trying to be there now. Now go get someone else.")
"It's not that easy, Sakura."
"Why not?"
"Because I was the support of everyone 'till now."
"What's so wrong about being the support now?"
"Because it was easier then. Everyone's making it harder now."
"Funny, I remember someone saying that's what ninja's do."
"Don't do that, troublesome woman. I was there for you and you know it."
"Yeah," she shot back, glaring now, "about that…I've found someone else who seems to be there for me now. You're not needed."
"All I wanted was for you to—" he stops himself before all can come out. He stares down at his desk in anger.
"For me to be there?" she questions, standing up, causing him to do the same. "I tried to be there. You know that."
"I believe waiting twenty years or more proved that I'm patient enough but you never understood," he states hoarsely.
"Twenty? Yeah, right, Shikamaru," she said doubtfully. "I don't remember you being around when I was seven."
"You wouldn't actually," he suddenly spits out venomously, and he sees her flinch. But he doesn't stop. "You were too busy with your precious Sasuke-kun and your only friend Ino. And the few times you were with me, I thought you'd stay. But, no, you're playing around with the Hyu—"
"Stop!" she desperately cries, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Stop it…!"
"And, you know, there were actually a few times when you stopped and thought about my feelings," he steps around his desk and draws near to her now. "But you easily forget them the next day, I could tell. We may have been close friends at some period in our lives, but guess who was truly the one who kept the relationship? Me. You did almost nothing to show you cared about it. All you di—"
"Stop!" She cries out again and almost stumbles when she steps backwards in an attempt to give space between them.
He closes the distance easily and they are only a foot away from each other. She flinches when he grasps her wrist forcefully. The medic almost shrinks under his touch and she closes her eyes, letting only more tears escape.
"Did you even care?" he questions because, really, he wants to know. He may be a genius but he's blind to this and knows it. He has to know, just has to know. "Did you care? Was I someone you thought of when lonely? Did you ever look for me when you needed someone to be there for you? Did you? Did you even love me?"
"Stop, stop, stop…" she murmurs, followed by a sob. She covers her mouth with the free hand and bows her head.
He doesn't loosen his grip but reaches for her cheek and touches it softly with the tips of his fingers. Tracing the path of tears on her left cheek, he whispers, "Because you were someone I thought of when I needed someone there."
She doesn't respond, only muffled sobs are heard for a reply. How could she be so blind?
"Just…please tell me," he whispers desperately, closing his eyes tightly. His chest hurts terribly but he's finally letting out all the suppressed words. "I need…I just need to know."
He thinks it as a chance for her. One last chance, he thinks. A chance before he completely closes off. Or she does, whichever one beats the other to it. If she doesn't tell him what he truly wishes to hear now, he'll stop. Stop the 'Are you okay?'s, stop the wishing, stop the support, stop the smiles. Because, because it wouldn't be worth it. He wouldn't be able to continuing a one-sided relationship because he knows loves her. It would be pointless to go on when knowing she doesn't return the feelings.
But she only sobs more and wriggles free from his grip, stepping away two paces from him.
"Sakura, please, I need to know," he reaches for her again but she shakes her head and he lets the hand fall to his side again. "I just need to know."
Finally, those emerald eyes open and they stare tearfully towards the hurting man. "I…" she starts brokenly, "I… I can't…!"
He doesn't understand now, though he knows he should. When she covers her face quickly with both her hands he wants to tear them away and cup her cheeks. But he doesn't.
"Sakura? Just please, it's the only thing I'll ask from you if you want," he tells her tenderly, ready to go through with the promise.
Again, she stares into his eyes and he feels his chest hurt even more when more tears stream down her pale face. She seems to contemplate this and opens and closes her mouth a few times before she finally voices something.
"I didn't mean to…ever…give you pain, Shika."
"Sakura, just answer the question." Though it's a relief that he knows she acknowledges the fact she gave him pain.
"I…" she tries and he reaches for her wrist again pulls her to him.
"What? You what?" He whispers desperately again.
Again, she has trouble. Before he knows it, she's pushing against him and is trying to writhe away. When he releases her, she goes for the door and has her back to him. She pauses and glances over her shoulder to gaze at him.
"I'm getting married, Shikamaru."
His stomach seems to drop and he stops breathing. There's a flash of white before he can see again.
"…t—to who?"
He doesn't realize his voice comes out strangled, as if he just came up from the surface of water. She doesn't look at him and he silently wills her to. He still can't breathe.
"Neji," she whispers but he can hear it. "I'll be a Hyuuga in a matter of months."
He doesn't respond. He can't respond. When she doesn't leave after a few more seconds, he finally regains his breath (it comes out haggard and coarse) and whispers hoarsely:
"Congratulations."
"Aren't you going to say anything else?"
"No. Not anymore."
He shakes his head, breaking eye contact and turns his back to sit as his desk once again.
When he does, he looks up to see her silent tears again. They don't say anything. It's silently agreed between them both that he's not going to do anything more about it.
And silently, he breaks inside.
He breaks inside even more when she runs out of the office, trying to hide the tears from others as she runs by.
--X--
Author's Notes
Part one of two.
This was meant to be a small one-shot. Turned into something more as time went on. First shot at ShikaSaku.
Comment, PM, and/or read. Just enjoy.