Sam (not Sam, it's not) was yelling at Dean, binary code spewing in whirling cogs and gears and eyes a vicious red hue and everything hurt and Dean's world was collapsing. It was falling to fucking pieces around him and damned if he could stop it. Because everything Sam said was true. Every single thing and it stabbed and sliced Dean's insides and made him want to fall to his knees.
I'm not him, Dean.
Sam's dead, get the fuck over it already.
Why are you doing this to me? What the fuck did I ever do to you?
Do you enjoy hurting me?
Do you?
"I know!" He finally snapped out, tears streaming his face and voice a broken facade of strength.
"I know you aren't him -fuck I know." He said, scrubbing both hands down his face and raking them through his hair, setting it at wild angles in attempt to get a hold over himself. Rough gasps and broken hiccups was all he could breathe it seemed.
"But you know what you are, Sam?" He asked quietly, the android looking at him with inquisitive eyes.
"You're a god damned nightmare wrapped up in a dream. You're everything I wanted, everything I thought I could do. I thought I saved him, but I didn't. I couldn't do this one thing. I let him die thinking that I was going to save him. And then-" he broke off to laugh wildly, sliding along the wall Sam frightened him to and letting himself break. "And then you come along. You're so much like him, fuck you're so much like him. Like his fucking twin. And I, I thought for a moment it worked. Maybe it was just quirks to being an android that made him do those things."
He broke off into silence, looking up at the flaking ceiling and hating himself just as much as he deserved. Hated himself just as much as Sam does.
"But I couldn't delude myself for long." He let out quietly.
"You were becoming your own person, your own Sam. And I, I didn't want to see. I couldn't. Because if I did, if I accepted he was dead, then what fucking point do I have? What have I even been doing?" His voice was soft, broken, falling on deaf ears because if Sam was here or not he doesn't care anymore. He's just. Everything hurts.
"I'm a joke. A fucking joke who is in love with his dead brother."