Congratulations, you've been hetalia'd!

by Mitosi

Yeah, Hetalia is great. But the shock of getting into the Hetalia world is even greater! First english story, please comment the writing style Translated from my originally german story T for some kisses and talking. Oh well.

1. Prologue & Chap I

Congratulations, you've been

Hetalia'd !

Chapters

Page 2 / Prologue

Chap I / Yao no kisu and other catastrophes

Chap II / The hero, the magician and the Yaoifreak

Chap III / Let's have a toast with our shoes

Chap IV / Mon ami Suomi

Chap V / Independence Day – Happy Birthday, America!

Main characters

Russia – Ivan Braginski

America – Alfred F. Jones

England / Britain – Arthur Kirkland

China – Wang Yao

Canada – Matthew Williams

Prussia – Gilbert Beilschmidt

Japan – Kiku Honda

North Italy (Veneciano) – Feliciano Vargas

Germany – Ludwig Beilschmidt

Spain – Antonio Fernandez Carriedo

South Italy (Romano) – Lovino Vargas

Hungary – Elizaveta Héderváry

France – Francis Bonnefoy

Poland – Feliks Lukasiewicz

Lithuania – Toris Lorinaitis

Belarus – Natascha Arlofskaya

Ukraine – Yekaterina Braginskaya

Sweden – Berwald Oxenstierna

Finland – Tino Väinämöinen

Austria – Roderick Edelstein

Prologue

Yeah, I know, this is annoying. However, I just have to write down some things which would remain unmentioned without this prologue. That would be really bad, so here we go:

First, I have a really important piece of information for you: English is not my native language, so some things may sound weird or just wrong. I really try to translate it correctly; please tell me about every mistake you find.

Then, I would like to thank some people for helping me with this story: My friend Carina, who really saved me by reading this story and correcting the grammar mistakes I've made so far. Besides, I 'borrowed' the scene with the broom from her – it just was so awesome, it had to be in my story :D Well, thanks to Hidekaz Himaruya, too, for allowing me to mess with his characters. This belongs all to him and not to me and I don't earn any money for publishing this.

Oh well, I still have to warn you that I am using not only countries, but real existing people to create funny scenes in this story. EVERYTHING HERE IS NOT MEANT PERSONALLY AND ITS PURPOSE IS TO ENTERTAIN THE READERS. I am also sorry for the OOCness of Alexandra and – especially – Marina, from whose point of view some parts of the story are written. (And this already sounds damn like google translator… ._.) Then, I really put my efforts into writing the chapters interestingly, but some scenes I just couldn't make any more interesting (*cough* last chap *cough*) Sorry for this again. And, last but not least – in a story fabricated by ME, there is always some Yaoi. In this FF, there is merely Shounen Ai, which means kiss scenes and talking about something… more interesting. It won't get worse, I promise.

But to be sure, here is a list of the pairings that will appear in the story:

Russia x China

America x England

Germany x North Italy

Spain x South Italy

Prussia x Hungary

Sweden x Finland

Austria x His Piano

Poland x Lithuania

Denmark x Netherlands (I would prefer Denmark x Norway, but that would have led to some difficult scenes in the fourth chapter.)

Well~, that's the whole prologue (finally), so – if you're not asleep yet – you can go on and read this fic *goes into a corner and waits for reviews*

Chap I / Yao no kisu and other catastrophes

02.07.2011

Tired, I put my maths book with the solved equations into the school bag and sighed. Finally, I had finished that damn homework and could do whatever I wanted for the rest of the evening.

"Maru kaite chikyuu, maru kaite chikyuu, maru kaite chikyuu, boku wa roshia!" I hummed happily, while I listened to that song through my headphones. Lately, I had really been into Hetalia and had always liked Russia, not only because I was Russian and had already "become one" with Ivan. I giggled at that thought and put my note block on the table. "Hetalia – Mochi Gallery", was written on the cover with bold, blue letters. I grinned again, this time at the thought of the about forty riceballs, on which I had doodled the faces of Hetalia characters. I opened the block on the first page and looked at the four rice balls that were painted on it: America, in the top right corner England with his unicorns, below America was Russia and in the bottom right corner China. I smiled knowingly, when an idea came to my mind and took my red pencil to connect America and England as well as Russia and China with a red line. "Looks much better" I told myself happily but had to yawn in the middle of the sentence. "Damn, eleven P.M. already? I really should go to bed if I don't want to miss my physics test tomorrow." Hastily, I closed my block and got changed. As soon as I put my blanket over my body and shut my eyes, I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Alright, I lied about the dreamless part. After some time floating in complete darkness, violet lights appeared and both sides, just to be interrupted by yellow flames. I flied forward in this mysterious hallway, the flames leading the way. In front of me, some thin and glowing threads floated back and forth, forming strange patterns and finally, united to a big star.

"How strange" I murmured into the darkness and as an answer, the yellow flames that were warm and calm before, became wild and raging, making me feel hot all over the body. I began to squirm, trying to free myself from my blanket and…

…landed on a red sofa. What the…? I didn't even possess a red sofa! Perplexed, I looked around me, now totally sure of the fact that I wasn't at home. I sat on this sofa in a huge room, which had high windows and paintings on its walls. The people on the paintings seemed somehow familiar to me, but I couldn't figure out why.

"What's–" I began ranting, but interrupted myself instantly, shocked by my own voice. Not that it had been high before, but the voice I heard just now just was not my own. "Hello? Test, test!" I felt really ridiculous, experimenting with my voice like that, but I was sure that it was definitely deeper than my original voice. Oh for heaven's sake, I wasn't even a boy to have my vocal break now…! I bit down on my lower lip, the sharp pain making me moan. After that, I blinked a few times, but the room stayed as it was. "Oh my god." I sighed and wanted to lift my hands in order to massage my temples, but my right hand felt pretty heavy and when I finally managed to move it a bit, I heard a sleepy grunt from below. Alright, what was going on here? I looked down, but something white and soft blocked my sight. A scarf. A long, bluish scarf had been put around my neck, so I saw the things below me only partially. Nevertheless, I saw shiny black hair lying on thin shoulders. Taking the weight on my legs into account, the person's head lay on my lap and the body to my right. The black-haired person wore a green pullover with way too long sleeves and red jogging pants.

"Uhh… Cory?" I called the name of my school friend, who also had black hair of approximately the same length. "Is it you…?" When no answer from her followed, I freed my right arm completely from the weight of the person's head and pulled it up; I wanted to get the scarf out of the way and look at the sleeping person properly.

I had better not done that.

Unknowingly, I woke up the sleeping person below me, so even before my fingers had reached the soft fabric of the scarf, two arms wrapped around my neck and soft lips were pressed against mine, making me tear my eyes open even more. My body was paralyzed because of the daring actions of the person below me and only when a tongue licked over my lower lip, wanting access to my mouth, my mind started to work again. I shoved the person away and wiped my lips in disgust.

"What was that- ohmygodno", I gasped, when I had finally recognized him. "shit." In front of me sat a young man, looking like maybe twenty years old, but I knew he was older. way older. The long, black hair was not put together in a ponytail but framed the slightly tanned face of his, the amber eyes staring at me in shock. That was not Cory. That was none of my classmates.

That was Wang Yao, also known as China. Oh shit.

"Wh- what are you doing here, Yao?" I ranted as soon as my tongue could move after the shock. "And what am I doing here? How did I end up here and why the hell did you kiss me?" The last part of my speech I shouted almost hysterically and made wild gestures with my hands, but that was understandable. Who wouldn't have overreacted in a situation like this…? China's expression changed from perplexed to worried to amused. Just what part of my situation was amusing?

"Aiya, Ivan, did you have too much vodka yesterday, aru?" When his palm landed on my shoulder, the touch sent shockwaves through my entire body. Why the hell did he call me Ivan? "But well, I'll play along. One question after another, alright? I'm here because you invited me to a sleepover." He grinned equivocally at the word 'sleepover'. "This is your room, so why shouldn't you be here? Yesterday we came here after we drank a couple of drinks at the bar. And now for the last question, aru." That Yao had moved closer with each answer, I noticed only now and the alarm bells in my head started ringing immediately. Yao's left hand came out of the too long sleeve and stroke over my right jaw, what evoked a gag reflex in me. I gulped loudly. "You're my lover for two months now, Ivan Braginski. Why shouldn't I be able to kiss you?" With that words, he leaned forward and tried to connect our lips once again, but this time I was faster. I dodged, jumped off the sofa and stumbled a few steps backward, hitting a small table in the process. Ivan Braginski. Ivan Braginski. He had addressed me with Russia's name…!

"Wait, wait, wait!" I gasped and looked at his perplexed face. "I am not Ivan! I'm not even a man! Do I look like Ivan?" Now I panicked completely, but Yao just pointed to his right, annoyed at my hysterical actions. I followed his gesture with my eyes.

I swear, I had better not done that. From the huge mirror, a tall man with a long white scarf looked at me, shock written all across his face, the beige coat open. Ivan Braginski. Russia.

"What the…" I lifted my hands, intended to touch my cheeks, but had to realize in shock that in the mirror, Russia mimicked my every move. "I have to get out of here", I gasped with a flat voice and rushed towards the wooden door. At the same time I heard fast steps behind me and Yao's voice echoed through the whole room:

"Ivan, wait! Wait!" I ran quickly, but Yao was even faster and caught up with me even before I had reached the door. I felt a tug from behind and my scarf tightened around my neck painfully. Damn it, China clutched onto my scarf and the loop was pulled tighter and tighter, until I couldn't get breathe… and landed on the floor right before the door, Yao right on me. It seemed like he had pulled the scarf off, because I felt cool air around my neck. The pressure on my upper body disappeared when China pulled himself up so he sat now between my legs, holding the scarf in his hands and looking down onto it.

"Aiya… You told me you wanted to wear it no matter what… I'm so-" He began apologizing but stopped when our gazes met. The scarf slipped from Yao's arms and landed on his knees. "Who are you?" he sputtered, dumbstruck. I, too, sat up, paying attention to pulling my legs closer to my body so China didn't sit between them anymore.

"Well, hello, Captain Obvious," I ranted. "I'm not your beloved Ivan but a normal girl named Elena!" With these words I stood up and brushed over my coat to get rid of the dust. "I'm going home." Where my home was or how I would get there, I didn't know. Fact was, I just had to get out of this mess.

"Wait!" Yao also got up and lifted the scarf. "Wait a moment, aru." His voice sounded calm, even if I could still see the shock in his expression. Without saying anything, he put the scarf around my neck again and as soon as I felt the warmth all over it, China went pale and gasped.

"What is it?" I asked, although my gut feeling told me that I really didn't want to know whatever just happened to me. "What happened?" I stared at Yao for some time, who first gasped for breath but then calmed down, took the scarf from my shoulders and sighed.

"Come here." He turned and walked further into the room again with me following him. In front of the mirror Yao stopped and pointed at the image in it. I also looked there and grinned unconsciously at the mirrored picture. I looked like myself again! In the mirror, a cheerful girl with brown hair and green eyes looked at me, as well as a young man with a shocked expression.

"I'm myself again!" I shouted happily but Yao made a sign to look at the mirror. I followed his order, knowing there still would be some problems with my image. And there really were. After Yao covered my whole neck with the white scarf again, the mirrored image of me became blurry and when it went sharp again, in front of the mirror stood only two men – Russia with his scarf and China, who was standing behind him. I gasped for breath. "That's-"

"Yeah, unbelievable, aru." Yao nodded before taking the scarf off again. "How did you come here?" I couldn't blame him for the fact that he had removed the long piece of cloth from my neck again, I mean, with it I looked just like Ivan, his lover. At that thought, I grinned. If not me but Ivan were in Russia's body, the pairing would be really cute. Yeah, take that, Alex!

"Better sit down, this is going to be a long story" I sighed and both of us got onto the sofa again.

[…]

"I understand" Yao said, concentrated, after I had portrayed him the whole story. "Why do you my human name, actually? I told it only Japan and Ivan when we got together, aru."

"Oh, that's easy…" I hesitated. It was possible that he wouldn't believe me… on the other hand, in this situation it would be best for Yao to know as much as possible. "There's a series which shows you all." First China looked at me unbelievingly, but when he noticed my serious expression, he just shook his head.

"That's just madness, aru." He seemed to think about something, then, all of a sudden, he blushed. "And… I kissed you. Sorry for that, aru." He lowered his head guiltily.

"That's not your fault." I smiled at Yao, intended to cheer him up. "Besides, when do you ever get the opportunity to kiss China?" I winked at him before becoming serious again. "Well, the fact that we have to find out how to get me out of here as soon as possible is way more important than that." I lifted my coat and looked at Yao helplessly, then took the scarf and put it around my neck again. "Maybe it would be best if we just fill in all the others about my situation at the next meeting. Maybe they can help us…"

"No!" China, who has been thinking until now, jumped up. "If you do that, all the others will know that Russia is no more a strong country…! They will just take it apart!" He sat down again. "We need another plan, a way to get you back without causing an international accident. I don't have any good plan yet either. But to avoid unpleasant situations, I propose to ask America, he is an expert what concerns aliens and kidnapping and – oh shit."

"What is it?" I asked, worried, when China went pale, jumped from the sofa again and rushed over to the mirror, trying to get his bed hair under control.

"The meeting… it starts in twenty minutes, aru!" China shouted and turned to me again, hair now in a tidy ponytail. "What are we going to do with you? I mean, you can't just stay away from that meeting, aru!" He ran back and forth in the room, curling a strand of hair around his finger nervously.

"Yao, calm down!" I grabbed China by his shoulders and turned him so he faced me. "Calm down! Take a deep breath, close your eyes, make anything as long as you get a hold of yourself again!" Yao's nervous behaviour seemed to rub off. "I saw your series until the very end and I know how to play Russia's role! That's just a meeting, so as long as I stay silent, no one ever finds out! Just sit down next to me so you can give me a sign if I do something wrong, okay?" I panted at the end of my long speech but was also proud of myself for that idea. China also relaxed and finally nodded.

"Let's do it like this, aru." His voice still sounded unsure, but he seemed to trust me.

And like this, we started our way to the meeting – a Russia who was feeling quite weird and a China, still nervous. Yao tried to not let us look like lovers – it was likely him and Ivan weren't together officially. Yet. My grin was hidden by the white scarf as I continued walking down the hallway.

When we reached the meeting still on time, almost every country was already present, only Canada, Prussia and France were still missing. I looked around curiously and felt how I got more and more nervous. I saw all the Hetalia characters in real life! I tried not to stare at the countries while I kept recognizing the people in the room. The tables were put together so they formed squares. There was England, over there Spain and South Italy were sitting, further on the left were the Nordics and-

"Follow me" China hissed while pulling me to our places. I sat down on the blue chair and waited for the meeting to begin. To my left sat China, to the right North Italy and to his right Germany. And deep inside me my heart was jumping up and down because of all those real countries in this room.

"Well, let's start this meeting!" America shouted enthusiastically and turned immediately to Japan: "Regarding the catastrophe in Japan I collected some ideas how to improve the situation!" He switched the overhead projector on and everyone in the room stared at a failed picture of superman, whose face looked quite similar to America's. I grinned at the sight of that picture. "I had the idea to create a superhero who builds a new earth for us, so we can move from the old and polluted earth to the new and clean one!" He laughed and stuffed a hamburger in his mouth. "I don't tolerate any objections-"

"I object" England interrupted the other one, "How should such a bloody insane idea even work? And why the hell does the face of this… creature look like yours?" As an answer, America grinned wide.

"Isn't it obvious?" he shouted and slurped at his cola. "Because I'm the hero!" Those four words seemed to cause chaos in the whole room because everyone started to scream wildly. I really wanted to shut my ears – if that was possible – to avoid that noise coming from every corner of this room. From the right I heard Italy's "Pastaaaaa" and from across Romano, who called every country in this room a freak and a macho, especially Germany. Latter sat quietly in his chair, but the ticking of the time bomb was clearly audible. When Denmark proposed to make the new world's capital Copenhagen, that german bomb blew up.

"You goddamn wankers!" Ludwig yelled, slammed both fists onto the wooden table and it suddenly went quiet in the room. When I had recovered from my shock, I grinned. So this was the uncensored version of Ludwig. "You sons of a bitch! Can't you be quiet for even a few fucking seconds?" Every country was now staring at Germany, interested. "Only one speaks at the same time and only if I allow him to do so, damn it!" There were now less curses in his speech, so he seemed to have calmed down a bit. "Now for the question, how we could help Japan. What do you think…" His gaze wandered through the room, "Russia?"

Shit. I winced and felt Yao tense up. The attention of everyone in this room was now concentrated on me and I my pulse increased. What do I do now…?, I thought desperately when a brilliant idea came to my mind. I smiled friendly and looked at the others.

"Actually, I don't care what you do" I grinned even more. "But regarding Japan, it would be best for him to become one with Russia, da?" As an answer to my rhetoric question everyone went loud again and I noticed that Yao had lost his tension again. Germany sat on the chair again, massaging his temples as if he had a headache. Wouldn't have surprised me in the current situation. It seemed like he wanted to make everyone go silent again, but he soon gave up on the idea and capitulated:

"The meeting has ended. You all can go now", he almost whimpered and left the room together with Italy. Yao also stood up and made a sign to follow him, what I did readily. However, we didn't come far, because Italy waited for us in the hallway.

"Ve~ Russia, China, are you lovers?" he asked excitedly, after we had stopped to talk to him. On Yao's face I saw a hard blush and he made wild gestures with his arms.

"Like hell we are! Right, Russia?" He looked at me hopefully and I didn't intend to let him down.

"Don't worry, Italy, I am already in a relationship" I grinned at the disappointed Italian and reached for his curl. I had wanted to do such a thing since I found out about its function. "For such rudeness I shall punish you~"

"You won't." A deep voice replied and I felt my hand being caught in a tight grip. I turned my head a bit to look at Germany's face. In his eyes I could see so much determination that I wanted to just let it be and apologize. However, a voice inside of me commanded me to continue.

"Jealous?" I sneered and felt the grip loosen, but not disappear. At the same time I noticed the slight blush on Ludwig's cheeks.

"I-I am not!" He shot back and let go of my hand completely to pull back his own. While doing so, his fingers brushed over the curl I wanted to touch before.

And in this moment something really weird happened.

Italy collapsed. No, he didn't fall to the ground but he shrinked. His hair grew within a second to shoulder length and their colour changed from the usual reddish brown to platinum blonde. Italy's eyes opened and not yellow but ice blue eyes looked at me.

"What the-" I began my sentence and blinked, but the former Italy stood in front of me again. The same hair, the same eyes, the same voice.

"Ve~ Something happened?" Italy asked, clueless, and scratched the back of his head. "The way you look at me scares me…"

"Are you sure everything is okay with you?" China wanted to know worriedly and reached for Italys forehead, intended to check if he has a fever. But Yao was too slow because the next moment, Germany had lifted Italy in the air, thrown him over his shoulder and carried him down the hallway, away from us. No, Germany was running.

"He has a very high fever!" Ludwig called before disappearing around the corner together with Italy. "I will make sure he goes to bed!" With these words they ran out of our field of vision. I turned slowly to China, whose face was as clueless as was mine.

"What was that just now…?" I murmured, perplexed, but Yao just shrugged.

"We don't have any time for that now. It's far more important to get you back and Italy – or whoever that was – can wait" China decided and continued his way to our suite. I followed him, as usual.

The first thing I did when we got to our hotel room was taking off my scarf. Honestly, how did Russia manage to wear that piece of cloth all the time without getting hot…? Yao moved to the other room in the suite to phone America and to talk about an appointment with him, so I just stayed in the living room by myself. I let myself fall down on the red sofa, threw my head back and stared onto the ceiling, trying to get the events into my head. It seemed like I had landed in the world of Hetalia – as Russia – and had to watch out that Russia won't be torn apart and that the other countries don't get that Ivan is not Ivan anymore. And yesterday I worried most about the physics test…

"Hey China, I gotta tell ya something from Japan! I'm awesome, so don't let the awesome Me wait!" My thoughts were interrupted abruptly when the door was torn open. I jumped up to see the person who came into the room and looked directly into Prussia's blood red eyes. Shit…! Shit, shit, shit! My scarf lay in the middle of the room, which - for better or for worse – meant that I was now me and not Ivan. Alright, that was my end. Probably Prussia would run away now to snatch some of Russia's territories away. But Gilbert's reaction was completely different than I had anticipated.

"Elli?" Prussia uttered, his eyes as big as dinner plates. He closed the door behind him and stepped closer to me.

"Gilbert?" I replied just as perplexed.

"No, no, no! I'm not Gilbert! Well, now maybe, but actually I'm not Gilbert!" Prussia called desperately, but I didn't really understand.

"Sure, Gilbert?" I raised an eyebrow warily.

"Elena, I contacted America and he says we could come over in half an hour. Honestly, he should stop eating while he's talking- oh my god." Yao went silent all of a sudden shocked by Prussia's presence.

"Yao, why is Prussia talking nonsense?" I asked China helplessly, who was too shocked to be able to reply.

"I'm not Prussia, damn it!" The albino interrupted our one-sided dialogue. "Gilbird, come here!" The small yellow bird landed on Prussia's shoulder obediently, but not without a "Gilbird!" And in the same moment Gilbird had ended his speech, Prussia began to transform. He shrinked and his hair grew, the colour changing to a dark brown. The skin also became more tanned, the eyes emerald green. I gasped and just couldn't believe who stood there before me.

"Shit, Alex, what are you doing here?"