Foreword: It's been done before, I know. I checked. I noticed, however, than none of the others were completed. So, I'm going for it.
Disclaimer: Characters are property of M. Kishimoto. Basic plot borrowed from The Hangover 1 and 2.
Chapter 1
"Tenten?" Shikamaru answered the phone in his hand.
"Oh my god, Shikamaru. Where the hell are you guys? And why do you have Neji's phone?" Tenten's voice blasted out of the receiver.
"Oh… damn. Don't talk so loud." Shikamaru groaned. He squinted his eyes and looked around the room, trying hard to stop the aching pounding in his head.
"Oh fuck…" he mumbled as he took in the sight before him.
"What's wrong? Where's Neji?" Tenten asked.
"He's gonna have to call you back." Shikamaru said, ending the call.
He walked carefully around the trashed room, observing and trying to figure out what happened last night. They had been out to celebrate Naruto's bachelor party. He had been engaged to Hinata for two years and they were finally going to tie the knot. Sasuke suggested they all go out and have a night in a far off town from Konoha. The town was famous for its night life and unique entertainment.
Shikamaru stopped in the middle of the room. Sasuke was sprawled out on the floor, covered in what looked suspiciously like lipstick. Sakura would not be happy if she found out. As insurance for the future, Shikamaru pulled out his phone and snapped a picture before nudging Sasuke awake.
"Oh yeah, right there…" he mumbled sleepily. "Just like… OW!"
Sasuke jerked up as Shikamaru kicked him in the side. "What the hell was that for?"
"Wake up. We've got problems…" Shikamaru said, walking over to a table and picking up a pack of cigarettes.
"What problems?" Sasuke asked as he stood.
He looked around the room and his eyes widened in surprise. The furniture had been flipped around. The couch had been moved into the kitchen, multiple lamps were stuffed in the oven, and… what was that on the ceiling?
"Is that… Kiba?" Sasuke asked, looking up.
Shikamaru followed his gaze as he lit up a cigarette. It was indeed Kiba. He hung from the ceiling; torso held up with duct tape, leaving his head and legs dangling free. Shikamaru shook his head as he took a long, deep drag from the cigarette.
"Where's Naruto, Neji, and Lee?" Sasuke asked, stumbling over to the fridge.
"Don't know. We should look." Shikamaru walked down the room's hallway and into the bathroom. "Oh god!"
"What is it?" Sasuke ran over to the bathroom and gagged.
Some bald man was sprawled, face-down, in the bathtub completely naked.
"Cover him up!" Sasuke yelled in disgust.
Shikamaru yanked the shower curtain off the pole and threw it over the person. "Who the hell is this?"
The person in the tub began stirring from all the yelling. Sitting up in the tub, be blinked sleepily. "What's going on?"
"Oh shit…" Shikamaru's eyes went wide and Sasuke tried his best to stifle laughter.
"Some party last night, huh?" The man in the bathtub rose and walked over to the sink, curtain wrapped loosely around his body. "I can't remember a thing though. But that's what youth is all about, right? And anyway- OH MY GOD."
Sasuke couldn't help it anymore and broke down in a fit of laughter as Lee cried in shock at his image in the mirror above the sink.
"MY HAIR!" He wailed. "Where did my glorious hair go?"
Shikamaru did his best to remain calm, but after looking once again at Lee, he couldn't help himself. It seemed during last night's hair cut, Lee had only thought to shave his head and leave his abnormally bushy eyebrows alone.
"HELP!" A cry came from back in the living room. "Help me! I'm stuck!"
Kiba had apparently woken up during the ruckus in the bathroom. Panicked to find himself suspended on the ceiling, he wiggled his head and legs around frantically while calling for help.
"What's going on?" Kiba asked as Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Lee came into his view. "Where did Lee's hair go?"
"Relax for a second." Shikamaru said. "Just stay there while we look for Naruto and Neji."
"The girls are going to be hell to deal with when they find out about this." Lee said as they spread out to check the remaining rooms.
"They won't find out." Sasuke commented.
"Let's hope." Said Shikamaru.
"They're not in any of the bedrooms!" Shikamaru cried in panic as he ran back to the living room.
"They're not in the bathroom, kitchen, dining room, or kitchen." Sasuke said.
"They're not out on the balcony, either." Lee said as he walked back into the room.
"Cell phone!" Shikamaru pulled out Neji's phone. "I've got Neji's so hopefully he's with Naruto."
They all gathered around Shikamaru, except for Kiba who watched from his spot on the ceiling. He dialed the number and waited. A soft buzzing was soon heard from above and they all looked up.
"Uh… I think I might have Naruto's phone." Kiba said.
"Great!" Shikamaru ended the call and threw his hands up in exasperation. "This is just perfect. Naruto's getting married tomorrow and we lost him and Neji. Hinata's dad is going to be furious!"
"Well… I guess we need to try retracing our steps." Sasuke said.
"Problem is that we can't remember anything that happened last night." Lee said. The four men stood (and hung) in silence, trying their best to think of something.
"Do you… hear that?" Kiba asked after a while.
"Hear what?" Lee questioned.
"It sounds like it's coming from the closet in the bathroom." Kiba said, his keen sense of hearing kicking in.
"I didn't look there. It might be Naruto or Neji!" Sasuke said, running to the bathroom.
"Well, is it?" Shikamaru called out.
"No… not exactly…" Sasuke came back into the room with a carriage in his arms.
"Not exactly?" Shikamaru yelled. "THAT'S A BABY."
The small baby in the carriage started to cry at Shikamaru's volume.
"Aww, don't cry! Uncle Lee will make it better." Lee said as he reached for the crying infant.
Sasuke, however glared and pulled away. "Get some clothes on first, you sick pervert."
Lee dejectedly went to find some clothes.
"What are you doing?" Kiba asked Shikamaru.
"Looking for clues." Shikamaru said as he played with Neji's phone.
"Any luck?" Lee asked walking back into the room, now clothed.
"Yes!" Shikamaru said. "I remember now."
He showed the two on the ground a photo from last night. In it were all five men standing outside a first-class bar from the night before. A huge, sign blinked in the background that read The Escape.
"I remember that." Lee said while looking. "That's the first place we went last night!"
"And it's the perfect place to start." Shikamaru said. "Let's go. Sasuke, you take care of the baby."
"Got it." Sasuke said, looking down at the now silent baby in the carriage, who stared back unblinkingly. "I think…"
"And Lee, get Kiba down from the ceiling." Shikamaru instructed, lighting up another cigarette.
Author's notes: Well, there you have it. Chapter one. Hope it satisfies you.
Feedback appreciated.
x5012