When all is done, all is said
Not mine, all is owned by Mr. Kripke. Just borrowing his toys to play and promise to return in good condition. Well...
Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment as I am still learning.
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For quite some time he just sat there.
Cried a little.
But mostly wondered about what to do next.
Then a hand was on his shoulder and he was really grateful for that.
„Sam...let me..."
„Yeah, thanks Bobby", he muttered and got of his knees which wasn't easy to do. It must have been quite a while.
Bobby was relieved beyond believable when the kid just allowed his friend to pull him away from his brothers bloody corpse that Bobby now had a full sight of for the first time since he walked in the room.
He could tell by Sam's hunched shoulders and the way he sobbed, by the much to still way his brother lay, that it was all over. And yes, it took him a few minutes of silent staring, realizing, before he felt composed enough to address his younger friend by gently touching him.
Bobby had expected anything. From yelling, crying, shoving him away or just falling into his arms. But not the serene way Sam got up and looked at him in an almost curious way.
Sam's eyes were pleading and Bobby misunderstood.
"I'll take care of it, kiddo", he murmured and gently shoved Sam towards the door, out of that house and into the car.
"I'll take care of it"
"Okay, Bobby. I just wait here then"
The poor man certainly didn't feel comfortable leaving his family alone. Bobby however didn't need too many words to convince him that his life had just been saved by the mysterious strangers who had barged into his home only hours ago and that he owed them.
So, after a few minutes the two-car-convoy was heading out of Harmony and Bobby began to worry. Sam just stared out the window and chewed on his lip.
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They reached Bobby's in the early morning hours and the older hunter exhaled with relief when the door opened and Ellen stepped on the small porch. Her eyes were red as if she had cried all night. But still, Bobby was glad she had made it time.
He really didn't want to be alone with that kid when the walls came crumbling down.
And while Ellen hugged Sam and Sam hugged her back, gently stroking her hair and padding her back, Bobby shushed away the tired driver of his own car who, grumbling, reached for his phone to call a cab.
Slowly and very tired, Bobby came up the stairs. After exchanging a brief glance with Ellen, he looked at Sam. His eyes brimmed with tears when he saw the exhaustion in the boys face.
"Sam, if you want some time…you know, to say goodbye…"
Sam managed a smile and let his eyes drift to the other car.
So that's how….
"Thanks Bobby. I think I'm fine. You know…we…I am really okay", Sam said and slowly went inside the house without ever looking back.
Bobby shrugged his shoulders and turned to head inside as well just to be stopped shy by Ellen who glared at him intently.
"You promised him. Remember?"
"I know, I really do. But when Sam gets better…you know, he is going to kill me"
"Right away. Not taking any chances. Bobby, you promised!"
Bobby lifted his cap for a brief stroke through his hair, put it back on headed back to the car. His legs felt as if they were filled with lead. This felt all wrong – but then, how could this possibly feel right? He just hadn't pictured it to go down like this.
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Inside, Ellen quietly scanned the living room and kitchen for Sam. He finally appeared from the bathroom and let Ellen hug him again.
"I know that this isn't going to make it any better. But please know that we are here for you. Anytime. Okay, Sam?"
He let her ramble for a few minutes and watched the sun come up. Finally, when Sam just couldn't muster up the patience anymore, he got up from the couch and grabbed two beers from the fridge.
"To Dean. He was the best big brother"
He toasted Ellen and she couldn't but raise her drink as well, feeling anguish and pity for that tall young man in front of her who was just a little scared boy right now.
Once the shock wears off, this wont be pretty, Ellen thought and put the beer down.
"Sam, do you think you could maybe lie down for a little bit?" she carefully asked, flinching a little at Sam's stare.
But the expected reaction never came. Instead, Sam just stretched his legs und nodded.
"Maybe that's a good idea", he agreed, finished his beer and headed upstairs.
He certainly felt Ellen's compassionate look, but didn't really know how to answer it.
A feeling of "uncomfortable" surrounds the whole situation and Sam simply doesn't know what is expected from him.
When he finally climbs out of the shower and sits on the small bed in Bobby's spare room, he looks at his hands and feels sorry for his brother. Dean had had to suffer and there had been nothing Sam was able to do for him. At least, as far as Sam remembers, the end had come quick.
And now that all the blood is off his hands, he sighs and notices how deep that breath was he just took. He crawls under the covers and is asleep only minutes later.
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When Bobby walks in a few hours later he shivers and his face looks ten years older. The stench of fire and something else hangs in the air and Ellen reaches for the bourbon to pour him a glass that he gratefully takes.
Bobby cries rivers when he finally speaks and Ellen feels all the horror of that past night despite the fact that Bobby hasn't all the details.
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Sam comes around in the early afternoon hours and when Bobby gives him some coffee, he simply has no idea what to talk about.
Noticing the odd looks he is given by Bobby and Ellen as well, he heads out to the porch and grabs his laptop. The hard drive is clogged up and he starts the cleanup. Many hours pass as Sam decides what info to keep and what to let go. He rearranges his contacts and sets up a neat structure of files.
He hadn't wasted a thought on things like this in the past few months and smiles contently when everything is done.
When he does the same to his clothes a short while later, he realizes he needs to go shopping.
After he's packed his bag, Sam heads down to sit with Ellen and Bobby for a while. They drink to Dean again and Bobby squeezes his shoulder.
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It is very early when Sam gets up the next morning. He puts his stuff in car and waits for Bobby to appear.
He would love to just take off - but it is just not his way of doing things.
When Sam sees that his friend has realized he is set for travel, he braces himself for the sermon to come. And Bobby does not disappoint him.
"Sam…", he growls, "don't be a fool. This ain't the time –"
"Not running off, Bobby. I swear, I wont!", Sam cuts him off.
He hands Bobby a paper that has his phone number, his email and the number of a friend he intends to visit while in St. Louis.
"I am not running from anything and I will be available to you whenever you call"
With that he hugs Bobby and gets in the car.
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It is only days later when it hits him. He lounges in a bar with the first cocktail in years. He had flirted with the waitress and even though he had felt just a little bad about being so content, Sam kept the napkin with her number
He suddenly knows what Bobby and Ellen had expected from him. They were waiting for him to break down with anger – like that day when he just hadn't been able to accept things anymore and shot that bitch of a crossroad demon.
They had expected him to pour his heart like he had done the day when he begged his brother to come back to him.
They had expected him to cry and to shout and maybe then to accept. Like when he put together a Christmas tree or took that wrench from his brother's hands.
Sam shakes his head and smiles.
He had mourned his brother's death one year. And now it was time to move on.