Sherlock And The Banana (Or, How John Slaps Some Sense Into That Gorgeous, Curly Head)

A/N: I don't own this show, the original books, or this joke. I'm just playing.

John walked down the street next to Sherlock, who was talking rather vigorously about something he'd found to be amiss. They passed a bus station, where three women sat patiently on the bench.

'Good afternoon, ladies,' said Sherlock, continuing on.

John was gobsmacked-Sherlock being polite to strangers. He had half a mind to see if Hell had frozen over, or if pork shoulders now had wings.

'Sherlock, did you know those women?' he asked.

'No, I don't know the spinster, the prostitute, or the new bride.'

'Really? So, if you don't know them, how can you be so sure that they are what you say?' John smiled, triumphant, sure that even the Mighty Sherlock Holmes couldn't've deduced that.

'As ever, John, you see, but you don't observe. Look at how they're eating bananas.'

'So?' Damnit, thought John, I can never get the upper hand on him. Maybe it's because he's so much taller than me. Good view of his ars-No! Bad John. No ogling flatmates arses.

'Well, John, the spinster, on the end there, holds it in her left hand and uses her right to break off small pieces and put them in her mouth.'

'That's amazing! That's just... wow!'

'Need I remind you that you do that aloud?' Sherlock looked over at him, a little bit curious.

'What about the prostitute?' John stumbled, prompting Sherlock back into his rant.

'She holds the banana in both hands and crams it into her mouth.'

'You really have outdone yourself this time. Should we go get her for Lestrade?' he jokes.

'Not the time for jokes, John.'

'OK, OK. Then how do you know the one on the end is the new bride?'

'Other than the wedding ring, which has a bit of box lining caught in the setting?'

John rolled his eyes.

'Simple. She holds the banana in her left hand and uses her right to push her head towards it.'

John grinned, forming an idea.

.o0o.

'Sherlock,' he asked from the kitchen , 'we're out of milk; could you get some?'

'No.'

'Sherlock...!'

'No, John, do it yourself.'

John strode into the room, then turned the full force of his puppy-dog eyes on Sherlock.

Sociopath or no, it is impossible to deny those eyes.

'Fine...' he grumbled, donning his coat and sweeping out in his usual dramatic fashion.

Ten minutes later, also known as right now, he returns to see John eating a banana.

Enthusiastically.

He puts the milk in the refrigerator, then returns to the living room, flopping down on the couch.

A few minutes pass, Sherlock's face in full deduction mode and his eyes flickering back and forth from the ceiling to John's face.

He leaps up. One can practically smell the "Eureka!" moment.

'John, if you wanted to have sex with me, why didn't you just say so?'

I got that joke from The Little Black Book of Dirty Jokes: A Collection of Common Indecencies. Most of the jokes are British. I did change it a bit, as it was for the original Watson and Holmes, but it's the same joke. The Johnlock sexy times bit was of my own invention.

Please review; later today I'll post a funny Janto story of the same vein-AKA, I'll take one of the jokes and mess with it for my own, and hopefully your, entertainment.