Self- Destruction

Disclaimer: If I were JKR, I wouldn't be on this site for sure.

Summary: After a fed up Lily dumps James he begins to succumb to his old bad boy tendencies. He's not going to win her back any time soon if he keeps that up..

Chapter One: Of Ignorance and Break-ups

James Potter and Lily Evans were one of those couples; after taking a solid seven years to finally get together, with many bets and much interference from the rest of the student population as well as the teachers from time to time, it seemed that this couple could do no wrong. Of course they fought, they wouldn't be James and Lily otherwise; their fights were always heated and over petty subjects such as The Great "Pass the Salt" Fight of March but they always made up and in a fashion that was typical of James and Lily: explosive. It seemed the more tumultuous the fight then the more ardent the make up, if you follow.

However, as of late a certain red head was less than satisfied with her relationship with everyone's favourite Marauder (although Sirius Black profusely commented otherwise, he obviously was everyone's favourite Marauder and he had the bed post to prove it); Lily did not play second string to anyones fiddle. James appeared to be more interested in goofing around with his bum boys than actually spending time with her; and we are not talking about snogging or shagging time but actual quality time, even a proper date would be nice…

Lily looked up at the clock in the Gryffindor common room: 10:43. James' arm was slung casually over her shoulders whilst he talked with his fellow Marauders about dung bombs or how Filch's cat had "mysteriously" disappeared once again or some other Marauder-ish topic. Lily was clearly bored. She thought if she yawned in a very over-the-top fashion with added hand gesture that James would finally get the message and retreat back to the Head dorms with her but after a good twenty minutes of doing said task she had yet to make any affect on her raven haired boyfriend who had moved on from Mrs Norris to how Sirius had finally managed to get with Dorcas Meadowes. Lily rolled her eyes at this as she thought "who hasn't slept with Dorcas Meadowes?"

She finally made the decision to interrupt their "bubbling" conversation, "Jaaaames", she purred sweetly whilst battering her eyelashes. After hearing her tone he turned to look at her, flashing a lop-sided smile in her direction. "Yeeees, Lily?" he replied.

"Is there any chance of us going back to dorms I'm bloody tired to be perfectly honest".

James, although he wanted to avidly continue talking with his friends, just couldn't deny the angelic face that was staring up at him. "Fine, I'll meet you there in a bit", turning back to his Remus, Peter and Sirius.

"What?!" she said, a bit too loudly, disturbing the chess club in the corner who shot her the filthiest of looks, "I don't think that you follow, darling, that was an implication for you to come with me".

James sighed at the pouting face of his very beautiful girlfriend, "believe me Lilers, I gathered the implication but I kind of want to finish talking to the guys". The said Marauders were now ignoring the couple and were looking at Dorcas Meadowes who was amidst the process of seducing Julian Fenwick. "I promise I'll only be ten minutes and then I'm all yours for the rest of the night", he added nuzzling her neck.

Lily was far from impressed. This was the third time this week that he had ignored and it wasn't going down very well. She wasn't being selfish in demanding her boyfriend spend every waking moment with her but it seemed lately that she was nothing more than a trophy to sit next to in Charms and a booty call when he was feeling a bit randy. She surrendered to him though stating that she would be waiting for him and with that she left the room.

Lily paced the Head common room. 12.30, the clock read, 12 fucking 30. Who did he think he was? She thought about that for a moment, James fucking Potter that's who.

At that point the portrait of white knight swung open revealing an obviously drunk Mr Potter. "Lilers!" he greeted her, stumbling over the carpet in her direction and engulfing her in his arms.

Lily could smell the firewhisky of his breath, merlin, she bloody smelled it when he walked through the door. She pulled back from his grasp, "you went and got hammered with your bum boys AGAIN leaving me here for the fiftieth time this month!" she yelled. "Really, James. Am I your girlfriend or your house keeper because I'm not exactly feeling the love you know!"

James looked at her wide eyed, clearly dazed from the loud volume of her voice and the fact that this was news to him. "whaddyatalkingabout? I haven't been ignoring you, babe".

"Really?" said Lily, who was half ready to wring his neck, "Let me enlighten you, babe, blowing me off to go drinking with your bum boys, ignoring me all day and then conversing with me only during pillow talk, making me always do what you want to do and never even listening to a word I say is quite frankly a form of fucking ignorance, you twat!".

"Aww, Lily, I'm sorry. Come on into my room and and I'll make it up to you" said James in the sultriest of voices. He then proceeded to hitch up her skirt and made an attempt to seize her lips which Lily was not appreciative of, since he was only confirming what she had previously said.

"James, get off!" she said, turning her face so that he got a pale cheek instead of her lips but he ignored her and continued his ministrations by trying to pull down her underwear. "James, I said get the HELL off!", she squirmed against him and tried to push him away but to no avail as he only grabbed her more roughly causing her to be even more uncomfortable. She had had more than enough, "get the fuck off!" she cried, kneeing him in the crotch causing him to retreat back from her in pain.

"What the hell was that for Lily?" he glared at her, trying to keep himself from wincing at the painful sensation he was currently revelling in.

"What was it for? That was for trying to force yourself upon me you dolt!"

A look of realisation came on James' face, "I'm sorry, babe, I didn't mean to hurt you".

"That's not the point, James", said Lily as tears made their way from her eyes and travelled down her cheeks. "You ignore me. You make me feel like this… sad James, all the time. I don't think that I can take anymore of this. You ignoring me, me hurting, then you apologising and reverting back to the same problem again. I want you to love me, James".

A heartbroken James looked down at the trembling figure of the red headed beauty standing in front of him but could not bring himself to reach out and hug her. "I do love you. More than anything, more than anyone."

Lily looked up at his face which was distorted due to the immense tears welling up in her eyes. "Sometimes, James. Love isn't enough. It's not just a word. It's an action. A feeling. Which for a long time, I haven't been feeling. This just can't go on and neither can we…"

James quickly interrupted when he sensed where her speech was going, "Lily, please don't do this. I can change".

Lily smiled sadly, "you already have changed" and with that she walked to the door of your bedroom leaving a broken James standing on his own in the middle of his room feeling a mix of sadness, hopelessness and anger.