"Relic"

It is one of those nights I can't sleep, when the fears I faced in my fear landscape and the real life impending conflict keep me awake. It is one of those nights when I am quietly, yet surreptitiously, wandering the Dauntless compound; hoping, maybe someone out there is like me in that space between bravery, fear, and ever-present insomnia.

I've turned down yet another corridor, thinking about going back to bed trying to grasp sleep I know will never come. That is when I see him, Tobias, walking along the sloped ledges high up towards the top of the glass ceiling and even without knowing it I know where he is going.

I silently hurry after him, with a stealth I didn't know I possessed until I came here to Dauntless, Tobias is at the edge of the corridor I know leads to the train when he finally stops and finally turns around.

"You can come out now Tris," he says, "I know you're there."

Of course he does, how could he not.

"Hey." I say softly, surreptitiously shoving a lock of my loose blonde hair behind my ear, a gesture I am barely aware of.

"Hey." He replies in the same monotone I'm used to, the monotone he uses when he's around Eric and the other initiates… The one that says he's all business and he is a teacher-not my boyfriend.

"Where are you going?" I murmur.

Tobias shrugs.

"Anywhere," he replies, "… Nowhere…" He sighs heavily, "just need to clear my head I guess. Come on."

Then we are running, and in a single fluid motion we have both jumped on the train and it is caring us away from the compound into the darkened city, the lights aren't quite out yet so it is not yet midnight; not yet time for the citywide curfew.

So the train carries us away as it did all those times when we wanted to escape, be daring, be away from the rigors of life and society's expectations.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I shift next to him on the floor of the rumbling boxcar. It occurs to me it was stupid to ask the question because I doubt even he knows. Sometimes I am reminded Tobias is like me, and like me maybe he doesn't always know what his next step should be even though he's older than me and has a high ranking within the Dauntless. I remind myself he's only eighteen, although he is much older at times he seems younger when you can see past the weight he carries on his shoulders.

I know where we are before the train even stops. I recognize the location as where we were when we played capture the flag during an early part of our training. Somewhere off in the murky distance are is the marsh, which used to be a lake and not for the first time I'm struck by the eerie beauty of it.

I remember my parents telling me stories when I was growing up of what places like this used to be. Navy Pier used to be bright and colorful, there were shops, places for plays and performances and even a movie theater. Now all that remains is the eerie creaky Ferris wheel easily the biggest and tallest structure in the area.

As the train slows Tobias and I jump. We land easily, get to our feet and then we begin walking; like this entire excursion neither of us knows where we are going. I automatically head for the Ferris wheel and climb into one of the deserted, dusty cars, like everything else it is eerie and ancient; a relic.

For a long time Tobias and I just sit in silence, but finally I speak.

"This would've been a great place for a date… Once" I said quietly.

"Yeah… Would've been." Tobias whispers, almost reverently, then he slides closer and lowers his head, gently kissing my bare shoulder just left of my Dauntless symbol tattoo. I smile, sighing softly.

Then we're kissing, and Tobias is hovering over me, pressing me against the hard metal the seat, but I barely notice. I have a love-hate relationship with his closeness part of it is comforting and the other is almost claustrophobic like he would try to smother me with all these feelings, this intensity, which spun itself and my entire fear inside my fear landscape.

"Just say the word Tris and I'll stop… We don't have to do this."

I pant, trying to catch my breath, "No," I say, "I don't want to stop." The words come out small and I'm surprised that they are even coming out of my mouth.

Tobias kisses the side of my neck.

"Whatever you want…" He murmurs softly, "he pauses and kisses my collarbone where my bird tattoo stands out, I want him to do more, than just kiss my neck and face; something is rising up in me it starts in my stomach then rises up into my chest like there are millions of little fires all over my body. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I wanted him closer; without our clothes being in the way.

I wish we could stay out all night; knowing we can't. I wonder what it would be like to watch the sunrise from the top of the Ferris wheel. I wonder if something so beautiful could distract Tobias from his fear of heights… If only for a moment.

I know we have to go; I sniffed my clothes, they smell like dirt and mildew and something that is uniquely Tobias. Slowly I sit up and carefully Tobias and I make our way out of the Ferris wheel and walked back towards the tracks, in another ten minutes the train will come back around again and we will jump aboard and go home.

Home, I don't know if anything will ever feel like my true home again, but I am more comfortable in the compound than I would've been almost 2 months ago. Maybe someday things could be the way they used to be, before everything was destroyed, before everyone was divided.

I am quiet on the ride back to the compound and after a while I don't even notice the creaking or the rush of the wind from the open door. Somehow I fall asleep against Tobias's shoulder and don't wake up again until he is shaking me awake because it's time to jump; and go back to our places in the compound. Just for a moment I can forget the turmoil both inside and out. Just for a moment of peace.